


Tiptoe

by jenasys



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Male-Female Friendship, The Avengers (2012) Spoilers, Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-30
Updated: 2016-06-09
Packaged: 2018-07-11 01:45:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 35
Words: 92,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7020580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenasys/pseuds/jenasys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Natasha Romanoff finds herself in the middle of the zombie apocalypse. After saving Merle from the rooftop, she begins the impossible mission to return him to his brother. When they become part of Rick's group she becomes a vital member and great friend to Rick. Small appearances by Steve Rogers, Bruce Banner, Phil Coulson, Maria Hill, Thor and Nick Fury but this is mainly focused on Natasha as part of Rick's group. Obvious warning for character death.  </p><p>Set after The Avengers (2012) and season 2 of The Walking Dead. Eventual Rick/Natasha</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Watch Me Fall

“Natasha, I need you over here,” Clint spoke over the com link.

The redhead yanked her knife from the walker’s skull and sprinted down the sidewalk toward her partner. She ducked into the alley, slamming the gate behind her so nothing could follow. Half a dozen monsters were crowding around Clint. Natasha raised her knife again, rushing forward to pick off the ones closest to him. Numerous bodies already littered the ground around them.

“You have to help him,” Clint said when all the walkers were dead. He nodded to a man leaning on a fire escape a few floors above them. “Somebody handcuffed him to a roof. He said he cut his own hand off and cauterized it himself, crazy bastard.”

Natasha started up the stairs. “Help me get him down.” She shouldered most of his weight, maneuvering down with Clint’s help.

“We’ve got to get out of this city,” she told him. “It’s overrun, there’s nothing we can do.”

Clint stayed at the bottom of the fire escape. “He can help with that. Before he passed out, he was babbling about a brother. They’ve got a camp nearby.”

“We’ll figure it out, let’s just get him and go. What are you waiting for?”

“I can’t go,” Clint said.

“Why?” she snapped. Then she turned to face him, her eyes widening when she spotted the angry red bite marks on his arm. She shook her head, not willing to believe it. “Clint….no.”

“Get him out of the city,” Clint said. “Get him to his brother if you can.”

“I can’t leave you, I won’t,” she said firmly, swallowing the tears that were forming in her eyes.

This couldn’t be happening, it just couldn’t be. They were the best, the most highly trained assassins in the world. Together they had taken down drug lords, criminal masterminds, entire governments, a fucking demigod and his alien army for Christ’s sake. A rotting corpse could not be the cause of Clint Barton’s downfall. And yet, it was.

“Go down the alley and go right. It’ll take you to a side road. You can get out of the city that way,” Clint told her.

“How do you know?” She sniffed.

He smiled sadly. “Rule number four.”

Natasha smiled back, a lone tear rolled down her cheek. Clint wiped it away.

“Come with me,” she nearly sobbed.

“I’ll never make it. I can already feel the fever setting in.” He shook his head. “Nat, this is the end. You can’t help me, but you can help him.” Clint, with his heart of gold was using his final moments to save her and this stranger. He pulled a small grenade from his pocket.

“You get ten minutes to get as far away as you can,” Clint said. “I’ll draw them to me and kill as many as I can.”

Natasha started to shake her head. Clint roughly grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her to him, kissing her cheek briefly. He pulled back and looked into her eyes. His next words would be his last.

“I know you think I’m dumb for always keeping you alive but I do it because I know you better than you know yourself. You’re good,” Clint said. “You’re a better person than you think you are. You were trained for disaster situations, if anyone can make it through this, it’s you. I want you to make me a promise." 

“Anything,” she said immediately.

“Mourn me.” At her bewildered expression, he went on. “I know you and I know you stuff your emotions down instead of facing them. That’s who you were before me and I don’t want you to go back to that. I want you to mourn properly. Cry for me.”

Natasha’s heart was breaking, but she nodded anyway.

“Now you go,” he said. “You get him out of Atlanta and you save as many people as you can.” The fence behind them rattled. “Go, Nat. Be safe.”

“You know that I will,” she promised.

He smiled down at her. “Watch your back. Don’t let me die in vain.” He paused, then whispered, “I’m sorry.” He kissed her again then gently pushed her forward.

She bit the inside of her lip, struggling under the weight of the man. The emotions swirling in her chest threatened to crush her. The archer walked to the fence and started to scream. He was angry at himself for getting bitten, angry that he never told Natasha how he really felt about her. His heart broke at the thought of what they could have been.

Tears began to stream down his face. He pulled his gun and fired off shots at the gathering walkers at the gate. Bullets hit and missed their targets, shells falling unheard to the ground. Clint’s gun clicked, signaling he was out of ammo. He rubbed his face and looked through the fence at the walkers mindlessly gripping the fence, snapping their jaws. The little gate wouldn’t hold much longer.

Clint waited another few moments before he smiled sadly at the grenade in his hands. Pushing away his fear, anger and sadness he finally pulled the pin.

* * *

 

Natasha heard him screaming and shooting as she put distance between them. She fought the urge to go back, remembering the promise she made to him. The explosion shook the ground under her feet. She was far enough away that she wasn’t in danger but it made her pause. Her chest was cold and she felt as if she couldn’t breathe. 

Blinking away tears, she readjusted the man’s weight and they went on. The man was semi-conscious, making it possible but very hard for her to move under his weight. Natasha became very aware of how vulnerable they were at the moment.

“That way,” the man rasped, pointing. Natasha hadn’t realized he was that alert. “It’s our lucky day,” he said when he spotted the big panel van parked under the bridge. Natasha struggled to get him in the cab before hopping in the driver’s seat. She almost laughed when she saw they keys in the ignition.

“You’re right,” she said tonelessly. “It is our lucky day.”

“Say, Red, what’s your name?” he asked quietly.

“Natasha Romanoff. You?”

“Merle Dixon,” he said with a cocky smile before drifting off again.

Natasha eyed the man’s hacked off limb and knew he needed help. She drove until they reached a little town, stopping outside a doctor’s office. Natasha left Merle sleeping inside the truck and hurried inside. 

The lobby was destroyed; chairs overturned, glass, picture frames and paper scattered across the floor. Blood sprayed the walls, pooled in the carpet. Bodies littered the floor and there were no less than a dozen walkers inside the building. Natasha started to pack her bad with medical supplies; gauze, alcohol, antibiotics and pain killers.

Merle was still sleeping when she got back in the truck; however he woke when she started the van. She dropped the bag in his lap and threw it in reverse.

He opened the bag and smiled. “Well ain’t you something.” Opened the bottle and popped a few pills in his mouth. “Got anything to eat? Drink?”

“No,” she said. “But we can check that gas station. We can find a place to stay for tonight and figure out where to go from there.”

Merle only grunted in response. He was only thinking about his baby brother. He was too in and out to lead Natasha to the quarry and he would never make it on his own. Merle Dixon never needed anything and he certainly never had to ask a woman for it.

Natasha parked in front and started around to help Merle.

“I don’t need your damn help,” he snapped at her. She stepped back with an eyebrow raised, but let him climb down himself.

They piled everything useful into the back room, where they decided they would sleep. Natasha waited for Merle to fall asleep before she went out into the front of the store to keep watch. At some point, she fell asleep herself. Jolting awake the next morning when a trash can overturned outside. She drew her gun and went out the back door, aiming at the face of a dark skin woman.

The woman had a long sword in her hands and two walkers chained to her belt. Natasha looked her over. “How did you get that cut?”

“Jumping over a fence,” the woman replied flatly. “I’m not bit.”

“What with the pets?” Natasha asked, tipping her chin to the walkers.

“They don’t attack each other. I can walk through crowds of them unnoticed.”

“Your blood attracts them,” Natasha said, looking behind the woman to a small group of walkers coming toward them.

“I know. I’ve been looking for medical supplies, can’t find any. You ready to point that thing somewhere else?”

Natasha lowered her gun, pushing the door open. “Come on, leave them out here.”

The woman hesitated, and then did as Natasha asked. Wrapping the chains around a pole and hurrying inside.

The redhead instructed her to sit on the counter so she could dress the wound. Silently, she complied.

“Thanks,” she muttered, sliding down.

Natasha shrugged, packing her things up. Remembering her promise, she turned to the woman. “If you’re interested, you can travel with me and my friend. He’s dead set on finding his brother, I’m going to help.”

“I’d rather go alone,” the woman said.

The redhead nodded. “Just a though. You’re welcome to tag along if you change your mind. What’s your name?”

“Michonne,” she said, relaxing a little.

“I’m Natasha.”

“I get the feeling you and I are a lot alike. Another lone wolf like me. You’ve got someone with you though, why?”

“You’re right, I do prefer to be alone. But I made a promise to someone,” she stopped there.

Michonne just nodded in understanding. The women fell silent, enjoying the camaraderie they seemed to be sharing.

Natasha stood and went into the back room, returning with a bag of supplies. She handed it to Michonne, who looked up in confusion.

“If you won’t go with us, I can at least give you something to help,” Natasha explained, feeling very out of character.

The other woman nodded. “Thank you." 

Natasha returned it. “It’s the least I can do.”

Michonne picked up the bag. “I’ll be going then.” She stopped at the door to look at her new companion. “Be safe, friend.”

“You, too,” Natasha said. Then the woman pushed the door open and walked out the door.

Natasha sat on the floor, listening to the chains rattle as Michonne gathered her walkers and left. She wasn’t very good at the whole making friends thing, she thought.

Merle woke up some time later, anxious to get on the road. Natasha didn’t tell him about Michonne, there wasn’t any reason to and he didn’t seem to notice some of the supplies were gone. They ditched the big truck and settled on a quieter, more fuel efficient Nissan. They loaded up and were on the road within an hour.

* * *

 

The rock quarry was empty, dotted with graves and the lingering smell of smoke. Natasha and Merle followed the note to the CDC and found it had been leveled by a massive explosion. Bodies littered the ground and a fire was still burning. 

It was recent, very recent, Merle realized. If Daryl had come here and gotten inside, he was dead now. Merle was distraught at the loss of his brother and Natasha understood.

They hit the road, driving aimlessly. Looking for safety anywhere they could find it. Natasha had planned on leaving Merle with his brother and going off on her own. She couldn’t just leave him now, knowing Clint wouldn’t want her to. So she stayed. She hadn’t let herself really think about him. Even though he had told her, made her promise that she would mourn him properly, she hadn’t. She’d kept the promise to keep Merle alive, that was easy.

Facing her feelings wasn’t.

“What’s the matter with you?” Merle called. He was sitting on top of a desk, looking out the window. They were camped out in a church tonight, locked in the small office. She was against the wall, next to the door.

“Just thinking,” she answered.

“’Bout Clint?”

Natasha jerked in surprise, her eyes going wide. She had never told Merle his name.

“You say his name sometimes when you sleepin’,” Merle explained. “Figure it’s bout time for you to talk about him.”

“There’s nothing to say.”

Merle grunted. “Ya know, my daddy used to beat me. Till I got big enough and started fightin’ back. He started on Daryl then. He was a little ol’ thing, my brother. Firecracker when ya pushed his buttons just right. I got hooked on drugs, fell in with the wrong people, you know that much.”

She nodded, remembering the argument they had about him staying sober.

“I tried to protect Daryl, stop daddy from gettin’ him. Sometimes I wasn’t there, sometimes I got there too late but was too fucked up to do anything but watch. 

“His back was all scarred up, tore all to hell from that belt of daddy’s. It was my responsibility to protect him, keep him alive. And I failed. During these times…” he trailed off, shaking his head. “One mistake can mean dead. Think its worse to lose the only thing ya got than to die yourself.”

“Yeah,” Natasha agreed. “It is.” She was quiet for a long time. “We were partners for a government agency called SHIELD.”

”Never heard of it.”

“I know. It’s top secret, need to know only. Chances are, if you knew about us, you didn’t live long after hearing about us.” She shook her head and began to tell him about how Clint found her. “All these years, we took care of each other, fought and killed together. And all it took to end us is a mindless, rotting corpse.” 

“One mistake,” Merle repeated sadly.

“All it takes,” she finished, leaning her head back against the wall.

Merle looked out the window. “Ya know, I can’t help but think Daryl might be alive. I know what the CDC looked like but maybe they didn’t make it there or got detoured. I just don’t know for sure, that’s the problem.”

“Don’t worry yourself to death over it,” she told him. “If he’s out there, he’s surviving and you’ll find him eventually. The world’s getting smaller, there’s less and less of us everyday.”

Merle didn’t answer. After a few moments he went out into the main part of the church to keep watch. Natasha thought about what Merle had said. Clint’s face flashed in her mind. Her wall broke down and for the first time in decades, she cried. Her chest ached, heart breaking for all the things she wanted to say to him but never had the nerve to. When Merle came back, she didn’t even notice until he was sitting next to her with an arm around her shoulders.

* * *

 

Sophia had waited for Rick to come back, watching the walker stumble after him. Then she tried to go back to the highway, back to her mother. A walker cut her off forcing her into the woods and she ran, clinging to her rag doll. When she looked behind her here were a dozen walkers following her. 

She ran harder, tears falling from her eyes.


	2. Don't You Ever Wonder

Merle stepped over a fallen log, listening for the sound of an animal nearby. He was learning to use a rifle one handed, despite Natasha’s arguments that he couldn’t do it. Being short a limb wasn’t going to stop him from getting something to eat. He looked up when he heard the sound of footsteps. They were running too fast to be a walker. There was a flash of blue and he realized it was a little girl.

“Hey!” he called.

She slid to a stop and ran in his direction. “They’re coming! At least ten,” she huffed.

Merle looked behind her, seeing what she was talking about. He pulled her along with him back to the church. As much as he hated to admit it, he couldn’t fight off a dozen walkers with one hand.

Natasha’s eyes widened only a little when Merle came back with a little girl. “Not what I was expecting,” she quipped.

He ignored her. “We gotta go. Bout a dozen walkers followed this girl, we ran into some more on the way here. Bout forty that I could see.” He snatched his bags, while Natasha grabbed hers. Moments later they were jumping in the car.

The little girl sat in the back, crying softly until Natasha asked what her name was.

“Sophia,” she said. “Daryl thought you were dead,” she said to Merle.

The man started, turned to look at her. “I thought you looked familiar.” To Natasha he explained, “She was with our group outside Atlanta. We went to the quarry, ya’ll was gone though. The CDC too, we thought you were all dead.”

Sophia wiped her face. “Walkers came and attacked. My dad got bit. Amy too. We had to leave. Daryl and Rick went back to get you but you were gone. He thought you were dead.”

“I thought the same. He’s okay though?”

She nodded. “Yeah.”

“How did you end up in the woods? And where is the group?” Natasha asked.

Sophia told the story of what happened at the highway.

“We gotta get a map,” Merle said. “Find out which way to go. We’re all turned around, don’t know where the hell were at.”

“They might not be there by the time we get there,” Natasha warned.

“I gotta try don’t I? That’s my brother. And that little girl’s mama.”

Finally, she nodded. “We’ll give it a shot.”

* * *

 

The next morning, Merle got the girls up and moving at daybreak. Having been cut off by the horde the night before, they were forced to stay inside for the night. They were walking from the building to the car when they heard it, a gunshot.

“Kinda fucking idiots going around shooting guns,” Merle snapped, throwing the last bag in the car. 

“What if its Rick?!” Sophia exclaimed hopefully. “He’s still looking for me.” She ran off toward the street before either of them could grab her.

Merle and Natasha sprinted after her, the former cursing the entire way. Natasha reached her first, yanking her back to safety. A man called out to them.

“It’s Rick!” Sophia insisted.

A man and two boys turned the corner in front of them, wide eyed and breathing heavy.

“That ain’t Rick,” Merle said, weapon raised. A crowd of walkers appeared behind them, stumbling along at a rushed hobble, falling over themselves as they went.

Merle ushered them all back down the street, hurrying back to the car he had waiting. Everyone piled in, doors barely closing before Merle threw it in gear and they took off, tires squealing. He turned down a street trying to get back to the highway, but a wall of undead greeted him. He cursed, threw it in reverse and went a different route. When they were driving along without undead hitchhikers, Merle slammed a hand down on the steering wheel. Sophia jumped.

“The road to the highway’s blocked. Gonna take days for that heard to clear out enough for us to get through.”

“What highway? What the hell you need to go there for?” the man in the back asked. “Headed somewhere?”

“Yeah, to my brother and his group. They’re waitin’ for us.”

“You don’t really think they’re still alive do you?” the man snapped. “That horde came from the highway, anybody out there would be dead if they stayed there.”

Merle drew a breath, preparing for tirade. Natasha cut him off. “Don’t. Just leave it.” She looked at the man in the back and told them their names. “Who are you?”

“Sergeant Abraham Ford. These boys are Ben and Billy.”

“They yours?”

“Shit no. We were part of a bigger group and got cut off from each other. They’re parents bit it. I just barely got them out in time. Be honest with you, don’t know a fucking thing about kids,” Abraham explained.

Sophia giggled.

“I know the feeling,” Merle agreed, looking down at the girl.

* * *

 

The next morning, Abraham and Merle went on a run to check if the walkers had cleared out. They had grabbed a few things on the way back. Merle held out a bag to Sophia.  “I don’t know your size, I just guessed. Might be a little big but it ain’t gonna kill you to wear it anyway.” 

Sophia gave him a smile and ran to the bathroom, excitedly picking through the things Merle had brought her. She was delighted to discover a pair of boots in the bag. Sophia had always wanted a pair of knee high boots but her father had never allowed her to have such things. Natasha wore a pair that Sophia admired. The girl slipped on a pair of skinny jeans that were just a little loose on her hops and slid her feet into her new boots. She laced them up, smiling. After changing her shirt, she went back out into the room. Natasha had just finished zipping her own boots. She smiled at the girl’s new outfit.

“Here,” Natasha said, leaning forward. She showed Sophia how to hide a knife in her boot. “It’s always a good idea to have two blades on you. One on your belt and one in your boot. That way if you’re ever captured and they take the one on your belt, you still have the one in your boot.”

“What the hell did you do before all this?” Abraham asked, overhearing.

“Government work,” was all she said.

He snorted. “I was a Sergeant in the army, I know all about government business.”

“If you’re gonna be hiding knives on that girl, you ought to at least teach her how to use it,” Merle interrupted, knowing Natasha didn’t like talking about her past.

“She knows,” Natasha told him.

“Yeah, she’s been teaching me,” Sophia added proudly.

“Killed a walker yet?” Abraham asked. The girl shook her head. “Well she ain’t taught you enough has she?”  
  
Natasha felt a rush of anger. She’d been forced to kill as a child, it wasn’t on her agenda to go around forcing children to kill. On the other hand, it could save Sophia’s life someday. This wasn’t the same world anymore.

“She’s not ready,” Natasha said.

Abraham snorted again. “Ain’t none of us ready. She’s gotta learn sooner or later.”

“I said no.”

Abraham flinched at her tone, holding up his hands in surrender. “Whatever.”

Sophia sat down next to Natasha on the bed. “What if I wanted to try?”

The redhead looked down at her. “They aren’t people anymore, they won’t stop trying to get you. You have to put them down, quickly and without hesitation or they will get you.”

“I know. I want to try.”

“Okay,” Natasha finally agreed. “Come on then, I’ll cover you.”

The girls stood up and went into the parking lot. Natasha pointed at a walker nearby. Sophia gripped the knife, hands already sweating. She waited for it to come to her. Heart beating wildly in her chest, slamming against her ribcage. The stench hit her causing panic to swell in her throat. She whimpered and began to slash wildly at the oncoming walker. It leaned down to bite and she drove the knife upward, stabbing it in the neck. It stumbled back, the knife still embedded in its throat. Sophia started to fumble for the knife in her boot when there was a flash next to her and the walker went down. She looked up to see Natasha wiping her knife.

The woman leaned over the corpse and pointed. “At your height, this is the pest place for you to aim for on a walker taller than you.” She pulled the knife from its neck, wiped it and handed it back to the girl. “Try again."

“You didn’t tell me before about where to aim,” Sophia said, a little heatedly.

“You weren’t in any danger, I was here all the time. And I wanted you to figure it out alone. You almost did.” Natasha pointed to an approaching walker. “Now try again.”

* * *

 

The herd cleared out the next day and the group was able to move on. They hadn’t gotten far when the car ran out of gas and they were forced to walk. There wasn’t a town or gas station in sight. They almost couldn’t believe it when they stumbled upon tent city. The atmosphere of the place was tense and no one seemed to want them around.

“We had some trouble a few days ago,” one of the women explained. “A group of biters came through, one of the teen girls got killed. Her daddy blamed Lilly, the girl who was babysitting them. He attacked her, Lilly’s boyfriend killed him. They left with a few others.”

Natasha just nodded and walked away, feeling the eyes following her. Every either glared at Merle and Abraham or avoided them as much as possible.

“We can’t stay here,” Abraham said later.

“Nah, why not?” Merle replied sarcastically.

Natasha rolled her eyes. “These people are helpless. It’s a wonder they’re even still alive.”

The kids sat across from the adults, listening to the conversation. Sophia glanced around. After what happened at the quarry she wasn’t keen on sleeping in tents again. 

Abraham sniffed. “I’ll ask around and find out where the hell we are and how to get to the highway from here. We’ll probably end up staying here tonight, though.” He got up and walked away, the twin boys running after him.

“Are they part of our group now?” Sophia asked.

“No,” Natasha answered.

“Why not?”

“We don’t know who the hell he is,” Merle said. “Where the hell he came from or who those kids are. We got our own group to get back to, can’t be bringing strangers with us.”

Natasha felt a little hurt at that. “So what did you plan to do with me?” she challenged.

Merle realized his mistake. “Ah, hell. I didn’t mean it like that. You saved my ass in Atlanta, been taking care of Sophia too. Reckon her momma won’t let Officer Friendly kick you out of the group. They’ll let you stay. Probably kick me out though,” he said bitterly.

“I’ll tell them you’re different,” Sophia said. “I’ll tell them you’ll behave. But I won’t tell them you’re afraid of Natasha.” She stopped suddenly.

Merle nearly choked. “Me? Afraid of little Red here? Where the hell did you get that idea?”

Sophia swallowed. “Well you always do what she says and just yesterday you said you had to do something or Natasha would kick your ass.”

“Oh, hell. I meant I didn’t want to have to hear her bitching,” Merle defended weakly.

“Whatever you have to tell yourself,” Natasha said smoothly.

Merle started to respond, a scream cut him off. All three of them jumped to their feet. Merle pointed at walkers coming through the trees into camp. People were already running and screaming.

“Formation!” Natasha yelled, angling herself to Merle’s left while Sophia went right. They formed a small triangle, moving toward the cars. Occasionally, one of them swung at a walker. Their progress paid off and they reached the cars in little time at all. 

“What about Abraham?” Sophia asked, jumping in the back seat. “And the twins?”

“I don’t see them,” Natasha said, putting the car in gear and reversing away from the group.

”There they are!” Merle shouted. “They’re almost in the woods, walkers on their tail. We can’t get to ‘em without getting’ ourselves killed,” he reasoned. 

Natasha drove away from the scene, keeping an eye out for Abraham or the boys but they were gone.

“Let’s just find a place for us to stay tonight, figure out what the hell to do in the morning,” Merle said, sighing heavily.

Sophia wiped her hands on her pants, then lay down on the back seat and started to cry. She had killed her first walker. It wasn’t human, she knew. But he used to be. All she could think about was whether or not he’d had a family. Maybe a dog. What kind of car he drove, where he worked, how he took his coffee. How he got bitten. Did he die alone?

She wiped her eyes and forced herself to remember that whoever that walker was, he was dead now. How many people had he eaten or bitten? How many lives had he helped end? It was over now, Sophia had put him down. She’d done something good, she repeated over and over in her head. _I did something good._


	3. Bleeding Into Life

It was absolute chaos. Randall had slipped out of his chains, hit Shane with a board, took his guns and ran off into the woods. Daryl and Glenn had gone one way, Rick had Shane gone another.

“I hear something,” Shane whispered. He pointed to his right.

There was a gunshot and Shane screamed, falling behind a tree. Rick pulled off his jacket, then his shirt and pressed it to the wound.

“Daryl!” Rick yelled. “Glenn!”

“Fuck are you doing?” Shane hissed.

“I’m going after Randall, Daryl or Glen will come get you, take you back to the farm.” He stood up and took off, ignoring Shane’s calls to come back.

“What happened?” Daryl asked, hurrying forward a moment later.. “Where’s Rick?”

“Randall shot me, ran off. Rick went after him.”

Daryl stood up. “Glenn, help Shane get back. I’m going after Rick.” He was gone a moment later.

Shane winced when Glenn lifted him up but they made their way out of the woods as Daryl had instructed.

Daryl quickly caught onto the trail Rick was leaving. He crept along quietly, freezing when he heard the gunshot.

Randall led Rick far out into the trees, then hid behind one and waited for the lawman to catch up. He wasn’t a good tracker and walked right past where Randall was hiding. Then the boy raised the gun and shot Rick in the back. The man went down and didn’t move.

Daryl got there just in time to see Rick get shot. He raised his crossbow and put an arrow in the kid’s head.

“Rick!” he called, starting forward. A sound to his left made him turn his head. Walkers. Dozens of them were coming right for him. They hadn’t seen Rick yet. Daryl screamed drawing their attention. He would keep them from Rick if it was the last thing he did. His friend would not become one of those things.

Daryl turned, aimed at a nearby walker and shot. He fired off rounds all the way back to the farm, dismayed to see it already crawling with the undead, everyone was screaming and running for safety. He bit the inside of his cheek and ran forward.

* * *

 

Rick groaned, blinking against the blinding pain in his shoulder. He started to stand, horrified to see he was quickly becoming surrounded by walkers. One lurched forward, pushing him back to the ground. His shoulder exploded, sending a fresh wave of pain through him. 

 _This is it_ , Rick thought. _This is how it ends_.

A flash of silver above him and the attack stopped. Rick blinked, seeing a hooded figure standing above him. The person leaned down and rolled him over to look at the wound.

“Who shot you?” the person asked, revealing herself to be female.

“I don’t know. Randall?” he said, disoriented.

The woman said nothing, only nodded toward the hill before them. “There’s a town nearby. We’ll get you some medicine, treat your wound.” She helped get his shirt off and ripped it so she could tie it around his wound. 

“Are you alone?” he asked, standing up.

“I am, except for them.”

Rick looked up, jumping back in alarm when he saw the limbless walkers.

The woman noticed and quickly explained their purpose. “They’re harmless now. My name is Michonne.”

“I’m Rick. Rick Grimes.”

“Nice to meet you, Rick Grimes.”

The walkers he’d seen before were all dead, but more were coming through the clearing toward them. Michonne noticed and began to lead Rick away. He walked beside her, glancing uncomfortably back at the walkers. It wasn’t too long before they reached the house she was staying in. Rick begged her to go back to the Greene farm, Michonne refused. She gave him medicine, waited for him to fall asleep and went to check the farm out alone.

She stopped when she heard a gunshot and footsteps rapidly moving toward her. Michonne went forward seeing a woman trip and fell. She saved her, just as she’d saved Rick earlier.

Michonne pulled the woman to her feet. “Did you come from a farm?”

The woman’s eyes widened. “Yeah, it’s overrun. How did you know?”

“I have one of your people at a farmhouse. Rick.”

The woman’s mouth dropped open. “Oh, god, he’s alive.” She looked up. “The group will go to the highway, that’s where we said we would go if something happened. We can go there, get the group and go to Rick. I’m Andrea.”

“Michonne,” the told her, following Andrea through the woods.

“We thought he was dead,” Andrea said. She told Michonne about Randall. “Daryl said he saw him go down and didn’t get back up. We thought he was dead.”

“He’s alive, for now.”

They walked in silence for a while until they reached the highway clogged with vehicles.

“They’re not here,” Andrea said sadly. “Not anymore, at least.” She pointed. “That was Carol’s car. And we had food left on this car for Sophia. I can’t believe they just left.”

“They probably thought you were dead too,” Michonne said. “Let’s go to the house before Rick wakes up.”

Andrea readjusted the bag of guns and nodded, following Michonne back into the woods.

* * *

 

Rick woke up, slightly disoriented. He could see someone sitting next to him from the corner of his eye. 

“How long have I been out?”

“A few days,” Michonne answered from the doorway. “You got dirt in your wound and got an infection. Lucky I had antibiotics though. We can move whenever you’re ready.”

“I want to check the farm,” he said.

“There’s no one there, Rick,” Andrea said from the couch.

Rick turned to look at her. “Andrea? How did you get here?”

“Michonne found me. The farm got overrun with walkers. Hundreds, maybe a thousand. Everyone left.”

“The highway-“

“-is empty. I checked. They left Carol’s Cherokee there and the supplies we put out for Sophia are gone.”

Rick covered his face with his hands, feeling the urge to cry. He sat up.

“No point sitting around here,” Andrea said. “We’re low on supplies. We should go soon.”

“My family is out there!” Rick yelled. “I can’t just leave. How do I even find them?”

Andrea didn’t have an answer for him.

“I don’t know if you can,” Michonne said. “But we can try. When we go out for supplies.”

Rick nodded, reaching for his shirt. “Let’s get going then.”

* * *

 

Merle, Natasha and Sophia ducked into a gas station, quickly emptying the place of walkers. They had finally made it to the highway and found nothing but cars and a smudged note on the windshield of a car. They waited three days there but no one came, so they left heading into another town nearby. 

Merle was angry and upset at not finding Daryl, but he knew he was okay.

Sophia put their sleeping bags in a corner and began to search for food.

“Whatcha thinking bout, Red?” Merle asked. He spread a map on the counter. “Any ideas?”

“A few, none of them particularly great.”

“Tasha!” Sophia hissed, running to them. “I hear voices out back.”

The two adults shared a look as they drew their guns, aiming at the back door. Sophia hesitantly drew her knife, standing slightly behind Natasha.

There was a rattle of chains and the back door opened. A dark woman with a large sword entered. Natasha immediately recognized her from Atlanta.

“Small world,” she said.

The woman nodded, raising her hands. “Getting smaller everyday.”

”Michonne?” another woman called, entering the back door and freezing when she saw the guns aimed at her. Her mouth dropped open. 

“Well, well, hey there, sugar tits,” Merle said.

“I'll be a son of a bitch. Merle Dixon. We thought you were dead,” the blonde said.

“Nah, not me.” He shook his head. “Little Red here found me and took me in.” 

“I bet you were unconscious when she did. If she heard you talk she’d have left you where she found you,” Andrea shot back.

“He’s not like that anymore,” Sophia said, finally moving away from Natasha.

Andrea’s eyes widened, filling with tears. “Sophia? Oh my God, we all thought…hold on.” She wiped her eyes and went out the back door, returning a moment later with a man. 

Natasha and Merle finally lowered their guns, exchanging a look. Rick’s own eyes welled up with tears when he hugged Sophia.

“We looked for you, every single day. Daryl especially,” Rick told her. “He almost died bringing your doll back to your mama. She has it still, clings to it everyday just waiting to give it back to you.”

Sophia cried and explained what happened. When she had settled down, she found some food and everyone sat down to eat. Sophia introduced Natasha and Andrea introduced Rick and Michonne. Rick was weary about Merle at first but seemed to relax a little after a while. Natasha slipped away to lean on the counter, listening to Rick tell Sophia and Merle what they had missed on the farm. Michonne joined her after a moment and they stood together silently.

“They were all part of a group,” Michonne commented. “They won’t want to be separated again. You and I are the odd ones out.”

“That’s always nice,” Natasha replied dryly.

“Look, I know I’m new to the group,” Michonne started. “And we don’t know each other but I need to know if we have a plan to go somewhere more permanent to stay.”

“We’re looking. You know I was traveling with Merle first.”

“That racist hick?” Michonne scoffed.

“He’s not so bad once you get past his bad mouth,” Natasha replied. “I think it’s mostly an act. He’s been through some abuse. He says things to keep people from getting to close to him. It’s why he clings to his little brother.”

“You know this?”

“I inferred it. All he’s talked about is finding his brother. Don’t take anything he says to heart. Just ignore him.”

Natasha could read past the coldness in Michonne’s eyes and the way she kept eyeing Sophia. It was obvious.

“Like I was saying, Merle and I were looking for his brother. Ran into Sophia, who was from the same group. We tried to get to the highway but we were cut off by a herd. We finally ended up here,” Natasha told her.

“Rick wants to keep looking for his family,” Michonne said. “Winter is coming and we need a place to stay. That little girl night not survive the cold. She needs to be protected.”

Natasha leveled her gaze on the other woman. “How old?”

“What?” Michonne snapped, jerking in surprise.

“Your daughter. How old was she?”

Michonne swallowed hard. “Seven,” she said finally. “And nine.”

“I’m really sorry,” Natasha said sincerely.

Michonne looked away. “If that girl’s mother is still alive, she’ll give up her own life if it would keep the girl safe. We need to get her inside somewhere. I’ll look for her mother myself, as long as she’s safe.”

“I’ll talk to the others,” Natasha promised.

“That’s all I ask,” Michonne said before walking away.

Natasha sat down, her back sliding down the counter as she did so. It was only a few minutes before Rick came over and sat down next to her.

“I just wanted to thank you for keeping Sophia safe. She told me all you did for her,” he said.

“It wasn’t a problem." Rick shrugged. Natasha shifted and began to lay it down for him. “Look, if we're all going to stay together, I think we should start looking for a place to stay. It’s going to be winter soon. We can’t live outside all winter.” 

“My family-“

“-is in the wind, I hate to tell you. They didn’t leave you any clue where they were going or even which direction they were headed. You can’t go around chasing ghosts and if that’s what you want to do you leave now and do it alone. Sophia is just a little girl. Think of her as if she were your own daughter,” she paused. “Would you drag her around the state looking for something that probably isn’t there in the first place?”

Rick sat in silence for a long time letting Natasha’s words set in. “I promised Carol that I would find her daughter and bring her back safely. I can’t ignore that.”

“You don’t have to. We’ll keep looking but she can’t live like this all winter. Merle and I have put her enough looking for your group, we need to end it now. Put Sophia first, the rest of us can suffer,” Natasha said. “And just think if we keep looking for your family and something happens to Sophia. You would never forgive yourself and how would you look her mother in the eye?”

Rick gave her an odd look and she knew she had said too much.

“Speaking from personal experience?” he asked. “What happened to you?” 

Natasha stood up without answering and went to her spot in the corner. She lay down, facing away from Rick. Her heart was pounding and her forehead was sweating. Never before had someone read her so quickly. She tried to shake it off but found it difficult with Rick’s eyes on her all night.


	4. Moaning Alone

Their little group found a way to work. Rick didn’t think it was possible with so many personalities. Everyone had a job and they did it well. 

Michonne and Natasha continued teaching Sophia how to handle a weapon. The girl could now handle a blade or gun as well as the rest of them. Rick tried not to think about what Carol would say if she knew. 

The three women refused to do “women’s work” as Merle had put it. They refused to be treated like housewives, so everyone took turns doing laundry and cooking meals. Merle went hunting and taught Sophia how to dress a deer. The five adults took turns keeping watch, which meant they all got a decent amount of sleep. Normally, if Sophia had to do laundry, one of the adults went with her while two others kept watch.

Today, Merle and Michonne had gone hunting. Andrea was keeping Sophia company. Rick and Natasha were seated on the front porch of the house they’d been staying in. 

“You don’t talk much,” Rick observed.

“I have nothing to say,” she answered.

“You don’t want to talk at all?”

She looked at him. “You’re not usually so chatty yourself, what’s wrong with you?” she deflected.

He shrugged. “Just curious. You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to . But we’ve been traveling together a month and I hardly know anything about you. Except what Merle and Sophia have told me.”

She glanced at him. “And what did they tell you?”

“Just how you found them. Sophia told me all the lessons you gave her. Merle told me how you found him in Atlanta and saved him.”

“You’re the one who handcuffed him, aren’t you?” Natasha asked.

Rick looked down. “Yeah, that was me. I had a good reason, though.”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “He told me what happened, with more colorful language than was probably needed.”

“Got a mouth on him, don’t he?”

“Oh, you have no idea.” She chuckled. They fell silent a few moments. Natasha bit her lip in debate. Finally she spoke, “Do you remember the summer before all this happened? That alien attack in New York?”

Rick nodded. “Yeah, seems like so long ago.”

Now she nodded. “I uh...I was one of the agents that helped end it. I’m Black Widow,” she confessed.

”Wow,” Rick breathed in astonishment. “All this time I’ve been traveling with a superhero.”

She scoffed. “No, I’m no super hero. Master assassin, yes. Superhero, no.”

Rick gazed at her. “Either way, that’s pretty amazing.”

Natasha didn’t acknowledge that. “Your son, how old is he?”

“Almost thirteen, same as Sophia. Just a few months younger. Wait till I tell him I met an Avenger.” He laughed. “Captain America was his hero.”

Natasha smiled. “I don't blame him. Cap's my hero, too. He's the most noble, moral person I've ever met. And he’s been through something I can’t even begin to understand and yet he still fights.” 

“Why’s that?”

“Waking up in a new century, living in a time when you should have been long dead. Everyone he’s ever known is dead. The love of his life is dead and he can still live on knowing that he’ll never see her again.” 

“He fights in her memory,” Rick mused. He looked at the redhead. “You’ve never been in love?”

She looked away. “Once. It didn’t work and I’ve avoided it ever since. The last person I really loved was my partner, Clint. It was just a friendly love and guess what? He’s dead too. Why would I keep going through all of that?”

“There’s someone out there for everyone,” Rick said.

Natasha scoffed. “That’s a cliché only fools and children believe.”

“Maybe you should start believing it,” Rick said, looking at her with a thoughtful expression.

“In this world? No. Sorry, Rick, but people are becoming scarce in case you hadn’t noticed,” she said harshly. “It’s hard to believe in something that doesn’t exist anymore.”

“It does,” Rick argued. “Sophia loves you.” He saw her expression and shook his head. “Don’t you see how she started dressing? The boots, the hair, she’s dressing like you.”

“She’s dressing in whatever we happen to find in her size.”

“Okay. But she watches everything you do. When you compliment her, it makes her whole day. That day at target practice when you criticized her, it hurt her but it made her work even harder. She looks up to you. You say love doesn’t exist in this world, Natasha, I say it’s all we’ve got.”

Natasha absorbed this but didn’t comment on it. “I guess tomorrow we’ll keep looking for a place to go. Seems like there’s nothing out there for us,” she said.

“There’s something out there. Just waiting for us to take it,” Rick said.

She looked at him but didn’t say anything. Sophia came up then and handed them a plate of food. They thanked her and she left.

“My wife is pregnant,” Rick blurted.

“I would offer congratulations if you didn’t look so upset.”

“Well, I don’t think it’s mine,” he said quietly.

Natasha eyed him. “Wanna talk about it?”

He shrugged and began his story; getting shot, his coma, the quarry, the farm.

"I asked her, outright. Honestly. I told her, just tell me honestly, who did she think the father was?”

“What did she say?” 

“That’s just it, she didn’t say anything. To me, that said more than she ever could.” He hung his head.

“So your wife is out there, pregnant with your best friend’s baby? And she thinks you’re dead now, for the second time?”

“Pretty much.”

Natasha didn’t know what to say, so she didn’t say anything.

Rick sniffed. “So, how about you? Any family?”

“No,” she replied curtly.

He held up his hands. “Okay, sorry I asked.”

“My parents died when I was young. I don’t even remember them,” she explained. “The only other family I had was Clint.”

“You know, you’re always so cold and distant to everyone and you say you don’t care, but you do.”

Natasha glared at him. “You think so? I don’t have any ties to any of you.”

“And yet, you stay with us. You saved Merle in Atlanta and you didn’t know him.”

“It was Clint’s dying wish,” she snapped.

Rick paused. “Now we’re getting somewhere.”

She was seething, angry that he had pushed her into revealing something. No one had done that to her before. Not even the greatest trickster of them all, Loki had been able to fool her. In fact she tricked him into revealing his plan. Now Rick had pushed her and it had actually worked.

“What happened?” Rick asked softly. His face was so sympathetic, she didn’t know if she wanted to spill her guts or punch him. She stood up without answering and went inside, ignoring his calls to come back.

She managed to avoid him until just before bedtime when he called them all into the living room.

“This house has been okay for the past few days,” he started. “But we’re too close to a major city. Merle and Michonne have come across two herds now and we’ve only been here three days. I’d say it’s time to move on and find something else.”

“Where do you suggest we go?” Andrea asked, crossing her arms.

“I don’t know. There’s gonna be something out there. I was thinking me and Natasha could go on a scouting trip, see what we can find.”

“You can’t go alone,” Sophia said. “What if you don’t come back?”

“I say we all go. That way we all have a say in where we stay,” Andrea said. “No point in sending the two of you out to look then have to come all the way back here to get us. We should go as a group.”

“She’s right,” Michonne agreed.

“I was only thinking about Sophia,” Rick said defensively. “The sky has been looking dark for days, I’m afraid it might snow.”

“She’ll be fine, long as we watch her,” Merle spoke up.

After some discussion, the group agreed to head out together the next morning. Merle took the night watch while the others lay down to sleep.

* * *

 

Sophia was following Natasha and Michonne through the town toward the car, they had quite a bit of things in their bag. Rick, Merle and Andrea were standing by the cars, having already loaded their findings.

“Good trip?” Natasha asked.

Rick nodded once. “We got what we could find.”

“Now what?” Andrea asked.

“There’s a crowd of walkers moving in,” Michonne said. “Couldn’t tell how many and we didn’t stop to count. We shouldn’t stay here much longer.”

Rick spread out the map. “There’s a few small towns around, we can head that way. Look for a house to stay in for tonight, keep looking tomorrow.”

They agreed. Rick, Natasha, Sophia and Michonne got into the car while Andrea climbed in the truck with Merle and they left the town behind.

It had only been a few minutes on the road when someone ran out in front of them. Rick hit the brakes and two more people ran into the road, waving their arms.

Rick looked at Natasha, raising an eyebrow. “What do you think?”

“Drive,” she responded instantly.

“No,” Sophia countered. “They need our help, we have to help them.”

With a sigh, Rick put the car in park and opened his door.

Natasha jumped out a second later. “Rick,” she warned.

“Let’s just find out what’s up,” he said calmly. Natasha wanted to hit him.

Michonne got out of the car, followed by Sophia. Merle and Andrea were already making their way over.

“What’s going on?” Rick called, remaining a safe distance away from the new people.

“One of our group is sick,” one of the boys said. “We need help.”

“If he’s bit you gotta put him down,” Merle called.

The trio started to babble about what happened. Their fear seemed genuine, so Rick volunteered to follow them. Natasha had a bad feeling in her stomach. When Rick started forward, her hand shot out to grip his arm.

“Something isn’t right,” she whispered.

He looked at her then over at the boys. “They’re just kids.”

“That doesn’t matter. I trust my instincts enough to know that we shouldn't go with them.”  He gently pulled away from her grasp and started forward, Natasha followed a few steps behind. Only a few feet into the woods, six men with guns jumped out, aiming at them.

“They left a car up on the road,” one of the boys said from behind. Andrea, Michonne, Merle and Sophia joined them moments later.

“Pete, search them for weapons,” the big guy with the shotgun said.

One of the men stepped forward and began patting the group down, tossing knives and handguns into a pile on the ground.

“Y’all were armed and ready weren’t ya?” the man taunted.

“Even the little girl had a gun and knife on her,” Pete said.

They’d taken all of Natasha’s weapons. Everything of Rick’s. Michonne, Andrea and Merle were defenseless as well. Pete had taken Sophia’s gun and the knife on her belt but he had missed the one stashed in her boot. Sophia had to wait until the time was right to use it, she knew, she would only get one chance.

“My name is Danny,” the big man said.

“Well, Danny, I’m Rick. What do you want from us?” Rick spoke up.

Danny laughed. “Nothing from you.” He looked at Merle. “Or you.” He smirked. “We have plenty of men around camp but currently have a shortage of women. They don’t seem to last too long around our boys.” The men around him chuckled.

Andrea shivered.

“I’m sure we can find a use for you ladies.” He winked at Natasha. He stepped back and surveyed the group. Pointed at Rick. “You the leader of this outfit?”

Rick nodded. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Good,” Danny said slowly, nodding. He waved two fingers, motioning the other man forward. “Come here a second.”

Rick hesitated, then took a step forward.

Without warning, Danny nodded to two of his men, who grabbed Rick’s arms and forced him on his knees. He made a fist and slammed it into Rick’s jaw. Sophia squealed, but quickly silenced herself. When Danny stopped swinging, the men let go and Rick went on his hands and knees. Danny kicked him in the side, blood from Rick’s face dripped into the dirt. One more swift kick put Rick on his stomach, gasping for air.

Danny nodded at Merle. Two men came forward to grab him but Merle fought against them. Sophia started to cry then. The girl turned to hug Natasha, hiding her face from the scuffle. She kicked Natasha’s boot, causing the woman to look down. As discreetly as she could, Sophia leaned down and slid the knife from her boot.

Natasha glanced behind her, then at the men in front of her who were now forcing Merle to get on his knees. Rick was still lying motionless in the dirt. Natasha caught Michonne’s eye and winked. The other woman nodded.

In one swift motion, Natasha kicked the man behind her. Michonne went to the right. Surprised, Andrea hesitated only a moment before jumping into action, grabbing one of the men holding Merle. He slapped her back but Merle was freed. Sophia ran to Rick’s side, helping him to his feet. Someone grabbed her, spinning her around. She swung the knife, cutting into a man’s stomach. Danny yelped and started to swing at her. Sophia aimed higher, cutting into his throat this time. His eyes went wide and his hands fell away from her. Sophia turned back to Rick , focusing on getting him to his feet.

Natasha had broken the neck of the first man, then the second one that tried to grab her. In little time at all she’d dropped half of the group. Michonne had gone for her sword. Within minutes the group of men were dead. These goons were no match for a highly trained assassin. She looked around and went to help Rick.

“Sophia, gather our weapons.”

The girl nodded and ran off. Natasha put an arm around Rick’s waist and lifted him up. He grunted in pain.

“Can you walk?” she asked him. A wheeze was the only answer she got. Sophia came back then. “Put my gun in my holster, give Rick his. Put my knife in my boot. We gotta move. These guys are probably part of a bigger group.”

Michonne came up then and put an arm around Rick.

Merle’s face was bloody but he was otherwise okay. Sophia walked close to him. When they reached the cars, Natasha and Michonne put Rick in the backseat of the car. Natasha got in with him, kneeling on the floor. Michonne got into the driver’s seat, Sophia was turned around in the passenger seat to watch Natasha.

Natasha reached in her bag for alcohol and gauze. Rick had a nasty cut across his cheek.

“How do I look?” he whispered.

“Like a couple of rednecks curb stomped the shit out of you.”

“Funny, I feel about the same.”

Natasha’s lips quirked and she started to unbutton his shirt. His chest already covered in bruises.

“At least one rib broken,” she observed. He had a gash on his side that would need stitching when they were somewhere more stable. For the time being, she placed some gauze over it and taped it up, then tied Rick’s shirt around his waist to keep pressure.

“There’s a town up ahead,” Michonne reported.

“We’ll stop there, then. See what we can find for tonight,” Natasha said. She fed Rick some pain medicine and told him to sleep. She would worry about wrapping his ribs later.

Michonne stopped the car, she and Sophia climbed out. Natasha followed a moment later. Creeping through the streets, Natasha felt a little bad for leaving Rick alone in the car. Just as she started to go back, a voice stopped her.

“Natasha! Merle!”

They looked around, seeing a man in the doorway of a church.


	5. Shelter

“Abraham?” Merle called back.

He started waving his hand. “Get the fuck in here! Now!”

A shot rang out then, hitting Michonne in the leg. She cried out and bent over a little. Natasha put an arm around her to help her run to the church. Abraham slammed the door behind them.

“What about Rick?” Sophia asked.

Natasha cursed herself. “He’ll be fine, for now.” Michonne slid to the floor, Andrea came over to help tend her wound.

“Who the hell was shootin’ at us?” Merle snapped.

“Crazy mother fuckers,” Abraham said. He looked at Natasha. “You know, we got out of tent city, chased by walkers. Just barely got these boys out. Got into town yesterday, got surprised by some biter fuckers. Billy got bit. We made a run for the church here and he decided he didn’t want to put us in danger. So last night, he sneaks out, gets snatched by those crazy fuckers out there. _They ate his leg_. When he told them he was bit, they started trying to throw up what they ate of him. Then they beat the shit out of him and left him in front of the church. I went out to get him and the bastards shot at me.”

They all absorbed this information silently. Outside a voice yelled, “Y’all are bout to be surrounded by roamers. All this noise we made with the guns and all. Don’t think you’ll be going anywhere tonight. So tomorrow these things clear out, we’re gonna kill all of you.” 

Silence settled on them again. Ben, in the corner with his brother, started to cry.

“We’ve got to get out of here,” Andrea said.

“You heard what he said,” Michonne protested. “Those shots they fired off are going to bring the walkers down on us.”

“We can’t stay here,” Andrea said helplessly. She looked at Natasha, eyes pleading. “What do we do?”

Natasha stared silently out the window. “There are two walkers in the parking lot. Andrea and I will go get them, chop off their arms like Michonne did. Use them to move through the horde to get Rick,” she paused.

“Why not just get the cars then?” Sophia asked. “And why don’t we just leave?”

“Too much noise to bring the cars here,” Natasha told her. “Rick needs to be stitched up, I can’t do that properly in the back of a moving car. I need to check his ribs as well. We get Rick inside, that’s priority one. He can’t stay out there all night; he’s got a big gash in his side that needs stitching. He won’t die of blood loss tonight but he’ll lose enough to make him weak and we can’t afford to lose him right now. We get Rick first. Then in the morning,” she looked at Merle. “We track them down.” Then to Andrea. “Get ready, we need to go soon.”

* * *

 

The herd moved in quicker than they were used to, they must have been roaming nearby. But Andrea and Natasha had managed to make it to the cars and were halfway to the church when the streets started to get crowded. Even with blankets over them and Rick the walkers could tell something was up. Rick was being held up by the women, but was still limping and wheezing with every step. 

Once they finally made it back inside, Natasha gave him more medicine and patched him up. When he fell back asleep, she left him to talk to Merle and Michonne. Sophia slipped into her empty chair, placing a cool rag against Rick’s forehead.

“How’s the kid?” Natasha asked, looking over at Billy.

“Not fucking good,” Abraham said. “I’d say he doesn’t have much longer. An hour or less.”

“Did he say how many people there were that took him?” Andrea asked, joining them.

“He knows there were at least four.”

“That helps a little,” Andrea said sadly. “So what’s the plan then, in the morning? Who goes?”

Natasha looked at Michonne, who instantly nodded. “I’ll be fine.”

“You and Merle can lead the way, you’re trackers after all. Me, Andrea and Abraham will cover you. Can we trust that priest?”

“He seems harmless so far,” Abraham said.

That didn’t do much to reassure her. “The kids can stay with Rick, he can’t move yet but he’ll be fine to guard them here. Sophia can help.”

Ben started to sob loudly in the corner. Abraham went over and a moment later announced that Billy was dead. Ben sat down in the floor and started to cry. Andrea went to sit next to Ben and whispered to him; the woman telling him about her own sister, Amy, who had been bitten and turned. The boy leaned against her and eventually fell asleep.

* * *

 

Natasha didn’t wait for the morning. Andrea was on watch that night, so as soon as everyone fell asleep Natasha slipped into the back of the church. The priest, Father Gabriel Stokes, hadn’t done a good job at barricading the place. He’d mainly closed and locked all the doors, making it easy for Natasha to pick a lock and slip out a window. Once outside, she grabbed a walker and dismembered it. She looped a small chain around its neck and pulled it along with her, as Michonne once had. She remembered which way the bullets had come from when they were on the street. When she’d gone to get Rick, she’d noticed the small patch of woods nearby where the leaves were thicker and the brush had been disturbed. Using this as her starting point, she hiked through the woods almost laughing at the clear trail the people had left behind. 

They weren’t doing a good job at staying hidden either. A fire was still burning outside and voices could be heard cheering and laughing. Natasha released her walker. There was a guard posted, but he was seated under a tree with a rifle next to him. And he was snoring. Natasha pulled her knife and went to work.

* * *

The next morning, Merle and Michonne led the others through the woods, following the trail that had been stomped out for them. They found the first body under the tree, only a little of him was left. 

“Walkers,” Andrea hissed.

The yard by the house contained a dozen walkers. Natasha moved first and began to cut them down, the others following behind.

“So much for that,” Andrea commented, looking at all the bodies at her feet. She looked relieved.

“Yeah,” Merle agreed, looking around.

“Let’s see what they got in the way of supplies and get the fuck back to the church,” Abraham suggested. The group looked at Natasha before going inside. They loaded up anything useful- avoiding any meat- and started back.

Just as they reached the back door, Michonne spoke, “I saw what you did.”

Natasha turned to face her but didn’t say anything.

“Last night, I saw you sneaking out and I knew where you were going. I couldn’t let you go out alone so I followed you.”

“I did what I had to.”

“Why?” Michonne asked.

Natasha quirked an eyebrow in question.

“Why make a plan for us to go and kill them, then sneak out and go alone?”

“I was protecting the group.”

“How?” Michonne demanded, stepping forward. “Protecting them from killing when they need to? That’s not protecting, that’s sheltering. We don’t know that we’re going to stay together, you know, we may get separated. What happens if one of them ends up out there without you and they don’t have the guts to kill and they wind up dead?”

“Why aren’t you including yourself in there? Why are you only saying them?” Natasha shot back, causing Michonne’s eyes to widen a little. When she didn’t answer Natasha went on, “I’m keeping this group safe no matter what. We can’t afford mistakes. I let Rick get hurt before. It’s not happening to anyone else.”

Michonne stared at her and finally nodded. “Okay.”

The two women finally went inside to questioning glances from Merle and Abraham, but no one said a word. They went back to their conversation over the map to find a way out of the town.

Michonne went to sit with Sophia by the door. Natasha took a seat on the floor next to Rick’s palette. He had woken up and asked what was happening.

She handed him a plate of food, ignoring his question. “I hope you don’t get used to being waited on,” she quipped.

He smiled and dug into his food. Natasha sat quietly and waited for him to finish. 

“I'll be nice and not say I told you so," she said finally, looking at his bandages.

"Thanks, I appreciate it," he shot back, staring at his plate. "I just want to believe that there's still some good in the world. That when someone waves you down for help they actually need help and it's not a trap."

"It's okay to believe in hope," she told him. "Just don't be stupid and don't trust someone so easily. Trust is earned not given."

"Wise words."

"I speak from experience," the redhead told him. "As soon as you’re up to travel, we’ll move on."

“To where?” he asked, sounding irritated. He opened his mouth to continue but she cut him off, “There’s something out here. A place for us to call home.” 

“I used to think when this all started that it would end one day,” Rick said. “We would find something safe. Secure. It’s always out there, just beyond my reach. Like a beacon of hope begging me to keep going. I don’t know if such a place exists anymore.” He shrugged.

“Stop thinking,” she said.

“What?” he half-laughed.

“You’re thinking about your wife and son again. I told you, you’re going to make yourself crazy.”

Rick fell silent then asked, “What happened yesterday? Where did everybody go this morning?”

Natasha told him about Billy and the cannibals. “Nothing to worry about anymore.”

Merle called Natasha to the door where he was standing with Father Gabriel. “We gotta get the hell out of here,” he said. “Whole town’s filling up with walkers.”

They looked at the map. Merle spoke again, “It might not be the best idea for all of us to go this time, seeing’ as how it didn’t work out so well last time we all set out.” His eyes glanced over Rick.

“I know,” Natasha snapped, quickly collecting herself. “You and Michonne can go scouting, if she’s up for it.”  
  
”Why them?” Abraham asked, a little bitterly.

“Merle is a tracker and a hunter, he will see the signs if there is someone or something nearby. If they are out there too long he can find something to eat,” Natasha explained. “Michonne goes because her sword is quiet and she’s the most comfortable taking a pair of walkers to fend off the others. They’re the best choices to survive out there and make it back.”

“Merle? He’s got one hand,” Abraham protested.

“Don’t mean I can’t kick your ass,” Merle shot back, pushing off the wall.

Natasha pushed him back. “Just calm down, alright. Merle and Michonne are going. Abraham, you know you don’t want to leave Ben alone right now.” She gave him a pointed look.

“Andrea’s with him,” he protested weakly.

She quirked an eyebrow but said nothing more on the subject, she turned to Merle. “I’ll have Sophia put some food in a bag for you. Head out when you and Michonne are ready."

“Yes, boss,” Merle quipped, touching a finger to his eyebrow with a cheeky grin.

Natasha fought a smirk and rolled her eyes.

Michonne lingered next to Natasha for a moment. “Give us a week. If we’re not back by then, leave without us.”

“You’ll be back,” Natasha said confidently. She gave her friend a serious nod which Michonne returned with a hint of a smile. They broke apart, Natasha glancing out the window watching a few drifters in the parking lot. 

Merle and Michonne came back to the door; the priest pushed it open then closed and locked it behind them.

Natasha stayed at the window, watched as they took down a pair of walkers, hacked off limbs and chained them to Michonne’s belt. She watched as her friends drifted down the street out of sight.

“Do you think they’ll come back?” Sophia asked suddenly.

Natasha nearly jumped; she hadn’t heard the little girl approach. “Yeah, I know they will,” she replied, managing a smile.

Sophia smiled back then went to sit with Andrea and Ben. Abraham stayed by the door with Gabriel, keeping watching. Not knowing what else to do, Natasha sat on her bad and cleaned her gun, eyes occasionally checking on Rick’s sleeping form in the corner.

* * *

 

It was nearly a week before Merle and Michonne made it back to the church. With them, they brought supplies and news of an empty country club nearby that would give them safety away from the city. 

“I’ll get Rick,” Abraham said, standing up.

“No, I will,” Andrea cut in. Her friend was still quite injured and couldn’t move far on his own. Though she thought Abraham was crass and rude, she trusted him. Just not with Rick’s life. Andrea looked to Natasha for back up.

“Abraham was no doubt a good soldier, he’s strong and a good shot,” Natasha said. “Andrea, you’re great with a gun, but if you had to run I don’t think you could handle Rick’s weight. Let Abraham do it.”

“Glad to know I have an opinion,” Rick snipped from his corner.

Natasha ignored him. “That herd has mostly moved out but there are still plenty of stragglers. We go in this formation.” She placed the note pad she’d been drawing on in the middle of their circle. “Abraham, Rick, Ben and Father Gabriel in the middle.” She pointed at a dot. “Andrea, you’re directly behind them, your back to Abraham. I’ll be in the front, Sophia to my left. Then Merle, Andrea and Michonne. We’ll form a circle around Rick and Abraham.

“Why is Sophia in the circle and not in the middle with us?” Ben asked softly, looking at his friend.

Natasha answered him, “Because she’s been taught how to handle herself.”

“She’s just a little girl,” Gabriel protested.

“She can handle it,” Michonne chimed in.

“Honestly,” Natasha started, looking at the priest. “I wouldn’t put her on the front lines if I didn’t have to. But Rick is down, Abraham is keeping him on his feet. You don’t think you have the strength to handle Rick and you won’t take a weapon. Ben is a child with zero self defense training. That leaves me with no other choice. All hands on deck here. Sophia will be fine, I’ll make sure of it.”

“You don’t know that,” he protested.

“I do know that. I taught her, after all.”

Abraham quirked an eyebrow but said nothing. He lifted Rick up and pulled the gun from his belt. “Enough chit chat are we getting the fuck out of here or what?”

Sophia felt proud to fall in line between Merle and Natasha, fighting alongside the adults. Natasha noticed her excitement. “Focus, Sophia,” she reminded her. “No mistakes.”

The girl nodded, drawing her blade. Natasha led the way out the door, everyone falling in line and began fighting their way down the street.


	6. Invisible Inside Your Shadow

Days later they were still in the country club. Merle had gone back out to hunt when he’d discovered the prison. Without a single kill on his belt, he hustled back to the group to give Natasha the good news. Rick had recovered but was still moving slow. He had been their leader before but Natasha was leading in his absence and was doing a good job of it, even if she was a tad ruthless.

“I want to see it before you say anything to the rest of the group,” Natasha told Merle. “I want to look around there before we get anyone’s hopes up.” He agreed. She sought out Michonne then. “I’m heading out with Merle, won’t be gone long. Keep an eye on things.

Michonne nodded in response, not questioning why Natasha would leave with Merle. They were only gone a few hours. When the duo returned, Natasha informed Michonne and they went to talk to Rick.

“Merle found something,” she said, taking a seat on the steps next to him.  
  
”What did he find?”

“Your beacon of hope.”  
  
He looked at her. “Is that right?” The man almost managed a smile.

“A prison. A few miles from here. It’s on a hill, got security walls, guard tower-“

“-Infirmary, armory, cafeteria,” he finished for her, a real smile on his face now. It faltered. “Overrun with walkers, ain’t it?”

“I won’t lie, there’s a lot out there but we can handle it,” Natasha said confidently. “I have a few ideas on how we can clear the yard out. It might look like a big job from the outside but if we break it down and do a little at a time we can handle it.”

“I say we go for it,” Rick agreed finally. “There was frost on the grass this morning. Winter is almost here. What have we got to lose?”

She didn’t answer. “Let’s get the group together, have a talk and start planning.”

* * *

 

“A prison?” Andrea asked, incredulously. 

“Yeah, a prison, you too good for it?” Merle snapped.

“How many walkers?” Abraham asked loudly.

“There’s a lot,” Natasha said. “But it can be handled.”

”How?” This was little Ben, clutching Andrea’s leg and looking terrified. 

“Rick was a cop, Abraham was a soldier and I was a government agent,” Natasha told him. “We’re highly trained and it’s our job to protect you. Along with Michonne, Merle and Andrea, none of us will let anything happen to you.”

He seemed reassured by this and sat back as the adults continued their discussion.

“We’re going to take this prison,” Rick said firmly.

“Not you,” Natasha said. “You’ve still got broken ribs, you’re on sick leave.”

"I'm not going to let you do it yourselves."

"Fine, we rest here a few more days to give you more time to heal. We'll hammer out a plan then we'll move."

Andrea looked around. “Can we do it? Just the six of us?”

Sophia’s chest swelled with pride when she realized she had been included. “Yes, we can,” the girl said firmly.

Natasha smiled.

* * *

 

Merle cut an entryway in the fence. Natasha took charge. 

“Rick, Abraham, you go in this tower. Andrea and Sophia take that one.” She pointed to her left. “Michonne, take Ben and draw as many as you can away. Pick them off through the fence. I’ll close the inside gate.”

Merle waited by the gate for everyone to get in position. “Watch your ass, Red.” He pulled the gate open for her to get through.

Rick peered through his scope, following Natasha’s progress across the yard. He picked off any walker that came within five feet of her. She had a gun on her belt, knife in hand but she didn’t need them with Rick covering her. He didn’t relax until she closed the gate and was in a tower of her own.

She glanced over at him, exchanging a smile. Truth be told, Natasha hadn’t been that nervous running across the yard. She knew Rick had her back and that was all she needed. That night, the group was gathered in the yard around a fire Merle had built. Sophia passed out bowls of food.

“That’s his eighth time around,” Andrea observed, nodding to Rick. “If there was a hole in the fence he would have found it by now.”

Natasha shrugged. “He’s just being thorough.”

The blonde smiled. “You know what’s funny, Natasha? You’ve known Rick, what, two months? Tops? And yet, you’ve supported him more than his own wife did. At least in the six to eight months I was with them.”

“Which one was Rick’s wife?” Merle asked, squinting his eyes.

“Lori,” Sophia supplied.

Merle gave her a blank stare.

Andrea rolled her eyes. “Tall, skinny brunette. Got an opinion on everything.”

“Oh, Olive Oyl,” Merle said, remembering.

Michonne snorted, which caused Merle to smirk.

“I thought she was with that curly haired pig.”

“That’s Shane,” Andrea explained. “He and Rick were partners, best friends.”

Natasha spoke up. “So that’s the real father of her baby?”

“Rick told you?” the blonde asked.

“This is some Jerry Springer shit right here,” Merle laughed. “Two cops, partners and best friends. One ends up in a coma, the other knocks up his wife. You can’t write this shit.” He laughed loudly.

Abraham got into the conversation. “I’m gonna need you to start from the beginning on this.”

Andrea sat forward, eager to explain. Natasha had heard enough. She stood up from her spot, carrying an extra bowl of food to Rick.

“Find any holes?” she asked as she neared him.

He shook his head. “I think we’re safe for the night.”

Natasha smiled, pushing the bowl into his hands. “Eat,” she commanded, crossing her arms and leaving no room for discussion.

Rick smirked and began to eat.

“So, boss, what’s the plan for tomorrow?” Natasha asked, teasing a little.

Rick smiled. “Hey, I’m on sick leave. You’re in charge, remember?”

“You aren’t allowed to fight. Nothing wrong with making plans.”

He nodded. “We go in and take the prison. Sophia, Ben and I will stay at the gate, drawing as many away from you guys as possible.”

“Sophia should come in with us. Make it an even six.”

“You think she can handle that?” Rick pointed at the walkers ambling on the other side of the fence.

“I’ll talk to her, it’s up to her what she wants to do. But I think she can handle it.”

“It’s ours by sundown,” Rick stated.

Natasha smiled then. “Bet you never thought your beacon of hope would be a prison, did you?”

He almost laughed at that, just turned back to the group, an arm going around Natasha’s shoulders. Though she flinched at first, she didn’t pull away.

* * *

 

Early the next morning, the air around the survivors was tense. Gone was the light conversation and teasing from the night before. 

Natasha pulled Sophia aside. “Rick wants you to stay with him and Ben and help pick off the walkers through the fence. I told him you could handle going inside. It’s your choice.”

Sophia couldn’t deny that she wanted to stay at the fence but she would feel safer with Natasha and Merle. “I want to go inside with you,” she decided.

The redhead nodded. “Stay in formation, no mistakes.” She turned to leave.

“Hey, Tasha,” Sophia called softly. She paused, her mouth open. “I need to tell you something.”

“What is it?”

Sophia bit her lip.

“We can talk later if you need to,” Natasha said, sensing Sophia’s struggles. The girl nodded and followed her back to the others. Rick was waiting by the gate with Ben. When everyone was ready, he pushed it open, snapping the clips in place behind them.

Natasha, Sophia, Merle, Michonne, Andrea and Abraham quickly fell into a circle, facing outward. They moved as one, corpses dropping left and right. Sophia broke formation once and was immediately reprimanded by Natasha.

Michonne spotted another gate standing open and yelled for Natasha. The two women ran over, closing the gate together. Michonne locked it with another pair of clips. Natasha’s blade flew over her head. The woman turned to see a walker’s face inches away from her. Natasha pulled her blade out and the corpse fell. She nodded her head in thanks and it was returned by the redhead. The yard was full of bodies, no more left on their feet.

“That’s a civilian,” Merle pointed out a young woman in a skirt.

“Think there’s a wall down somewhere? We can’t fix that,” Andrea said.

“We’ll figure it out,” Natasha said calmly. “Let’s go clear out a block and get everyone inside before dark.”

* * *

 

Natasha was on watch in the guard tower when Rick climbed up. 

“Anything?” he asked, leaning on the rail next to her.

She shook her head. “Just the ones out there.” She glanced at him. “You come out here for a reason?”

“Just wanted to say you’re going a good job as leader. Maybe I should pass the captain’s hat over to you.”

“These people need you,” she argued, shaking her head. “I’m a cold, calculating, pessimist. You’re honest and just…likeable. They need you and your beacon of hope,” she teased.

“I’m starting to regret ever saying that.”

“Don’t be. It’s something to hold on to. That’s what all of us need. To believe we still have a shot. You keep fighting, making everyone believe.”

“You don’t?” Rick asked.

“I think we’re the walking dead.”  
  
Rick looked at her, horrified. ”You’re right, we’re all infected.”

Natasha looked back at him, seeing the cold fear in his eyes. “How do you know?”

“We went to the CDC. The scientist there, Jenner, he told me.”

“So I was right. We’re all dead anyway.”

“Maybe not,” Rick protested. “I refuse to believe we’re all that’s left. There’s gotta be someone out there, somewhere who knows what this is and can find a cure. This can’t be the end of humanity.”

Natasha’s lip twitched. “That’s why you’re our leader. You still believe.”

“If you’re so hopeless, why are you still here? Why not opt out?” Rick asked.

“I made a promise.”

“To who? Clint?”

Natasha looked away. “Tomorrow we need to clear out more of the prison. Find the infirmary, armory, kitchen. Sophia can make an inventory list of everything we find. Then we can go on a run for what we’re missing.

Rick didn’t comment on her sudden mood shift. “Maybe the warden’s office has a map so we can see where we are.” He looked over at her. “You can go to bed. I’ll take over watch.”

She started to argue, but figured it was pointless. “Good night, Rick,” she said, already starting down.

Rick called back his own good night, his eyes never leaving her as she crossed the yard.

* * *

 

Rick had tired of sitting back and letting the others fight without him. On their third day in the prison Natasha decided to clear our more sections. They hadn’t found anything useful yet. And this time, Rick refused to be left behind. 

“We can’t all go. Sophia and Ben can’t stay alone,” Andrea argued.

“Sophia is more than capable of handling herself thanks to the Romanoff School for Girls. And Ben is learning more every day,” Abraham said. “They’re small and fast so if anything happens, they’d probably be better off without us.”

“Should we split up?” Merle asked, counting the adults. “Cover more ground that way.”

“Split in twos or threes?” Abraham jumped in, glad for the subject change.

“It’s safer to go as a group of three, but those halls can get crowded fast,” Michonne said.

“Me and Michonne can be a team,” Merle said, waggling his eyebrows at her.

“I’ll go with Natasha,” Rick said quickly. Left with Andrea, Abraham looked less than pleased. The pairs broke off and headed in different directions. Rick and Natasha stumbled upon the cafeteria, much to their delight. When the other group of prisoners popped up behind their window, the pair trained their guns on them.

They discovered the men had been left behind when the outbreak started and had no idea what was going on.

“We’ll help you clear out a cell block,” Rick said. “You’ll stay there and if you leave it, we’ll kill you.”

They tried to argue at first, but Rick and Natasha resisted. The prisoners soon found themselves in a new block.

Though Rick told them to stay in formation, the men didn’t listen and Big Tiny was bitten, put down by Tomas.

“Watch him,” Rick whispered to Natasha. To the others he said, “No more prison riot shit. Open one door, only one. We need to contain this.”

Tomas agreed and seconds later he flung both doors open. Natasha took down a walker that almost grabbed Rick. She kept a close eye on Tomas, saw him swing his axe inches away from Rick’s head. Then grabbed a walker and swung it around until it landed on Rick. Natasha buried her knife in the thing’s skull and helped Rick to his feet. He looked as if he wanted to say something.

Tomas shrugged. “Shit happens.”

Natasha swung her blade before anyone could blink. Andrew screamed and took off, Rick gave chase as Natasha pulled her blade free and aimed her gun at the remaining prisoners. She forced them to their knees until Rick came back and decided they could have their own cell block. Then he and Natasha went back to the group.


	7. For Us to Fly

“Do you think my mom is still alive?” Sophia asked Andrea. The girl was throwing clothes into a washer.

Andrea shrugged. “Yeah, I suppose so. She’s with Daryl, after all. I’m sure he’s taking good care of her.”

“Do you think we’ll ever find them?”

“I do,” the blonde said, though she really wasn’t sure. “The world is getting smaller every day. Supplies getting lower. We’re bound to find someone at some point.”

“I guess that makes sense.” Sophia didn’t look reassured but she smiled anyway.

Both girls looked up when they heard shouting. Andrea pulled her gun, holding up a finger to Sophia. She pulled the door open, sticking her head out when she recognized one of the voices.

“Rick?” she called.

Footsteps echoed, getting closer. Rick came around the corner, gun raised. He lowered it.

“What happened?” she asked, holstering her own gun.

Rick gave her a rundown of events. “They’ve agreed to stay in their cell block. They understand this prison is ours and if we’re threatened they’ll be thrown out.” He paused. “Or killed by Natasha, I’m not sure.”

Andrea smiled and nodded, glad they found a peaceful solution. “Is that a good idea? Letting them stay?”

“We’ll see.” Rick shrugged.

“Andrea,” Sophia spoke in a small voice.

“Yeah?” she turned, looking behind her.

“I gotta talk to you.”

“I’ll be right in.”

Rick turned to leave. “Be careful,” he warned as he rounded the corner.

Andrea ducked back into the laundry room. “What’s wrong Sophia?”

“There’s-blood-in-my-underwear,” Sophia said quickly, her words running together.

Andrea held in her laughter at the girl’s expression. “Is this the first time you’ve gotten your period?”

Sophia nodded shyly.

“Let’s go back to the group and we’ll get you something.”

Andrea was dismayed to learn that she, Michonne and Natasha had nothing.

“Looks like we’re going for a run earlier than we planned,” Andrea said with a sigh.

“I’ll talk to Rick,” Natasha said, turning to leave.

Andrea and Michonne shared a smirk and knowing look. Sophia noticed.

“What?” the girl asked.

“Nothing,” Andrea said, shaking her head.

“What was that look?” Sophia pressed.

“We think Natasha may have a thing for Rick,” Andrea said finally.

“I think Rick likes her too,” Sophia agreed. “He always tells her stuff first and always check in with each other. I thought it was because we always need to know what we’re all doing. I know he’s married and all but…what if we never find Lori?”

“Rick will not stop looking for her, you know that,” she smiled again.

Michonne rolled her eyes, tired of the girl talk. “I’m going with Natasha into town.”

* * *

 

Natasha pulled the car to a stop. She and Michonne shared a look before they climbed out of the car. 

They silently walked down main street, eyes always darting around in search of danger. Natasha paused next to a large blue mailbox. With a black can of spray paint she wrote “DARYL”.

Merle had given her a small cardboard box with a note inside. He had written Daryl’s name on it. Natasha had a list of instructions from Merle to do in town. She dropped the little box into the blue mail box then she and Michonne ducked into the pharmacy.

Natasha slipped behind the counter while Michonne gathered supplies. Michonne waited nearby while Natasha planted Merle’s letters.

“Let me ask you something,” Michonne said as the walked to the grocery store. “What’s up with you and Rick?”

“We’re friends,” Natasha answered. “He watches my back, I watch his.”

“And that’s it?”

“That’s it.”  
  
”He looks at you like he wants to get you in the tower, bend you over the rail and fuck you blind.”

"Jesus, Michonne." Natasha nearly choked.

Michonne actually smiled. “Just calling it like I see it.”

 “It’s not like that,” Natasha told her, shaking her head. “He has a wife.”  
  
”Who fucked his best friend.”

Natasha frowned.

Michonne continued. “Andrea told me what it was like on the farm, the CDC. She thinks it stopped when Rick was around but doesn’t know for sure. They didn’t exactly hide it from anyone.”

“Don’t tell Rick. Lori told him it was a one time thing. As far as he knows, they were together right after the outbreak and that’s all.”

“He deserves better than her,” Michonne mused. “He’s a good man.”

“He is,” Natasha agreed.

“And you were right about Merle,” Michonne told her.

”What?” 

“When we first met, I called him a racist hick, remember? You told me it was all an act to keep people away from him and you were right.” Michonne sighed. “We’ve talked. That week we were gone scouting, we talked a lot. He told me about Daryl and a little about their past and about his time with you. He’s actually not so bad.” She smiled a little.

“Just don’t tell him that,” Natasha said. “He’ll do anything to prove you wrong.”

They shared a laugh, continuing down the streets.

“Congratulations, you’re my first,” Natasha said suddenly.

“First what?”

“My first real girlfriend.”

Michonne laughed. “I’m honored. You’ve never had a friend before?” 

“Male friends, sure. I’ve never had a woman to talk to, just sit and gossip with.”

“Me either,” Michonne admitted. “Always found giggling gossipy women to be annoying. It’s not so bad with you.”

“Is this the part where we hug and squeal that we’ll be bffs?”

“I hope not,” Michonne said laughing, she elbowed Natasha.

She smiled back. “Me either.”

* * *

 

Andrea opened the gate for them just as the sun was beginning to set. 

“How did it go?” Rick asked. He and Abraham began unloading their supplies.

“Picked over, still plenty left,” Natasha reported.

“Did you plant my clues?” Merle called down from the tower.

“Sure did,” she called back.

“So they can find us now?” Sophia asked hopefully.

“If they happen to go to that town, sure they can,” Rick told her. He and Natasha shared a look but neither said anything.

“But what if someone else finds the notes?”

“Merle made sure only Daryl could understand it. They’re placed where no one would look,” Natasha reassured her. “Merle is smarter than he leads you to believe.”

Merle had wanted to keep looking for the group but they had absolutely no idea where to start. They had spent weeks searching and hadn’t found a thing. Natasha had to be the voice of reason. They couldn’t spare the gas or supplies. Merle was furious until Abraham had the idea to plant clues in a nearby town. They had done what they could for the time being.

“Hey!” Merle called down, everyone looked up to find him pointing. “There’s somebody alive out there!”

“Get inside,” Rick ordered Sophia and Ben. They immediately ran off as they were told. Rick gave Natasha a look and the pair went to the fence where Merle was pointing, they raised their guns when they saw movement. Andrea was back at the gate. Michonne was lingering near the car, ready to get the kids if she needed. Abraham had climbed into the tower with Merle. 

A large black man stumbled out of the bushes, his eyes wide. He threw up his hands. “Don’t shoot! Please don’t shoot!” Three others came into view.

Rick nodded to Andrea who began opening the gate for the newcomers. Walkers were starting to gather as the group ran toward the gate. Natasha, Rick and Merle joined Andrea at the gate. Abraham stayed in the tower, rifle trained on the newcomers.

“Who are you?” Rick asked, gun still raised.

“My name is Tyreese. This is my sister, Sasha. Allen and Donna.”

“I’m Rick, this is Natasha, Merle and Andrea. That’s Michonne up there and Abraham in the tower.”

Natasha interrupted. “Is she bit?” She nodded to Donna.

“She is,” Tyreese confirmed.

Rick was on guard again. “She can’t come in, we have children in there.”

“I understand, we’re going to handle it. But I won’t leave her out there,” Tyreese said.

Rick nodded. “I can respect that.” He holstered his gun, motioned for them to follow.

Tyreese and his group gathered in one corner of the yard. Occasionally a raised voice could be heard or a loud sob. Eventually the girl died and Tyreese put her down. He asked Rick for a shovel and they buried her in the corner, marking her grave with a cross.

“Can we trust them?” Andrea asked.

“I don’t know,” Rick said. “We’ll let them stay tonight, talk it over in the morning.”

“We a survivor camp now?” Merle asked bitterly.

“We can’t turn away people who need help,” Andrea argued. “We still have some humanity left.”

“If they’re good people our numbers go up,” Rick reasoned. “More of us protecting the group, sharing chores.”

“More mouths to feed,” Merle added.

Rick looked angry, drawing a deep breath. Natasha cut him off with a sharp, “Merle. They could help us. But we don’t have to trust them right away. Everyone is on trial basis. Their stay is temporary until we decide otherwise.”

Merle shrugged, suddenly uninterested. Andrea nodded her agreement to Natasha.

“Michonne?” Rick asked, wanting her opinion.

She looked at Natasha a moment then back to Rick. “I don’t trust any of them,” she said finally. “But I won’t send anyone to their death. I agree with Natasha. Give them three days and we make a decision.”

Rick smiled a little. “Three days,” he agreed. “But I don’t want anyone to be alone with them at anytime and the kids are never to be alone. As of late, we’ve taken a few liberties with them, leaving them alone but all that ends now. One of us stays with them at all times. Our guards go up now. Red alert.”

Everyone nodded their agreement and Andrea went inside to the children. 

The remaining adults watched as Tyreese and the others put up a cross. They stood for a few moments before they turned away. Tyreese leading the way back to Rick’s group.

“Here’s the deal,” Rick said, in a commanding tone. Sasha seemed to bristle right away. “You can stay here tonight, but we want you to stay in a locked cell.” He held up a hand as Sasha opened her mouth to protest.

“Wait and let me finish. This prison is ours. It was overrun when we got here. We cleared it out ant took it over so it belongs to us. You’ll follow our rules or you can leave right now.” He motioned to the gate. When no one moved, he spoke again. “Alright, then. Let me try again. You’ll be given food and water. We’ll let you shower if you want, wash your clothes even. We have generators working. But you’ll be sleeping in a cell tonight. Myself and Natasha have the only keys. In the morning, we’ll let you out and talk about a more permanent situation for you.”

“What do you mean?” Sasha asked “You’re going to kick us out? Let us stay one night then put a boot in our ass at sun up?”

Tyreese snapped at her. “Calm down! He laid down the rules and we’ll do as he says.” 

She started to protest but thought better of it, remaining silent.

“I said we would talk about it,” Rick said, irritated. “Now we don’t know you and you don’t know us. If this is going to work you have to follow our rules and have some trust in us. We did let you in here and we’re considering letting you stay so we’re not bad people.”

“We thank you,” Tyreese said sincerely. “We’re good people too. Tired, hungry, worn down and a little on edge but we’re good. We’ll do as you say.”

Rick liked him right away. “Alright. Come on inside.” He met Natasha’s eyes and she hung back, watching the group go. She had to admit that she liked Tyreese. He seemed to be an honest and straight forward man but that didn’t mean she trusted him or the others yet.

“I don’t like it,” Merle said, eyes on the group.

“Me either,” Michonne agreed.

Natasha shook her head. “I’m going to keep an eye on them.” She pushed off the car.

“I’m going back to the tower before Abraham finishes off my bottle,” Merle said.

“I’ll come too,” Michonne said quickly.

“Drinking while you’re on watch?” Natasha scolded playfully.

Merle shrugged. “Later we’re gonna get shit faced and throw knives over the fence and see how many walkers we can pick off.” He laughed loudly.

Natasha shook her head and walked off. She silently shadowed the group as Rick led them to the laundry room. “Dinner’s in an hour, I’ll come get you then.” He left them, barely nodding at Natasha as he passed her.

The newcomers were quiet a few moments, listening to Rick leave. Natasha barely dared to breathe, hiding in the shadows of the hall. 

“Can we really trust these people?” Sasha asked quietly. “I mean, six adults cleared this whole prison?”

“Not the whole prison,” Tyreese corrected. “You heard Rick, they cleared two cell blocks and the important rooms. He said the place is still crawling with walkers. That’s why he told us not to wander off.”

“Still,” Allen said. “Just the six of them did all this. How is that possible?”

“Rick said he was a cop. One of them was in the army and that redhead was some kind of government agent, he was vague on that. So those two obviously had some kind of combat training,” Tyreese reasoned. 

“What about the other three?”

“The blonde was a lawyer. I don’t know about the other two.”

“That guy only has one hand,” Sasha commented. “What do you think happened?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Tyreese said firmly. “And don’t go bothering him about it, it ain’t none of your business.

“Will they really let us stay?” Allen mused.

“If Rick decides we’re not a threat, they’ll let us stay.”

“What will we do if he makes us leave?”

There was a pause before Tyreese said, “Then we’ll go somewhere else.”

Sasha spoke next, her voice tearful. “Where will we go? We can’t go back out there. I can’ do it again, I’m so tired.” She started to blubber. “You have to talk to Rick, you have to tell him. We’re survivors just like them.”

“I could tell him I was JFK reincarnated but it wouldn’t make a damn what I say if he don’t believe it. Now we have to look at this from his point of view,” Tyreese said. “Him and his group are safe in here and this group of strangers comes running out of the woods screaming for help with one of our people bit. You’d be cautious too.” He paused. “And I don’t think this group is bad. They’re worn down, just like we are. But they gave us shelter for the night.”

“In a locked cell,” Allen said bitterly. 

“You would do it too,” Tyreese said. “But they let us keep our weapons, wash our clothes. They’ve got food for us as well. It’s more than we’ve had in a long time.” 

The group fell silent then, the only sound was the washer going. All of their clothes had fit in one load. The machine cut off, there was the shuffle of feet and a click as the door was opened. The dryer started a moment later.

“I wonder if they have some extra clothes lying around,” Sasha said absently. There was idle chit chat then.

Natasha heard Rick’s footsteps when he was still minutes away from her. He paused beside her but didn’t look at her. She touched his shoulder and nodded, signaling they would talk later. Rick moved forward into the laundry room. He led them back to the cells, Natasha followed behind without being noticed. Each one was assigned a cell. They dropped their things off before he led them to the cafeteria. Andrea, Abraham, Ben and Sophia were already there.

“I’ll take these up to Merle and Michonne,” Andrea said, locking eyes with Natasha before ducking out of the room.

There was an awkward silence as the group ate.

“I can’t believe I’m eating a full meal right now,” Sasha said, looking down at her plate of deer meat, green beans, potatoes and a slice of bread. “This is the most we’ve had in months.” She sighed with pleasure.

“What’s this meat?” Allen asked.

“Deer,” Sophia told him. “Merle and Michonne got one the other day.”

“I’ll have to tell Andrea how good this is,” Sasha said.

“Actually, I cooked it,” Sophia said, sounding hurt.

“Oh,” she said in surprise.

“It’s very good,” Tyreese said.

Sophia smiled at the compliment. “Thank you. My mom taught me.”

Allen looked at Natasha, who almost laughed. “I’m not her mother,” she said evenly.

“My mom is in another group. We got separated. Her name is Carol,” Sophia told them. Suddenly sad, she picked at the rest of her food.

Tyreese and the others fell silent as well, devouring the rest of their meal. Rick took them to the showers so they could bathe. When they finished, they went into their cells and Rick locked them in. “Just for tonight,” he promised. “Natasha and I are going out to the tower. Everyone has a turn keeping watch, it’s part of protecting our group. If you need anything, call for Andrea. Just try to get some rest and keep the noise at a minimum. You’re safe for tonight.”

“Thank you,” Tyreese said, giving Rick an understanding nod. Rick returned it, then he and Natasha went out the door and up to the tower.

“It’s quiet,” Merle reported. “Just the usual ones outside the fence.”

“Alright, you two want to go on inside? They’re all locked up, I’ve told them to call for Andrea if they need anything.”

They said their good nights. When Merle was crossing the yard, Rick turned to Natasha. “Well?”

“They’re okay,” she said. She recited what she had overheard from the laundry room. “They’ve gone through the same things we have. They don’t seem to know what to think about us either. I think they’re just looking for a place to stay.”

“Do you trust them?”

“I don’t trust anyone.”

Rick felt a little hurt at that.

Natasha realized this. “You don’t know what trust means to me,” she told him. “I trusted Clint but it took years for him to build that trust and it shouldn’t have taken that long, considering what he did for me.”

“I understand. In this world you can’t be too careful,” Rick said, still stung.

“I don’t think they’ll kill us,” she said. “Not unless they’re pushed but I can say the same about our own group.”

“Should we let them stay?”

“That’s the group’s decision.”

“I know, but I want to know your opinion.” His blue eyes stared at her, trying to read her cold expression.

“Yes, I think they could stay,” she decided. “Tyreese is big, he would be an asset to the watch team. We’ll watch the others and get them doing something. Everyone pitches in, we’re not carrying any dead weight.”

Rick smiled at her. “I have a feeling things will work out just fine.”


	8. Show Me What I'm Looking For

Tyreese and his group were released from their cells the next morning, given breakfast and put to work. Rick figured out where their talents lay and placed them accordingly. The third day of their stay, Rick gathered everyone in the cafeteria.

“Rick,” Tyreese said, standing up. “We want to thank you for giving us a safe place these past few days. Even if you decide to kick us out, we’ll leave here with the hope that there’s still some good left in the world.” He sat down.

Rick felt his words were sincere. He looked at his group. “Anyone?”

They all shook their heads. Andrea smiled.

“We’ve all agreed to let you stay,” Rick said.

The group let out a collective sigh, all three visibly relaxed.

“That doesn’t mean we’re going to make it easy for you,” Rick continued. “There’s a lot of work to be done and we fully expect you to do your share, pull your own weight.”

“Whatever you want, boss,” Tyreese said with a nod.

“Tomorrow we’re going to clean out some of the lower levels,” Rick said. “We’re looking for the Warden’s office, specifically. Now we can go in two groups. Abraham and Merle have volunteered for watch. Who’s up for this?”

Natasha was the first to raise her hand, even though she didn’t need to. Rick already knew she was going. Everyone else volunteered to go, even if they didn’t want to. No one wanted to seem as if they weren’t willing to work.

“Sophia, you take Ben out to the towers with Merle,” Rick said.

Natasha spoke up, “Andrea, Michonne and I will go together.”

“We work best as a trio,” Andrea agreed.

“I’ll go with you ladies, if you don’t mind,” Tyreese said before Rick could say anything.

He grit his teeth. “Alright. I’ll take Sasha and Allen with me.” He didn’t like the idea of being alone with Tyreese’s group but if Tyreese was willing to go with his girls, who was he to argue?

“Tasha,” Rick said, grabbing her arm as she passed. “Be careful.”

“Right back at you,” she said, sending a glare at Sasha.

“Watch him,” he whispered. She nodded, eyes lingering on his before she turned to go. Rick knew Michonne, Natasha and Andrea were tough as nails, smart and all around bad asses. But Tyreese was bigger than all three of them put together. He hoped they hadn’t made a mistake accepting his group so easily.

* * *

 

Rick crept along the wall, machete poised for an attack. They had located the hallway that contained the staff offices. Naturally, it was loaded with walkers. Sasha and Allen had their own way of working together and it made Rick feel slightly put out that he was struggling to lead them. He peeked around the corner, holding up six fingers behind him.

“Three doors open, other two are closed, as far I can see,” he whispered and they nodded in understanding. Rick waved his hand and slid off the wall, around the corner and attacked the first walker in sight. The pair behind him moved as one, closing ranks behind him and taking down the enemy at hand. Sasha closed the first door, containing the threat inside, if there was one. Rick was reaching to close the last one when he tripped over a fallen corpse and went down. A pair of walkers immediately started toward him.

“Rick!” Sasha yelled. She swung her axe at the closest walker, Allen going for the second one. “Are you okay?” she asked, hauling him to his feet.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he said, kicking the body he’d tripped over.

“Are we good here?” the boy asked.

Rick looked around, walked to the end of the hall and locked the door. “Let’s check these offices and then head back.”

* * *

 

“What happened to you?” Natasha asked, eyeing Rick’s bloody knee. Her hand went to her gun and he stopped her. 

“They saved me,” he said quickly, telling her what happened.

“This is why I don’t let you go running off without me,” she teased, feeling a wave of relief.

Rick laughed a little. “Find anything?” he asked, changing the subject.

“Offices, nothing special. You?”

“Warden’s office. There’s a lot of files in there on the prisoners. I thought we could find out about those two we cleared that block for.”

“Good idea,” Natasha agreed. “First, we should move those cars up here, inside the gates. Merle mentioned it earlier that we shouldn’t leave them down there in case we need a quick getaway.”

“Yeah,” Rick said. “I can’t believe we didn’t think of it sooner.”

“Haven’t had the time,” she replied. “Between newcomers and falling over walker bodies we just haven’t had time to think.”

He mock glared at her, she just smiled back. They book looked up as Tyreese approached. “I think next time we go on a killing spree we should go with our own groups. Your girls move so efficiently, I felt like a bumbling giant trying to keep pace with them.” He laughed.

Rick smiled. “I got that same feeling with your group.”

“Guess we have our own way of doing things,” Tyreese mused. “What’s next?”

Rick dug in his pocket for the keys. “We’re moving the cars inside the gates.”

Tyreese nodded, his eyes focusing behind Rick and turned suspicious. “What about those guys?”

Rick and Natasha turned, spotting the two prisoners walking into the yard.

“What the hell?” Andrea spoke up a few feet away.

“I’ll handle it,” Rick said. Quietly to Natasha, “Come with me." 

"We had a deal,” he said, approaching the men.

They plead their case, asking to join the others. Rick turned to Natasha for her opinion.

“No,” she said. “But maybe we ask the others?”

Rick thought about it. “Do we want to risk them around the kids? They could be murderers, rapists.”

She glared at him in response, suddenly angry. “I’m a murderer and you made me second in command.”

“That’s different.”

“It isn’t. I was an assassin, I killed in cold blood because I was told by someone that this person needed to die. It’s no different than a serial killer who kills because he can. I took lives, Rick, regardless of the reason. I’m not a good person.” She stopped, realizing she had said too much.

Rick shook his head. “You’re wrong.” He looked at the prisoners and back to the group. “Let’s ask the group.”

“Are you kidding me?” Andrea exclaimed after Rick made the proposal. “No!”

“I could be in there just as easily as I’m out here with y’all,” Merle said. “They’re degenerates. I don’t think they’re bad.”

“So we should let them stay?”

“Hell nah. Let ‘em take their chances on the road like we did,” Merle said.

“Michonne?” Rick said. “Tyreese? Abraham what about y’all?”

Tyreese looked surprised that he was being asked for his opinion. He shrugged. “You took me in when you didn’t have to, who am I to turn them away?”

“Give them food and a weapon, send them on their way,” Michonne suggested flatly.

The discussion was cut off by a piercing scream.

“Oh my God, Sophia!” Andrea exclaimed as everyone ran toward the yard in time to see a horde of walkers spilling through the gate. Andrea grabbed Sophia’s hand, pulling her and Ben to safety, cutting down walkers as they went.

“That gate is open!” Tyreese yelled, pointing. “Allen!” he called for help. They closed the gate, locking the clips in place but Allen was bitten in the process.

“Tasha!” Rick yelled, though she was right next to him. Merle appeared to her right. Sasha and Michonne fell in line, completing the circle. They cleared the yard within minutes but they still had a problem.

“What the hell happened?!” Merle demanded.

Natasha whipped around, aiming her guns at the prisoners.

“We didn’t have nothing to do with this!” the bearded one said adamantly, putting his hands up.

Alarms blared overhead.

“What the hell is that!?” Rick yelled. “How do we turn it off?”

“Boiler room!” one of the prisoners yelled, he ran off with everyone following behind.

* * *

 

“Tough day,” Natasha commented, climbing the tower behind Rick.

 “Allen died and all you can say is ‘tough day’?” he asked sadly, looking to the corner of the yard where the two graves were.

“It could have been worse. I thought I told you, I’ve been around death my whole life. I tend not to weep over the loss of one.”

Rick looked at her. “You keep saying that but when I look at you, all I see is a woman trying her hardest to survive and keep this group alive.”

“I’ve grown attached to you all. It would be a shame if I let you all die this soon.”

Rick smirked. “Is that your way of saying you like me-us?” She didn’t answer and his smirk grew. “Looks like the cold hearted assassin isn’t as cold hearted as she led us to believe.”

“Stop teasing me or I’ll push you off this tower and tell everyone you jumped.” She didn’t sound nearly as cold as she’d wanted, causing Rick to laugh.

“I’m going to bed, you can take watch since you’re all fired up,” he said, walking toward the ladder.

“One push, Grimes, that’s all it takes,” she warned, glad his back was turned so he couldn’t see her smile.

“You don’t scare me, Romanoff,” he called back, still laughing.

She shook her head, watching him cross the yard and go inside.

* * *

 

Tyreese and his group had proven themselves worthy of staying in the prison. Each of them did their assignments without complaint, they kept their areas clean, complimented the food and regularly reported to Rick and Natasha. 

Rick eventually felt comfortable enough to allow Natasha to go on another run with Michonne. He felt a lot safer when she was around, but he knew she had been itching to get out for a while.

“They’ll be fine,” Tyreese told Rick. “She’ll come back to you.” He nodded toward Natasha.

Rick didn’t bother to correct him that he and Natasha weren’t together. Just waved at the girls as they climbed into the car. And so the girls went, away from the prison for nearly three days. Rick had worried it had taken so long. He was jumping up at every sound and started spending almost all day and night in the tower waiting for them to return. So it was a surprise to him when they did return with smiling faces.

“We found something,” Natasha said immediately. 

“What did you find?” he asked, trying subtly to check her over for any injuries.

She noticed but didn’t comment. “A housing development, gated community. Probably thirty or so houses. We only saw two walkers outside, can’t be many more in the houses. People there probably bolted when the news broke.”

“It could be a great opportunity,” Michonne chimed in. “If we clean out the walkers, reinforce the fence it’ll be safe. Looks untouched too, probably plenty of supplies inside. And a lot more comfortable than a prison.”

Rick thought it over. “I want to see it for myself. Natasha, you get some rest tonight and you’ll take me in the morning. Michonne, you and Merle keep an eye on things while we’re gone.”

Michonne nodded before going inside with the supplies they had brought back. Rick looked at Natasha, she told him, “I agree with what she said. It’ll be good for us. A new start.”

“Here we have the generator, water, electricity. These walls are impenetrable.”

“We can find generators, solar panels, a windmill, something,” Natasha told him. “People survived for centuries without electricity. There’s a pond though, for water, maybe some fish.”

Rick felt a familiar swell of hope. “I want to see it. Then we can make plans, work out the kinks. I want all of us on the same page. Go get some sleep.”

“Yes, sir,” she replied with a smirk.

Rick smiled, shaking his head as she walked away.


	9. Help Me Close My Eyes

“I think you’re right,” Rick said, looking through the bars at the houses. “Can we get in?” 

Natasha leapt up, grabbed the top of the gate and propelled herself over landing on her feet. “It’s on an electronic lock. We can find a way to open it later.”

Rick climbed up and over, considerably less graceful than Natasha. They walked down the road, stopping in front of the first house. They drew their weapons.

“Should we check the houses?” Natasha asked.

“Yeah.” Rick nodded. “We can clear this out.”

“Just you and me?” She quirked an eyebrow.

”I think you and I are capable of just about anything.” He smiled. 

She didn’t answer, walking toward the house and pushing open the door.

A few hours later, the sun was on its way down and Rick was feeling more and more hopeful.

“We’ve taken out about six walkers in a dozen houses, there can’t be many more left in the other houses. We can finish this alone,” Natasha said.

“I think you just want to keep me all to yourself,” Rick teased with a smile. “Watch it, Romanoff, I’m a married man.”

She rolled her eyes, trying to pretend her heart didn’t clench every time he mentioned Lori or his marriage. “Yep, you figured me out,” she said dryly.

Rick looked out the window. “Guess we’re here for the night. Let’s put something in front of the doors.”

* * *

 

Natasha was dreaming. Never in her life had she had such a disgustingly sweet, beautiful dream that would never come true. She was lying on her back, a blue sky spread out above her with those big puffy clouds that look like cauliflower. The sun was warm on her skin, a gentle breeze ruffled the flowers around her.

Rick was lying next to her, one arm behind her head and the other rested on her stomach. He said something she couldn’t make out, then kissed her. Her whole body coming alive, she closed her eyes to revel in the feel of him around her.

When she opened her eyes again, she was looking at a wall lined with books. Sun just beginning to filter through the curtains; reflecting off the shiny hardwood floors. Rick was lying on the floor, under the windows. His mouth slightly open, snoring lightly. Morning sunlight spilled onto his face, lighting up his features. He looked so young and peaceful that it nearly killed her to wake him up. She put a hand on his shoulder and shook him awake. His eyes fluttered open, so blue and innocent when he looked at her. Then all the memories of the world and where he was came back to him and his eyes clouded with worry. Walls fell back into place. Natasha would give anything to get past them.

“We should get going,” she said. “We can clear this place out and get back on the road by tonight.”

He nodded and sat up, digging in the bag for something for breakfast.

A few hours later, they had cleared out every house and the sun was still high in the sky.

“Let’s head back,” Rick said. “Maybe we can find a map of this place or draw one up, start designating who goes where. We’ll start piling all the food up, let Sophia make an inventory, that kind of thing.”

“Sure,” she agreed quietly, following him back to the gate. They hopped over, Rick pulling it off easier than he had before. They’d parked the car on a dirt road a short walk from the gates.

Natasha felt a little safer in the woods, for they provided better cover. In front of her, Rick was walking always looking around, ready for an impending threat. Her mind played her dream on a loop, refusing to let her forget it. Her heart ached but at the same time she was confused. Where had these feelings come from and what was she feeling exactly?

Suddenly, Rick’s arm was across her chest bringing her to a stop. She looked up, following his gaze. There were three people gathered around their car.

“Hey, there!” one of the men called. “This yours?”

Rick and Natasha shared a look. “Yeah, it is,” Rick called back.

“Why’d you leave it here?”

“We were hunting. Didn’t go so well,” Rick told them.

“I told him we couldn’t hunt with a pistol and a knife but he’s a city boy, can’t tell him anything,” Natasha said, trying to sound light. She nudged Rick’s arm for good measure.

The woman smiled at them. “How long you two been married?”

Rick jerked a little in surprise but covered it up nicely, putting an arm around Natasha. “Thirteen years.”

Natasha almost laughed. She knew she didn’t look a day over thirty, much too young to be married so long.

“Oh!” the woman gushed. “Any kids?” A year ago that would have been a perfectly normal question to ask. Natasha looked away, a signal for Rick to answer.

“We have a daughter,” he said, to her surprise. “Sophia.”

“Have…or had?” the first man asked, subtly looking around.

“Had,” Rick said sadly, squeezing Natasha’s shoulders.

The three strangers were silent. Finally the woman spoke, “You should come with us then. We have a few more people with us.”

“No,” Rick said firmly. “We were with a group before, that’s how we lost our daughter. It’s just us now and, well, we’re going to keep it that way.”

Natasha wiped at her eyes, then turned and tugged on Rick’s shirt. “Let’s go now,” she whispered.

He nodded. “If you don’t mind, we’re going now.”

The strangers backed away, once again attempting to get the ‘couple’ to join them. Once in the car, Rick pulled away from them, getting on the road in the opposite direction of the prison in case they were followed.

“We’ll have to stop for gas,” Rick said, looking at the gauge and then glanced up looking at the sun. “Looks like we’ll be staying the night somewhere else. We won’t make it back to the prison tonight, not before dark anyway.” He maneuvered the car through the streets, looking around. “I don’t even know where we are.”

Natasha smirked. “Rule number four, Officer Grimes. ‘When lost, find a gas station and get a map that will lead you back home.”

“Rule number four? I don’t remember rules one through three. Care for a refresher course, Professor Romanoff?” Rick asked, smirking.

“Actually, there are eight rules.”

“What are they?” Rick asked.

“Rule number eight is know your signs. Seven is know your code.”

“What does that mean?”

“You work out a code with your partner, a distress signal in case a mission goes wrong,” Natasha explained. “If I was captured and needed to leave a message for Clint, something like ‘The widow says there’s no blood for two’, meaning I’ve got it under control and he doesn’t need to look for me.”

“And he’d just listen? He wouldn’t come after you?”

“He trusted me. Knew I could handle myself.”

“And the distress signal?”

“A piece of jewelry, usually. Something you have on your body at all times. So if you go missing and your distress signal shows up, your partner knows something is wrong. That’s rules seven and eight,” she explained.

“How about the rest?” Rick asked, fully listening now.

“Rule number six, never go anywhere alone, that’s especially in today’s world. Rule number five is watch your back. I already told you rule four. Number three is watch your partner’s back. Number two, always carry a knife. Number one, stay alive.”

Rick absorbed this. “Good rules.”

* * *

 

“Looks like the prison is further out than I thought,” Rick said, studying the map. “We can head out tomorrow morning after we fuel up, if we find any.” 

“I’ll let you do that,” Natasha said. “I’m looking for food.” She walked toward the aisles, looking over what was left to eat.

Rick folded the map, smiling a little. He walked out the door beginning his search for gas. Natasha went to the door, watching him weave between the cars. He got what he could and put it in the tank of their car though it didn’t look like much, she hoped it was enough.

“Spying on me?” he asked coming inside.

“Rule number three,” she told him simply.

He smiled. “Right. What did you find?”  
  
”Tampons and Tylenol.”  
  
Rick snorted. “To eat?”

“You can eat it, but I wouldn’t recommend too much Tylenol.” Rick leveled his gaze on her. “There’s crackers, chips, some brownies and a water cooler in the back.”

“Good enough, I’m starving,” He patted his stomach. “Guess I got used to Sophia’s meals I forgot what it was like being on the road with nothing to eat.”

Natasha didn’t answer. She had grown up that way. It wasn’t something she wouldn’t ever forget. She walked to the back room where she had put her sleeping bag on the floor. Rick’s was still rolled up on the desk. She’d decided to let him choose where he slept, hoping it would be far away from her. She wouldn’t mind it, to be honest, but Rick was married and she wasn’t a home wrecker. So she crawled in her sleeping bag, curled up and fell asleep.

Rick ate a pack of crackers and a brownie. It was stale but the chocolate reminded him of a time when things were easier. He went into the office where Natasha was already asleep. He lay down on his bag against the wall, several feet of space between them. Despite the fact that he and Lori had been having problems for the last year, despite how many times she’d kicked him out and let him come home after a night or two in a hotel, Lori was the mother of this child and he loved her. Rick wanted to make things work with her but it wasn’t possible when she fought so hard against him.

He’d fought his way through Atlanta to get to her and Carl, could he really do it again? She was out there somewhere with Carl and his unborn child? Every day seemed less likely they would be reunited. And every time he looked at Natasha, though he knew it was terrible and he hated even thinking it, some small part of him would be okay with never seeing Lori again.

* * *

 

Shane slammed the front door of the small farmhouse, running behind the group as they fled to the cars. Everyone sped off, away from the pursuing walkers. A few miles down the road, Shane stopped and got out, Lori glared at his back.

He pointed at Carl. “Take point,” he ordered.

Anger swelled in the boy’s chest but he did as he was told.

Shane, Glenn, Maggie and Daryl gathered around the hood of the car, looking at the map.

“What now?” Maggie snapped.

Shane fought the urge to slap her.

Daryl pointed at the map. “There’s a little town there, we could check for supplies.”

“Fine,” Shane said, folding the map. “You and Glenn go check it out, see if there’s a place we could stay for the night.” He started around to get in the car, wanting to talk to Lori.

Daryl and Glenn climbed in the SUV and set off, glad to be away from the group a while. They parked the car and walked the rest of the way.

“I hope we find something there,” Glenn said desperately. “We have to do something soon. Shane is so worried about finding stuff for Lori and the baby, he doesn’t care what happens to us.”  
  
”I know,” Daryl said quietly.

“You know, sometimes I think about Rick,” Glenn said, barely above a whisper. Daryl was surprised to hear the name. He thought about Rick too but his name was never mentioned around Lori or Shane.

Shane had once asked Carl to do something, the boy refused and Shane lost his temper. He smacked Carl and told him not to back talk. Carl responded with, “Fuck you, you’re not my dad.” Shane backhanded him again, causing Daryl to get involved. 

Lori had taken Shane’s side. Carl had looked at his mother with a look of burning hate that Daryl had never seen on such a young face. Ever since, Carl had spent more time around Carol and Daryl, very rarely speaking to his mother and never even looked at Shane.

“Where do you think we’d be if he were still alive?” Glenn asked.

“Don’t know,” Daryl answered. “Been almost a year now. Gotta think we’d be a little better off than we are now.” He thought about Sophia all the time too. Though Carol seemed to accept that her daughter was gone, he had never given up on her.

“Hey, Daryl?”

“Damn, kid, you ever stop talking?” Daryl snapped, though there was no emotion behind it.

Glenn ignored it anyway. “Have we been to this town before?” 

“No,” Daryl said, looking at the buildings.

The Asian looked at him. “You spell your name D-A-R-Y-L?”

“How’d you know?” the redneck asked, bewildered.

Glenn pointed to a blue post box. “I think someone left you a message.”

Daryl’s heart leapt, the boys ran over. Daryl reached inside, pulling out worthless envelopes that spilled onto the ground. Finally, he came up with a small cardboard box with his name on it.

“It’s from Merle,” he said, shocked.

“What does it say?” Glenn asked.

Confused, Daryl showed him, the note read, '11/14/03' “That was the night he overdosed and I had to call 911. He spent four days in the hospital, came home and almost did it again,” Daryl explained.

 “Maybe he’s at the hospital and he’s trying to lead you there,” Glenn suggested hopefully.

 "But there ain’t no hospital around here.”

Glenn was quiet. “Let’s go look for supplies, maybe he left something else.”

“Yeah,” Daryl agreed. They went to the pharmacy first in search of vitamins for Lori, per Shane’s instructions.

Daryl paused at an aisle where a dozen soda cans were lying on the floor. “Hey,” he called. Glenn appeared at his side. “The night Merle o’ded, he overdosed on coke.” He pointed at the floor. “Think someone is trying to tell us something?”

Glenn’s smile was huge and he kicked at the cans nearly laughing in delight. When he hit an empty one, Daryl used his knife to cut it open. Pulled out a note and read, “Easter, seven years.”

“What does that mean?” Glenn asked.

“Only thing I can think of is when I was seven, he gave me a rabbit for Easter. It was right after our mom died,” Daryl told him. “Merle didn’t have no money, he went out in the woods and caught it with his bare hands. Damn thing bit me every time I tried to pick it up. It died and Merle took it and had it’s foot cut off. Gave it to me as a lucky charm.”

“Morbid,” Glenn commented.

“Little bit.”

“So…pet store?” Glenn asked, suddenly excited they seemed to be on a scavenger hunt.

Daryl looked up, spotting a small kiosk on the counter by the register. It had once been stocked with lighters, tire gauges, colored rabbit’s foots and air fresheners. “Nah,” Daryl said with a smile. He pointed and Glenn’s face lit up. They hurried over, tipping over the small stand and finding the note.

“Last Halloween,” Daryl read.

“Liquor store?” Glenn joked.

“No, I think he means the last Halloween we celebrated. He took me trick or treating, I went as a dentist.”  
  
”Where was the dentist office at?” Glenn tried to recall the map.

Daryl led him out of the store and down the street a few blocks. They entered the building then tore the place apart looking for the next clue, the search for supplies long forgotten.

“I got it,” Daryl called from the office. He read it aloud. “Fifth grade. School play.” He looked at Glenn. “I was in the Thanksgiving play as a turkey.”

Glenn smiled. “Grocery store?”  
  
Daryl found his heart was racing as they reached the meat section of the supermarket. They covered their noses at the smell of rotted meat. Daryl saw a plastic bag under one of the turkeys and pulled it out, taking the note from the bag. 

“It’s coordinates,” he announced, passing it to Glenn. “That’s where Merle is.”


	10. Never Meant to Leave the Ground

Michonne finished scrawling on the piece of paper she had outside on the picnic table. She and Sasha had plotted a garden to begin planting at the new place. She had done a full map and was hammering out the details. Merle was in the tower. Sophia and Ben playing a twisted game of tag with Andrea and Tyreese. Sasha was lingering nearby. Abraham was cleaning his gun in silence.

Sophia had proven herself to be very organized. She’d made a full inventory of their food stock and other supplies. When they finally found the armory, she had done a full inventory of guns and ammo as well. The sound of an engine caused everyone to look up.

“It’s them!” Merle called from the tower. Andrea went to open the gate, locking it when Rick pulled the car in.

“We cleared it out,” Natasha said to Michonne as they started unloading the supplies they had brought back. “Plenty of food, clothes, the like. Well have plenty of room.”

“I drew up a map,” Michonne told her. “We’ll have room for a garden, a graveyard and animals, if we can find some.”

“Sounds good,” Rick said, joining the conversation.

“We found the armory yesterday,” Michonne reported. “Sophia already did inventory, I left it in the warden’s office for you.” She smiled. 

“We’ll go check it out,” Rick told her. He and Natasha started inside, Michonne followed. Andrea and Sophia resumed their silly game only to be interrupted a few minutes later by the sound of a motorcycle.

“Sophia, get Rick and Tasha,” Andrea ordered. The girl ran off, Ben running behind her. She sprinted down the halls, ducking in and out of rooms. Finally, she found them in the armory.

“Someone’s coming up the road!” she said breathlessly.

Rick finished loading his python, shoved it in its holster and took a shotgun, loading it with shells. Sophia made sure her own pistol was loaded, then followed the adults down the hall.

Outside, Abraham and Tyreese had drawn their weapons, staring out at the road leading to the gates. In the tower, Merle was peering through the scope on his rifle. Suddenly, he started laughing. “It’s my brother!”

“Daryl?!” Andrea exclaimed.

A moment later, the caravan came into view. Daryl leading the way on motorcycle. Andrea heaved the gate open, greeting her friends as they exited the cars.

“Y’all know each other then?” Abraham asked, standing awkwardly with Tyreese.

“Who are you?” the pregnant woman snapped, eyeing him with disgust.

“The fucking man around here, who the hell are you?”

“Abraham,” Andrea warned.

“I’m Shane,” the man next to her said. “You’d better watch how you talk to my wife.”

“Your wife, huh?” Rick asked, coming out the door in time to catch Shane’s words.

The air seemed to intensify as Rick, Natasha and Michonne came into the yard.

“Rick?” Lori gasped, eyes widening in shock.

Their scene was interrupted by a small voice saying, “Mom?”

“Sophia? Oh my God!” Carol exclaimed, running toward her daughter.

Rick was glaring at Shane, who had his arm around a very pregnant Lori.

“We thought you were dead, man,” Glenn said, staring at Rick.

“Yeah, Randall shot me,” Rick said. “In the back. Walkers almost got me. If it weren’t for Michonne here, I would be dead.” Lori took a small step forward and Rick held up a hand. “Just don’t.”

“Rick, man,” Shane started.

“Stop,” Rick snapped. “You don’t get to talk to me.” He backed up, putting a hand over his mouth, then turned and said, “Andrea will show you all inside. You can shower, eat if you’d like. We have our own generators, so we have hot water.”  
  
”Hot water?” Glenn repeated, trying to lighten the group’s mood. “It’s like heaven.”

Rick continued. “This is Tyreese, Abraham, Michonne. This is Natasha, she’s my second in command.” 

This earned the redhead a glare from Lori and Shane but Natasha didn’t even glance their way.

“Natasha,” Glenn said dreamily. “Now I know I’m in heaven.”

Maggie elbowed him with a glare.

Rick was still in shock. He just could not believe it. Natasha had guessed what was going on when she heard Shane introduce Lori as his wife.

“Rick,” she said, drawing everyone’s attention to her. “We need you to look over the inventory. Sophia said a few things were missing we need to replace.”

He looked at her and understood what she was trying to do and nodded. “I’m on my way.” He glanced around. “Andrea, can you show everyone to a cell.” He turned and walked away.

“Rick, man, listen,” Shane tried again, he bumped into Natasha almost shoving her aside. She snatched his arm and twisted until he flipped over and landed on his stomach.

Lori started screaming, Shane was grunting and cursing. Natasha applied more pressure until he shut up.

In a deadly calm voice, Natasha said, “You ever put your hands on my again, you’ll end up right back here but next time your arm comes with me.”

Rick and Michonne were lingering by the door waiting. Michonne was fighting a smirk.

“Tasha,” Rick said quietly.

She stared at him a moment and finally released Shane’s arm then walked toward the door.

“Dad,” Carl called. “Can I come with you?”  
  
Rick nodded and the boy wrenched himself from his mother’s grip. When the door closed, Rick grabbed Natasha by the arm. “Thank you,” he whispered.

“Anytime,” she responded.

He looked at down Carl. “We’ll only be a few minutes.”

“Take your time,” Natasha said, smiling a little.

“We’ll see you at dinner,” Michonne said with an air of finality. 

Rick gave them both a smile and walked away telling his son all about the new group. Carl told him all about their time on the road, Shane’s ideas that ended in disaster. Finally, Rick asked the question he had been avoiding. “Your mom and Shane…they…" 

“Shane, Daryl and Glenn all swore you were dead,” Carl said, staring at his feet. “Mom spent all her time with Shane. Then one day she sat me down and told me they were married and she was going to use his last name. They’re gonna give the baby his last name too. Mom’s been trying out names to all of us.”

Rick felt a deep sense of betrayal. All that time at the quarry, the CDC, the farm, Lori had done nothing but fight with him and take Shane’s side. Now he knew why. Lori was in love with Shane and Rick had only been in the way.

* * *

 

Andrea showed everyone to their new cells and around to the shower, cafeteria and the gym. She explained what areas were off limits and let them go into the yard, promising to call them inside when dinner was ready. 

Lori stopped her before she got back inside. “I need you to take me to Rick.”

“No,” Andrea said coldly, wrenching her arm away. “If he wants to talk to you he’ll come to you but I wouldn’t expect him anytime soon.” She glanced at Shane for emphasis.

“Andrea, we thought he was dead.”

“Yeah?” She spun to face the brunette. “And that’s been what, six, seven months? That’s enough time for you to mourn and move on to his best friend? But that’s what you did the first time so I guess it wasn’t hard. Rick _never_ thought you were dead. He was always looking for you and Carl, always hoping he would find you safely.”

Lori scoffed. “He’s been here all this time with you and those other women and you expect me to believe he never did anything?”  
  
”No, he didn’t,” Andrea spat. “Because he knew you were still out there and he was trusting Shane to keep you safe. He loved you enough to stay faithful when you weren’t around and he had plenty of chances to stray but he never did. You have no idea how lucky you are but you don’t even care? And you know what? You don’t deserve him.” She spun around and stalked away, her blood boiling. She almost ran smack into Maggie. “Sorry,” she said.

Maggie laughed. “No problem. I’ve been waiting all winter for someone to tell her off.”  
  
Andrea blushed. “I don’t know what came over me. It’s just, being here all this time, everyone talking about the family they have out there. Merle talking about Daryl, Sophia talking about her mother, Rick about Lori and Carl. Then everyone gets here and Rick realizes the woman he’s been looking for is shacked up with his best friend. I just got so mad at her.”

Maggie nodded understandably. “I know what you mean.”  
  
Andrea suddenly remembered. “I’m so sorry. Glenn told me about your dad and Beth…”

“Yeah,” Maggie said, sniffing.

Both girls fell silent. Andrea finally said, “Looks like we get to join Michonne and Natasha’s club.”  
  
”What club?”

“The ‘I have no family outside this group’ club.”

Maggie smiled sadly. “I’m out. I still have Glenn,” she reminded. “T-Dog can join though.”

Andrea laughed until she realized what they were joking about. “That’s not funny.”

“No, it isn’t,” Maggie agreed. They smiled again.

“I gotta say, Shane has been getting on everyone’s nerves all winter. We’ve all wanted to punch him at some point. I’m a little sad we show up here and within three minutes, Natasha has him on his belly threatening to pull his arm off,” Maggie said with a laugh.

Andrea shook her head, laughing with her. “Yeah, Natasha is a badass and takes no shit from anyone. She’s Rick’s right hand for a reason, trust me. She’s a great person but she can be ruthless.”

“Impressive,” Maggie said, wide eyed.

Andrea leaned over and whispered a secret in Maggie’s ear. The other woman gasped. “No way! I knew she looked familiar!”  
  
”Yeah, but don’t say anything to her. It’s a sore subject,” Andrea explained. “Her partner died during the outbreak.”  
  
”Hawkeye? Clint Barton?” Maggie asked. Andrea confirmed. “He’s dead?”

Another sad nod. “She won’t talk about what happened. All I know is it happened in Atlanta.” She looked around. “Hey, let’s go find Michonne and Tasha. We can gossip about Lori.”

Maggie laughed and followed her.

* * *

 

Michonne and Natasha walked down the empty hallway to the laundry room, knowing no one would be in there. 

“I certainly wasn’t expecting that,” Natasha said, taking a seat on a bench.

“Me either,” Michonne agreed, sitting across from her. Leaned her sword against the wall. “Andrea told me Lori was pregnant but I don’t think even she was expecting her to show up here married to the guy.” She eyed the woman across from her. “Rick will need you later.”

“I know,” Natasha said. “Right now he needs to spend time with Carl. I’ll talk to him tonight, when he’s had time to process all this.”

Andrea opened the door then, Maggie behind her. “You guys gossiping without me? I brought a friend.”

They sat down, greeting each other.

“We talking about Lori?” Andrea asked.

“Of course,” Natasha snorted.

“I can’t believe she showed up here pregnant and expecting Rick to talk to her. Did you see the looks she and Shane were giving each other, in front of Rick?” Andrea said angrily.

Maggie spoke up,” Shane’s been talking all winter about finding a place to stay. Carl, Daryl and Carol kept asking about looking for you guys but he would always snap at them, saying Rick was dead, Sophia surely was dead by now. Imagine his shock when we got there and there you all are.”

Andrea smiled. “He did look shocked.” She laughed. “Lori already asked me to take her to Rick and I told her no but don’t expect that to be the last time she asks.”  
  
”Or she’ll have Shane ask,” Maggie said. “He’ll try to bully one of you into taking him to Rick.”

“Let him try,” Michonne hissed.

“Rick has asked to be left alone,” Natasha said. “He’s with Carl right now but I have a feeling he’ll be spending tonight in the Warden’s office. Besides there are only two sets of keys, one set is with me and I don't respond well to threats.” She smirked.

“I’m supposed to have watch with Merle tonight but I think I’ll let Daryl take it instead,” Michonne said. “We can tell them Rick has watch too and can’t be bothered. That should keep them away for a while.”

“Shane can be awfully pushy,” Maggie warned. 

“I push back,” Natasha told her plainly.

“I know, I saw earlier,” Maggie said with a smile. “I don’t think he’ll ever let that go.”

“He’s going to have to learn sooner or later that he’s not in charge here,” Michonne said. “And the women in this group are more bad ass than him. He won’t be pushing us around.”

“Yeah,” Andrea agreed. “From the beginning, the three of us made it clear that we weren’t going to sit around cooking and cleaning while Rick and Merle did the dirty work. Natasha has been a big enforcer of gender equality.”

“Really?” Maggie asked.

Andrea nodded. “We take watch and patrol. Natasha and Michonne go out on runs together alone. And at the same time, Rick, Merle, Abraham and Tyreese cook, have dish duty, everything.”

“Merle cooks?!” Maggie exclaimed.

“He actually makes a mean baked quail,” Andrea said. “And he’s really good with Sophia. She adores him.”  
  
”From what everyone told me about Merle I just assumed he was some racist old hick.”

“Don’t listen to them,” Michonne chimed in. “Get to know him before you judge him.”

Maggie nodded slowly. “So how does it work here?”

“We’re going to explain everything at dinner,” Natasha said. “If you’re comfortable with a gun you’ll go on the watch list. Chores are distributed evenly and fairly. Everyone pitches in.”

“I can’t wait to see the look on Shane’s face when he finds out he has to wash his own clothes,” Maggie said with a laugh.

The others joined her, looking up when the door opened and Merle peeked inside.

“There y’all are,” he said. “You hens gonna come to eat or keep sittin’ in here cluckin’?”

Andrea stood up first. “Don’t worry Merle, I’ll sit with you so you won’t be stuck with Lori.”

“Hell as much as you talk I’d take Lori and her looks over you anyway,” he said. “Least she’s too scared to talk to me.”

She patted his shoulder as she walked by. “Yeah, yeah, so you say.”

He smiled after her and looked back at the others. “Well? Ya comin’ or what? I ain’t waitin’ all day.”

Maggie smiled at Michonne. “Big talker,” she whispered as they left.

“What’d you say?”

“Nothing.”

They walked toward the cafeteria laughing. Merle tried to scowl but found himself smiling instead.


	11. Lost Before I Started

Rick was seated at the table between Carl and Natasha. Sophia and Carol had taken the last seats, forcing Lori to sit with Shane. Merle and Daryl were seated with Andrea, Abraham and Michonne. Everyone talked quietly amongst themselves through the meal. When finished, Rick stood up.

“Some of you were out when the new group arrived,” he said. “This is the group we were with before, we were separated but we trust them. There’s no threat here to anyone.” He began making introductions, going around and pointing out everyone, leaving out the fact Lori was his wife.  
  
”Those of you who have just arrived, there are rules you have to follow,” he went on. “Certain areas of the prison are locked and off limits because they still contain walkers. We haven’t gotten around to clearing out every section yet. You’re only allowed in the cell blocks, the yard, the gym and the library. The food pantry is off limits as our food has to be rationed. If you steal something, we will know. Sophia keeps incredibly accurate inventory lists.”

He pointed at Natasha. “In the light of full disclosure, this is former Agent Natasha Romanoff. She was an agent for S.H.I.E.L.D. and my second in command and if she tells you do something, you will do it without argument.” 

“Full disclosure,” he said again, paused, then pointed. “Axel and Oscar were prisoners here.” 

Lori looked alarmed, grabbing Shane’s arm.

“Axel was here on a drug charge, Oscar for larceny. They passed the probationary period and have lived peacefully with us for the past five months. They aren’t violent and there’s no reason for anyone to treat them differently.”

Rick shifted. “Now, chores. Those who are comfortable with a gun will be added to the guard list. Everything else, well, everyone pitches in. In the next few days, Natasha will talk to each of you and add you to the rotation chart.” He looked at the redhead. “Anything else?”

Natasha stood up. Assuming her most intimidating facial expression and coldest tone, she said, “This prison belongs to us. By us I mean Rick, Andrea, Merle, Michonne, Abraham, Sophia and myself. The seven of us cleared this place and took it over. You all are our guests here, which means you’ll do your share of the work and follow the rules we set up. If you refuse, you’ll be asked to leave. And when I say asked to leave I mean we pack a bag, blindfold you and drive you somewhere far away from here. We’ve done it before and I have no problem doing it again.” Her eyes landed on Shane, who looked away.

“Any questions?” Rick asked, looking around. No one said anything. “Alright, I’m on watch tonight. If you need anything, see Natasha.” He had told a lie, as Merle and Daryl were on watch, he just wanted to avoid Lori and Shane a little while longer. Natasha could handle them, though he felt bad using her as a shield. 

He went into the warden’s office, locking the door behind him. Sitting down at the desk, he began looking through the large stack of forms that Natasha had written out. Picking up a pen, he began filling in one of them, creating personal records for the group that had arrived earlier.

* * *

 

“Natasha?” Carol asked quietly, coming out of her cell. “Earlier you said this prison belonged to you and Sophia too. She helped clear it out?” 

“She did,” Natasha confirmed. She explained the role Sophia had played in their plans.

Carol smiled proudly, tears in her eyes. “I can’t believe how grown up she is.”

Natasha smiled back. “You should talk to her. Birds and bees stuff. She got her period right after we got here.”

Carol laughed softly. “I will. Thank you for keeping her safe when I couldn’t.”

“It wasn’t just me,” the redhead said with a smile. “But you’re welcome.” The women said their good nights and Natasha started toward her cell, only to be stopped by Shane. 

“Lori needs to see Rick.”

“And?” She quirked an eyebrow.

“Unlock the door and take her out there to him,” Shane ordered.

“No,” she replied without blinking. “He’s on watch. Besides no one is allowed off the block after bedtime unless they have watch. Last I checked neither of you were on watch so get out of my way.” She stared at him until he moved, gritting his teeth.

She fought a smirk as she sat down on her bunk, waiting for the group to fall asleep. When snores filled most of the block, Natasha got up and slipped down the hall, tightly holding the keys so they wouldn’t jingle. She locked the door behind her. Just a few seconds later she heard the door behind her rattle, as if someone was checking to see if it were locked. Lori or Shane, no doubt.

Natasha rolled her eyes, continuing down the wall. She unlocked the door to the Warden’s office and slipped inside. 

Rick was sitting at the desk filling out papers. “I’m trying to fill out Lori’s information but I don’t know who to put under ‘spouse’. Shane made it clear earlier what he thought but….”

“I think you should talk to Lori about that,” she told him, propping her feet up on the desk. Her head tipped back so she was looking at the ceiling.

“I will.” He sighed. “I’m just so damn mad at her. And Shane.” Hands covered his face for a long moment. Then he sat up, pushed the papers away and unfolded the map. “I’ve been thinking about that gated community we found. There are more of us now so it would be a good idea to move over there. We’ll also do it quicker and easier. With all the couples here they’ll want more privacy.”

“One of the houses can be an office of sorts, city hall maybe,” Natasha suggested, still staring at the tiles above her. “Put a library in there, a classroom so the kids could go to school.”  
  
”How would we assign the rooms? Everyone gets their own house? Put the couples in their own house and everyone else together?”

“We could always turn one or two houses into a boarding house for those that don’t want to be alone,” she mused. “We’ll figure it out after we talk to everyone.”

Rick looked up at her. “We’re talking about creating a new town here. Starting fresh.”

Natasha nodded. “What do we call it? Zombieland?”

Rick laughed. “I think Zombieland is taken. How about Pleasantville?”

“So original,” she teased, glad that he was laughing with her.

Suddenly he sobered up. “You should go to bed, we have a lot to do in the morning.”  
  
”So do you,” she shot back.  
  
”I’ll sleep here tonight.”  
  
”You can’t avoid her forever,” she told him, standing.

“I know, I just…can’t yet.”  
  
Natasha nodded. “Good night, Rick.”

“Night, Tasha.”

She paused at the door. “I’ve never been in your place before so I can’t give you advice that will help.” She looked at the floor. “But I know you and I know you’ll do the right thing here. I trust you.” Then she shut the door, never looking up.

Rick sat, staring at the door in shock. A small smiled formed on his face, chest swelling with the honor Natasha’s words had bestowed on him.

* * *

 

Rick was pacing by the fence when he heard the timid footsteps behind him. Without turning, he knew who it was. 

“Thought I was never going to get you alone,” Lori said lightly. “Your ‘angels’ do a good job keeping you from us.” Now she sounded bitter.

He glanced at her. “You shouldn’t be out here.”  
  
”We need to talk.” She moved closer, hand reaching out to touch his arm. Rick moved away.  
  
”So you and Shane?” he said. “Is it true he’s the father?” Lori was silent. Rick pushed off the fence. “That’s all I need to hear.”

“Wait, Rick.”

“No, you cheated on me,” he hissed. “With my best friend. And he called you his wife.”

“I thought you were dead.”  
  
”At the quarry? Or after the farm?”

She shook her head, not knowing what to say.

Rick looked at the ground. “So what do you want?”

“What?”

“Choose. Me or Shane?”

“I can’t-“

He sighed heavily, closing his eyes. “I’ll make it easier for you.” He took off his wedding band and handed it to her. She shook her head, refusing to take it. “Either you choose me or you choose him. I won’t stand around letting you make a fool out of me. If you won’t choose I’ll do it for you.”

Lori finally put her hand out and took the ring, sobbing as she did so.

“Consider us divorced,” he said, his voice heavy with his own tears as he walked away.

* * *

 

Natasha stood in the guard tower, trying to ignore the scene unfolding before her. She saw Lori take the ring from Rick and waddle into the prison, wiping tears from her face. She didn’t need to watch Rick to know where he was going. He would come to her eventually, right now he needed to be alone. 

A moment later, Maggie and Andrea climbed into the tower. “What happened?” Andrea asked, knowing Natasha had seen.

“I think they’re done,” she explained. Both women went wide eyed.

“Wow,” Andrea said. Maggie just shook her head slowly. The blonde turned and sat down against the rail. “Can’t say I blame him. Lori should have known better.”

The three fell silent until Natasha decided to change the subject. “Rick’s planning to check out that housing development again. I’m taking Daryl, Glenn, Merle and Sophia tomorrow. We may start moving in soon.”

“That’s great,” Andrea said with a smile.

Maggie looked up. “The what?”

Natasha explained what they had found. “It’s empty now. Tomorrow we’re going to go collect the useful supplies, stockpile what we can and get rid of the rest. Sophia is going so she can start our inventory logs.”  
  
”That would be amazing,” Maggie sighed.

“Yeah,” Andrea agreed. “Having a real bed again.” She smiled.

“We would be creating a new town so to speak,” Natasha said. “That would mean new rules.”

“This is huge,” Andrea said.

”It’s just what we need,” Maggie decided. The three women looked at each other sharing a smile.

* * *

Rick had shown up for dinner, sitting at the table next to Carl. When the meal was over he took his son for a walk around the perimeter. The next morning, Natasha collected the names of everyone who wished to be placed on watch duty. Then went to the warden’s office and drew up a new chore chart. There had been a bulletin board in the office but Tyreese had taken it down and hung it in the cellblock. 

Natasha pinned up the chore list and rotation charts then reminded everyone to look over it and not to forget their jobs. She was heading back to the office when Sophia ran after her.

“Lori says the baby is coming! She needs mom and Maggie!” she half yelled, excited.

“Go back to Lori, tell her they’re coming.”

Sophia ran off and Natasha sprinted to the laundry room. Carol jumped when the door swung open. “Lori’s in labor.”

“Oh my God!” the woman exclaimed, leaping up and rushing off toward the cells.

Natasha found Maggie in the shower, who ran off squealing and shoving clothes onto her still wet body. Natasha then went to the yard, Rick and Carl were just approaching the door. She passed the news onto them.

Rick looked sad. “Carl, you should go inside, see your mom. Your little brother or sister is about to be born.”

Carl shook his head. “I’ll wait with you.”

“I have some work to do.”

“He can come if he behaves,” Natasha chimed in.

Carl smiled up at her and Rick nodded. He called for Glenn, Daryl and Merle. Quickly Rick explained the plan for the day. “Tasha will show you where,” he said. “Don’t forget Sophia.” He turned and went inside, Carl followed.

“Let’s go then,” Glenn said.

* * *

 

“This big area will be the cemetery,” Natasha said, holding up the map Michonne had drawn. 

Daryl nodded. “We can plant crops over there by the pond. Maggie can take that house and be our farmer.” He looked at Glenn. “Guess that makes you the farmer’s wife.”

“Ha ha,” Glenn replied.

Merle laughed.

Natasha shook her head. “Come on. Let’s split up. Me, Michonne and Sophia. Merle, Daryl and Glenn. Any clothes or supplies that could be useful, pile it on the front yard of each house. Any food still good goes by the font door. There should be trash bags inside the houses, bag up anything spoiled and throw it out. Let’s just get everything together then we’ll worry about sorting and distribution later. Sophia, you can start inventory logs when you get ready.” Natasha pointed at a house in the middle. “We’ll start with that one. That’s going to be our city hall. One room will be turned into an office, a library and a classroom for the kids. Doctor’s office, conference room, the works. We’re planning to put extra clothes, weapons and food in there as well so it can be distributed evenly.”

“So that house needs to be cleared out completely to make room for desks, office furniture, the whole nine yards. Let’s go.”

The group started toward the house and began their work.


	12. Rearranging

It took just over six days to clear out every house in the community. They had stockpiled all the food and clothes in the town hall. An office had been set up for Rick, complete with filing cabinets for the group’s personal files.

They had started a decent library on the first floor and set up a classroom for the children. A room had been set up as a doctor’s office but had very little medical supplies beyond basic first aid items. The group returned to the prison with high spirits. 

Natasha didn’t see Rick in the yard when she arrived but knew exactly where he was. She walked into the Warden’s office without bothering to knock. Rick was seated on the long leather couch and not at the desk, like usual. He had his feet propped up on the table and a glass of bourbon in hand.

“You’re spending too much time in here,” she commented, taking a seat next to him. “At least you look more relaxed.”

Rick shrugged. “I’ve gotten Carol to draw up some more medical forms and pass them out to everyone. I think it’ll be important to record who has allergies and things like that. I’ve asked around, trying to decide what laws will keep from the old world. We’ll take a vote at dinner tonight.” He rubbed his face. “How did it go out there?”

“We’ve got a lot of supplies rounded up, one of the houses cleared out for our town hall,” she told him. “Merle and Daryl stayed behind to keep a watch over the place. All that’s left to do is pack up here and go.”

Rick rubbed his face again. “I don’t know if I can run a whole town.”

She put a hand on his arm. “You’ve proved you’re a good leader. It won’t be that hard.” 

“It seems like most of the time, I ask you and you make the decisions,” he said with a smile. “Maybe you should be our leader, Mayor Romanoff?”

Natasha shook her head. “That would never work. I would have someone killed for stealing as easily as I would kill for treason,” she said lightly.

Rick’s eyes widened. “Are you joking? Is Natasha Romanoff actually capable of a sense of humor?”

“Who said I was joking? I was proposing a new law.”  
  
”Proposal denied,” Rick said with a laugh.

“Ricktator.” She poked his ribs. “We need a group vote on that.” 

Rick laughed harder. “I don’t think you’re going to pass that law, Tasha.”

She smiled. She couldn’t believe how easily she was joking with Rick about her past. Her friendship with Clint hadn’t even been this easy.  
  
”What’s wrong?” Rick asked.

“Nothing.”

“You sure? Kinda zoned out on me there for a minute.”  
  
”Just thinking.”

“About?” he asked, though he honestly didn’t expect her to answer.

But Natasha realized she wanted to tell him everything and didn’t feel annoyed he was pressing her for information. Just as Rick was about to change the subject, she spoke, “My parents died when I was a child.” Her voice was soft as if afraid to speak too loudly. “I was about five, I think. I was saved by a man named Ivan and he raised me as my surrogate father.” She looked away from him, staring at the wall. 

“I was taken to a place called Department X with a bunch of other little girls, all of us orphans. They brainwashed us, trained us…in the Red Room. I was fifteen when I was sent out for the first time. They told me I used to be a ballerina. 

“It wasn’t until I fell in love for the first time and discovered it was all lies,” she said flatly. “His name was James, code name The Winter Soldier. He was brought into the Red Room to train us. Our relationship was secret. When our handlers found us out they strapped him into a chair and wiped his mind, they forced me to watch. When he came out of it he had no idea who I was. A few years later they sent me on a mission to recruit a test pilot named Alexei Shostakov. I married him but I never loved him. He was killed during a flight. By then I knew the truth and I wanted out. I have, what you could say, a very specific skill set. So I went out and killed whoever I needed to survive. My actions were noticed by S.H.I.E.L.D. and they sent Clint Barton to kill me.” She paused.

“Instead he brought me back to the U.S. with him and I swore my loyalty to S.H.I.E.L.D. but I’d really sworn it to Clint. He’s the only reason I’m still alive today. The only reason I didn’t murder half of Russia in my quest for vengeance.” She stopped again. “He used to tell me I was good. I always believed I was only good because of him.”  
  
Natasha looked at Rick. “In the old days, I would have killed Merle when I found him in that alley. He was unconscious and had one hand, what good was he to me? That day I met Michonne in the doctor’s office? She would have been dead before she even saw my face. Same for you and Andrea.”

“Why didn’t you then” Rick asked softly. “You said Clint was the only reason you were good but he’s dead and you didn’t revert back to your old ways. That’s how I know you have good in you. Instead of killing Merle, you helped him. You could have left him with us and gone off on your own or killed us all. Instead, you’ve helped all of us. You’re a good person.” He smiled a little. “You’re better than you give yourself credit for.”  
  
Natasha listened to his speech, feeling his words settle in her heart. “Maybe you’re right.”

“What happened to James?” Rick asked, curious.

“When they didn’t need him they kept him in stasis," she explained. "I was told he was killed for betraying Ivan. That’s when I went on my killing spree that put the target on my back. James always accepted me for what I was. When I started to learn the truth about what was going on he didn’t lie to me.”

Rick was silent for a long time. “Do you remember after Tyreese’s group got here and Andrew broke our chains? Let all those walkers in? When I told you we were all infected?” 

“I remember,” she confirmed.

“I asked you, if you were so hopeless why didn’t you just opt out? You said you made a promise. What did you mean?”

“I made a promise to Clint,” she answered.

“That’s what I figured.” He stared at her expectantly.

Natasha took a deep breath and told him about Atlanta. “The very first case of a dead person returning to life occurred in Forest Park, Georgia. Dr. Banner came to the CDC to assist the scientists in their search to discover what it was. Clint and I were sent to accompany him. Bruce spent all his time at the CDC so when the virus went widespread, we found ourselves assisting the F.B.I. and Atlanta P.D. to contain the outbreak. We failed, obviously. We were actually on our way to the CDC when we came across Merle.

“Clint got him off the roof while I was fighting to get a vehicle to get out of the city. Then he yelled for help, when I got there he told me to take Merle and go. Said he’d mumbled something about his brother. Clint told me to get him out of the city, get him to his brother if I could and I agreed. I tried to get him to come with me and he showed me the bites.

“Clint was bitten and I wasn’t there,” she said, staring at her lap. “Rule number three and I failed.” She bit her lip and took a deep breath. “The promise I made to him was that I wouldn’t give up just because he was gone. I promised I would get Merle out of Atlanta, get him to his brother if I could and save as many people as I could. And that I would mourn for him.

“The last thing he said to me was ‘watch your back and don’t let me die in vain’. Then he told me he was sorry, kissed me and pushed me away.” 

Silence settled over them.

“Did you keep your promise?” Rick asked quietly.

“I saved Merle, got him back to Daryl and saved this group numerous times. I’d say that I did,” she said.

“What about that last part? About mourning him? You never want to talk about him.”

“I don’t know how to mourn,” she admitted.

“Tell me something about him,” Rick said, shifting to face her. “I’ll help you.”

She thought about it. “He was the best man I’ve ever known. Pure heart of gold. Sure he was an assassin but he kept me from going back to my old self. He forced me to be human, years of brainwashing was reversed because of him.” Natasha paused. “When I saw that bite…I don’t think I fully comprehended it. Clint knew he was dead and I did too in some part of my brain. But I wouldn’t accept it. He was forcing me to make promises and saying his goodbyes before I knew what I was agreeing to.”

“Do you miss him?” Rick asked.

“Of course I do.” She almost rolled her eyes at the ridiculous question.

“Why?” 

“What?”

“Why do you miss him?”  
  
Natasha squirmed. She realized this was exactly what he wanted. Rick wanted her to mourn for Clint like she had promised.

“He was my rock,” she said finally. “The light to my darkness.” She sniffed. “We were the best. No one in the world could match us. Drug lords, criminal masterminds, an alien army were all brought down by us and yet it was a mindless reanimated corpse that brought him down. And it was my fault because I wasn’t there.” Now she started to cry. She sat forward, watching the memories flash before her eyes. Tokyo, Moscow, Budapest, Rio, Sydney. 

Rick put an arm around her, surprised when she turned her head, her face buried into his neck. Tears poured from her eyes, soaking Rick’s t-shirt. Hands fisted in his shirt, she was full on sobbing now. Rick was silent, arms wrapped around her in comfort.

Natasha shook her head slightly, mumbling something that sounded like, “should have been me.” Rick didn’t say anything, letting her cry herself out.

Finally, she sat up and wiped her face. Wisely, Rick didn’t comment on her episode. He did place a hand on her back, gently rubbing until she calmed down.

“He wouldn’t want you to give up,” Rick said finally. “His death should encourage you to fight harder. He died to save you, yes, but you can’t let that be for nothing. And it wasn’t your fault.” 

Natasha forced herself to breathe normally, getting her emotions under control. She knew Rick was right. “But you said we’re all infected,” she commented softly. “We’re all going to die and become one of them. We’re dead already.”

“Maybe not. Maybe there’s a cure, maybe it will work itself out of our systems over generations. There’s still hope.” Though even he was feeling defeated lately. After spending so much time hoping he would find Lori, hoping they would be alive, hoping they could work things out and it had all been for nothing. They had been alive but there was no working things out now.

Natasha found she had words on her tongue but her mouth wouldn’t open to let them out. “Maybe you’re right,” she said finally.

Rick stood up. “Let’s go talk to the group.” He put his hand on her lower back to guide her into the hall. Natasha found herself leaning into his touch.

“Hey!” Glenn said, rounding the corner just as Rick was closing the door. “I was thinking we should make a supply run before we make the big move. Carol says she can make clothes and blankets if we can get the things she needs.”  
  
”We can do that,” Rick agreed. “Let’s have Carol make a list and we’ll plan a run in the next few days. Anything else?”

Glenn shifted. “Lori says she needs things for the baby. Actually, Lori asked nicely, Shane yelled at me to get off my ass and do something.”

Natasha looked at Rick. “I can handle him if you want.”

“You can’t kill him, Tasha,” Rick said with a sigh.

“I’ll make it painless.”

“Tasha.”

“Or not?"

He looked at her, seeing the corner of her mouth twitch. “No.”  
  
She pouted. “Fine. I’m going to talk to Carol.” She nudged him with her elbow and walked away.

Glenn watched her go, then looked at Rick. “What’s up with you guys?”  
  
”What do you mean?”  
  
Glenn rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean.” 

Rick shook his head. “She’s my friend. She’s helped me a lot in the past few months. There’s nothing else going on so stop grinning like that. As much as it pains me to say it, I still love Lori.”

“Rick, man,” Glenn sighed.

He held up a hand. “I know what she and Shane did but doesn’t make my feelings for her just disappear.”

“You gotta move on, though. Lori’s…” he waved his hands. “Doing something with Shane.”

“I’m aware,” Rick said dryly.

“Have you talked to her?”

“Not really.”

“You should do that then. A long conversation and get the whole story. You know, closure.”

Rick looked at him. “Thanks, kid. Why don’t you go help Natasha or Abraham.”

“Natasha is with Carol talking about fabric and Abraham is in the shower,” Glenn said.

“So go chase squirrels with Sophia.” Rick chuckled.

Glenn put his hands up in surrender. “Fine, I’ll go. I know when I’m not wanted.” He walked away smiling.

Rick shook his head, walking toward the cafeteria. Most of the group was there when he sat down next to Carl. The others filed in shortly after. When they had finished, Rick stood and explained their impending move to the gated community.

“In the next few days, I’ll need you all to decide where you’d like to live and let Carol know so she can make a list,” he said, explaining the boarding house idea. “Natasha is planning a supply run as well. If you need anything, make a list and give it to Natasha in the next few days.”

Everyone agreed and began breaking off to their own devices. Rick hung back and walked slowly to the cell block, unsure of what he was going to do.

He could hear baby Judith crying, Lori and Shane talking softly to her. Rick paused outside the cell, watching them.

Shane was holding the baby girl, gazing at her as if she were the whole world in his hands. He glanced up, giving Lori a look filled with love and adoration. Lori smiled at him, returning his affections.

It was in that moment Rick knew why Lori had refused to make a choice the other day. She loved Shane and wanted to choose him, but didn’t want to hurt Rick in the process.

Rick cleared his throat before he lost his nerve. “Lori, you got a minute?”

Shane looked hesitant but Lori nodded and stood up. “I’ll be right back.” She touched Judith’s head, brushing her fingers over Shane’s chin before following Rick. The former couple walked in silence until they reached the office Rick had holed up in. He let her in and they sat down, staring awkwardly at each other.

“She’s beautiful,” Rick commented.

“Yeah,” Lori agreed with a smile.

“Just tell me why,” Rick blurted. “What the hell happened out there?”

Lori covered her face with her hands. Rick noticed her wedding band was missing. She looked up and tearfully explained everything.

“It started after you got shot,” she said. “You were in a coma and I felt guilty for all our fights; shutting you out, emotionally then physically. And I remembered what I said to you that morning about not caring about Carl and I.” Lori sniffed. “Shane was just there for me. Told me that none of it mattered anymore and that you would be okay and come home to me. I didn’t want to be alone that night and he started staying at our house. Somehow it led to sex. He was there the morning the outbreak happened. He had gone to the station, the hospital, then came to get Carl and me.” She wiped her eyes and told him the rest, the quarry, the farm and the months on the road.

“You came back from the dead once I didn’t expect you to do it twice. Especially since Daryl saw you get shot. Then one day I found myself hoping you wouldn’t come back because I was in love with Shane.”  
  
Rick winced, hearing her say it out loud.

“I’m so sorry, Rick. I don’t know what I was thinking. It just happened and we couldn’t stop it,” Lori said, starting to sob.

Rick swallowed thickly. “It’s uh, it’s okay,” he said lamely.

She wiped her face. “It’s not. We knew what we were doing was wrong and I’m sorry you have to see us together and see the baby and…I can’t imagine how you feel but I can’t help what I feel for him. I’m so sorry.” She started to cry again.

Rick didn’t know what to do or say. He had lost his wife and best friend to each other.

Lori finally calmed down.

“I want you to know I looked for you all winter,” Rick said. “We took this prison and I made it safe for you and Carl to have a place when I found you. I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad but I want you to understand what you did to me, what I did for you and how I felt when I saw you with him the day you got here.” He took a deep breath.

“You hate me,” she whispered.

Rick shook his head. “I’m pissed at you, and Shane. I don’t know when I’ll be able to forgive you, if ever. But I could never hate you.”

Lori allowed herself to smile. “You’re too good.”

He shrugged. “I’ve been told that before.

She wiped her eyes again. “I hope you can find someone else, Rick. I want you to be happy, you deserve it.”  
  
”Yeah, maybe I will.” Natasha’s face appeared in his mind.

“Natasha maybe?” Lori teased.  
  
Rick almost choked. “No offense, but I don’t think you’re the person to talk to about this.”  
  
Lori smiled. “You’re right. I just want you to know I really want you to be happy.”  
  
”Thank you. Now let’s get you back to your baby,” he said standing up.

Lori grabbed him in a hug before he even saw it coming. She released him and started out the door.

“I have a question,” she started, as they walked back. “Maggie told me something a few days ago, she said Andrea told her but I need to know if she was just messing with me.”

”What is it?” Rick questioned. 

“Is Natasha really an Avenger?”


	13. Welcome to the Land of Fire

Rick pushed a list across the table. “That’s what we’ll need from town. Who’s going?”  
  
”You know I will,” Natasha said, taking the paper. “Been a while since I’ve gone out.”  
  
”Will you take Maggie?” Glenn asked. “She’s going nuts cooped up here all day.” The look on his face said that wasn’t an exaggeration. 

“Sure, she can go,” Natasha said. Glenn smiled and jumped up to go tell her the news.

“Why don’t you come too?” Natasha asked Rick. “When was the last time you went out?”  
  
”We can’t both go, someone has to run this place. You can take someone else if you like,” he said.

“I’ll take Merle. I miss running around with him,” she mused.

“I hope that’s the only reason you’re taking him,” Rick said with a smile.

“Why? Would you be jealous?” she teased.

“Yes,” Rick answered quickly.

“You have no idea how to flirt do you?”

He laughed, embarrassed. “I really don’t.”

Natasha got up, giving him a smile. “I’ll see you when I get back. Maybe you should ask Daryl for advice.”

Rick laughed loudly. “You want me to take advice from a guy who professed his love by yelling ‘you give me a heart boner’ across a prison yard?”

Natasha looked at him. “Worked for him didn’t it? And I believe it was ‘affection erection’.”

He followed her into the hall. “I talked to Lori.”

“I know, I heard her telling Shane.” She looked up at him. “Are you alright?” 

He nodded. “I think I will be. It’s still weird but I’m getting used to it. It’ll get easier, I guess.”

Natasha was quiet. “I think it will. You should spend more time with Carl. He’s confused about what’s going on.”

“Did he say something to you?”

“No, he said something to Sophia and I overheard.”

Rick smirked. “You don’t miss anything do you?”  
  
She shook her head. “Not much.”

They reached the yard, finding the others loading up.

“Be careful out there,” he said, looking away from her. “It’s further out than we’ve been before, you don’t know what’s out there.”

“We’ll handle it,” she said. Seeing the worried expression on his face, she added lightly, “I’m an Avenger, remember.”

He smiled then. “Get out of here.”

They shared a look before Natasha turned to get in the car. Rick watched her go.

* * *

 

Merle led the way through the empty town. Maggie and Natasha following behind. He paused outside of a store, keeping guard while the women slipped inside.

Natasha noticed Maggie’s eyes flickering over at a shelf. “You think you’re pregnant?”

Maggie sighed, shuffling over and taking a few boxes. “I should have known you would notice.”  
  
Natasha smiled. “Is that why Glenn says you’re acting strange? He thinks it’s because you’ve been stuck in the prison so long.” 

Maggie shrugged, opening her mouth to answer but stopped when the door opened and Merle ducked inside. “Three guys came around the corner,” he said, already locking the door. “They saw me and they’re coming.”

Natasha pulled Maggie through the store to the back door. It was yanked open just as they reached it. Maggie screamed as Natasha shoved her to the ground. A gun went off, Natasha felt the bullet rip through her arm. She moved forward anyway, throwing a punch at the first gut she could reach. She twisted his neck and dropped him to the ground.

The second man pulled a knife, which Natasha kicked out of his hands and threw an elbow into his face a second later. The third guy grabbed her hair and pulled her back. She kicked backwards and connected with a knee. She spun around, throwing her own knee into the man’s chest.

Natasha heard another gun shot and felt a blinding pain erupt in her shoulder. Taking advantage of her distraction, the man grabbed her and snapped handcuffs on her wrists. She was turned around to face a tall man pointing a gun at her. 

“What do we have here?” he smirked. 

Natasha had been face to face with men of pure evil, men could kill her as easily as they fuck her. This man may have been bad but Natasha wasn’t even a little afraid of him or his mall cop security. But one goon had a gun on Maggie and one on Merle. Had Natasha been alone she would have killed them all. Maggie could be pregnant and Natasha didn’t have it in her to put their lives at risk.

“What’s your name?” the man asked.

“Natasha.”  
  
The man smiled. “Well, Natasha. They call me the Governor. Now you and your friend are gonna come with me alright?”  
  
She said nothing.

“Put the women in the truck,” he ordered.

”What about him?”  
  
The governor looked down at Merle. “Kill him.”  
  
”No,” Maggie choked out. 

Natasha used her fingers to pull off a thin silver bracelet around her wrist. Carol had given it to her as a thank you for helping Sophia. It was thin and the clasp snapped easily. Natasha let it drop to the floor without a sound.

She was pushed forward as Maggie was pulled up from the floor. She locked eyes with Merle for a moment. In his eyes was peace, he had no fear at all. “Take care of Daryl when you get back. Rick and the young’uns too,” he said in an even voice.

“I promise,” she said, being pushed again.

Maggie was still crying.

There was a gunshot outside.

“What the hell was that?” the governor yelled. There was another gunshot and he shoved the door open, fired his own gun and ducked back inside. “Get the women in the truck and get rid of him already. The biters will be out here soon.” He moved from the doorway and picked up the squirming body of a child. Another gunshot went off inside the store just as Maggie gasped, “Carl!”

* * *

 

Carl had been dumped in the back of the van with Maggie and Natasha. The latter had gotten out of her cuffs, pulled off her jacked it to hold it against the gushing wound on Carol’s head. When they stopped, the Governor had someone take him to away to “see the doctor.” Then the girls were locked in cells in the Governor’s basement. 

Maggie sat in the corner of her cell, staring straight ahead. “Tasha?” she spoke quietly. “What are we going to do?”

The redhead faced her. “No matter what they do or say, you can not give up any information. Don’t tell them how many are in our group, where they are. If you’re pushed and can’t hold out, lie. You guys were all over the place last winter, tell them one of those places, hell, tell them about your farmhouse.

Maggie nodded. “I’ll do my best.”

“I’m going to get us out of here and I’ll get you home safe, I swear it.”

“What about Carl? What was he doing there? How did he even get there?”  
  
”He most likely hid in the back of the car,” Natasha thought aloud. “Why he didn’t just stay hidden, I don’t know.”  
  
”What if he dies?” Maggie whispered. “That would crush Rick, after everything with Lori and oh my God, Merle.” She sobbed into her hands.

Natasha’s heart dropped into her stomach.

Maggie’s head suddenly snapped up. “What if they realize Carl is gone and we don’t come back so they come looking and find Merle’s body? What if they think we killed Merle and ran off with Carl?”  
  
Natasha looked her in the eyes. “Maggie, calm down. Why would they think that?”  
  
The brunette sighed, scrubbing her hands over her face. “I don’t know, I’m just…”

“Panicking. You need to get a hold of yourself.” Natasha leaned against the wall. “I left my distress signal.”

“Your what?”  
  
She touched her wrist. “Carol gave me a bracelet as a thank you for taking care of Sophia. I broke it and dropped it on the floor after they cuffed me. If they look for us, they’ll find it and Rick will know what it means.”

“But they won’t know where we are,” Maggie said.

“It’s a signal for them to let them know there’s trouble around so they know to be careful.”

“So they won’t come for us?” Maggie asked tearfully.

Natasha shook her head. “Rick will look for us. Glenn will insist on coming along. Daryl and Michonne will try to track us. Considering all the shots fired off, no doubt a horde was attracted, that’s going to ruin any trail we left. They may be able to track the tire prints on the road a few miles. They might even make it here, plot a way to get inside and maybe they’ll succeed. With what little gas we have, that whole thing could take at least a week.”

She looked at the woman across from her. “I don’t think we have that long. I will get you and Carl out of here or I will die trying. But you have to trust me and push your thoughts of the group away. Their safety rests on us now. If the governor finds them, he will kill Glenn, Rick, Daryl, all of the men just as easily as they killed Merle. What would happen to Sophia or baby Judith? Only we know where the group is and if I have to die to keep them safe so be it. Are you prepared to do the same?”

Maggie thought about it for a long time. “Yes,” she said finally, placing her hands over her stomach. “We can’t let anything happen to them, not after all we’ve been through.”

Natasha nodded once. “I’ll figure something out.” I promise, she added silently. She closed her eyes but the tears fell anyway.

* * *

 

Rick climbed the tower where T-Dog was keeping watch. “Any sign of them?”  
  
”Nope,” he answered sadly. It was full dark, they should have been back hours ago. “Maybe they just ran out of gas and had to walk back,” T-Dog suggested half-heartedly. 

Rick shrugged. “Maybe. Daryl, Glenn and I are going to look for them in the morning. Abraham, Andrea and Michonne are holding down the fort while we’re gone.”

“Yes, sir,” he replied.

Rick climbed down.

“Still nothing?” Lori asked as soon as Rick entered the cell block. She started to cry when he shook his head. “Why would he go with them? And why aren’t they back?”

Shane pulled her close to him, trying to calm her. Rick looked away. 

“Lori, he’s probably just bored being here all the time and saw a chance to get out,” Rick said. “He’s with Natasha, she’s not going to let anything happen to him, you can bet on that.”

“Better fucking not,” Shane snarled. “I’ll kill the bitch with my bare hands.”  
  
”Shane, just shut up,” Glenn snapped. “You won’t do anything, especially not to her. Or did you forget she put you face first on the ground the day we got here? Just stop it.” He turned away angrily.

Rick almost smiled. “Glenn, Daryl and I are going to look for them first thing in the morning. While we’re gone, Abraham, Andrea and Daryl will be in charge. Andrea, I’ll leave my keys with you. Michonne has Tasha’s.” 

“Okay,” the blonde agreed, a little peeved about being left behind but glad she had some responsibility.

Everyone went to bed after that, ready to get an early start.

* * *

 

“There’s the car,” Glenn pointed out sadly. 

Rick stopped behind it and Daryl jumped out, leading them into the town, following the occasional footprint left in blood or dirt.

“Bunch of footprints here, look,” Daryl said, pointing. “Those smaller ones belong to Carl.”  
  
”So he was here with them?” Rick asked, hopeful.

“Yeah, he might be hurt though.” Daryl pointed at a set of small footprints, a splatter of blood and drag marks.

Rick felt his stomach clench. “Are they still here? They wouldn’t travel if he was hurt.”

“Nah, something’s wrong,” Daryl said. There was a trail of blood leading from a store to the road. “In here.” He pointed. They pushed the door open, the smell of decay hitting them instantly. On high alert, the three men made their way inside.

Daryl saw the body first, screamed in anguish. He kicked over several shelves, creating an awful racket. Then he left the room, hiding his tears. Glenn looked at Rick, also teary eyed. Daryl came back with a sheet, laying it gently over his brother’s body. They stood in silence for a long time, waiting. Finally Daryl began to breathe normally, pulling himself together. They had a job to do.

“No sign of the girls? Carl?” he asked, voice thick.

Glenn shook his head sadly.  Daryl walked over to the back door and looked at all the blood. “Either Maggie or Natasha is hurt. Something happened here. The blood trail starts here, leads out to the road.” 

“Wait,” Rick said, something catching his eye. He took a few steps and knelt down, taking something off the floor. He held it in his hand, the cold silver glinting in the dull light. A heavy cold feeling settled in Rick’s stomach. Tears welled in his eyes as he tried to get his own emotions under control before he stood up, holding the bracelet for the other two to see.

“We have a problem.”


	14. Shaping Up

A door opened down the hall and there were two sets of feet approaching the cells. One of the men banged on the bars. “The Governor wants you to see the doctor. Put these on.” He pushed a long gown through to each one of them. They stripped and did as they were told, then they were taken to an exam room, Natasha was seated in a hard wooden chair while Maggie was guided onto the cold metal table. The door opened and the doctor came in. Natasha couldn’t believe it.

“Good morning, ladies,” he said. “I’m doctor Bruce Banner. This is a simple exam, nothing to worry about. We just need to be sure you aren’t infected or have any illnesses we need to worry about.” He hardly looked at Natasha, afraid his face would give him away. He took their blood pressure, temperature, checked them over for bites and drew blood samples for tests. He checked Maggie’s stomach, confirming that she was pregnant.

“Is the little boy that came in with us okay?” Maggie asked, sliding off the table.

“He’s still unconscious. Dr. Stevens, Alice and I worked on him for hours. He almost didn’t make it but he’s stable for the time being. I’ll send someone with and update when I can.”  
  
Natasha was on the table next. Bruce managed to slip a note in her hand before deeming them free to go. She waited until she was back in her cell before reading the note:

_We have a plan, sit tight._

Natasha sat down, leaning her head against the wall. _We?_

* * *

 

When Rick, Daryl and Glenn arrived at the prison, a hundred questions and protests were hurled at them instantly. 

“Merle is dead!” Rick yelled. Everyone fell silent in shock. “We went to the town and found his body along with Natasha’s bracelet.” He quickly explained what her bracelet being there meant.

“We should leave,” Sasha said. “The gated community is our best bet.”

“We can’t go,” Michonne protested.

“What if they come here and we’re gone?” Lori protested.

“Natasha will know where to go,” Tyreese chimed in. “If one of them slips up and tells them about this place, whoever took them could come here and kill all of us. Or worse to you and the other women, do you really want to take that chance?”

Rick shook his head. “This prison is ours. We worked hard for it, I’m not gonna just give it up the first time we’re threatened.

”We’ve been planning this move for days now,” Tyreese said. “Why not?” 

“Like Rick said,” Andrea cut in. “This place is ours. If somebody wants it they’re gonna have to take it.”  
  
”They’ll have the fight of their lives on their hands,” Michonne added.

Daryl looked at Carol and Sophia. “Ain’t to reason everybody should be here.”  
  
”I agree,” Glenn said. “What if we take the kids to the community and the rest of us stay here?”  
  
”It’s best if we stay together,” Sophia argued. “I can help fight too.”  
  
”No,” Daryl said.

“This place is mine too!” she shouted. “I helped clear it out remember?”

Rick inhaled deeply. “Alright, let’s everybody just calm down. Sit tight here. Daryl, Andrea, Michonne, Abraham, Tyreese, come with me.”

He turned and led them to the Warden’s office.

“What should we do?” Andrea asked once he’d closed the door.

“We’re going to fight for this place,” Rick said. “We fought to take it and I’m not giving it up yet. The community would be great to live in but it’s more vulnerable.”  
  
”So who’s going to fight?” Michonne asked.

“Well, us, obviously,” Daryl said.

“So the six of us. Shane,” Andrea added. “Sasha, Carol, Glenn, and T-Dog. That it?”  
  
”Sophia,” Michonne said.

“Not Sophia, she’s just a girl,” Daryl said quickly.

“She’s not,” Michonne snapped. 

“There’s still the problem with Judith,” Andrea cut in, hoping to avoid an argument. “And Ben. They can’t fight. Anybody who stays here will be in danger. I’m following Natasha's lead, I’m prepared to die for the group’s safety.”

“Okay,” Rick said. “So Lori takes Ben and Judith. We load them up with supplies and send them to the community. What then? They stay there until one of us comes to get them?”

“That could work,” Michonne agreed.

“And what if no one does?” Abraham spoke up for the first time.

”They do their best to survive where they are,” Andrea said. “There’s plenty of supplies in the houses over there that we didn’t bring here.” 

“Alright then.” Rick stood up. “Let’s do that tomorrow. Right now, I think we have other matters to attend to.”

He nodded and everyone followed him out. At sundown, the group was gathered in the corner of the yard that had become the cemetery, around a hold that was Merle’s grave. No one seemed to know what to say.

Sophia stepped forward and dropped a flower in the hole. “Merle Dixon was a rude, racist, sexist ass and didn’t care who liked it or not,” she said. The group smiled or snickered softly. “But he was smart, brave, funny and secretly, he actually wasn’t so racist or sexist. He just liked to get a rise out of people. Merle cared about us all, in his own way. He taught me how to shoot and hunt and fish and track. He also taught me how to cuss but mama ain’t supposed to know that part.” More smiles. Carol laughed and wiped her eyes.

“I think Merle died protecting Natasha, Maggie and Carl. He wouldn’t have let anyone just take them. He loved them too,” Sophia continued, looking at the ground to hide her tears. “I’m going to miss you, ya big ass.” She spun around and hugged her mother tightly.

Daryl seemed to have had all he could take. He turned and walked away. Everyone laid their flowers on top of the dirt and left. Carol and Sophia went after Daryl. Sophia hugged him before running inside.

Carol sat down next to her husband. “We gotta find them,” he said.

“We will,” Carol said softly.

“You don’t know that.”  
  
”I trust Natasha. I’d hate for Glenn to lose Maggie. I don’t even want to think about what Rick would do if he lost Carol or Natasha.”  
  
”Tasha?” Daryl asked.

Carol smirked. “You mean, you don’t see the looks they give each other? Or whenever something comes up their first words are ‘I’ll talk to Rick’ or ‘I’ll ask Natasha’. They’re always checking in with each other.”  
  
”Cause Rick is our leader, she has to let him know what’s going on,” Daryl said.

“And what’s your reasoning for Rick always checking in with her?”  
  
”She’s second in command.”  
  
Carol smiled. “You’re as clueless as they are.”

Daryl rolled his eyes, kissed her lips and stood up. “I’mma go find Rick. See what’s up.”  
  
”Keep me updated,” she called after him.

“Tell me there’s a plan,” Glenn was saying. Rick was seated behind the desk in the Warden’s office. Glenn, Shane, Abraham, Tyreese and Michonne were gathered in front of him.

“It’s been two days, where do we even look?” Tyreese asked.

Glenn looked at Daryl. “Can’t we try to follow the trail? Tire prints or something?”

Daryl knew it was a waste of time, there was nothing to follow. But Maggie was all Glenn had and no matter how pointless it was he couldn’t bring himself to say no to Glenn’s pleading face. He nodded. “Can’t hurt to try.”

“Is it really a good idea to go out there with the fucking Governor shithead out there?”

“We’ve got to try,” Glenn said.

Rick stood up. “You can go at first light. Whoever wants to go, can. No more than four.”

“I’m going,” Michonne said instantly.

“Me too,” Abraham said.

“That’s four,” Rick said. “Get ready, head out in the morning when you feel like it.” They scattered off and Rick went inside. He sat down on his bed, hands over his face. When did everything go to hell on him?

He reached in his pocket and pulled out Natasha’s bracelet. Rick ran his fingers over the thing metal. “I will bring you home safe,” he said. He put the bracelet on the table next to his bed and lay down.

* * *

 

The Governor unlocked Natasha’s cell, motioning for her to follow, though she knew the drill by now. This had been going on for three days. She stepped forward, sending a reassuring glance to Maggie. Though with all the cuts and bruises on her face, it didn’t do much to reassure the other woman. 

He led her to a room and sat her in a chair, taking the seat opposite her.

“How are you today, Natasha?” he asked politely, as he had the past three days.

She stared at the wall.

He sat forward. “We’re doing this again? Today won’t be like the others. You’re going to tell me today where your group is.”

“I won’t,” she said without taking her eyes away from her spot on the wall.

The governor pointed a gun at her head. “I’m done playing games with you. Now tell me where they are or I’m sending my boys in again.”

“Send them in,” she challenged. “They’ll leave here bloody like before.”

“Tell me where they are.”

“Somewhere safe.”  
  
”Tell me.”

“No.”

He leaned forward, slapping her across the face, put the gun against her head. She laughed at him and he punched her, hard.

“Tell me where.”

Natasha answered him in Russian, giving him a recipe for sugar cookies.

“Tell me!” he commanded.

“I just did. How was I to know you didn’t speak Russian?”

He lurched forward, hands going around her throat. She punched him with enough force to send him back a few steps. Stars danced before her eyes and she struggled to get her breath. Before she realized it, she was on her back, he had turned her chair over. She rolled to one side and looked up when she heard a click.

The governor had the gun again. He kept it aimed at her as he went to the door and said something to the men outside. “Tell me where your group is.”

Natasha smirked at him. “No, you can continue this game but you won’t get anything from me. I’ve been tortured by men who make you look like Elmer Fudd. You don’t scare me at all.”

Two men came in then, pulling Maggie between them. The Governor didn’t look at them, but pulled out his knife and said to Natasha, “Let’s see how you feel after I start cutting off fingers and toes.”

“I’d start with the pinky,” she suggested. “Help my shoes fit better.”

His rage boiled over. How he wanted to kill this girl, but he held back. He turned and put his gun to Maggie’s head, Natasha didn’t give away how panicked she felt.

“Tell me where your group is,” he said slowly.

“No,” she said.

”Tell me, or I’ll kill her.” 

“Kill me,” Maggie spoke up, her voice sounding strong. “I’ll die to protect my family.”

The governor snapped. He yanked Maggie by the arm, slammed her hand down on the table then reached on his belt for a hatchet. “Last chance, ladies.”

The men guarding the door looked nervous, watching the scene in disbelief. Maggie met Natasha’s eyes, showing her friend how panicked she felt. Natasha gave her a nod.

“You tell me now!”

The girls said nothing, though Maggie was screaming inside. The Governor snarled and brought the hatchet down.

* * *

 

“The boy is awake,” one of the men reported as the Governor stepped into the hall. “He seems to have amnesia.”

“Has anyone talked to him?”

The man shook his head. The Governor walked down the hall and over to the doctor’s office. “Hey there,” he said brightly, coming into the room.

Carl’s eyebrows rose in confusion. “Who are you?”

The Governor jerked back, feigning surprise. “My name is Phillip, don’t you remember?” Carl shook his head. “Okay, tell me what you do remember and I’ll help you fill in the gaps.”

Carl thought hard. “I was with my mom and dad. No, it wasn’t my dad, he’s dead. It was Shane. He was teaching me about frogs, catching frogs.”

“Do you remember where you were?”

”At a farm, I think. How did I get here?” 

“We found you in the street. Someone thought you were a walker and shot you, we saved you and brought you here.”

Carl gasped and suddenly looked up. “That’s right, I was with Maggie! And…someone else. I can’t remember. Are they okay?”  
  
The Governor frowned. “I’m sorry, they were both killed.”

Carl started to cry. “I want my mommy.”  
  
”Okay, just tell me where they are and we’ll take you there, as soon as the doctor there says it’s okay.” He nodded to the man in the corner.

“I…I don’t remember. It’s all a blur.”

“That’s okay, there’s no rush. You rest, you’re safe here,” he said softly. “Just let me know if you remember something.”

Carl sat quietly. “It’s just…I think we moved around a lot. There were a lot of places. A lot of houses, a storage unit, a prison, summer camp, a barn and a cave too, I think.”

“Okay, that’s good you remember. You rest now. If you need anything, you call for me.” He stood up and went back to his office, looking at a map. “There’s no way of checking the houses he mentioned,” he told the three men in front of him. “There’s the summer camp, prison and storage units. I want a team to go to each location.”

Bruce Banner had stood silently in the corner, listening to the Governor trick the boy into giving up information. When he had gone, Brice slipped out as well to find Steve Rodgers and fill him in.

“He’ll probably send someone to each location, if he can,” Steve mused. “If he finds them, it’ll be bad. We have to get them out of here. Is Carl good to go?”

“Yeah, aside from the giant hole in his face and memory loss, he’s fine.”

Steve stared at him. “You know what I mean. Can we move him yet?”

Bruce sighed. “Sure. It shouldn’t cause him too much trauma to move him. But we have to get him to trust us and stay quiet so we don’t get caught. How do we do that?”

Steve rubbed his hands together. “Alright, look. Alice and Lilly are going to help us too. I’ll have Lilly get a car and park it by the south gate. You and Alice get Carl and whatever supplies you can get. I’ll get the girls and we’ll get out of here. Be careful.”

Bruce nodded, knowing he really mean, ‘stay calm’. “Let’s go.”

* * *

 

“We can’t just give up!” Glenn yelled. “She’s out there, somewhere, I can feel it.” 

“Well, why don’t you go out there and feel your way to her,” Daryl snapped. “Cause there’s nothing else we can do.”

“Stop,” Rick said, holding his hands up. “Glenn, we’re going to keep looking but there’s nothing Daryl and Michonne can do. Remember we have a whole group to think about as well.”

“Rick’s right,” Shane chimed in, to everyone’s surprise. Every pair of eyes turned to him. “We can’t keep spreading out man power out like this. What if somebody took those girls and tortured them into telling about the prison? If they attack us here we’ll need all the help we can get.”  
  
”I agree with Shane,” Andrea spoke up, shocking everyone for the second time. “We need to be ready for anything.”


	15. Panic Station

Natasha was beating herself up. She had one job: protect Carl and Maggie. Carl had been shot and Maggie was missing a hand. Some job she’d done. Maggie was sitting on her bunk, staring at her arm. 

“Maggie, I’m-“

“Natasha, don’t,” she interrupted.

“You did the right thing. Sophia and Judith get to live.”

“For how much longer?” Maggie snapped. “Carl could wake up and tell them all about the prison and I’ll have lost my hand for nothing.”

Natasha fell silent. The door opened again, both women jumped to attention and Natasha smiled, recognizing her friend.

“Long time, no see,” Steve Rodgers said.

”Skip the pleasantries and get us out of here. Please tell me you have our weapons.” 

He held up a bag with a smile. “We’ve got everything ready to go, just waiting for you two.” He pulled the cell doors open and eyed Maggie’s hand. “I am sorry we didn’t come sooner. We had to wait for Carl to wake up because Bruce didn’t know how much damage had been done to his brain.” He held out a hand. “Stay with me, I’ll protect you.”

She smiled, teary eyed and took his hand. Holding her other arm close to her body.

“What about the governor?” Natasha asked.

Steve quickly explained Carl’s condition and what he had said.

“Our group is at the prison,” Maggie panicked.

“They’re planning on sending scouting teams in the morning,” Steve said.

”They won’t live that long,” Natasha said. 

Steve looked at her. “Look I’ll take Maggie to the car at the gate. We’ll wait as long as it’s safe. Take out as many as you can and get out.” He turned to leave.

“Steve,” she said, turning him back. “We’ve been planning to move to a gated community. If they aren’t at the prison that’s where they’ll be.” She quickly explained the location. “When you get there, they may not trust you or think it’s a trick. So ask for Rick. And tell him this, ‘The widow says the web is shaky, no venom, meal for one.’” Steve repeated it back to confirm and they parted ways.

Steve snuck Maggie around the buildings. He had to duck into the house he and Bruce shared.

“He’ll go away in a few minutes,” he said, referring to the guard at the end of the block. “He walked up and down this street, then down a side one. We’ll just have to wait him out.” He walked around, making sure he had all of his things together.

The door opened and Bruce came in with Carl and another woman. Carl squealed and ran to Maggie. She quietly told him about her hand when he asked. He looked shocked and sick.

“Where’s Natasha?” Bruce asked, looking around.   
  
”Taking care of business. She’s been out there about twenty minutes,” Steve said.

“Half of their army is probably dead by now,” Steve mused. “How long are we waiting?”

“As long as it’s safe. The guard was at the end of the street when we got here. He’s probably gone by now. Natasha’s going to meet us there, we should probably go,” Steve said.

“Alright then,” Bruce said. “Let’s go.”

“Wait,” Maggie said. “Who is that?”

“This is Alice, she’s a nurse. She helped me since we got here, she’s alright. Alice, this is Maggie.”

They exchanged welcoming nods then Steve led them out the door and down the street. The gate was in sight when someone called out. The five of them froze and turned around, a man was standing a block away.

“It’s past curfew,” he said angrily. That was the last thing he said. He dropped to the ground a second later, Natasha appeared behind him. Another male voice near the car called, “Who’s out here?”

Steve pulled Maggie behind him as the man came into sight.

“What’s going on? What’s this doing here?”

“We’re leaving on a scouting trip,” Steve said. “Governor wants us to head out.”

“At night?” the man asked incredulously.

There was a click behind him and he spun to see a gun in his face. “We’re leaving,” the woman said. “Get out of the way or I’ll make you.”

He sneered at her. Bruce stepped forward to place peace maker. The guard fired his gun at him without letting him speak.

“Oh no,” Steve said, pulling Maggie away. Alice shot the guard and ran toward the car, screaming for the others to get in.

Bruce went on his hands and knees, body convulsing and shifting.

Natasha grabbed Carl’s arm.

“What’s happening?” Maggie asked.

”Go!” Bruce yelled. “Go now!” He was turning green. 

“Nat!” Steve called. Bruce was in between Natasha and the car.

“Take Maggie and go, I got Carl. We’ll meet up later,” she called back, pulling Carl with her. They ran in opposite directions. A mighty roar from the hulk shook the ground beneath their feet. Natasha ran until she reached the barrier, lifting Carl up and over. They leapt to the ground at the same time, listening to the destruction of Woodbury and the screams of the people behind them.

* * *

 

Tyreese was in the tower when a small brown car came into view. He yelled to T-Dog, who was nearby. T-Dog rang the bell, alerting everyone to the visitors. Within seconds, Rick, Daryl, Shane, Glenn and Abraham were gathered at the gates. 

“Can you tell who it is?” Rick called.

“No,” Tyreese answered. He squinted into the binoculars. “Wait.” He looked down at Glenn. “It’s your girl, Glenn.”

Glenn almost opened the gates right then but Rick stopped him. “Just her?” he asked Tyreese, feeling his heart sinking. 

“There’s a man driving. Two other women in the back but they ain’t Tasha,” he said.

The car stopped at the gate, the men inside raised their guns. Maggie leapt out, already starting to cry. The man driving put his hands up.

“I’m a friend of Natasha’s, we’re the good guys,” he said. “She told me to ask for Rick.”

“I’m Rick.” He stepped forward.

“‘The widow says the web is shaky, no venom, meal for one.’”

“The hell does that mean?” Daryl asked.

“Open the gate,” Rick said, holstering his gun. It was open a minute later and the newcomers came inside.

“Maggie.” Glenn sighed. “Oh my God, what happened?” He pulled her close and she sobbed into his shoulder.

“Where’s Carl and Natasha?” Rick asked Steve.

Maggie answered him. “They ran off when…”

“When what?” Lori demanded, appearing next to Shane. Michonne, Andrea and Carol had joined the group too. Maggie told them the story, hiding her arm behind Glenn. No one had noticed it but him.

“The Hulk!?” Lori exclaimed.

“That’s Captain America,” Sophia said, giggling, pointing at Steve. 

“Whoa,” Ben breathed. “Really?”

Steve smiled shyly. “Yeah, our boss sent me down here after communications with Clint and Natasha went down. Instead I found the Governor and he told me he had a whole town full of people, maybe I’d find my friends there. So I went with him, I did find Bruce there and these girls. Speaking of Clint, where is?” 

Rick looked at him sadly. “Natasha didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?”  
  
”Clint was bitten when the outbreak started. He sacrificed himself to save her and Merle. He never made it out of Atlanta.”

Steve looked at his feet. “That sounds like something he would do.”

“Hold on,” Shane interrupted. “Rick, how the hell you know all that? And why were they in Atlanta in the first place?”  
  
Steve explained. “We’d been hearing reports for a few days. Unexplainable fevers, bites, dead walking. S.H.I.E.L.D. monitors potential threats, anything strange is investigated and monitored, if necessary. Our boss sent Bruce to the CDC to assist them with their research. Natasha and Clint were sent with him as protective detail and…you know, hulk-sitting. When the outbreak went widespread they were stuck in Atlanta. The last we spoke to them they were assisting Atlanta P.D. at the hospital. Once it was overrun, they left trying to get to the CDC. Then we lost them.”

“Where’s Bruce then?” Carol asked.

“By now, who knows. He’ll be alright, though. It’s Natasha and Carl I’m worried about.”  
  
”Carl will be okay with her as long as he doesn’t freak out,” Maggie said. Then her eyes went wide and she realized they’d forgotten something.

“What?” Lori asked.

Steve looked at his feet again. “There’s something you should know. Carl got shot in town when the Governor took them.” Lori gasped. “There was a lot of damage, he was in a coma for days. When he finally woke up he had amnesia. He told the Governor the last thing he remembered was catching frogs with his father, then remembered his father was dead and it was Shane he was catching frogs with. He told them a lot of places he remembered being, including the prison. The governor was planning on sending a scouting team out.”

“But Carl, he’s out there right now with a gunshot wound in his face?” Lori cried hysterically. Shane hushed her, rubbing her arms comfortingly.

“So they know about the prison?” Rick asked.

Steve nodded in confirmation. “It wasn’t Carl’s fault, he couldn’t remember anything. Didn’t know where he was or anyone in the room with him. The Governor tricked him.”

Andrea, Rick and Daryl shared an alarmed look. Maggie moved away from Glenn without thinking and Lori gasped again. “Maggie! What happened to your hand?!”  
  
She started to cry again. “The Governor tried to torture me and Tasha for information. He threatened to kill us. Actually, he didn’t do anything to me at first. For three days he took her and beat her then sent her back so I could see damage he did. I just followed her lead.” Maggie wiped her eyes. “We told him we were prepared to die for our group.” She looked at Lori and Carol. “We knew we had to protect Sophia and Judith.” She looked at Andrea. “And Ben. He threatened to cut off Natasha’s fingers. She told him to start with her pinky toe so her shoes would fit better.” Maggie laughed.

“I had to draw strength from her, she never wavered no matter what he did. He cut off my thumb first.” She looked down. “He yelled at me to tell him where you were and I spit in his face. He took my whole hand off then.” She sniffed. 

“Maggie,” Carol said. “I don’t even know what to say.”  
  
”Don’t say anything,” she replied. “I don’t regret it for a minute. Judith, Ben and Sophia deserve to grow up. If I had to lose my hand so they could have a chance, well, it’s a small price to pay.”

Lori sobbed, suddenly launching herself at the woman. She released her, Andrea and Carol took a turn. All four women were crying.

Glenn looked up at Maggie, running his fingers over her bandage. “I’m going to kill the monster who did this to you.”

She smiled sadly. “Natasha probably already beat you to it.”

“So this Governor, is he dead?” Rick asked, his stomach twisted in knots.

“Most likely. The Governor, his army and probably half that town,” Steve said. 

“Natasha did all that?” Shane asked.

Steve almost laughed. “Can’t really say, since we got the hell out of there. She left us when I went to get Maggie and was gone for a while. Most likely the Governor is dead, probably some of his army, as well. The Hulk got whoever she missed.”

“Should we look for them?” Carol asked.

“No,” Rick said.

“Why not?”  
  
Steve spoke first. “We don’t know which way she went. Bruce may not be back to normal yet. All the noise he made probably drew a horde of those things. Get them at least a day or two to get here. Natasha’s been worse, they’ll be fine.”

“And she told me not to look anyway,” Rick said.

“What? When?” Andrea asked, eyebrows furrowing.

“That’s what that message was?” Steve asked.

“What message?” Lori chimed in.

Rick repeated the message and explained. “’The widow says the web is shaky’, that means there was trouble. ‘Meal for one’ means she’s got it under control and not to look for her. ‘No venom’ just means Steve and the others weren’t a threat to us.”

The group dispersed then, Rick stopped Maggie before she got too far away. “I just want to thank you,” he said. “I can’t believe how strong you were. I don’t know if even I could have done what you did, what you sacrificed for this group. I just….thank you for giving us a chance.”

Maggie hugged him, crying. “I would do it all again if I have to.” She pulled back, her eyes went wide. “Oh my God, I just remembered!”

“What?” Glenn asked, alarmed.

“I’m pregnant.”

* * *

 

“You okay?” Michonne asked, climbing into the tower. Rick was on watch, pacing and glancing off in all directions. 

“I will be,” he answered vaguely.

“When Natasha gets back here safe with Carl, right?”

He nodded. “Yeah.”

“She’ll be fine. He will be too. Just give her some time.”  
  
”She should be here by now. Maggie and the others made it here this morning, Natasha should be here.” He stared off into the darkness as if she were going to appear at any second.

“Maggie and the others left Woodbury in a car,” Michonne reminded him. “Natasha and Carl are on foot. It’s going to take some time.”

Rick nodded but didn’t say anything.

“What’s up with you two?” Michonne finally asked, just to get him talking and not worrying.

He grinned a little. “What do you mean?” Michonne’s only response was to quirk an eyebrow. Rick laughed out loud. “She’s my second in command.”  
  
”Is that a fancy way of saying sidekick?”  
  
”Don’t tell her that, she’ll kick my ass.”

Michonne smirked. “How are you dealing with the whole Shane and Lori situation?”

He rubbed his face. ”I think Lori and I were over long before we were officially over. I tried to make it work and she pushed me away. Some part of me will always love her but it’s just not the same anymore. Seeing her raising a baby I thought was mine with another man who used to be my best friend…my feelings have changed a lot,” he said flatly.

“It was hard at first,” he admitted. “All this time here I just wanted to find her and Carl. I knew she was pregnant, I thought it was my baby and I just wanted her here safe. Seeing her and Shane together at first was like a knife to my heart every time. Seeing him with what was my wife, what was supposed to be my child it wasn’t easy I admit. It’s gotten easier though."

”Natasha have anything to do with that?” Michonne fished. “She cares about you. In her own way.”  
  
”I know.” Rick nodded soberly. “She told me about her past, her first love. She doesn’t think she can be loved or give love again.” He shook his head. 

“Is she wrong?”  
  
Rick was silent. “We won’t know unless we try,” he said finally. “She has trouble accepting any kind of love.”  
  
”I’ve noticed.”  
  
”It’s like we’re always dancing around each other,” Rick said, unable to stop now that Michonne had opened that can of worms. “I don’t really know what I’m feeling for her, so I don’t know what to tell her. She seems to flirt and then push me away when I get too close. Even though she told me about her childhood once she doesn’t want to bring it up again.”  
  
”It’s bad memories for her, can you blame her for not wanting to talk about it though?”  
  
”But she should talk about it, right? After everything she went through, isn’t the only way to get over it to talk about it?”  
  
”Not exactly. I think whatever she went through was a long time ago. She’s over it and doesn’t want to talk about it all the time, you can’t push her,” Michonne said. “You should be grateful she told you at all. The only reason she told you was so that you would know where she’s been and what she’s gone through not so you can bring it up every chance you get.”  
  
”Maybe you’re right,” Rick agreed. “What should I do? If she ever makes it home, that is.” 

“She’ll come back home soon,” Michonne said firmly. “Just talk to her, don’t push her. And you’ll get your chance.”

Rick smiled but didn’t say anything.


	16. Desolation and Despair

Natasha tugged Carl’s hand, forcing him to move faster. Walkers were poring after them in droves, no doubt attracted to the awful noise the hulk was making in Woodbury.  They’d been running for what seemed like hours. Carl was getting lightheaded and was already tired when they had left the town. Now he was exhausted and felt his eyelids getting heavy. He slipped, his hand wrenched away from Natasha. She stopped and turned. “Get on my back,” she commanded. “Don’t let go.”

He locked his arms around her neck, closing her eyes to block out the sounds of walkers behind them. Natasha suddenly stopped to lift him up. “Go,” she hissed.

Carl realized she wanted him to climb up a tree. He hurried up, watching her shimmy up after him. Carl looked back and realized they had climbed a hill, well, Natasha had scaled the hill with him on her back. It had slowed the walkers down enough for them to get up in the tree. They were high enough that they wouldn’t be seen by anyone living or undead. Natasha was sitting on the branch with her back against the tree. Carl was seated between her legs. 

“Sit back,” she said, pulling him back to lean against her. “Go to sleep, I’ll make sure you don’t fall.”

Carl didn’t need to be told twice. His eyelids fluttered once and he fell asleep moments later. Natasha had a bag slung across her chest that contained some water and a laughably small supply of food. She had her two pistols, Clint’s hunting knife and Maggie’s machete that she hadn’t had the chance to return. Carl had a handgun and a pocket knife. If they didn’t make it somewhere soon, they would be pretty fucked.

Since she had been in the back of a car with no windows, she had no idea where Woodbury was and had been too busy tending to Carl to pay attention to the turns they were making.

Natasha looked down at the sleeping boy, looking at the white bandage covering his face. He could have died if Bruce hadn’t been there. How could she have faced Rick again if Carl had died? She wouldn’t have, she would have let the Governor kill her.

She smiled to herself thinking that the Governor got what he deserved. Natasha had slipped into his bedroom, waking him up with a slap to the face. He had struggled, of course. But he was a common man and she was the lethal Black Widow. The only reason she had let him smack her around before was because of Maggie and Carl. Natasha had tied him to the bed and crudely chopped off his hand, as he had done to Maggie. 

“I’m going to give it to her as a gift. She can hang it up like a trophy,” she spat. “I’m gonna cut off your balls and keep them as my trophy.” She cauterized the wound with a blow torch, dug out an eye with a spoon and found a creative use for a pair of pliers. Someone banged on the door soon after that so Natasha left him, creeping through the compound silent as a whisper. Normally, she’d have taken the time to kill some of the other men but she wanted to get back to Maggie before the group left without her.

Natasha was angry at herself for what the Governor did to Maggie, what he did to Carl. Most of all she was angry at herself for what happened to Clint and then to Merle. She’d let it all happen.

Stood by and watched the Governor hack off Maggie’s hand. Didn’t stick with Clint as she should have and let him get bitten. Walked past Merle, knowing they were about to shoot him.

How could she go back to the group now? Face Glenn and Maggie? Or Rick and Lori? Daryl?

Natasha closed her eyes, suddenly angry; this time at Clint. He was to blame for her having emotions at all. She’d been a mindless killing machine before he found her and made her feel again. Now here she was sitting in a tree, holding on to a little boy and trying to plan how to get him back to his family without her because she was too afraid to face them. 

Natasha would only admit it to herself, but she cared about them all. She wouldn’t be able to see the blame and accusation in their eyes. Maggie lost her hand, Daryl lost his brother, Rick and Lori almost lost their son and it was her fault. Hearing it from them would break her heart. Not for the first time, she wished Clint were there to help her. She never wished for help during a fight. Michonne and Rick watched her back as well as Clint had. It was always during down time that she wished for him.

Natasha also knew she was developing feelings for Rick. She didn’t know what those feelings were, how to deal with them or even who to talk to about it. Her heart clenched and her eyes filled with tears. Running blind. That’s what she felt she was doing.

Her hold on Carl tightened as the moans of the walkers grew louder. She just had to wait for them to pass and she could get Carl back to safety. Everything else came after.

“Damn you, Clint,” she whispered, wiping her eyes.

* * *

 

Steve pointed at the map Rick had spread out. “That’s Woodbury. Maggie and I ended up in this town. Natasha could get there too.”  
  
”You think she’d be there?” Daryl asked. 

“It’s possible,” Steve answered. “They don’t have much in the way of supplies. Carl’s injured and they don’t have a car. She would hide them out somewhere until he was up for traveling.”

“Alright,” Rick said, standing up. He left the room and came back with pages from a book. Using his knife he trimmed the edges until he head three photos lying on the desk.

“There are three towns between here and Woodbury she could end up in. So, Daryl and T-Dog will go here. Shane and Glenn here. Tyreese and Andrea here. Put these up in a gas station near the maps, it’s the first place she’ll look,” Rick explained.

“How do you know?” Glenn asked.

“Just trust me.” Rick wrote out three notes and stuck them on the pictures.

Daryl looked down. “What the hell’s up with the pictures?”

“Black widow not obvious?” Rick smirked.

“I got that, I meant the other two.”

“The hawk is for Hawkeye? Clint?” Steve asked.

“Yes,” Rick confirmed.

“What about the bear?”

Rick fought a smile. “She once told me I was like a bear.”  
  
”How?” T-Dog asked, eyebrows furrowing.   
  
”I don’t know, she never explained it,” Rick said. He passed out the notes and gave the last of the instructions.

“We’ll get her back,” Daryl promised. “And when we do, I’m gonna watch her kick your ass for worrying about her so much.”

Rick smiled and put a hand on his shoulder. “That’s one ass kicking I’m looking forward to. Get out of here already.”

* * *

 

Carl woke with a pounding head and a pain in his butt. He was leaning against someone, so he sat up and turned around. His heart started to pound, he didn’t have a clue who that woman was. She was asleep so Carl moved away as silently as possible, sliding around her to a nearby branch. He climbed down, speeding up when he got closer to the ground. His feet touched earth and he started to run. But he didn’t make it far before his pounding head forced him to start. 

“Carl?” he heard a voice call behind him. He thought he recognized it but he still didn’t know the face.

“Carl!” the woman yelled when she saw him. He took off running again, she ran behind him easily catching up to him. She grabbed him in a hug, forcing him on the ground. The boy started to cry.

“Please don’t hurt me,” he sobbed.

“Carl, I’m not going to hurt you. It’s me, Natasha, remember?”

Carl stopped fighting, suddenly remembering who he was, who she was and where they were. He kept crying.

“What’s happening to me? Why can’t I remember anything?” He wiped his leaking eyes, his fingers brushed the bandage on his face and he cried harder.

“You were shot, remember? One of the Governor’s men shot you, blasted you with a shotgun. Your face took a good bit of trauma, you have amnesia but you’re okay. I promise, you’re okay,” she said soothingly, rocking back and forth to calm him. She was so focused on him, she hadn’t heard a sound around them. Then she was roughly yanked away from Carl by two pairs of hands, another man appeared, grabbing Carl.

Natasha counted five men. Two holding her, one holding Carl, the other two hovering nearby. They were all big, with substantial muscle. The two holding her were certainly strong. The grip they had on her arms was sure to leave bruises.

“What do we have here?” one of the men laughed, rubbing a hand over Carl’s cheek.

“I think we hit the jackpot here,” another said, eyeing Natasha.

“Let us go,” Carl said, trying to mask the tears in his voice.

The men laughed at him. Natasha felt a bubble of rage in her stomach so powerful it could rival the hulk. 

“I don’t think so, little guy,” one of the men laughed. “Here’s what’s going to happen. We’re gonna fuck you and make your mama watch. Then we’re gonna fuck her and make you watch.” He chuckled, rubbing his hand through the boy’s hair. “Tommy,” he said. The man next to him grabbed Carl by the arms, forcing him to the ground. One held down each arm.

Natasha screamed, struggling against the men holding her, they laughed. The biggest man hovered over Carl, beginning to pull Carl’s pants down. His underwear came down with it and he was exposed. Natasha went ballistic. With one swift motion, she ripped her arm from the men’s grasp, ran forward and kicked the man in the face sending him sprawling. She yanked Clint’s knife from her boot and stabbed him in the throat. The other four men were still for a moment, not comprehending what had happened. Natasha whipped out her pistols and shot each of them in the forehead, they were dead in seconds.

She sprinted to Carl, helping him pull his pants up. He launched himself at her, arms wrapping around her as he sobbed into her neck.

Natasha rocked him. “It’s okay, you’re okay now.”

Half an hour later, Natasha and Carl were walking through the woods. The boy had been silent, slowly coming to terms with what had nearly happened to him. He was starting to seem like himself again.

“Do you like my dad?” he asked suddenly.

“Of course I do. Your dad is smart and a great leader.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Carl huffed. 

“I know what you meant.”  
  
The boy rolled his eyes. “He likes you. A lot. Maybe even loves you.”  
  
Natasha didn’t answer. What could she say?  
  
Carl took this as a sign to go on. “He talks about you all the time and he always has this big smile on her face when he does. He looks at you how he used to look at my mom. I think he needs you more than you think.” Carl was annoyed when she didn’t say anything. He changed tactic. “Were you really an Avenger?”  
  
Natasha smiled. “I was.”  
  
”Were you ever in love?”  
  
”I was.”  She clenched her jaw. Carl waited. “His name was James. The last real relationship I had was my partnership with Clint Barton.” 

“Hawkeye?”  
  
”Yes, Hawkeye. He was my best friend, the only person I ever had one hundred percent trust in. When he died, I can’t even begin to tell you how I felt.”

“Try,” Carl pressed.

“I felt alone,” she said after a long time. “I was alone growing up after my parents died. I was alone after James died. Then Clint came along. He was never my boyfriend, our relationship was purely platonic. But he taught me what it felt like to love. He was my rock, he kept me human. And he died it was like all of that disappeared. I was falling and didn’t know which way was up.”

”Were you a bad person before you met Clint?” Carl asked softly. 

“Very.”  
  
”How come you didn’t go back to that when he died?”  
  
”Carl, I won’t go into my past with you but let me tell you something. The old me wouldn’t have saved Merle. The day we met Michonne, Andrea and your dad I would have killed all three of them before they even saw my face. I certainly wouldn’t have been tramping through the woods with a kid who never learned to pick up his feet when he walked. But Clint changed me.

“I saved Merle because it was Clint’s dying wish. At first, that’s what it was. I wanted to complete the last task he entrusted me with.” Natasha recalled she’d had almost this exact same conversation with Rick before.

“After that?” Carl asked.

And this is where the conversation differed from the one she’d had with Rick because she hadn’t been able to say this to Rick. “I met your father.”

“Dad helped you? How?”

Natasha bit her lip. “Even in this world he kept the things about him that make him good. He’s made hard decisions and done things that haunt him, yet he fights to stay good, so full of light.”  
  
Carl smiled. “Guess that’s why you fit together. Dad’s light and you’re dark.”  
  
Natasha smiled back. “Yeah, that’s it.”  
  
”Did you kill the Governor?” he asked.   
  
”I did.” Surely he was dead by now.  
  
”Did you enjoy it?”

She hesitated. “I did.”  
  
”Do you always enjoy killing?”  
  
”No, I don’t. The Governor shot you, cut off Maggie’s hand and had Merle killed. He deserved what I did to him. It’s never fun to take someone’s life and it haunts you.”

“What would you do if something happened to my dad?”  
  
”I would find the person and torture them until they died,” she said without thinking.

“I killed Hershel,” Carl blurted suddenly.

Natasha stopped and sat down on a fallen log. “You don’t have to tell me.”

“I do, I want to,” he said, shaking his head. “I need to tell someone who won’t judge me. The whole group looks at me weird because of it.” He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

“It was during the winter and we were at this camp. It was falling apart and we had no food. We were all cold, everyone was mad at Shane because he gave my mom special treatment. He gave her the most food, blankets. Mom tried to share and he’d scream that he was doing his best and she was being ungrateful.

“So one night these walkers get in and Hershel got bitten while we were trying to leave. Beth and Maggie were trying to get him to leave with us but he kept telling them no, since he was bitten he knew he was going to die and didn’t want to put them in danger. The walkers were getting closer and closer to us and everyone was panicking. So I shot Hershel in the head. Beth freaked out and called me names. I didn’t know what else to do. He was gonna die anyway and if we kept standing there arguing we’d all be dead. Everyone started treating me differently after that. Then Beth killed herself and Maggie screamed at me, saying it was my fault. Glenn told me she didn’t mean it but it still hurt.” He sounded so young and innocent that Natasha wanted to cry with him.

“I was seven when I made my first kill and he wasn’t no walker,” Natasha told him. “He was a living man that wanted to kill me so I killed him first. That’s a lesson you need to learn right now.”

She made him look at her. “Your dad is a good man. He kills only in self defense. That makes him strong and willing to do anything it takes to keep his group safe. There are men that kill simply because they can. They kill to make a point, like the Governor. Merle was of no use to him so he killed him. Do you remember what I told you before about me? I’m speaking from personal experience, so I know.”  
  
”So you used to be like the Governor and now you’re like my dad? Killing when you have to?” Carl sniffed.

“Something like that. My judgment is blurred in some cases and your dad helps me. The fact that you had to put Hershel down doesn’t make you bad at all, you did what you had to do,” she told him. “The circumstances weren’t good, the whole situation was bad. But you didn’t do anything wrong. Does your dad know?”  
  
Carl shook his head. “Mom told him he was bitten. I wanted to tell him the truth but what if he treats me different because of it?”  
  
”Talk to him when we get back. If something goes wrong, come get me and I’ll set him straight.”

“Thanks, Tasha.” Carl smiled. He sniffled again. “Those guys before, they wanted to…to rape me didn’t they?”

Natasha pulled him closer to her, hugging him tightly , they managed to do what thousands failed to do. They got the drop on me. I’m so sorry, Carl.”

The boy wiped his eyes. “You shouldn’t be sorry, you protected me.”  
  
She was silent for a moment. “I would die to protect you, kid.”  
  
Carl believed her. He wiped his eyes again and stood up. “I guess I’m ready to go now.”


	17. Serpents

“So what now?” Lori asked Rick. The group had planted the notes as Rick instructed.

“We wait,” he told her. The group had gathered in the cafeteria to discuss what to do next. So far, they had nothing.

She scoffed. “Our son it out there, injured and you’re going to leave them a note and hope they find it?”  
  
”We can’t do much else, Lori.”

“We can look for them,” she shot back.

“How?” Carol spoke up. “They could be anywhere by now. Steve and Maggie didn’t even see which way they left out of Woodbury.”

Everyone looked at her then at Rick.

 _I don’t know what to do_ , he thought helplessly, turning away.

“So we’re going to leave my son out there with some killer who’d let him die to save herself?” Lori scoffed.  
  
Rick slammed his fist down on the table but it was Daryl who spoke. “You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about!” He stood up so fast his chair flipped over.

Lori took a step back. 

“Do you know what happened in Atlanta?” Daryl asked. “After Merle cut his hand off and cauterized it himself, he went stumbling down a fire escape, almost passed out from blood loss.” The entire group was staring at him, stunned by his excited state.

“Then some guy comes up and helps him down. Alley crawling with walkers, at least a dozen, Merle told me. This guy whips out a hunting knife, you’ve all seen it, Natasha has it now. It was Clint’s. Bodies start dropping, then he gets caught off guard and gets bit. He helps Merle in the alley and says he’s gonna call his partner for backup. Last thing Merle hears was the guy calling for Natasha.

“Merle comes to and has this little redhead barely keeping him up, haulin’ his big ass through walker infested streets. He told her to go to the bridge and she got him in our truck He passes out again, wakes up and they’re parked at a doctor’s office, crawling with walkers.”  
  
Daryl glared at Lori. “See, Natasha didn’t even know my brother. Y’all saw Atlanta. It’s a miracle any of us made it out alive. Natasha dragged Merle’s sorry ass through walker infested streets to go to a walker infested doctor’s office to get him medicine. And Merle asked her later why she didn’t just leave him? Let the walkers get him? And you know what she told him? She promised Clint that she would keep him safe. It was his dying with for her to get Merle out of the city and she did it because he asked her to. 

“If you really think she’ll let anything happen to Carl, you’re dumb as fuck. Natasha loves that kid and she loves Rick. She’ll keep that kid alive if it kills her. Even if she somehow got bit she would bring him as far as she could. So calm your ass down because you ain’t helping.” Daryl stomped off after finishing his rant.

Everyone stared after him in stunned silence.

“Real good job of keeping Merle alive,” Shane commented.  
  
Maggie shot up from her seat and glared at him. “Walk away from me. Right now. Cause you really don’t know what you’re talking about.”  
  
Shane almost laughed at her but put his hands up in surrender. Lori looked at him then at Rick. “I hope we find them. Both of them.”

He nodded. “I think it would be best if you and Maggie left today, take Ben and Judith to the community.”  
  
”What for?” Shane snapped.

“There could be an attack,” Rick said.

“Maggie said Natasha killed the Governor,” Andrea said.

“We don’t know for sure,” Maggie jumped in. “Just that when Steve came to get us she went another way. When she met back up with us we didn’t get the chance to ask.”  
  
”What about the Hulk though?” Andrea asked. “Didn’t you say he smashed up Woodbury?”  
  
”We don’t know for sure,” Maggie repeated. “Steve got us out of there pretty quick once Bruce started changing colors.”

“There’s a chance he could be alive,” Rick said. “That’s enough for me. We need to be prepared for anything. That means getting Lori, Maggie and the little ones out.”  
  
”What about Sophia?” Lori asked.   
  
”She’s agreed to stay and fight,” Carol answered.

“And you’re okay with that?!”

“It’s her decision.” Carol looked at her daughter proudly. “This place belongs to her as much as it does to Rick or Andrea that gives her just as might right to defend it. She’s chosen to stay and defend what’s hers.”

Lori stared at her as if she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “She’s a child. You’re her parent. You tell her what to do, not the other way around.”  
  
”Lori, leave it alone,” Rick cut in before Carol could get angry. “It’s Sophia’s choice and Carol’s okay with it. That’s the end of it.” Lori just shook her head in disbelief. “You and Maggie pack your things, get ready to go.”

The group broke apart then, going in different directions. Half an hour later, they were gathered in the yard to say their goodbyes to Lori and Maggie.

“We’ll come for you when it’s safe,” Rick promised. Maggie nodded tearfully, attacking him with a hug. She went down the line hugging everyone, Lori waited by the car.

Maggie was opening the car door when the gunfire started. Lilly screamed, blood exploded from her arm.

“Get down!” Shane started shouting at the group. “Lori!”

Rick went after Lilly, pulling her to safety behind a wall. He ripped off his button up shirt and pressed it against her bleeding arm. She hissed and put her hand over the wound. His mind was racing, wondering what to do. They weren’t prepared for this. There were screams coming from the yard.

Suddenly it all stopped. A voice spoke to them, amplified by a megaphone. “I only came for one person. We’ll go right now and leave you alone for good. All you have to do is hand over the redhead bitch that took my eye.”

Michonne actually managed to smirk at that.

“Should we run?” Tyreese asked, lying face down on the ground. “What do we do?”

“Just stay where you are,” Rick called.

“I need to get on the other side of that fence,” Michonne said. “I can’t do shit in here, but out there with them I could do some damage.”  
  
”No, dammit! No. You go on the other side of that fence and you die,” Rick said. “We need you too much right now. We need to decide right now that we’re going to work together or we’re all dead.”

“He’s right, girl,” Tyreese said. “We need you in here. This ain’t no time for suicide missions.”

“Last chance,” The Governor said through his megaphone. A shot rang out then, causing the Woodbury group outside to start screaming.

”What the hell was that?” Maggie squealed. 

“Andrea! It’s Andrea!” Sophia cheered.

Andrea fired another shot, then another. Someone from the outside opened fire on her with a machine gun.

“She stopped,” Glenn said. “She stopped shooting.”  
  
”That doesn’t mean anything,” Rick called. “We’ve got to get inside, there’s no cover out here.”

There were more gunshots from the tower opposite Andrea.

“Who’s up there?!” Maggie exclaimed.

Rick peeked around the corner of the wall. “It’s Abraham!”

Outside, the Governor was fuming. His people were falling left and right. He hadn’t been expecting the prison group to fight back to such a large group. “This isn’t working, fuck, this isn’t working! Fall back, we need to regroup!”

The Woodbury survivors jumped into the trucks and left.

“They gave up?” Glenn asked, standing up.

“They weren’t expecting us to fight back,” Tyreese mused. “They’ll be back.”

“Let’s get inside, we’ve got to get Lilly some help,” Rick said. “Everybody okay?”

* * *

 

It turned out Andrea had been shot, a bullet just grazing her head giving her a large scar across her left cheek. Lilly had taken a bullet to the arm but was mostly alright. The others moved cars across the yard to use as cover to hide behind. One truck had been loaded with supplies as a last resort escape vehicle. 

“What about Lori and Maggie?” Andrea asked. She, Rick, Glenn, Daryl and Abraham were standing in a circle in the yard, looking around. “Should we still send them out to the new community?”

”No,” Rick decided, shaking his head. “We don’t know where the Governor is, he followed everyone here he could follow them out there. I can’t risk their safety.” 

“And staying here isn’t?” Glenn asked.

“We can send them out the back way,” Andrea suggested.

“We’ll figure something out,” Rick said. “I think it’s best that no one leaves. We can’t risk it. He could be parked outside just waiting for us to try to leave. We’ll need Andrea, Glenn, Abraham and Carol in the tower, they’re our best shots. Spread everybody else out behind the cars. Where are Michonne and Tyreese?”

“Haven’t seen either of them since after the attack,” Glenn said. “Figured they went off together…you know.” He half shrugged.

“Well we need to find them,” Rick said. “Let’s get ready.”

A few hours had turned up nothing.

“They’re gone,” Andrea concluded. They had searched the entire prison and hadn’t found Michonne or Tyreese anywhere. 

“Where would they go?” Lori spoke up.

“Yeah, why would they just leave?” Sophia asked from her mother’s side. The group was gathered in the cell block, feeling discouraged and disappointed at Michonne and Tyreese’s disappearance.

“They went after the Governor,” Daryl said suddenly.  
  
”What?” Andrea asked, furrowing her eyebrows.  
  
”Alone?!” Sasha exclaimed.

“How do you know that?” Rick asked calmly.

“Don’t for sure,” Daryl said. “But you know how Michonne is about her sword. Hell, she was begging to jump the fence when he showed up here. I’d bet anything they snuck out after the Woodbury group left and tried to follow him back to wherever they’re camped.”  
  
”That’s a suicide mission,” Sasha said sadly. “There’s at least a hundred in that group.”

Rick covered his face with his hands. “We’ll have to do it without them.”

* * *

 

The sound of an engine approaching the prison had the group scrambling. Shane forced Lori to take Judith with Maggie and Ben while he went out with the others; she tearfully screamed his name at his retreating figure. A truck pulled into the field in front of the prison, turned around and backed toward the fence. The Governor got out, then jumped in the back of the truck. He shoved a person covered with a blanket to the end of the truck so that he could be seen by everyone in the yard. Then he yanked the blanket off, revealing Tyreese.

There was a collective gasp from the group in the yard. 

“Oh my God!” Andrea exclaimed, covering her mouth with her hands.

“Tyreese, no,” Sasha breathed, tears forming.

The Governor turned to the group, holding Michonne’s sword over his head. “Before anyone gets trigger happy, know that I’ve got the woman too! My fat friend and I don’t get back to our camp in one piece she dies! So no sudden moves okay! From that I think you can see where this is going. Open the gates, get that redhead bitch out of her hiding spot and all of you get in this truck and come back with us…or I do something terrible to your friend.”  
  
”Don’t let him in,” Tyreese yelled, just loud enough to be heard in the yard.

“Shut up!” the Governor yelled and hit him on the back of the head with the butt of the sword. “So what’s it going to be?”

“What do we do?” Alice cried.

“What can we do?” Rick said. “We can’t let him in here. He gets the prison he’ll kill us all. Tyreese never should have left. It’s him or all of us, we can’t do anything.”  
  
”And Michonne,” Daryl added. “Shit.”

”He wants Natasha,” Sasha sobbed. “She’s not even here.” 

“So that’s it then?” the Governor yelled, calling their attention back. “I don’t think you realize how serious I am.” He raised the katana, ignoring Sasha’s screams and brought it down on Tyreese’s neck. Raising it again and swinging until his head disconnected from his body.

“Just think of Michonne,” Rick said as the rest of his group screamed and turned away. Sasha burst out in tears. “If she’s alive this could buy her enough time to escape. Just think of her.”

“Leave him for the biters,” the Governor said to his men. “Let’s roll before they get too close. Or before one of these shell shocked fucks decides to get a gun.” They kicked Tyreese’s body off the truck and pulled out of the yard.

“Oh, god,” Alice said, rubbing her eyes. “I don’t think I can do this.”  
  
”Doesn’t matter,” Rick said, facing her. “You have to. We’ve got to get it together or else Tyreese just died for nothing. Soon, very soon these people are going to come again and we have to be ready. Nobody is going to do this for us.”

* * *

 

Inside the walls, things weren’t much better. The shock of the afternoon had worn off and the reality of the situation was setting in. 

“Tyreese, he’s…dead?” Lori asked tearfully.

Shane rubbed her shoulders and nodded. “Yeah.”

She spun to face Rick. “And you just watched it happen!?”  
  
”There was nothing I could do,” he defended. “If we’d taken his deal he would have killed everyone. He has Michonne, he could use her as a bargaining chip this time and we could save her life.”

“It wasn’t Rick’s fault,” Steve Rodgers cut in. “He did the right thing.” Rick gave him a nod in thanks, Steve returned it.  
  
”What does he want from us?” Maggie cried.

Rick shifted. “Technically, he doesn’t.”  
  
”What are you talking about?” Lori snapped.

“He wants Natasha.”  
  
”Can’t you tell him she’s not here? That she never made it back from Woodbury?” Alice asked.

“He wouldn’t believe us,” Maggie said.

“And my son is out there with her,” Lori almost yelled at the woman. “We can’t send that maniac out there after my son.”  
  
”And we can’t let him in here either,” Andrea yelled. “This whole situation is fucked.”

“She’s right,” Steve said. “If he comes in here and doesn’t find Natasha he’ll kill all of us. And if we tell him she’s not here, he could send someone to look for her and if he does that, Natasha and Carl will die. What can we do?”

“We can fight,” Rick said, seeing his opportunity. “When it comes down to us or him, I choose us. We kill him first.”


	18. Running Blind

Natasha and Carl reached the tree line, carefully checked the streets before stepping onto the road. They hurried into the first gas station they saw. Natasha snatched a map from the plastic stand and paused. A picture of a bear was peeking out from under the map stand. She slid it out and felt the note taped to the back. Raising an eyebrow, she unfolded it and read:

_‘N, if you can’t go any further, wait here we will come for you soon. Supplies nearby. Waiting for you to come home. – R’_

Underneath was a series of letters and numbers in a different handwriting, a license plate she realized. Natasha smiled.

“What’s that?” Carl asked.

“Your dad looking out for us.” She ducked outside and found the car that had the plate and went to it. A large duffel bag was thrown in the trunk which was held closed by a yellow bungie cord. She dropped it on the floor. Sighing in relief when she pulled out a bag of medical supplies.

“Lay down,” she ordered. “Let’s get that bandage changed.”

Carl did as she asked. There was a scraping sound from behind her and she whipped around, gun raised.

“It’s me,” Bruce said, coming out of the back room with his hands up.

Natasha sighed. “Thank god.” She stood up.  
  
He came over and started to look over Carl.

“What are you doing in here?” she asked. “How long have you been here?”

“I was in a house up on that hill,” he said. “I saw people here a few days ago so I came down but they were gone by the time I got here. I saw the note the left for you so I figured you might show up sooner or later.”  
  
”What happened when you got out of Woodbury?”

Bruce sighed. “I woke up in a ditch. I tried to find you guys but I didn’t have a clue where to look. I didn’t feel comfortable running naked into town so I stayed here.” He looked up. “Natasha, I found something.” He motioned for her to follow. “It’s a CB radio, slightly modified. I’ve been trying to contact Tony for days. I got a flicker from him this morning but nothing since.”  
  
”Can you bring it with you?”  
  
”Of course. When do you want to leave?”  
  
”In the morning. We need food and sleep. Also I need you to fix me up.” She had been worrying to much about Carl she’d forgotten she’d been shot twice and had numerous cuts and bruises from the Governor’s beatings. Bruce got them food and tended Natasha’s wounds, while she explained what happened.

“To think, in a world where the dead are trying to eat us, it’s the living we have to worry about,” Bruce said, shaking his head.

“The mothers that rose from the dead are nothing compared to the monsters we carry in our hearts,” Carl said softly.

They fell silent after that, each of them falling asleep where they sat. A crack from the radio woke them up.

“Bruce, Cap, Clint, Natasha, are you there? Anybody?”  
  
”Tony? Is that you?” Bruce exclaimed, grabbing the handset.

“Of course, who were you expecting? Thor?”

Natasha rolled her eyes.

“Who’s with you?” Tony asked.

“Natasha and Carl,” Bruce answered.

“Tell Natasha to stop rolling her eyes at me,” Tony pouted. She stifled a laugh. “And did you say Carl? Who’s Carl?”

“He’s a kid-“

“A kid? Who’s kid? Natasha’s? Did her and Clint finally bang it out?”  
  
”Tony, Clint is dead,” Bruce said softly.

There was silence over the radio. “Are you sure?”

“She saw him get bit. So yeah, she’s sure.”  
  
Another long pause. “Where are you? We’ll come get you.”

“Actually, we need your help.”  
  
”What a surprise.”  
  
”Nat fell in with a group of people and they need our help.”  
  
”Nat has friends? Now I am surprised.”

“Tony! Listen to me!” Bruce yelled.

Natasha put herself in front of Carl, her hand fell on her gun. Bruce closed his eyes until he was under control. “Is there a safe zone established in New York?” he asked.

“Yeah, but we’re in D.C. The S.H.I.E.L.D. base is completely safe, if you didn’t know. We were planning to get you guys up here, go to New York and restore Avengers tower. There’s a zone being set up near D.C. Fury wanted Clint and Natasha to run that one.” He went quiet.

“When can you get to Georgia?”

“Say the word and we’ll be there. I’ve got a plane fueled up and ready to go.”

“Come down then. We’ll talk more then,” Bruce rattled off a location to meet and they agreed to a time in the morning.

“So I guess in the morning,” Bruce started. “I’ll go meet Tony, you take Carl back to the group and let them know what’s going on. See if they want to go.”  
  
Natasha shook her head, glancing at Carl. “I’d rather go meet Tony.”  
  
”What about Carl?”  
  
”You can stay here with him, someone from the group should show up soon.”  
  
”Nat, they’re your group.” 

She looked at her hands. “I don’t know if I can face them.”  
  
”What not?” Bruce asked. “Nat, I know I’m not Clint, but you can talk to me.”  
  
”I just can’t face them again, Bruce,” she said. “In the store when the Governor showed up, Maggie would have been shot but I pushed her out of the way. Merle died, Maggie lost her hand and Carl got half his face blown off. It was my job to protect them and I failed. I had three people to protect. Bang up job I’ve done.” She huffed. “How can I face Daryl now? Or Maggie? Lori will never forgive me when she sees Carl again.” She felt tears welling up in her eyes.

Bruce listened silently to Natasha’s speech. “Nat, listen. Maggie knew what she was doing. She knew all she had to do was tell the Governor what he wanted to know and he would end the beatings. She paid the price to keep the group safe and she’s okay with it. Merle probably knew the same thing, that if he fought back the Governor would kill you and Maggie. He gave up his life for you and Maggie and her baby. As for Carl, you didn’t even know he was with you. He knew the risks of sneaking into town and is paying the price for it. I don’t know much about your group but I know that if they’re good people, they’ll know how hard you tried.”

“That’s not good enough,” she snapped. “Carl is Rick’s son and-“

“And what?”  
  
”And I think I have a problem.” She sighed. “I may have…feelings for Rick.”  
  
”What kind of feelings?” Bruce asked, fighting a smile. 

Natasha glared at him. “Strong feelings.”

“You love him,” Bruce stated.

“I didn’t say that.”  
  
”Well, then, explain,” he challenged.

She bit the inside of her cheek. “I think I might,” was all she said.

“And that’s a bad thing?”

“In this world, it is. Look at what happened to Carl. Once Rick sees him and finds out about his memory…” She glanced at Bruce.

“You’re afraid he’ll hate you? Make you leave the group?” Bruce tried.

“No, Rick isn’t like that. I’m afraid he’ll let me stay. So I’ll have to live every day seeing the blame and accusations in his eyes. Or the blame in Lori’s eyes. What I feel…I couldn’t live so close to him and be so far away.”

“I understand,” Bruce said. And he did. “I think you should talk to him though.”  
  
Natasha just shook her head. “I just can’t.”  
  
Bruce nodded. “Alright, in the morning we’ll go meet Tony together and decide what to do from them. Just think it over, sleep on it.”

She didn’t think her mind would change but she nodded anyway.

* * *

 

“They’re here!” Andrea shouted from the guard tower. 

“Shit. We’re fucked,” Axel said, seeing the trucks approaching.

“Are there more of them? It looks like there’s more,” Alice said.

“No, not possible,” Rick said. “Just keep it together everybody, you know what to do. If we work together we can get through this.” He started pointing and shouting instructions, everyone ran in different directions.

He ducked under a car, others following his lead. “Shoot from under the cars! They’re surrounded by walkers, they can’t get on the ground to shoot back!”

From the tower, Abraham pulled a pin from a grenade. “See if these things even work.” He tossed it outside the fence, smiling in delight when it exploded. The Woodbury survivors were screaming and running.

In the other tower, Andrea started firing. She began picking them off.

The Governor watched his men fall him around him. “Fuck it, fuck it!” He jumped in the big truck and plowed it through the fences. The Woodbury survivors followed him in.

“Fuck!” Shane screamed, a few feet away from Rick. “We can’t do it man, we gotta go.”  
  
”Shane, we can’t!”

Shane turned. “I’ve got to find Lori!” He ran off then, ignoring Rick’s cries to come back.

“He’s right!” Daryl yelled. “We can’t do it!” He backed toward the door, dragging Carol with him.

Rick finally accepted defeat, started for the door as well. The Governor was screaming at his men when suddenly his screaming stopped. Rick turned back to see the Governor’s body on the ground, his head lying several feet away. Blood pooling around it. Michonne was standing over him, eyes wet.

The Woodbury survivors seemed to be in shock until she moved, going after a walker that was getting too close. The men started to shoot at her, Andrea picked them off. Daryl, Carol, Rick and the others fought back. The yard was a flurry of bullets flying, blood spilling and bodies falling.

“Is that all?” Rick growled. “Did we get them all?”

“What now?” Carol asked, looking around.

“Somebody park that truck in front of the hole. It won’t help for long but it’s something.” They’d cleared the walkers that had come in but with all the gunfire, more would surely be coming. Rick looked around the yard. “Walkers and Woodbury survivors go over there.” He pointed to the outside yard. “We’ll burn them later. Any of our people…go in the corner. We bury them.”

* * *

 

“My friend, the spider!” Thor bellowed when the trio entered. He was seated on a stood. Tony, Phil Coulson and Maria Hill stood nearby. 

“Hi, Thor,” she said with a nod. “Stark.”

“Good to see you too, Romanoff. Cute kid. Yours?” he joked.

Once the introductions were over, Natasha asked what the plan was.

“There are ten seats on Tony’s jet,” Coulson said. “That’s seven for us, we can take three from your group, Romanoff. Fury wants you in D.C. to oversee the survivor’s camp S.H.I.E.L.D. is setting up. If your group is interested in staying with you we’ll give them driving directions. Once you’re settled in, Steve, Tony and I will be heading to New York. Avenger’s tower is intact, but the block around it isn’t. We’ve secured the streets it’s on and have agents working to clear out enough space for a safe zone. Where is your group right now?”  
  
Natasha told him. Tony passed a bag to her. “Pepper sent this to you. After a year down here she figured you’d want something from home.”  
  
Natasha went into the bathroom and opened the bag, delighted to find a new uniform along with several pairs of jeans, shirts a leather jacket and clean underwear. She washed herself off and slipped into her uniform. Zipping up her new boots with a smile. Pepper had even remembered her Widow’s Bites. 

She felt comfortable, this was familiar to her. Slipping Clint’s knife into her boot she picked up the bag and went to rejoin the others.

“And she’s back!” Tony cheered. “Look like your old self again, Romanoff.”   
  
”Feel like my old self,” she admitted, shouldering the bag. “Whenever you’re ready.”


	19. World Full of Wrong

“This doesn’t look good,” Tony commented from the back seat. Natasha peered around him and her jaw nearly dropped. There was a gaping hole in the side of the fence, a truck had been strategically parked in front of it. Blood stained the grass. There was a pile of bodies in the outside yard next to one of the towers. Coulson stopped the SUV in front of the gate. Glenn and Andrea were nearby, glaring at the cars with guns in hand. Natasha got out, Carl followed her. Andrea gasped, tears springing to her eyes and she ran to open the gate. She grabbed Natasha in a hug a second later.   
  
”Andrea, what the hell happened?” Natasha hissed. 

The blonde hugged Carl and stood up. “The Governor.” She tearfully told the story while Glenn occasionally added something. Coulson, Maria, Tony and Thor had gotten out of the car and joined them, listening to the story.

Natasha’s heart sank into her stomach. She’d failed again. “This is my fault,” she said without meaning to.

“No, it’s not,” Andrea said, shaking her head.

“I had my chance to kill him in Woodbury, I didn’t take it. I tortured him and left him.” She couldn’t believe how stupid she had been. “Who did we lose?”  
  
Andrea bit her lip. “Tyreese. Lilly. T-Dog.” She looked down. “Shane.”

“Shane?” Carl exclaimed.

Natasha closed her eyes.   
  
”As much as I’m enjoying story time,” Tony started. “Can we maybe move it inside?” He motioned to the walkers started to gravitate toward them.

“I’ll get Rick and the others,” Glenn said, giving Natasha a small smile. She didn’t return it.

“I can’t do this,” Natasha hissed into Bruce’s ear.

“Yes, you can,” he whispered back. “Just relax, it’s going to be okay.”  
  
”Everything that happened here, what happened to Merle and Maggie and Carl, that’s all my fault. All their blood is on my hands,” she told him.

“You can’t think like that.”

“How am I supposed to look at it?”  
  
”That these are your friends,” Bruce pleaded. “You saw how Andrea reacted to your return? They’ll be happy to see you, just come on.” He motioned for her to follow the others, eventually she did.

Rick and Michonne had come into the yard, Abraham right behind them. Michonne was grinning a little.

Daryl, Carol and Sophia came out the side door. “Natasha!” Sophia cheered, running forward and hugging the redhead around the waist. Bruce sent her a smug smile.

Lori came out then, barreling toward Natasha as if on a war path. She slapped the woman across the face. “Look what you did!” Andrea grabbed Lori around the waist and hauled her back. Lori went on screaming, “This is your fault! Shane died because of you!”

Natasha said nothing, but didn’t look at anyone else besides Lori. She couldn’t take hearing the same thing from anyone else. They let Lori scream until she dissolved into tears and sat on the ground. Carl went over and sat in his mother’s lap. She hugged him to her, sobbing. Steve quietly slipped over to greet Natasha, Tony and the others. The redhead stood next to Coulson, arms crossed and chin high. Her pride wouldn’t allow her to do what she really wanted, which was slink behind Thor and hide.

“We have some things to discuss with you,” Coulson said, ignoring the awkwardness from before. “Maybe we should take some time to calm down first. Let’s talk at dinner time?”

The group separated. Maggie came over to hug Natasha. “Don’t listen to Lori, none of this was your fault.” Natasha gave a pained grin in response.

Carol had taken Lori inside with Carl, most of the awkwardness had evaporated by then.

“Damn, Red,” Abraham said, using Merle’s nickname for Natasha. “You fill that suit out good.”  
  
”I wouldn’t stand so close to her if you’re going to talk like that,” Tony said. “She’s killed men for less.”  
  
Abraham snorted. Natasha gave no indication that she’d heard them at all.   
  
Coulson looks around. “Is there somewhere I can speak to Natasha and Steve in private?” He wasn’t asking anyone in particular so Natasha answered him. “Yeah, I’ll show you.” She walked away, not looking behind her. Coulson, Maria, Steve, Tony, Thor and Bruce followed her to the Warden’s office. She sat down in Rick’s chair behind the desk, feeling a wave of sadness and nostalgia.

“What’s up?” Steve asked. Coulson briefly explained the situation in D.C.

“Fury has placed Natasha in charge of Alexandria,” Coulson explained. “He wants you, Tony and Thor in New York to secure the area around Avengers tower. We’ll leave for the city after Natasha is settled into Alexandria.”  
  
”What about the group here?” Steve asked. 

Natasha shook her head. Always thinking of others. That’s what gets you into trouble.

“They’ll be invited to come along, if they should choose. If they know Natasha is going they shouldn’t need much more convincing.”  
  
Natasha almost snorted at that.

“What about Bruce?”

“He’s chosen to remain in D.C. for the time being,” Coulson said. “A number of our scientists are gathered there doing research, searching for a cure, a vaccine, something.”  
  
”How’s that going?” Natasha snapped.

“Our lead scientist says the latest research is promising,” he answered, ignoring her icy tone. He stood up. “Let’s go talk to the group.”

Rick was waiting outside the Warden’s office for her. “Hey, can we talk?”  
  
She shook her head. “We need to talk with the group.” 

He looked a little hurt but didn’t say anything, just nodded and followed her to where the others were gathered in the cafeteria.

“If everyone is ready, I’ll explain what we’re doing here,” Coulson said. He explained the safe zone in D.C. and the power grids it was running on. “We’re currently working on getting it set up to run off arc technology. If you’re interested in going, we can take you. We’ve stockpiled food, clothes, various other items. You’ll get your own house, similar to what you have here but spread out more, it’s a larger area.”

“That sounds amazing,” Andrea mused, hugging Ben to her.

“No one lives there right now?” Maggie asked.

“Not at this time, you’ll be the first residents, should you choose to go,” Maria answered.

“We’ll give you twenty-four hours to think about it and pack your things. In the mean time, you should all get some rest.”

“It was most enjoyable meeting you all,” Thor said with a slight bow. “Though I wish it were on better terms. Your realm seems to have an infestation problem.”  
  
”We noticed,” Andrea deadpanned.

The others snickered slightly as they split up. Rick met Natasha’s eyes, silently asking her to follow. She turned to Coulson, then gave Rick a nod, promising to come to him soon. She took the new arrivals to a cell so they could get some rest themselves and talk more about the safe zone.

She knew exactly where Rick was, where he always was. When she made it to him she was dragging her feet. He was handing her a plate of food before she even sat down.

“I know you didn’t eat at dinner. Eat all of it or I’ll have Sophia come tell you all about the beat collection she had,” he demanded.

”Sounds boring.”  
  
”It is, she told me about it a while back.” He took a seat next to her, watching her. 

“What happened out there?” he asked. “In Woodbury, I mean.”

“You should talk to Carl about that first.”  
  
”Why?”  
  
She shook her head. “It’s something you need to hear from him.” Her tone wasn’t exactly cold but she didn’t sound as if she cared either. 

“I missed you, you know?” he said boldly. “Wasn’t the same without you here to boss me around.” He gave her a smile, she only stared at him before looking at the wall. Rick frowned. Whatever the nature of their relationship was before, it seemed to have changed now. They didn’t have the same easy going nature as before.

From the moment she had set foot in the yard, all Rick wanted to do was go to her and hold her. He could see the cuts and bruises on her face, and knew there was more under her suit according to Maggie. Even now he was sitting a foot away from her and the urge to pull her to him was almost uncontrollable. But he didn’t do it because she seemed even more cold and distant than she’d been when they first met. She couldn’t even look at him for more than a moment.

Rick’s insides twisted. “So…this place in D.C. sounds pretty good.”

“It’s what you wanted,” she replied. “A new start, somewhere safe. It would be well protected.”

“Is it what you want?” he asked.

“I want to keep the group safe. It’s up to them whether they want to stay or go.”  
  
”What if they want to stay? Will you stay?”  
  
”I can’t, I’m under orders. I have to go. If they want to stay they have to protect themselves.” 

“What if I wanted you to stay?”  
  
”Rick,” she stopped.

“Say it,” he commanded softly, voice barely above a whisper. She couldn’t bear the thought of leaving him but knew she had to.

“I have to go.” Her eyes shot open when something touched her lips. Rick’s face was inches away from hers. Their breath mixed together.

”I don’t want you to go,” he said, voice thick. He closed the distance again and pressed his lips against hers. 

“Come with me,” she breathed. Fingers grasped his curls to pull him as close as possible. His tongue grazed her bottom lip and she opened up to him. She moaned in his mouth and he smirked. Moving to kiss her jaw, sucking on her earlobe.

Suddenly she pushed him away.

“What’s wrong?” Rick asked, confused.

Her head was spinning. “I can’t…”

“Tasha,” he started. “It’s okay-“

She stood up. “Don’t tell me it’s okay.”

“Then tell me what’s wrong?”

She stared at the wall, still trying to get herself together. Her thoughts wouldn’t let her form the words to tell Rick what had happened and why it was her fault. Luckily, she was saved from doing so.

A knock on the door broke them apart. Carl walked into the room a moment later. 

“Dad, can I talk to you?”  
  
”Yeah, son, of course.” He met Natasha’s eyes.

She stood up. “I’ll leave you two alone then.” Her hand brushed over Carl’s head as she walked to the door. She knew what this was about and she didn’t want any part of it. Natasha walked quickly out the doors and to the guard tower, where she knew Michonne was on watch.

Michonne actually smiled when Natasha climbed up. “Good to have you back, my friend.”  
  
”Wish I could say it was good to be back,” the redhead replied, leaning against the rails.

“What’s the problem?”

”Lori blames me for everything,” Natasha stated.   
  
”She does,” Michonne confirmed.

“Does anyone else?”

“Sasha may be a little upset with you, but she’s still grieving, she’ll get over it. What happened out there?”

Natasha closed her eyes briefly and began telling her what happened, starting with the town Merle had died in. She told her all about Woodbury, what she’d done to the Governor and what had almost happened to Carl in the woods. Talking to Michonne was a lot easier than talking to Rick right now. Probably because she knew Michonne wouldn’t judge her or blame her.

“Sounds like some fucked up shit,” Michonne said with a small laugh.

“No kidding.”  
  
”Have you talked to Rick about it?”

Natasha shook her head. “How can I?”

“You think he blames you for Carl getting shot,” Michonne stated. “You think he’ll blame you like Lori does.”

Natasha didn’t answer.

“Look, I can’t speak for Rick. Carl’s his son and you know he’d do whatever he had to do to protect him. Same thing you did for him while you were out there, it sounds like.” Michonne paused. “But I can tell you right now that Rick missed you, every day you were gone. The first few days it was just little glances at the road to see if you were coming back. Then when we found Merle and realized what had happened, the whole group wanted to go look for you. Part of Rick wanted to look for you too, I know. But he trusted you and knew you would come back safe, and bring Carl back safe too. Lori screamed at him for it. Glenn argued with him over it. But they agreed to wait for you to come back.”  
  
”Then Maggie and Steve show up here without you,” Michonne said, pausing a moment. “That night was bad. Rick insisted on taking watch that night. I came up to talk to him. We had a nice, long talk about you. He didn’t know what to do. Then there was the threat of the Governor. Things got bad, everybody was arguing about what to do. Lori and Shane kept blaming Rick for letting Carl go missing in the first place. She didn’t think you would keep him alive. Then the Governor came here...”  
  
”They don’t trust me, do they?”

“They do. Except Lori. But you know what? Fuck Lori.”  
  
Natasha snorted.

“I’m serious,” Michonne said. “Fuck her. All she’s done since she got here is cause problems between Rick and Shane, then Rick and you. She got into it with Daryl and Maggie while you were gone. Just before you got back she started a fight with Andrea. Lucky Abraham was nearby or Lori would have lost a vital organ.”  
  
”What did she say to Andrea?”

“I don’t know for sure, Andrea couldn’t calm down enough to tell me the whole story. All I know is Lori said something about Carl not getting back safe and she would have issues with you. That was right after we buried Shane, I wouldn’t take it to heart.”  
  
Natasha just shook her head. “Rick kissed me.”  
  
”Did you kiss him back?” Michonne asked, not the least bit surprised.

“I did before I broke it off.”  
  
”Why did you do that?”

“He doesn’t know what happened, not the whole story.”  
  
”You can’t keep Carl in a bubble,” Michonne said. “He has an injury that none of us understands, except maybe Dr. Banner but even he isn’t sure just how much damage has been done. Carl will have lapses in memory and he’s going to wander off, it’s just how it is. You can’t blame yourself for it.”  
  
”He was sitting on my lap in a tree,” Natasha said harshly. “He got down without waking me up. How could I let that happen?”  
  
”You were tired and stressed the fuck out,” Michonne snapped. “You stopped anything bad from happening so you should count that as a win. Are you done with the pity party now?” 

Natasha grinned. “Yeah, I’m done.”

“Good.” Michonne grinned back. “Carl talking to Rick now?” Natasha confirmed. “Then he’ll tell Rick what happened. I’m sure you’ll get to talk to him tomorrow and everything will work out. You just gotta believe it.”  
  
”When did you become an optimist?” Natasha quirked an eyebrow.

Michonne smiled sadly. “When one of the bravest men I’ve ever met died protecting two friends of mine.” They both shared a smile, knowing she meant Merle. “We all know our lives are shortened in this world, we’re dying off every day. But you were right about Merle, he wasn’t who I thought he was. And he believed we could survive. He thought this group had a shot at making it, the misfits that we are. I thought he was crazy but he told me to trust Rick and trust you and we’d make it.” 

“I don’t know about the trusting me part,” Natasha said.

“You’re better than you think you are,” Michonne said. “Merle told me a little secret about you too.”  
  
”What did he tell you?” Now she was really curious.

“That you don’t think you’re good enough for this group. That we don’t really need you. But this group sleeps a hell of a lot better when you’re around. Even Lori, no matter what she says.”

Natasha almost laughed. “Oh yeah? How do you figure that?” She crossed her legs, facing the other woman.

“No figuring about it, she said it out right,” Michonne said. She held up her hands at Natasha’s look of disbelief. “I swear it. The first night you were gone she told Carol she couldn’t sleep the night before because she was used to hearing you creeping down the halls every night. She said, and I quote, ‘she doesn’t make a sound but I can almost feel her moving around and I feel so much better knowing she’s looking out for us in here’.”

Natasha actually snorted. “You’re full of shit.”  
  
”Ask Carol, she’ll tell you.” They laughed together again and eventually changed the subject.

“So,” Natasha said, looking at the floor. “How are you holding up?”  
  
Michonne tensed, knowing she was asking about Tyreese. “Awful. I know how you feel about the Carl situation.”  
  
”What do you mean?”  
  
”Blaming yourself for what happened. I blame myself for Tyreese’s death.”  
  
”He didn’t have to follow you out there,” Natasha said. “He made his own decision.”  
  
”You mean like how Carl made his decision to sneak into town with you?” 

“Fair enough. But Carl is an impulsive child and Tyreese is a grown man and knows the consequences of his actions. He followed you under his own volition and you can’t beat yourself up for it.”  
  
”The Governor cut his head off. With my sword.”

“That sucks, it really does,” Natasha said. “But we can’t save everybody.”  
  
Michonne locked eyes with her. “Right back at you.”

* * *

The next morning, Natasha went to the warden’s office not surprised to find Rick there. 

“Been up long?” she asked, sitting down across from him.

“All night actually,” he admitted. “Carl told me what happened. Everything. Even what happened in the woods.”  
  
Natasha looked at her hands. “I did my best, Rick. They still snuck up on me somehow.”  
  
”But you saved Carl.”  
  
”They never should have gotten a hand on him,” she snapped. 

Rick let the subject drop. “What are we doing then?”  
  
”I’m going to D.C,” she said. “I’m sorry, Rick but I have to.”

He nodded but didn’t say anything.

“Ready to talk to the group?” she asked. “Find out what they want to do?”

“Good a time as any.” He followed her outside, where everyone else was beginning to gather.

Tony clapped his hands together. “So what’s everyone doing?”  
  
”Is Natasha going?” Maggie asked, looking to the red head.

”She is,” Coulson confirmed. “She’s been ordered to return to D.C. to run the survivor’s camp.”  
  
”Then I’m going.”  
  
”Me too,” Glenn chimed in. 

“Wait, we don’t know anything about this place,” Lori cut in.

“It’s a safe zone,” Maggie snapped. “Natasha and the others will be there. That’s all I need to hear.”  
  
”Yeah,” Glenn agreed.

“I’ll go,” Michonne said, nodding at Natasha, who smiled.

“What happens if we want to stay?” Sasha asked. “No offense, but I saw Atlanta. Something tells me D.C. isn’t much different.”

“Well,” Tony said, clapping his hands together. “Let me tell you the story as I know it. S.H.I.E.L.D. has thousands of highly trained agents, as well trained as these two over here.” He motioned to Phil and Maria. “They’re all trained to handle special situations, such as this. When the outbreak went widespread, thousands of agents were dispatched. The ones on missions were alerted and given new orders. Washington didn’t go down without a fight, I’ll tell you that.”

“We pride ourselves on a quick and effective response to disaster,” Coulson picked up. “We have an entire neighborhood outside D.C. that’s equipped with solar panels. It’s completely self-sufficient. This is where you’ll be going, if you choose to go. When the reports came in, we were mapping off which streets to block off. By the time it hit Chicago, we had a quarantine area, safe houses and Tony, Steve and Thor on standby. When it finally hit D.C. we had thousands of agents in the streets. Unfortunately the outbreak had taken Atlanta very early on and we were unable to send backup for Agents Barton and Romanoff. But other agents all around the globe found ways to report back to us that they had set up safe zones and are taking in survivors, much how Natasha did here. So your safety in our zone is as close to guaranteed as I can give you.” 

“I believe that tells me all I’ll to know,” Andrea said. “I’m going.”

“How we getting there?” Daryl asked. “D.C. ain’t exactly right next door.”  
  
”You’ll be driving,” Coulson said. “I’ve mapped out a route for you to that has several safe houses nearby. They are each operated by a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. They will take you in for the night, give you what you need.”

Daryl looked at Rick, then at Carol, who nodded and pulled Sophia closer to her. “Count us in too,” he said.

“Lori? Abraham?” Rick asked, looking at the others.

“I’m in,” Abraham said.

“Me too,” Sasha finally agreed.

Finally Lori nodded.

”When do we leave?” Rick asked. 

“As soon as you’re all ready,” Coulson said, handing a map to him. “Tony and the others need to get back as soon as possible. We’ve been gone too long already. We’ll be getting on a very small plane and flying to the city, we’ll be waiting for you when you get there.” 

“You can’t take us too?” Glenn asked, looking at Maggie.  
  
”There are ten seats on the plane, there’s no room.”  
  
”I’ll go with the group,” Natasha said. “Take Lori and the baby with you. Sophia, too if there’s room.”  
  
”You’re sure.”   
  
She nodded. “I know you said there are safe houses but we don’t know what the roads are like. There may be nights when we can’t get to one or run across a herd. The baby would draw too much attention to us out there. She and Lori might not survive. I’m sure you have baby supplies at the base. They’ll be safer with you. Take them.”  
  
Maria thought this over. “I’ll go with them as well, Carl can have my seat.”  
  
”No, Maria, Fury needs you in D.C. I’ll stay,” Coulson said.

She clenched her jaw. “Fine.” Knowing he was right.

“I want to stay with my dad,” Carl said. “Maggie should go. And Ben too.” 

Tony looked at Carol. “One seat left, Mrs. Dixon, you in?”  
  
She looked at Daryl, who gave a reassuring nod. “Yeah, I’m in.”

"I shall give up my seat as well," Thor said.

"Glenn should have it," Natasha said. "To stay with Maggie."

Coulson shifted his weight and counted. “Maria, Tony, Bruce, Lori, Judy, Sophia, Glenn, Maggie, Ben and Carol are going with us, right? That’s settled. Be ready in an hour. Steve, Agent Romanoff, come with me please.” 

Natasha locked eyes with Rick, who was smiling. She smiled back awkwardly and turned away.


	20. Tell You No Lies

There were tears from Carol, Maggie and Lori as they hugged their husbands, praying this wasn’t the last time they saw each other but knowing this was what was best. Lori cried as she hugged Carl. She awkwardly waved to Rick before Tony complained enough and they got in the car.

“Be safe out there,” Maggie said, hugging Natasha.

“You too,” she replied.  
  
When they had gone, Coulson split everyone into five cars. “Rick, Natasha, Andrea and Carl in the truck. Daryl, Abraham, Michonne and myself in the Hyundai. Steve, Alice, and Sasha in the car.” While everyone was loading up, he went around to Natasha and Steve, giving them a walkie talkie. “I spread us out for a reason. These people are survivors, but they aren’t professionally trained. We were. The people in your vehicle are your group, you’re responsible for them. It will make it easier to watch out for smaller groups instead of the one big one.”  
  
They went back to the group. Abraham opened the gate for the last time and the caravan pulled out. Carl stared out the window for a long time, watching the trees blur around him before he fell asleep. Whe the sun started to set, Coulson called for them to pull over.

“I thought we would be in a safe house,” Andrea said, looking around.

“There are plenty along the route to D.C. but we won’t make it to one tonight,” Coulson said. “We stay in tents for tonight, we should reach the first check point tomorrow. I assume you all have some sort of guard system in place?”  
  
”I take first shift,” Rick volunteered.

“I’ll go next,” Daryl said.

“Then me,” Abraham spoke up.

Andrea and Sasha began to get some food together while the others set up tents. Andrea had to laugh at the sight of Coulson in a suit and tie setting up his tent. Michonne and Sasha stood next to her, watching him as well.

“It’s rude to stare,” he called to them without looking up.

Andrea laughed. “Sorry it’s just a funny sight.”  
  
He glared at them and the girls scattered, giggling. Soon after eating, the group went to bed. Rick sat with his back against a tree, staring out into the woods. He heard soft cracks from the animals scurrying around out of his line of vision. He nearly had a heart attack when he glanced to his left and saw a pair of feet standing next to him.

“It’s just me,” Natasha said, sitting next to him. “Don’t shoot or anything.”

He put his gun down. “How do you do that? Move around so quiet?”  
  
”It’s just how I was trained.”

“You’ll have to teach me. I didn’t hear a sound from you.”  
  
”I think you were distracted, I’m not that good.”  
  
He snorted. “Distracted with what?”  
  
”The same thing that’s been distracting me all day.”  
  
”What’s that?” he asked, already knowing the answer.

She gave him a pointed look and he grinned. Not knowing what to say, he asked, “Why are you out here?” 

“To keep you company, obviously.” She stretched her legs out so her feet were next to his.

“You should be resting,” he said, bumping her boot with his.

”I’m fine.” She bumped him back. 

“Bruce says you’re not.” Bump.

“He’s lying.” Bump.

”He’s a doctor and your friend.” Bump. 

She snorted. “Having a medical degree gives him the right to say what time I go to bed?” She bumped his foot again.

“Yeah, pretty much.” Bump.

She nudged his ribs with her elbow. “Shut it.”

He chuckled and reached out without thinking and put his arm around her shoulders. She leaned into him, only slightly, but it was enough for him.

“Tasha,” he said quietly. “Are we gonna talk about last night?”  
  
”No,” she responded. “Talking complicates things.”  
  
He smirked. “Guess I’ll have to write you a letter. ‘Do you like me? Check yes or no.’”

She laughed at him and rolled her eyes. “I wouldn’t answer it.”

“I’d sing you a song.”

”I’d push you in the creek.”  
  
”I’d jump on top of the car and recite a poem.”  
  
”I’d shoot you.” 

Rick laughed. “ _Shot through the heart, and you’re too blame, you give love a bad name_ ,” he sang.

“Alright, I’m done with you,” she said. “I’d rather go to bed.”

He stood up with her. “I’ll walk you back, I have to wake Daryl.”

When Natasha reached her tent, she grabbed his arm and said, “I lied before. I’d check yes.” And went inside, leaving Rick with a big, cheesy smile on his face.

* * *

 

They were on the road again early the next morning. Andrea was annoyed at Coulson’s pushiness but Natasha laughed it off. She was used to him. Carl was restless being in the car all day. Natasha tried to keep him entertained with car games and songs but he quickly tired of that and began asking her about missions she had been on in the past. 

“Which one was the most fun?”  
  
”I don’t think any of them were particularly fun,” she said. “But after we finished a job in Mexico, Clint and I celebrated by sitting under a giant umbrella with a guy selling rotten tomatoes and a dozen other locals having shots of tequila. I woke up in a chicken coop with eggshells in my bra, a clump of lettuce in my jeans pocket and some kind of map drawn on my stomach. It led to a woman’s house, who was very insistent on having lunch with me before trying to sell me a basket full of yarn. I later found Clint riding a donkey down the street, wearing nothing but a poncho and cowboy boots. To this day, I have no idea what happened. Moral of the story here, Carl, don’t get drunk in a foreign country if you don’t speak the language.”  
  
Andrea, Carl and Rick were fighting laughter. 

“Which one was the hardest to accomplish?” Carl asked, still curious.

She thought about it.” I don’t know. They were all equally difficult, for varying reasons. Loki’s attack on New York was the most difficult because we had no idea how to stop him or the Cthutari army. We got lucky really.”

”How many languages can you speak?” Carl asked. 

“I lost count. Around thirty, I think.”

“Can you teach me?”  
  
”What do you want to learn?” 

“Russian or German,” he said after a moment of thought.

“I can do that.” She nodded.

“How many countries have you been to?” Carl fired off.

Now she laughed. “Too many to count.”  
  
”Italy?”  
  
”Yes.”  
  
”France?”  
  
”Oh, yes.” She smiled.

“What are they like? Or, what were they like?”  
  
”Full of excitement,” she said. “Everything you think it will be and more. Everywhere you turn there was a building or landmark or fountain to take your breath away.”

“What was your favorite?” Rick asked, speaking up for the first time.

“Madrid,” she answered after a long moment. “I was there for nearly a year. Considered moving there at one point. I can’t really explain the feeling I got when I entered that city. It all just felt so alive around me, every street pulsing with activity. At night it was so mellow and calm. Some of the best wine I’ve ever had came from a vineyard there.”  
  
She fell silent then, thinking that now the city was probably gone. Crawling with walkers, fallen like every other major city on earth.

Coulson came over the walkie then and let them know the safe house was near. “First checkpoint,” he’d called it.

They pulled up to a gate not long after that. Coulson got out to talk to the guard and they were granted entrance.

“Agent Romanoff,” a slight man greeted her when she got out. “I’ve heard so many stories about you. I’m Matt LeShore.” He shook her hand. “Most agents think you’re either a legend or a myth.”

She ignored this. “Thank you for allowing us to stay for the night.”  
  
”Anything for the great Black Widow,” he said huskily. Rick cleared his throat. “And her friends,” Matt added as an afterthought. He glanced at Rick then spotted Steve and walked away. 

“I didn’t realize ‘The Great Black Widow’ had been in my group all this time,” Rick teased.

She elbowed him. “Shut up before I shoot you.”  
  
He put his hands up. “Whatever you say, your majesty.”  
  
”I’m getting my gun.” She turned and walked into the building, Rick followed her, smiling.

Michonne shook her head, smiling knowingly. Andrea stifled a laugh before they went inside as well. 

They were given dinner and a room to sleep in. Natasha was sharing a room with Michonne, but was unable to sleep. At some point she got up and found her way to Rick’s room. He and Carl had adjoining rooms but the boy was sound asleep when Natasha entered.

“What are you doing up?” Rick whispered when he shut the door. “We have beds tonight, you should take advantage of that. We’ll be back in tents tomorrow.”

“I know, can’t sleep,” she whispered back, hopping up on the wooden desk that was pushed in the corner. She looked over at Rick to find he was staring at her, eyes glazed over.

Natasha suddenly realized she was dressed in only a black silk nightgown with lace around the bust line. It reached to mid thigh but had ridden up a bit when she hopped on the desk. Pepper had packed it for her. It was her favorite nightgown and had never been seen by anyone besides Rick right now.

Rick met her eyes and cleared his throat, realizing he’d been caught staring. “Sorry,” he said, avoiding her eyes now.

She tried not to smile at him.

“Was there a reason you came in here?” he asked, still not looking at her. “I mean, besides seduction.”  
  
She did smirk now. “Something tells me I wouldn’t have to work very hard to get in your pants.”  
  
He coughed as if he’d choked.

Natasha grew serious, shook her head a little. “I was thinking about today when Carl was asking me about my missions. You asked me about my favorite city. Somehow I hadn’t thought of it as all being gone until then. I know the outbreak hit the whole world and I’ve seen the destruction with my own eyes but thinking about it being like this in Paris, Rome, Madrid…I always went to Madrid for downtime after a mission. I couldn’t do that now because it’s like here.”  
  
Rick didn’t know what to say to this.

“Do you think we can ever go back to normal?” she wondered aloud.

“I don’t know,” Rick said. “Even if the word went back to how it was, we can’t. After all we’ve seen and done, we’re all changed now.”  
  
Natasha nodded. ”I feel so bad for Carl and Sophia. They’ve done things they never should have done, grown up too fast. I tried to protect Carl but I just couldn’t.”

Rick stood up and came to her. “It’s not your fault. He’s changing with the world. It’s bad because of what he’s had to do but good because he’s learning. Are we going to talk about what’s been bothering you since you got back?”

Natasha shifted, folding her hands in her lap. “I was hoping we wouldn’t have to.”  
  
”What’s going on, Tasha? Gotta admit, I’m a little confused.”

“Lori blames me for what happened to Carl and Maggie. I guess I was afraid you would too,” she admitted softly.

Rick shook his head. “You’ve got to stop beating yourself up all the time. You didn’t know Carl had snuck into the truck so you didn’t even know he was in that town. There was no way you could have prevented him from being shot, that’s item one. What happened in the woods when he ran away from you, you were emotional so you’re allowed to have your guards down. All that matters is he’s alive and safe now. You brought him back to me, that’s all I wanted was for you both to come back alive.”

Natasha teared up a little at his speech and just sat on the desk shaking her head, unable to form words. Rick moved closer so his arm found its way around her waist, sliding across the smooth fabric. Natasha looked up into his eyes. The comfort and honesty she found there warmed her. Rick leaned down to capture her lips with his own. Her hands immediately went to his hair, burying her fingers in the curls.

Rick’s hand shifted, gripped her hip to pull her closer. Her legs went around his waist. He moved away from her mouth, kissed her jaw line up to her ear then down her neck. His left hand traced the thin strap of her nightgown, trailing across her neckline and cupped her breast.  
  
Natasha gasped softly, heat pooling between her legs. Her thighs tightened around him. Rick shifted and his hardness was pressed against her throbbing core. She gasped again, he bit down on her shoulder causing her to moan and tighten her hold on him.

Rick traced more kisses down her chest, pushing the top of her nightgown aside to take a nipple in his mouth. Her nails dug into his shoulder blade and raked down his back. Rick’s hands suddenly gripped her thighs and he lifted her further up on the desk. Her back hit the wall, a lamp rocked and fell to the floor. Neither of them noticed it. Rick’s hand snaked under the hem of her gown and cupped her bare ass.

“No underwear?” he whispered, kissing her again.

“No point,” she whispered back. He smirked against her lips.

“Dad? I heard- oh my god!”  
  
The pair jumped apart to see Carl in the door way, hands over his face.

“Carl, uh, Natasha just came by to-“  
  
”I know what I saw, you don’t have to lie!” He turned and ran back to bed.

Rick’s face was red as a tomato. Natasha slipped off the desk, leaning up to kiss his cheek. “Cockblocked again.” Then she was gone.

* * *

“Tony?” Bruce called, entering the lab. “I need to talk to you.”  
  
”What’s up, big man?” Tony asked, keeping his eyes on the computer screen he was working on.

“You have to listen to everything I have to tell you before you say anything,” Bruce said.

Now Tony looked up. “Come in and shut the door.”  
  
”I didn’t tell anyone about this before because I didn’t want anyone to worry but I know if anyone is crazy enough to help me, it’s you.” Bruce sat down.

“Bruce, what the hell’s going on?”  
  
”I know we told you about the night we got out of Woodbury,” he started. “What I didn’t tell anyone was I woke up in a ditch, surrounded by walkers, as Nat calls them. They didn’t notice me until I stood up. I found a tree branch and batted them down so I could get away.”  
  
”Bruce the Nude Zombie Slayer.”  
  
Bruce ignored him. “Tony, I got bit.”  
  
Tony paled, his eyes going wide. “Are you turning? Why haven’t you already?”  
  
”I’m not, okay, just listen,” Bruce continued. “One of them got me from behind and bit me on the shoulder. I killed it and ran off. I knew I couldn’t go back to Natasha’s group, I couldn’t put them in danger. So I went in the first houses I found and decided to stay there until I turned so I couldn’t hurt anyone. I even locked all the doors and windows so I couldn’t get out. Then I found the radio and tried to make contact with you so someone could come get Natasha. 

“But I never got the symptoms. After a few hours I still felt like myself. I went and looked in the mirror and Tony, I was healing.”  
  
”That’s impossible, the bites don’t heal.”  
  
Bruce pulled his shirt back and Tony inspected the bite mark closely. “Oh my god, do you know what this could mean?”  
  
”My blood holds the key to a cure.”  
  
”We’ve got to draw blood, run tests, tests subjects.” Tony jumped up.

“I’m already ahead of you,” Bruce said. He held up a few vials of blood. “All we need is a walker to test it on and a human volunteer.”

Tony smiled big. “Come on, big guy, we’ve got work to do.”


	21. It's So Right

Natasha found she could hardly meet Carl’s eyes the next morning. She and Rick locked eyes once and smirked at each other. When they climbed in the truck to get on the road again, the awkward level went way up. Rick cleared his throat. “Carl, about what you saw last night.”  
  
”I know, you guys were about to have sex.”  
  
Andrea snorted, covering her mouth with her hand. She looked out the window, pretending she wasn’t there. Natasha’s jaw actually dropped and Rick choked on air. Carl continued, “You don’t have to explain anything. Daryl told me this morning.”  
  
”Daryl?”  
  
”Yeah. He asked me what was wrong and I told him.”  
  
”Oh my god,” Rick whispered, feeling the urge to hide his own face.

“He told me it’s perfectly normal for adults to do things to each other and no one should be embarrassed,” Carl finished simply.

“Well, okay,” Rick said. “That takes care of that.”  
  
Natasha’s face stayed red for hours afterward. When they stopped for the night she sent Daryl a glare that promised an ass whipping. He only smirked and winked in response.

“Rick has first watch,” he told her.

“And?”  
  
”Just letting you know, in case you wanted to keep him company.” He wiggled his eyebrows at her.

Natasha socked him in the arm but he walked away, laughing. When the group went to sleep that night, Natasha stayed away. She fought herself on whether or not to go join Rick on watch. When she didn’t make up her mind, it was too late. She heard his footsteps through camp as he went to wake Daryl. He paused outside her tent, so she unzipped it as he started to walk away.  
  
”Something I can help you with?” she asked quietly.

“Just wanted to say good night,” he replied softly.

“Good night,” she said, raising a challenging eyebrow.

He hesitated for a second, then leaned down and kissed her lips. “Night, Tasha.”

She wanted nothing more than to pull him inside her tent, but this was not the place for that.

“You want to come to my tent for the night?” Rick asked. “Carl is in the truck because of the cold?”  
  
”Sure,” she said, nodding and followed him across the camp.

Rick zipped it closed behind him while Natasha climbed in his sleeping bag. She watched him get undressed, changed into a pair of pajama pants and slipped in next to her.

“No silk nightie tonight,” he said sadly.

“It’s for formal occasions.”  
  
”Formal?” he laughed, wrapping his arms around her.

“It’s designed to rub against sheets on a bed, not a sleeping bag on the ground.”  
  
”Oh,” he said. “Well, next time.” He kissed her forehead and they were asleep in minutes.

* * *

 

They’d been traveling for days and had seen few walkers. The ones they had seen had been far away and not an immediate threat. When they reached the second safe house, Carl requested a room separate from his father which caused Rick to blush and Andrea to giggle. Before they even got inside, there were screams from the forest.

“What’s that?” Andrea asked when the gunshots began.

“Walkers!” someone yelled.

Coulson was shouting for his group to get to the cars. Carl seemed frozen in his spot, terrified when the walkers entered the yard. Natasha screamed for him but he didn’t seem to hear. She yanked him forward just before a walker could grab him. There was another one behind her she didn’t even see. It got a hand on her arm before she ever saw it. A gun went off and a bullet whizzed past her head, killing it. Natasha looked up to see Rick, gun raised. He fired off a few more shots, allowing Natasha to get Carl into the truck. The group sped away from the scene. No one spoke until Coulson stopped them several miles away to camp.

They decided it was safest to set up only a few tents and everyone else stay in the cars, in case the walkers were closer than they thought.  Natasha was in a tent while Rick was supposed to be in the truck with Carl. But after his watch he came into her tent and sat silently by the door.

“Rick?” she whispered. “You can come lay down.”  
  
The man gave no indication that he heard her. She got up and moved to sit next to him, her hand rubbed his back but she didn’t say anything, didn’t ask what was wrong. Just waited until he was ready. If he wanted to tell her, he would.

“When Maggie came to the prison with Steve and the girls, she told us what you did for her,” Rick said. “For Carl, everybody. How the Governor tortured you and you just took it. I wanted so bad to go get you. I was ready to load up and search every surrounding town for you and Carl. Thinking about you out there somewhere without me…it made me sick.

“And today, that walker grabbed you and I panicked. Froze up for a second, like Carl did. The sight of that thing about to bite you, I couldn’t comprehend it. Ever since then I just keep thinking, what if I had stood there a second longer? Every time I close my eyes I keep seeing you as one of them. I thought you were mad at me because I didn’t help you sooner.” He sniffed quietly.

“I’m not mad. I just didn’t want to distract you,” she said, referring to watch. “I let you in here didn’t I? If I were mad at you, you would know. I would have shot you.”  
  
He smiled a little. She wrapped both arms around him, hugging him tight.

“You can’t protect everyone of us all the time, Rick” she told him softly. “You can’t save everyone. I thought as a cop, you would understand that.”  
  
”I do. But this was my group, this was my job to keep them safe.”  
  
This all sounded very familiar to her. “It’s not your fault,” she told him firmly. He started to protest and she silenced him with a kiss. Her hand reached up to tug on his shirt. 

That was all the invitation he needed. Natasha found herself on her back, Rick’s lips on hers, his hand creeping under her shirt. He pushed it up and over her head, rough hands exploring the smooth skin of her legs, up her sides and around to her back. Natasha reached for his shirt and it soon lay on the tent floor. Rick’s mouth closed around her nipple, his hand caressed the free one. Natasha’s fingers tugged at his curls, arching her back against him. Rick moved his kisses south, across her toned belly, pulling off the pair of sleep shorts she had on.

His fingers barely grazed the skin of her thighs. He kissed along the inside, biting down gently before he reached what he was looking for. The stubble on his chin scratched and delighted her. She bit her lip to keep from screaming as he began his work. Stars danced before her eyes as she felt her orgasm building. Her grip on him tightened as she came.

Rick moved up her body to kiss her lips again. She sighed into his mouth, hand undoing the button on his jeans. Natasha used her feet to push his pants down his thighs. He only had do move a little to get them off. Rick kissed her again, moving to kiss her neck. “Just so you know,” he whispered. “It’s been a while, this may not last long.”  
  
Natasha kissed him back. “Make it up to me later.”  
  
Rick smiled at her implication, positioned himself and entered her. They tightened their hold on each other, enjoying the sensations washing over them. Rick kissed her, feeling as if he’d explode at any moment. He pulled out and thrust in. Repeated the action and it was done.

He bit Natasha’s neck to keep quiet. “Told you,” he whispered.

She laughed softly and kissed his temple. “I’ll give you another chance.”  
  
Rick lay down next to her, holding on tightly. He looked into her green eyes, so calm and full of promise. She smiled a little and set his heart a flutter. So badly he wanted to tell her how he felt but he didn’t seem to know exactly what he was feeling. It had been so long since he felt genuine happiness, an emotion that was dangerous in this world.

Natasha lay her forehead against his check, feeling his heartbeat. She was having her own internal struggle to decipher her feelings. With Rick, she felt safe and happy. She trusted him without question. On the other hand, he was a weakness. Someone like her couldn’t afford to have weaknesses. The words bounced around her head, danced on her tongue but she didn’t say them. She closed her eyes and counted Rick’s heartbeats.

* * *

They awoke the next morning, Coulson looking at a map before breakfast.

“How far are we?” Andrea asked.

“We’re making good time,” he announced. “We’re close to the North Carolina border.”

“How far until the next safe house?” Sasha asked.

“We’ll get to the next one tomorrow, maybe.”

“Is this one actually safe?” Abraham snapped.

“It should be,” Coulson said, ignoring the attitude. “That group clearly had some issues going on. Let’s load up and get on the road.” Fifteen minutes later, they were going again. Andrea had decided to ride in the SUV with Michonne, leaving Rick and Natasha alone with Carl.

Rick and Natasha gave almost nothing away that their relationship had gone to the next level. Their constant glances went unnoticed by most of the group. Rick had been sitting by the fire eating breakfast. Natasha walked by past him, her hand barely grazed his back but it sent a wave of electricity through his body. When they were in the truck, Rick itched to reach out and take her hand or rest his hand on her knee but he held himself back, unsure of how she would react to that.

Carl fell asleep in the back, snoring loudly for a boy his size. Rick couldn’t hold it back any longer.” What are we doing?” he blurted.

She turned to gaze at him. “What do you mean?”

“You and me? What are we?”  
  
”What do you want to be?”  
  
”Together,” he answered.

Her heart skipped. “Then we are.”  
  
”Just like that?”  
  
”You like me, I like you. We’ve already done ‘adult things’ as Carl put its. Why dance around it? We’re adults we know what we want.”

He looked over and smiled at her, she returned it. Then she surprised him by reaching over and taking his right hand from the wheel and holding it in her lap. They shared a look that made both of their hearts beat faster. Natasha felt like a love sick teenager when he looked at her. Rick was surprised by her all the time. Where she initially came off as cold and distant he had found her to be warm, passionate and quite affectionate. He hoped what they had could last.

* * *

 

Pepper Potts stood in Tony’s lab in shock. “My blood is clear? I’m cured…?" 

Tony was bouncing with excitement. “Yes! Look!” He brought some images up on the screen. “This was your blood sample. This is the one we took from Lori, Sophia, Maggie and Carol.” He pointed at a dark area in each photo. “That’s the virus, parasite, whatever it is.” He pushed some buttons. “We mixed our serum with your blood and this is what it is now. The virus is gone.”

“Oh my god,” she gasped. “Bruce, you’re they key. Will it be forever though, it won’t come back?”  
  
”I don’t think so, but we’re going to keep checking. It’s been eight hours and it’s been clear so far,” Tony said. “Let’s get the vaccine together for Lori and the others.”

“What about Maggie?” Pepper asked. “She’s pregnant, would it hurt them?”  
  
Tony looked at Bruce who shrugged. “There’s no way to know for sure. Let’s not risk it. Wait until Maggie has the baby, give it to them separate.”

“Got it,” Tony said.

“Does this cure everyone or just the ones that aren’t dead?”  
  
”Just us,” Bruce answered. “We tested a number of walkers with no results. Once they’re a walker they stay that way until they’re killed for good.”  
  
”What if someone has been bitten and hasn’t turned yet?”  
  
Tony and Bruce shared a look. “It may work,” Bruce said. “They aren’t dead yet but the virus may be increased in their system. We don’t have anyone to test it on, though.”  
  
”Sir,” JARVIS interrupted. “I may be able to help with that. Agent Hill has just arrived, she’s been bitten.”

Pepper gasped in shock. She tried to run and get her but Tony stopped her and went instead. Maria was trying not to cry when she came in.

“What happened?” Pepper asked sadly, eyeing the bite on her arm.

“Fury sent us out to clear more of the city,” she said. “Fucker came out of nowhere.” She slammed her gun down on the table.  
  
”Maria, listen to me,” Tony said. “Put your arm out and roll up your sleeve.”  
  
She did so with a curious expression. Bruce drew blood from her and passed it to Tony. He then injected her with something in her other arm.

“Sit in that corner please,” Tony said. “Pepper watch her but don’t go near her.”  
  
”What the hell is going on?” Maria demanded. “I came here for you to kill me because I couldn’t do it myself.”  
  
”We may not have to, Maria, listen,” Bruce said. “We may have a cure.’  
  
She sputtered. “What?!”

Bruce knelt down and began wrapping the bit on her arm, explaining how he’d been bitten and the research he and Tony had. They showed her the pictures.  
  
”They’ve been working night and day on this since they got back from Georgia,” Pepper said.

“Will it work on me?” Maria asked.

“We don’t know, you’re our test subject,” Bruce said.

“How do you feel?” Tony asked.

“I have a headache. A little hot.”  
  
The men shared a look. Bruce came over and drew more blood. “She’s showing symptoms of change but it seems slowed down.” A few minutes later, Bruce said, “Give her another dose of the vaccine.”

Tony did so without question. After half an hour, Bruce drew more blood and turned to them. “Okay, this is the first sample we drew from Maria, the virus is much more visible than in Pepper’s blood. This is the second sample, it’s not as potent here. This is the third sample.” He smiled wide.

“It’s gone!” Maria exclaimed in disbelief.

“It worked, I can’t believe it worked,” Tony said.

“The virus fought the first dose but the second wiped it out,” Bruce explained, staring at the slides.

“Am I cured?” she sputtered.

“I think so,” Bruce said. “If you don’t mind I’d like to keep you here overnight and take blood every hour just to be sure.”  
  
”It’s fine, absolutely, oh my god!” She put a hand to her mouth. “I thought I was really done this time.” She started to cry.

“You were wrong, you live to see another sunset,” Tony said with a smile.

“Just don’t say anything to anyone yet, we want to be absolutely certain this will work before we give it out,” Bruce said.

“What about Coulson? Shouldn’t we let him know?” she asked.

“Late time we spoke with them, Pep, where were they?”

Pepper thought. “They’d just crossed the North Carolina border this morning.”  
  
”How much longer till they get here?”  
  
”Depending on the roads and the amount of fuel they have it could be anywhere from a few hours to a few days.”

“Let’s see how things go with Maria tonight and talk about it in the morning,” Bruce decided. He turned back to the blood slides in front of him.


	22. I Need Them to Be True

There had been a major bridge down that had forced the group to take another route. The group had been irritable for days because of the delay. They were eating breakfast by the fire, everyone rushing to be done so they could go.

“Romanoff!” Coulson called. “Steve!” He nodded toward the woods, the pair followed him a few feet in the trees. “I just got some news from Tony. He was going to wait until we arrived in the city, but because of the delay he couldn’t wait any longer.”

“What is it?” Steve asked. “Pepper pregnant?”  
  
”No, he has a cure.”  
  
Their eyes almost popped out of their heads.

“How?” Steve asked in wonder.

Coulson explained Bruce’s story. “He’s already given it to Pepper, Lori, Sophia, Carol, even Judith. They took it days ago and are still clear. Even Maria. The bite on her hand is healing. Bruce is keeping her in a quarantine area in the lab until it heals completely but so far he’s not worried.”  
  
Natasha shook her head. “I can’t believe it.”  
  
”We really are going to be alright,” Steve said with a big smile.

“This is classified information for the time being,” Coulson said.

Natasha nodded but Steve shook his head. “Why don’t we tell them? Give them something to look forward to?”  
  
”They’re already looking forward to a new life in the city,” Coulson said. “We keep this quiet until then, got it?” Both of them agreed then. “Good, let’s go.”  
  
”Ready to go?” Coulson asked the group, coming back to the fire.

“Let me pee first,” Andrea said. She stood up and walked toward the woods. The rest of the group began loading up their stuff.

After several minutes, Andrea still hadn’t come back. “Where’s Andrea?” Michonne asked, looking around. “She didn’t come back yet?”

Natasha shook her head. “Guess not. I’ll go find her.” She walked into the woods, followed the trail Andrea had left. “Andrea? We’re leaving.” There was no answer. She walked further on and stopped to pick something up. She cursed when she realized what it was then turned around and went to the group.

”What’s wrong? Where’s Andrea?” Steve asked when she rejoined them. 

“Gone. She left this behind.” She held up a small silver necklace with a mermaid charm.

“We’ve got a problem,” Rick said. “Daryl, Abraham, Michonne, Natasha and I will go after her. Everybody else stay here.”

“Just the five of you?” Sasha spoke up.

“We can handle it. Let’s go before they get too far away.”

Daryl followed their trail easily enough, which led to a small log cabin. Andrea wasn’t in sight but there were nine men sitting in the yard in chairs and a picnic table.

“We could probably take all of them,” one of the boys was saying. “We’ll use that girl in there as bait. They’ll realize she’s missing soon enough, come looking for her. Probably split up into two groups. That’s when we’ll go in for the kill. They’ll be shitting themselves soon enough.”  
  
”Not exactly,” Rick said, walking out of the trees.

”What the hell?” one boy shouted, standing up, training his gun on Rick. “He’s with them, I saw him before.” 

“I gathered that,” the one from before snapped. He seemed to be their leader. “Hold it Greg, I think this man came to talk.” He sounded almost amused.

Greg relaxed a little but kept his gun aimed.

“I can appreciate your position,” the man said. “Pursued by an unknown threat, you’re feeling at a disadvantage. You just want to ensure the safety and well being of your people. People you’ve grown to care about, like a second family you’ve grown to care about to replace the one you’ve lost. I’m sure you’ve lost family. We all have. Believe me, I know where you’re coming from.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes, yes it is. You came here alone to try to negotiate for your friend. That’s very brave of you by the way. It’s adorable.”

Rick laughed once. “Just came to ask you this. Any amount of talking going to get our friend back and get you to back off? Will you stop coming after my people?”  
  
”In all honesty? Probably not,” the man said, waving a hand at the people behind him. Rick’s hand twitched toward his gun, the man turned and spoke to his friend. “Greg, please, that won’t be necessary. For the sake of this conversation I assure you, keep your hand off your gun and you’ll be fine, Scout’s honor. We’re not going to try to shoot you while we’re talking. You try to shoot us, that may change. But for now we’re cool.” Rick relaxed and the man nodded. “That’s better. We’re quite comfortable here in our little house. It’s far away from the cities, hardly get the roamers out here, have a great pond for fishing nearby. The bad thing is, we’re far away from the city.” He smirked. “I know I said that was a good thing but sometimes we need things and as you can see, we have no vehicle anymore. We lost it on our last run into town.”

“Usually we set up a trap for humans in the closest town. Two of us stay nearby and wait for survivors to come through and set it off. We kill them and take what they have. It works out for us and we don’t have to go far from home. Then you guys came and parked oh so close to us, how could we pass it up. I hate to say it, but if it’s me or you and whenever that’s the situation, it’s very easy to choose me. No offense.”  
  
Rick nodded. “No, I understand completely. I have to make the same decision and let me tell you, I’ve chosen me. The problem for you is that I have the advantage.”  
  
The man laughed. “How so?”

“You don’t really think I came here alone do you?”

The men around them picked up their weapons and spun around, looking for anyone in the trees around them.

“You can’t see them,” Rick said.

“Well then, I’m going to call your bluff. Bold move,” the man said. “Stupid but bold. I appreciated this chat but it’s over, you’re ours now.”  
  
”Watch this,” Rick said, he raised his arm, making a gun shape with his fingers. “Natasha, the big guy, left ear. _Pow_.”

A shot rang out and the big guy Rick had indicated started screaming, holding a hand to his now bleeding ear. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

“You move it, it gets shot off,” Rick commented. “That’s my promise to you. Abraham, get their guns.”

“Gladly,” the man said, exiting the trees.

“Nice trick,” the man said. He pointed. “I still only see two of you. How do we know it wasn’t him in the woods?”

Another shot rang out and his finger was lying in the grass. “Oh my god! Oh my God! Oh my God!” He cradled his hand to his chest.

“Hand them the fuck over, we don’t have all goddamn night,” Abraham snarled.

“Everybody out!” Rick called. Michonne, Natasha and Daryl came out then.

“What-what are you going to do with us?” the man asked, now on his knees.

“Don’t really know yet,” Rick said with a shrug. “Still thinking that over. Won’t be good I can promise you that. Somebody find Andrea, get her out here.” Michonne went to the house while Abraham gathered the group in a circle in front of Rick. Natasha stood silently by Rick’s side. When Andrea and Michonne came back to the yard, the massacre began.

When the group returned from the woods looking battered and bloody, some of the group’s eyes widened in alarm. Coulson didn’t bat an eye. “Report?” he called to Natasha.

“Neutralized. Safe to proceed.”

He pushed off the car and brushed something off his suit. “Load up and get ready to go.”

* * *

 

“Blood still clean,” Bruce reported. “It’s been days, Tony. I don’t think it’s coming back.”  
  
”Just being thorough, big guy,” Tony replied. They were sitting in the lab in Maggie’s quarantine area, keeping her company. “You know, we gave Judith the vaccine, I think it’d be okay for Maggie to get it too.”  
  
Bruce shook his head. “Judith is a few months old, Maggie is carrying an unborn fetus. Tested and approved vaccines can have adverse effects on pregnant mothers. This is something we created and tested, yes it works but we don’t know what effect it could have on her. It’s safest to wait until the baby is born.”  
  
Tony shrugged in response. “Sorry Maggie. You’re still infected.” 

She grimaced. “Any word on the others? When they’ll be getting here?” Maggie asked.

“Pepper talked to Coulson this morning,” Tony said. “They’ll be here tomorrow, at the earliest. They had a few minor setbacks. Everybody’s okay though.”

“What setbacks?”

“There was a bridge out somewhere and they had to go around,” Bruce said. “They’ll be here soon, don’t worry.” He left out the bit about Andrea being kidnapped. No need to worry her unnecessarily.

“I’d just feel better if they were here.” She looked down, rubbing her stomach with one hand.

“I know, but they will be soon,” Bruce promised. “Just take it easy and don’t stress yourself out. It’s not good for the baby.” He reached over and took a calendar off the desk. “Speaking of which, Pepper kept up with the days and has had Jarvis producing calendars for everyone. I’ve mapped out about how far along you are and when you’re due.” He handed it over to her.

She smiled brightly. “That’s great, thank you.” She flipped through it, counting the months. I’m three months along?”

“Looks that way,” Bruce agreed. “Already out of the first trimester.”

“I’m so glad we have a place to stay now, somewhere safe,” Maggie mused.

Tony nodded. “You’ll be safe here.”

Bruce nodded as well. “We’ll protect you.”  
  
Maggie smiled at both of them.

* * *

 

The group was roughly an hour away from D.C. and the excitement level was high. Everyone was ready to be in their new home and to be reunited with the others. So when the sun came up, Abraham was starting breakfast. 

“Can’t we skip breakfast?” Andrea almost whined. “We’re so close to the city, we can just eat when we get there.”

“I’m starving,” Carl complained.

“We’ll get there today,” Coulson said obviously. “Breakfast first.”

Andrea rolled her eyes but didn’t say anything. Sasha passed out plates of food and everyone devoured the meal.

“Pack your things when you’re done,” Coulson announced. “We’ll get on the road as soon as everyone is ready.”

Andrea jumped up at this, already throwing her stuff into the car. “Everybody ready?” she asked looking around.

“Where’s Carl?” Rick asked, sounding alarmed. “Carl!” he called out.

“Did he go in the woods?” Sasha wondered aloud.

Rick ran into the trees, not slowing down when Natasha called his name. She ran after him, not willing to let him go alone. Carl was walking slowly through the trees, looking at his feet. He didn’t notice the three walkers just feet away from him.

“Carl!” Rick screamed. He reached his son and pulled him away from the walker’s grasp. Rick kicked it away, his arms wrapped tightly around Carl. He never saw the one behind him until it bit into his shoulder.

“Rick!” Natasha screamed, running to him just in time to pull her knife and stab the walker in the head. She threw it at the last walker and turned to Rick. The rest of the group was approaching, she could hear them running through the trees.

Natasha knelt down, cupping Rick’s face. “Oh, no, Rick. Oh, god no.” She almost started to cry until she remembered what Coulson had told her. She shot up and started to pull Rick with her. “Come on.”

“Leave me here,” he said, pushing her hands away, one arm stayed wrapped around Carl, who was crying.

The group was gathered around now, watching the scene sadly. Andrea and Michonne were starting to cry.

“Steve, help me get him in the truck,” Natasha ordered.

“No!” Rick yelled. He shoved her away again. “Just leave me here!”  
  
”There’s a cure!” she shouted. “Bruce can help you, I promise he can but we have to go right now.”  
  
The group looked at her in shock.  
  
”It’s true,” Coulson confirmed. “Tony contacted me about it yesterday. It works. They’ve already given it to the others. They’re fine.” 

“They weren’t bitten!” Rick exclaimed.

“Maria was!” Natasha yelled back. “And it cured her too. It works as long as you aren’t a walker so we have to go right now before you turn.” She couldn’t fight the tears any longer. “Rick, please. You have to let me try.”

He had seen her cry just once before and the sight of her tears now broke him inside. “If I tell you to stop, you do it. I don’t want to hurt you or Carl.”

“Carl can go with Steve,” Andrea said, wiping her eyes. “I’ll drive the truck. Let’s go, now.”  
  
Natasha hauled Rick to his feet and hurried with him to the truck. She sat in the back with him as Andrea flew down the road. Rick could feel the fever setting in and his shoulder ached. Natasha put a bandage over it to stop the bleeding but it did little.  
  
Andrea kept her eyes on the road and virtually ignored them, trying to give them a little privacy.

Natasha was holding his hand, trying to reassure him. “You’re going to be okay. You’ll get the cure and you’ll be fine. Me, Carl, everyone.”  
  
Rick laughed bitterly, already accepting his death. “And you and I will get married, live happily ever after with two kids of our own and a dog in a house with a white picket fence, is that the plan?”

“People don’t get married anymore. But I will if you want. And kids too,” she said, realizing how strange it sounded to her. “I always preferred chain link to white picket.”

Rick smiled at her attempt to joke. “There’s my Natasha.”

She touched his face with one hand, the other arm going around his neck, she cried into his shoulder. Voice barely above a whisper, she told him, “I’ll do anything you want as long as you don’t leave me, Rick, I love you.”

Now he did start to cry. To be blessed with Natasha’s love so close to his death was a cruel joke. He knew now that he loved her too, and he had for a long time. Since before Lori had shown up at the prison. She made him feel something he hadn’t felt in a long time. She protected him, was open and honest with him, she trusted him.

Rick leaned down to kiss her cheek and whispered, “Right back at you.” He cried, his tears rolling into her hair.

He felt hot, it hurt to have Natasha leaning on him but he couldn’t bring himself to push her away.

“We’re here,” Andrea said, pulling up to the gate. A man came to the window.

“Is he bit? He can’t come in,” the man said.

Natasha pulled her gun and pointed it at him. “Do you know who I am?” she asked. He nodded. “Then open the gate, do not ask questions and do not tell anyone what you saw.”  
  
The man motioned the gate to open and Natasha directed Andrea to a parking space near the labs.

“Jarvis!” she yelled as she and Andrea helped Rick inside Tony’s personal lab. “Tell Tony we’re here and Rick has been bitten.”  
  
”Right away, Agent Romanoff,” a voice answered her. “And welcome back.”  
  
”Thanks,” she mumbled.

“What was that?” Andrea asked, looking around.

“Jarvis, he runs things.”

Bruce and Tony were buzzing when they reached the lab. “You should leave,” Bruce told Natasha. 

“I’m not leaving him,” she said without looking away from Rick.

“He’s further along than Maria was, this might now work, Nat,” Tony said quietly. “It may be best if you wait with Pepper.”   
  
”I said I’m not leaving him. Just do what you have to do.”  
  
They took his blood, gave him a double dose of the cure and stepped back to wait. They allowed Natasha to sit next to him but kept a close eye on him.

“You don’t have to be here,” Rick said. “You can go find Carl or Maggie if you want.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” she said shaking her head.

“What if it doesn’t work? What if I turn?”  
  
”Then I’ll stay with you till the end.” She touched his cheek. “I’ll be the one to put you down if it comes to that.”  
  
Tony came over and drew some blood, returning a few minutes later and giving Rick another injection. “The virus is fighting it, like Maria. We’ll take some more blood in an hour and see how you’re doing then. How do you feel?”  
  
”A little hot,” Rick answered.

“Not like before though?”  
  
”No, not as bad.”  
  
Tony nodded and walked away. Natasha gripped Rick’s hand tighter and smiled. “It’s working.”  
  
Rick smiled at her. “Looks like I’ll have to find you a ring.”

“What?”  
  
He raised an eyebrow, smirking. “For the wedding.”  
  
She smiled wide. “Whatever you want,” she promised.


	23. Diamond Eyes

Natasha stepped into Clint’s bedroom. She had tried to stay the night with Rick after he’d been cleared but Tony had forced her out threatening to call Thor to remove her. So she went to Clint’s room to box up some of this things. His uniform, wrist guards, a watch she’d given him that he’d broken. She put it all in a box and put it in her room to take with her later.

Fury had ordered her to take the group to the community. They had several survivors waiting at the base to be accepted into the group. She went down to meet everybody. Coulson was waiting at the door for her.   
  
”There’s about forty people out there, your group included,” he said. “I’ll go with you over there and help everyone get settled in. Then I’ll come back here. When Dr. Banner lets Rick leave I’ll bring him over myself.” He handed her a folder. “That’s a list of everyone going with you, names, ages, family members. Also a map of Alexandria and a suggested housing plan.”

“Alexandria?”

“That’s what it’s called.”

"How long have they been here?"

"Some of them, since the beginning," Coulson said. "We housed them here until we could find you and Barton to run the community. We've all been spread so thin. There were no other agents available to do it so it's lucky we found you. I should warn you, they've banded together and there seems to be a chosen leader among them. They think when they get to the new community that he will be in charge."

"Starting things off smoothly, I see," Natasha replied with a smile. ”Thanks, Phil.” She pushed open the door and stepped out in the sunlight where everyone was waiting. “We’ll be taking that bus over to the community." 

The group gathered their personal belongings and got onto the bus, looking around nervously. Natasha took her own things and climbed the steps. “Let’s go,” she said to the man driving and they set out for their new home. 

* * *

 

Natasha picked out the house she wanted to stay in and dropped her things inside. She picked up the box of Clint’s things and took it over to the graveyard. Natasha took her time digging a hole, lowering Clint’s things carefully into it and covered it up again. She put a flower on top and put up the sign she’d constructed. She sat back on her heels, feeling like she should say something.

“Hawkeye,” she said, taking a deep breath. “Clint. My friend, my partner, my rock.” She inhaled again. “It’s been…almost a year? Over a year? I don’t know anymore. I know I miss you everyday. It was hard at first, but it got easier. Especially after I met Rick. He has the same good in his heart that you did. I can’t believe I’m saying it but I’m in love with him. After all we’ve been through, it was hard not to fall for him. Then I almost lost him. Never in my life have I ever been so scared. He got bit and it was like all the air had been sucked out of the world. I cried. The last time I cried was, well, a year ago when you died but before that, I don’t know. Since I was a little girl.” 

She looked at her hands and started to tear up. “I was so mad at you when you died. You made me promise to save Merle and promise to be safe when I couldn’t take you with me. I saved Merle like you wanted to, unfortunately someone killed him. Great job, I did, huh?” She shook her head. “I tried. I really did. I know that was all you ever really wanted anyway. To try. Give people a chance, show me what they can do for me. I did. Now look at me. Talking to a piece of wood with my best friend’s name written on it.” She laughed and shook her head again. She suddenly became aware of someone behind her. 

Natasha jumped up and spun around to find Lori standing several feet away from her. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.”  
  
”How much did you hear?” Natasha asked. 

Lori grimaced. “Everything. I’m so sorry. I was going to just walk past you but I heard Rick’s name and…I guess I was curious."

Natasha was pissed. She wanted to choke the woman for being nosy, also mad at herself for not noticing her sooner. Emotions were to blame for her slip up. So it was Rick’s fault, she thought. She’d be sure to tell him that.

“What are you doing out here?” 

“Same as you,” Lori said, holding up a box. "It’s Shane’s stuff. I wanted to bury it so I would have a place to visit when I felt lonely.”

“I understand.” She started to leave but stopped herself, deciding to try out this whole caring thing. “Anything you want to talk about?”

Lori shifted, looking at her feet. “Shane wasn’t a bad man.”  
  
”I didn’t say he was.”

“I know,” Lori said. “But you must have heard some stuff about him. He was overprotective, to a fault but he’s not a bad guy.” She seemed to have something she wanted to say. “Rick and I had been having problems for years before the outbreak. I had filed for separation and we were discussing divorce. We loved each other but we had fallen out of love. Or, I had. Rick said he could never do anything right. I blamed him for everything.  
  
”He worked too much and was never around. So he took time off and I said he was smothering me. He didn’t know what to do,” Lori went on. “He was doing everything he could to make it work but the truth is, I really didn’t want it to. I had already fallen in love with Shane and was trying to force Rick to leave because I was too much of a coward to tell him to go. 

“And then all this happened and Rick proved his devotion to me, yet again. He fought his way through Atlanta to get to us.” She paused, shaking her head. “Shane told me he was dead and we fell back on each other. I knew that Shane would put me first. He always had. That’s all I wanted. I know it wasn’t Rick’s fault. He tries to do the best for everybody and I’m selfish. I want to be someone’s top priority. And with Shane, I am. I was.”   
  
Lori looked at Natasha. “I think you’ll be good together. You bring out a side of him I haven’t seen in years. Probably my own fault, really.” She bit her lip. “And it sounds like he’s helped you just as much. Just take care of him. I know I screwed up falling for his best friend but he deserves to be happy too.”  
  
”Thank you, Lori,” Natasha said, feeling awkward. “It makes me happy to hear you say that. I’ll give you some privacy now.” 

“I don’t blame you,” Lori blurted. “I did at first but when we got up here I spent a lot of time with Sophia and Maggie. I understand that it wasn’t your fault Carl got shot. He told me what happened in the woods.” She wiped her eyes. “You’ve done so much for my family and all I’ve ever done is be horrible to you. I’m so sorry.”

Natasha shook her head. “Don’t worry about it, really.”

Lori took a step forward, shifted her box to one hand and placed the other on Natasha’s shoulder. “I mean it. Thank you.”

The redhead tried to smile and nodded. “I’ll leave you alone now.” 

Lori’s hand fell away from her as she walked away, leaving Lori to dig her own hole.

* * *

 

Natasha woke in a cold sweat, putting her hands on her face to wipe the tears away. The nightmare replayed itself over and over in her head. She and Rick had been driving to the city after he’d been bitten except this time she hadn’t made it in time and he’d turned. His warm blue eyes turned milky white, hands grabbing at her to attack. 

She rubbed her face again and sat up, reminding herself it was just a dream. Still, the ache in her chest demanded she see Rick. Forcing herself out of bed, she got dressed in her bodysuit, zipped up her familiar boots and left the house. The citizens of Alexandria were still sleeping in their houses so the streets were quiet. She could hear the birds singing and it made her feel a little more at home.

The nightmare was still fresh in her mind, though she was trying hard to push it out of her mind. Rick would be back with her soon enough, she told herself.

“Morning, Agent Romanoff,” one of the survivors called to her, coming out of his house. “Will you arrest me?” He waggled his eyebrows at her.  
  
”Tommy, I’m telling Cora,” Andrea called, from the other end of the street.

He jumped and blushed. “Please don’t, it’s just, wow.” He stared at Natasha, who just shook her head and continued walking. She was used to this by now.

“Just so you know,” Andrea said, coming up next to her. “Even I would fuck you dressed like that.” She winked and headed toward her tower with a rifle to keep watch. Natasha just smiled at her friend.

She eventually found her way to the park. Most of the kids were running around, playing a game of tag. Carl was standing awkwardly in the middle of the grass. Three boys approached him. Natasha thought they were asking him to play at first. Until one of them pointed at his gun. Carl turned to keep it away. The kid pushed Carl, which caused Carl to push back.   
  
Natasha intervened. “What’s the problem boys?”

“He wanted to see my gun,” Carl told her. “I said no, he pushed me so I pushed back.”  
  
”Carl, you shouldn’t let anyone hold your gun, but you shouldn’t be pushing either. I know you were defending yourself but I don’t want you to hurt these kids. Understand?” Natasha asked.

“Yeah,” Carl said. He turned and offered his hand to the boy he’d pushed. “I’m sorry I knocked you down.”

“Don’t touch me.” He slapped Carl’s hand away. “I’m telling my dad!” the boy yelled.

“Come on, Carl, come walk with me,” she said, placing a hand on his shoulder. He turned with her. “How are you?” she asked when he reached the sidewalk.

“Good. Better.” He absently scratched at the bandage over his eye. “Doesn’t hurt anymore.”  
  
”Well that’s something,” she commented. “If you want, I’ll take you over to see Sophia and Ben.”  
  
”Sure.” He shrugged. “Is dad coming soon?” he asked.

“He is,” she confirmed. “I spoke with Coulson this morning. He said Bruce was worried about the bite on his shoulder getting infected. He wants to keep him there a while until it heals more. But the virus is gone from his blood. It’s just the bite they’re worried about. They did the same thing with Maria. It may be a few days before they let him go, but it shouldn’t be much longer.”  
  
”Good,” Carl said softly. “I miss him.”  
  
”I know.” They turned the corner.

“You were scared when dad got bit,” he stated. “I saw you cry. I’ve never seen you cry.”  
  
”Extreme circumstances,” she said, not wanting to think about it.

“What if they hadn’t found the cure? What would you have done?”  
  
”I don’t know, Carl,” she said honestly. She didn’t want to talk about it anymore. “Carol says she’ll have the school ready to go soon. You and the other kids can start classes and learn a few things.”  
  
”We shouldn’t have to learn math and stuff anymore, we don’t need it,” he huffed. “We need to learn self defense. Some of the other kids don’t know anything about it.”

“I know and I’ve thought about it. Carol is including a weapons class for the kids that need it. You and Sophia will be helping her with it, if you’d like,” she suggested.

Carl shrugged. “Yeah, okay.” He looked down.

She could tell something was wrong, but didn’t want to push him to talk. The boy he’d pushed earlier came around the corner then with his dad.  
  
”That’s him!” the kid exclaimed, pointing to Carl.

”Hey, little boy, come here!” the dad yelled. He got close enough that Natasha slammed a hand against his chest. 

“Calm down, there, mister,” she said.

“Get your hands off me, lady,” he slapped her away. “That your son?”  
  
”It is,” she lied, voice hard. Rick wasn’t around and Lori didn’t need the drama, so Natasha would handle this on her own.

“Are you aware your son is picking on my boy?”  
  
”With all due respect I don’t think that’s what actually happened. You know how it is with boys. Your son asked to see Carl’s gun, when he refused your son pushed. Mine pushed back.” She felt a little odd calling Carl her son but it was too late to correct herself now.

“Your son has a gun?” the man exclaimed.

“He’s been properly trained by a certified instructor. It’s been on his belt since this outbreak started and he’s not had an accident yet,” she told him. “By the way, I didn’t catch your name?”

“It’s Nicholas. This is my son Mikey.”  
  
”I’m sure you know who I am, I’ve been placed in charge around here.”

“So what? We don't know you. Even then, that doesn’t give your kid the right to carry a gun around town,” he snapped.

“I certainly understand your anger. If the roles were reversed, I’m sure I’d be behaving this same way. I wouldn’t want some unknown kid showing my kid a gun either,” she said.

“Absolutely not.”

“So we’ve gotten to the bottom of this little misunderstanding? Great. You seem like a nice enough guy, Nicholas. I’m sure Carl will get along with Mikey just fine,” she said, trying a smile.

He glared at her before they turned and left the way they had came.

“Can I come home with you? I don’t want to go home to my mom. But I’m tired.”

“Yeah, that should be fine for a little while.” She put her arm around his shoulders again. “How do you like it here?”

“It’s weird,” he said. “Not normal.”  
  
”Anything you want to talk about?” She sat down on her front steps, Carl sat next to her.

“I don’t think the other kids like me. I’m not like them.”  
  
”You’ve just forgotten how to be a kid, that’s all,” she tried.

“I don’t know.” He shrugged, scratching at the bandage over his right eye.

“I know what it’s like to feel out of place, Carl. Feeling like you’re all alone in a room full of people. Seeing everyone together while you sit on the outside, wondering what you’re missing that you can’t be like them,” Natasha said. “Truth is, none of us know what we’re doing anymore. That’s what this place is for. We’re trying to start over, find our footing again. We’ve all forgotten who we are. Just give it some time before you give up on it.”

Carl nodded. “Okay. I will.” He smiled a little at her.

She squeezed his shoulders. “Want something to eat?” He nodded and they went inside for lunch.


	24. Pocket Your Dreams

Natasha spent two weeks on her own in Alexandria, running the town. Though she was strong and independent, a natural leader, she had no time for anyone’s petty problems. The word ‘bitch’ floated after her more often than not.

“Fuck them,” Abraham said. They were standing outside the building used for food storage. Natasha had just turned away a pregnant mother who was demanding eggs. She had been given some the day before and that morning. Natasha refused to give her anymore because there wasn’t enough left for the others. The woman threw a tantrum. Naturally the woman’s husband got involved, calling Natasha a selfish bitch and spit at her.

Luckily for him, Abraham had been there to shove him backward and tell him to leave. If there was one thing Natasha couldn’t stand, it was being spit on. For her it was the most disrespectful thing a human could do to another. She was furious, almost ready to go for a weapon.

“Yeah,” she replied, glaring after the couple. “I told Fury I wasn’t cut out to lead, Rick was better at it than me. He would have handled that better.”  
  
Abraham looked at her. “No fucking kidding.” He laughed. “No offense. Rick’s kinda like the guy who comes in to calm everybody down and talk rationally. You’re the muscle that comes in to break shit up and kick whoever’s ass that fucks with you. Wish he was here.”  
  
”Me too,” she agreed. She missed him more than she was willing to admit to anyone. 

Michonne turned the corner then and came over to them. “Problems?”  
  
”It’s been handled.”

“Those two are pissed,” she replied. “I heard the screaming all the way from the wall. Andrea’s up there keeping watch, she was worried they’d draw attention.”

“They’ll just have to get the fuck over it,” Abraham said. “Food is for everybody, we ration for a reason. She’s pregnant and whatever but that doesn’t mean she gets special treatment. If they got a problem with it they can fuck off and find their own eggs out there. Ain’t got time for this egg sharing bullshit.”

Michonne and Natasha looked at each other, smiling. “Thanks for that Abraham,” Natasha said. “You made me feel better.”  
  
He shook his head. “I’m gonna find Holly. See you two later.”

“Natasha!” someone was calling. She turned to see Glenn on the wall. “Car’s coming!”

“Is it Rick?” Michonne asked, excitedly, running alongside Natasha to the gate.  
  
”We’re about to find out.” They turned the corner, Natasha leapt up on to the fence. Her face broke out in a smile when she spotted Rick in the passenger seat next to Coulson. He was smiling back. She dropped to the ground and yelled for the gate to be opened. Coulson pulled the car in, the gate closing behind him. Rick got out, still smiling.

“Hey,” she said lamely.

He didn’t say anything, but closed the distance, put his hands on either side of her face and kissed her hard. His arms held her tight against him, she sighed against him, letting the world fall away from her for a moment.  
  
It was Abraham’s whistles that broke them apart. Natasha was a little embarrassed to see half the group gathered around them. Lori was among them. 

Coulson handed some papers over to Natasha. “From Fury. Proposal approved.”

“Great,” Natasha said with a smile.

“What’s going on?” Rick asked.

“Tell you in a minute.” She tipped her head. “Come on, I’ll show you around.” He walked beside her as she showed him Andrea’s tower, the food and gun storage house and where his new office was. “It used to be mine.”  
  
”Used to be?”  
  
”Yeah, until about five minutes ago when you got here,” she said. Rick looked confused. She put the papers down on the desk. “I’m a terrible leader. So I sent a resignation to Director Fury and proposed you be considered for the position.” He looked slightly alarmed. “Don’t worry, you’re going to be fine. I’ve been demoted to first mate of this ship.”

Rick smirked. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”  
  
”Most of the time.” She half shrugged. “I believe in you.” She decided to change the subject. “Most everyone has a job around here, we’ve done well with placement. Andrea, Michonne, Daryl, Sasha and occasionally myself are the security team. Abraham takes night watch on occasion but he normally takes a crew out to do construction work outside the wall. We’re working on expanding our borders. Abraham said he knew the most efficient way to get it done. So far we’ve had no complaints.

“We have a church in the middle of town,” she went on. “Most of the survivors go on Sunday mostly out of habit. The priest there is called Father Thomas. Michonne thinks he’s a little weird but so far I’ve had no legitimate worries about him not that I've forgotten the last priest we met.”

“What will I be doing here?” Rick asked, looking around the office.

“What I was doing before you got here, hopefully,” she said with a grin. “You’re so much better at handling little problems. You’ll basically be back at your old job as a police officer. Protect and serve while also making decisions about the town.”  
  
”Sounds like I’m going to be in the office a lot,” he teased. She rolled her eyes, smiling. He smiled back at her, holding out a hand. She allowed herself to be pulled to him and he held her against him. “I was so scared,” he admitted. 

“We don’t have to talk about it,” she said quickly.

“We kind of do,” he released her from his hold, leaning against the desk. She stood between his legs, hands on his shoulders. His hands remained on her waist. “I was ready to die, I knew I was going to. Even in the car on the way here, I just knew I was a dead man but you begged me to let you try and I can’t deny you anything. When you said you loved me…I don’t think I knew whether to laugh or cry.”

Natasha didn’t say anything, just kept her gaze on the floor. “I thought I lost you,” she whispered.

“You saved me.”

“I can’t lose you, Rick, I can’t.”

He tilted her face up and kissed her again. “You won’t,” he promised. For a long moment, she looked at him with an expression he couldn’t decipher.

“What do you want to do?” she asked finally. “There’s a lot to be done around here. The women around town have been asking about arranging a party for everyone to officially meet and get to know each other. Since you’re here I think it’d be a good time to do that. The group is bigger now, I think my last count was forty-two.”

Rick blinked. “Well, after everything, I really just want to spend time with you and Carl.”

“I was hoping you’d say that.” She smiled. “They say it’s October now, so we’re letting the kids trick or treat today. You can get Carl dressed up and take him. I think Lori is taking Judith so you’ll get him to yourself. I’ve got to go find Michonne.”

“Alright,” he said. “Tonight then? Just you and me?”  
  
”Of course.” He kissed her then, before following her outside to find Carl. “Have fun,” she called after him. He smiled, giving her a wave.

* * *

 

“Really, Carl,” Rick said. “I’m sure we can throw something together. It would only take a minute.”  
  
”No, this is stupid. I don’t want to dress up,” Carl protested. 

“Hey, look at that, a little cowboy,” a woman said when she opened up the door. Carl scowled. The next house was the same thing.

“She thought I was a cowboy too. This is stupid. I’m going home.”  
  
”Carl, slow down,” Rick called, chasing after his son. “Wait! Why are you going home?”

“This is stupid and I don’t want to do it anymore. The costumes, candy, everyone walking around acting like nothing’s happening around them,” Carl snapped. “They’re all stupid. The walkers didn’t go away because you can’t see them. I hate this place dad. It doesn’t feel real. It feels like everyone is playing pretend.”

“Carl, listen to me,” Rick said, kneeling down to look in his son’s face. “You can let yourself enjoy this, I know you want to. Go have fun, be a kid. We’re safe here. You can let your guard down, relax. We don’t have to live like we used to.”  
  
”But dad, what about when we leave here? I don’t want to get used to this, it’ll make us weak. I don’t want to die.” Carl shook his head, his good eye filling with tears.

Rick gave in. “Come on, I’ll take you to your mom’s.”

Lori was waiting on the front steps when Rick and Carl started up the sidewalk. “Hey, did you have fun?”  
  
Carl didn’t answer as he brushed past her. “Is he okay?” Lori asked, looking after her son.

Rick shook his head. “I don’t know. He’s having a hard time adjusting to this. He’ll get used to it.”

Lori nodded. “I’ll talk to him.”  
  
”I’ll come get him again tomorrow, see if we can talk some more.” He turned to walk away.

“Where you going?”  
  
”See Natasha, I guess,” he said vaguely.

“Are you coming back after?”

Rick realized what she was asking. “Lori, what are you doing?”  
  
”What?” She wrinkled her forehead in confusion. “I just thought we could spend some time together, talk to Carl….”  
  
”You chose Shane, remember? Just because he died doesn’t mean you get me back right away,” Rick told her. “You moved on and I moved on. We can’t go back, I don’t want to go back. And I don’t think you want to either.”  
  
She started to cry. “What am I supposed to do?”

“You’re a strong woman, Lori, you’ll figure it out. Just…spend some time with Judith and Carl. Find a friend to talk to. Carol, Sasha, someone else,” Rick said gently. “There are forty survivors here and more arriving every day. Shane and I aren’t the only men in the world.”  
  
Lori smiled sadly and wiped her eyes. “I know. I don’t know what I was thinking asking you to stay with me. I’m just…lonely, I guess.”  
  
Rick looked at his feet. “I know.” Back up to Lori’s face. “You just have to give yourself some time. You’ll be alright.”  
  
”Thank you, Rick.” She nodded, smiling through her tears.

Rick nodded back and turned to walk away.

* * *

 

“How was trick or treating?” Natasha asked, taking a seat on her bed. She unzipped her boots, kicking them off unceremoniously. 

“Not good,” Rick answered, sitting down on the other side and taking his own shoes off. “Carl thinks he doesn’t fit in with the other kids. He told me what happened the other day with Mikey.”  
  
”As much as I hate to say it, Carl isn’t like other kids. Neither is Sophia. Most of the kids here are with a parent and were sheltered by S.H.I.E.L.D. for who knows how long. They don’t know what it’s like out there. Ask any of those kids how many walkers they’ve killed, I guarantee the total number is less than ten. They just don’t know. Carl and Sophia do.” She slipped out of her bodysuit and into a t-shirt and shorts.

“You’re right,” Rick said, taking his shirt off, then his pants. “Carl thinks if we stay here and let our guard down it’ll make us soft.”

“Well that’s always a possibility.”

“So you mean you’re not enjoying it here?” Rick asked.

Natasha crawled back on the bed. “It’s nice that we’re safe, that the group is safe. He’s right about it making us weak though, being here long enough could make us forget about what we went through out there. While that seems like a good thing, it’s also bad. We forget what it’s like. That we have to fight to survive, do whatever it takes.”  
  
”Carl is just a kid, though, he’s supposed to be able to trick or treat and play tag with other kids without feeling like an outcast.”  
  
”Give him some time and he may remember what it’s like to be so carefree,” she mused. “Although I doubt it. After everything he went through, especially recently with the Governor, can you blame him for thinking that way?”

“No,” Rick said after a long bout of silence. “I guess not.”

Natasha pulled the covers back and made room for him to slide in. ”Am I supposed to tell you when I have a nightmare?”

“You can if you need to,” Rick said, laying next to her. “Did you have one?”

She nodded slowly.   
  
”Want to talk about it?” He sounded so comforting she just fell into the safety his voice offered. She told him about the dream she had of him as a walker. Rick didn’t know what to say because it had come so close to happening.

“You cried,” he said. “When I got bit. I’ve never seen you cry.”  
  
”It happens very rarely,” she said. “I just keep thinking about how close you came to dying. If Bruce and Tony hadn’t come up with that cure when they did…” she trailed off. 

Rick pulled her as close to him as possible. “Don’t think about it, it’s over.” He kissed her gently. “And I’m okay.”

Her hand trailed up to touch the bandage on his shoulder. It was healing well but Rick felt more comfortable having it covered up. 

“And you know what you said in the truck,” Rick said. “You don’t really have to.”  
  
”What?” she asked. “You mean you don’t want to marry me?” She was teasing.

He smiled at her. “Let’s just enjoy this for a while.”

”In a world where we could die at any minute, how long is a while?” she mused. 

Rick thought about it. “You’re right.”  
  
”I usually am.”

He chuckled. She leaned her head on his shoulder, wiggling to get as close as she could. They fell silent and eventually drifted to sleep.

* * *

 

“Come with me for a minute,” Natasha said, zipping her boots. She and Rick were getting ready to head out for the day but she had something she wanted to do before the rest of the people in town woke up. 

“What are we doing?” he asked, hand on the door knob. 

She stood up and led him outside without saying a word. Growing along the side walk were a patch of flowers. Natasha plucked two and held them in her hands. Rick walked silently beside her as she led him into the graveyard.

“I want you to meet Clint, sort of,” she said. They stopped and she dropped one of the flowers in front of the wooden plate that bore his name. “He would have liked you,” she declared. “For keeping me grounded and making me happy. He would have liked that.”  
  
Rick looked at the ground and back at her. “What’s the other flower for then?” She held it out to him. “For me?”

“For Shane,” she clarified, pointing to the wooden cross Lori had constructed for him. “Lori did it.” 

Rick’s eyes started to water. He slowly walked over and knelt down. For a long time, Rick just stared at the ground. Natasha silently walked away to the street and leaned against the street light. She could see Rick’s mouth moving, he occasionally covered his face with his hands. Finally he put the flower at the base of the cross and turned around, motioning for Natasha to come join him. She did.

“I don’t know what to think about Shane sometimes,” Rick said quietly. “I hated him for a long time after I found out what he did with Lori. That slowly started to change after he got to the prison, as weird as that sounds. I realized that I was clinging to Lori because of Carl and we really just didn’t belong together anymore. I didn’t hate him anymore but we could never go back to how we were before, you know what I mean? That’s what my mind keeps replaying. When we were teenagers, going to high school together. And how close we used to be. That’s how I remember Shane, not all the shit that came after.”

Natasha put a hand on Rick’s back, slowly rubbing circles. Rick relaxed at her touch, letting himself cry for his lost friend. When he was ready, he stood up, offered Natasha his hand and went back to his office with her.

“One of the ladies has planned a dinner party for the town,” Natasha said. “It’s going to be at your house since you’re our leader.”  
  
”Which house is mine again?” he asked with a laugh.

She raised an eyebrow. “Hopefully not the one you slept in last night. I can’t deal with that many people in my home.”  
  
Rick pretended to be hurt. “So we can’t be roommates anymore?”  
  
”I didn’t say that. Just that you couldn’t have a party at my house. I like to be able to leave those things when I’m ready,” she said. 

“So I’ll be stuck with forty people in my house while you sneak off and go home?”

“Pretty and smart,” she teased.

Rick smirked, shaking his head. “Well, alright then. I’ll just come over to your house before I kill anyone.”  
  
”No, you can’t. It’s your party and you have to stay all night. Plus it’s your house, you can’t just leave your house while there’s a party going on.”

“Watch me,” he said with a laugh. “When is this thing supposed to be happening?”  
  
”Tonight.”  
  
”So soon? How’d she pull that off?”  
  
”She’s had it planned since we got here. We just wanted you to be here for it.”

“When you say ‘we wanted you here for it’ I assume you mean you, Andrea and Michonne couldn’t pass up the chance to see me suffer.”  
  
”You know us so well,” she teased, winking.

Rick shook his head. “Isn’t there some work you’re supposed to be doing?”  
  
”Of course. What are my orders for the day Captain?”  
  
”Stop picking on me.”  
  
”No can do.”  
  
”No gossiping with Michonne and Andrea.”  
  
”Yeah that’s not gonna happen either.” She smiled.

Rick laughed loudly. “Can you bake something that would make me vomit the minute I put it in my mouth? I need a backup plan for escape.”  
  
”No, you’ll just have to suck it up and enjoy your welcome party.” She stood up. “I’ll see you later.”

Rick stood too. “Tasha,” he called her back, leaning down to kiss her briefly on the lips. “See you tonight.”

She touched his cheek and leaned up to kiss him again. “Wear something nice, it’s a formal event. And don’t forget to shave.”

“Yes, dear,” he said playfully.

She raised an eyebrow but said nothing. Rick smiled as he watched her go.


	25. Won't Let You Choke

Rick was walking around the room, greeting his new townspeople, introducing himself and shaking hands with everyone. Though he felt out of place in his black, freshly ironed dress shirt Carol had dug up for him, he put on a smile and stuck it out, knowing it was his job to do so.

“Are you having fun?” he said, pausing by the bench Carl was sitting on. His son gave him a look that told him all he needed to know. “No, of course you aren’t. At least get something to eat, Carl. When’s the last time you had a hamburger?”

“They look gross,” was Carl’s response. “How long were they frozen? They taste funny.”

“It’s all in your head son, they taste fine.” Rick ruffled his hair and walked away. He passed Natasha, who was coming out of the kitchen with a refilled glass in hand. She was dressed in red, of course. Rick tried not to stare.

“Having fun?” he asked her.

She gave him the same look Carl had just moments ago. “You know me, social butterfly,” she said dryly.

He grinned, just a little.

“Natasha, hi,” Nicholas said, approaching her. “I just wanted to say no hard feelings about the other day, okay? Kids, you know?”

“Oh, no worries. I appreciate you coming up to me like this.”

He shrugged, turning when someone else called his name.

“What happened the other day?” Rick asked Natasha. She gave him a brief rundown of when Carl and pushed Mikey for trying to take his gun.

“Should we have some kind of no weapons rule within the walls?” Rick asked. “Only the security team could have them or something. If it’s going to be an issue for Carl to have his then maybe he shouldn’t.”

“We’ll think about it tomorrow,” Natasha said. “You’re here to mingle and meet your people, so do it.”

“Where are you going?”

“Away.” She smirked. “I thought about rescuing Michonne but I might just go find Abraham.” She shrugged and turned away. Rick looked around to see what she meant by saving Michonne. When he found her he almost grinned again.

Michonne was standing awkwardly with some of the other women. They were all dressed in the best dresses they could find, Michonne’s dark skin set off by her ankle length strapless white gown. The women were talking and laughing loudly occasionally. Michonne painfully smiled and sipped her drink.

Andrea, leaning against a wall, was feeling just as awkward. She absently picked at a loose thread on bodice of her blue dress. Her heels were killing her. This was the first real interaction she’d had with most of these people and it was starting to bug her how much they were staring at the scar on her face. Yes, it was still fresh and she wasn’t used to it, of course it bothered her. One child had been staring openly at her all night, loudly asking her mother what was wrong with that woman’s face. Andrea had grit her teeth and pretended not to hear. She held her head high and blinked away the tears when the mother told her daughter to stay away from that woman.

“Fuck this,” she hissed, dropped her plastic cup on the table and stalked out the back door.

“I know isn’t he just so handsome?” a woman was gushing. Michonne had already forgotten her name. “Spencer is such an attractive young man.”

“Maybe too attractive, if you know what I’m saying. I could see him going out on scouting missions with Eric and Aaron…if you know what I’m saying,” another woman winked scandalously. The other two giggled loudly.

“You speak too soon, Barbra. Just minutes ago I saw him talking to the girl in your group, Michonne, the sharp shooter.”  
  
”Andrea,” Michonne supplied quietly.

“Her?” the first woman asked incredulously. Michonne almost wanted to ask what was wrong with Andrea that handsome men couldn’t talk to her without it being shocking news. Instead she sipped her drink.

“Never a dull moment around here, I tell you. You’re single, right, Michonne? We really need to set you up. You know Heath is single…”

Tyreese’s face flashed in Michonne’s mind. She pushed the thoughts away, ignoring the ache in her heart. The women chattered on about their husbands, who all in the town was single, who was the best dressed, etc. Michonne listened silently and sipped her drink.

Abraham was feeling as awkward and out of place and Michonne and Andrea. In his white button up shirt and dress pants, he felt like a child playing dress up.

“Look at you,” Rosita teased. “Go mingle! Jeez, we’re supposed to be getting to know these people. All you’ve done and you can’t handle a little dinner party.”

He rolled his eyes then looked down at her. “It’s not that, it’s tomorrow. A few days inside and I already don’t want to go on the other side of that wall.”

Rosita’s smile faded, her features softening into an expression of sympathy. She leaned against Abraham then, his chin resting on her head and his arms circled her. Why would he ever want to leave this?

“Michonne, wait!” One of the women called. Michonne had already forgotten her name. “Are you leaving?”

“Oh, sorry,” Michonne said. “I know it’s early but I was going to call it a night.”

The woman didn’t take the hint. Instead she came over to Michonne. “Oh, I totally understand,” she said. “One thing though, I really wanted to make something special for you, as a thank you. Is there anything in particular you’d like? Something you maybe haven’t had in a while?”

“Really, you don’t have to,” Michonne said, shaking her head. “I appreciate it, but I’d rather you didn’t go to the trouble.” She was trying to be as nice as possible but the whole atmosphere of the party was grating on her nerves. The mindless chit chat, pretending nothing was wrong- she hated it and wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.

“It’s no trouble at all, really. Please, tell me what you’d like,” the woman continued. “I’ve been so worried that I’d cook something you wouldn’t enjoy.”

Michonne’s patience ran out then. “Worried?!” she exclaimed. “This is what you worry about!?” she yelled in disgust, drawing attention to her. She spun around and stalked out the back door leaving everyone staring after her. In her haste to get out, she nearly walked right into Andrea, who was sitting on the steps leading to the back yard of Rick’s house.

“Fucking hell, Michonne,” Andrea snapped. “Walk right over me, why don’t you?”

“What crawled up your ass?” Michonne shot right back.

Andrea gritted her teeth and looked away as the tears sprang to her eyes again. Michonne’s temper faded and she took a seat next to her friend. “You can tell me voluntarily or I’ll beat it out of you,” she said seriously. “Your choice.”

The blonde shook her head. Michonne decided not to push. Silence fell over them for several moments. A door opening behind them caught their attention. Michonne smiled when she saw who it was.

“Everything okay?” Natasha asked as she came to sit on Michonne’s other side. “Mich, I hope you’re feeling better after that little scene.”

“What scene?” Andrea asked, looking up.

Michonne explained what happened and Andrea nodded. “It’s just hard, seeing people that happy.”

“And talking about complete and utter bullshit,” Michonne hissed. She looked at Natasha. “What brought you out here?”

“Same thing as you,” the redhead admitted. “It doesn’t seem real in there.”

Michonne shook her head. “Just yesterday I was talking to a few of them about our losses. None of them wanted to talk about the ones they’d lost, I don’t blame them but when I pushed they just brushed it off. Like it doesn’t mean anything at all to have lost someone. I know we’ve lost so many, it shouldn’t be as much of a shock anymore but it still hurts to think about them. No matter how long ago it was.”

“They haven’t lived through what we have,” Andrea chimed in. “They don’t have the same scars as we do.” She touched the side of her face.

“Is that why you’re out here?” Natasha guessed.

The blonde finally nodded slowly. Sniffling, she confessed, “I’ve been trying to ignore the stares and the whispers. Yesterday a girl called me a freak. Not even a little girl, a teenager probably fourteen or fifteen. She almost ran into me coming out of the supply house.” Andrea wiped her eyes. “Inside just a few minutes ago a little girl asked her mother what was wrong with my face and her mother said to stay away from me, like I’m some sort of monster because I have a scar on my face. I’ve been trying to tell myself to wear it proudly, that it’s a battle wound that I earned protecting my group but sometimes I just…” she trailed off, dissolving into tears. “It seems stupid,” she continued, still in tears. “When I look at Carl and remember he had half his face blown off, he’s missing an eye, for god’s sake and I burst into tears over what’s basically a scratch compared to his wound.” She wiped her face again.

Michonne put an arm around her. “Fuck them,” she said quietly. “I could tell you all the battle wound, wear it with pride bullshit but you already know it. None of these people could have done what you did, so fuck them.”

Natasha nodded in agreement but said nothing. Finally she stood up. “I think that’s enough enjoyment for me. I’m going home.”

“Me too,” Andrea said quickly, jumping to her feet.

Michonne stood as well. “See you ladies bright and early,” she said. They shared a smile and walked in different directions.

Natasha slipped out of her dress, leaving it lying on the floor and changed into a shirt of Rick’s that he had left behind. She sat down on her bed, unsure of what to do. The party at Rick’s was in full swing and probably wouldn’t end anytime soon. There was no guarantee he would come to her house that night. Finally she stretched out, staring at the wall. Sleep seemed to come less easily to her now than it had before. When it did come, she was plagued with nightmares and the morning light couldn’t come soon enough.

* * *

 

Back at Rick’s house, quite a few people had gone home but for the most part, the party was still going. Daryl was at the kitchen table with Abraham, both of them stoic and decidedly sober, both of them keeping an eye on their women. Rosita was gliding around the room, talking to everyone. Carol was talking to the same women Michonne had exploded on earlier. Though Carol felt awkward, she hid it well and tried to accept that this was how her life was now.

Carl had gotten a hamburger and eaten half of it while his father was in the other room. He had spoken to a few people and it seemed to be going okay. Maybe this wasn’t as bad as he had thought it was.

“Are you having a good time?” Rick asked Lori politely.

She shrugged awkwardly. “I guess so.” Truth was, she was having an awful night. A man had asked her to dance earlier and she’d nearly burst into tears at the very thought of him touching her, however innocent it may be. She missed Shane. She missed Rick. It was hard to tell who she was missing sometimes but either way it didn’t matter, it still hurt to be so alone.

“Maybe you can teach Carl how to have fun again,” Rick said, trying to keep his voice light. “He’s been sitting in that chair so long he’s gonna leave a Carl shaped dent in it.”

Lori smiled a little, knowing exactly how her son was feeling. “I’ll talk to him,” she promised absently, not really knowing how to begin that conversation.

Rick shifted his weight as their conversation stalled. It was so strange to him, how well he used to know this woman and now she was a stranger. They once talked for hours on end and now couldn’t hold a five minute conversation.

“Where’s Natasha?” Lori finally asked.

“Around here somewhere,” Rick answered, looking around. “Actually, I don’t see Michonne or Andrea either. They probably all slipped out together. You know how those three are.”

“Girl time,” Lori guessed.

Rick shrugged. “I don’t think it counts as girl time if they have Merle or Abraham with them,” he said, a pain shot through his chest when he remembered Merle.

“You do that too, huh?” she asked. Rick raised an eyebrow in question. “Forget that he’s gone. I do it all the time. I start to call out for Shane or turn to hand Judy over to him and he’s not there.” Her eyes filled with tears. “Judy is getting so big, she’s starting to hit milestones. I always want to yell for Shane to come look at her, look what she’s doing and then I remember he’s gone and…” she trailed off, her tears spilled over but she wiped them away before they could roll down her cheeks.

“Hey,” Carol said, coming up next to Lori just in time. “No tears tonight, remember?” She put her arm around her friend’s shoulders. “We’re celebrating, so let’s go celebrate.”

Lori nodded and allowed herself to be pulled into the crowd with Carol. Rick sighed in relief that Carol had interrupted. He watched for a moment as Carol led his ex-wife to the group of women she’d been talking to. After several minutes the women had Lori smiling and Rick felt another wave of relief. As much as Carl hated it here, Rick couldn’t help but feel there was something good to be found here. That Alexandria was exactly what everyone needed to start over, find something to live for and start really living again and not just surviving.

Rick kept up his hosting duties well, making the rounds and speaking to everyone. He’d been told everyone’s names but had forgotten a few already. When the last person had cleared out, he considered going over to Natasha’s. But she had left hours before and he guessed she was asleep by that point. So he went to bed alone, knowing he would see her in the morning.


	26. All These Things That I've Done

Natasha awoke the same way she had for the past few mornings; in a cold sweat from a nightmare. Not just any nightmare but the same one she’d been having since Rick was bitten. She kept seeing his face in her mind, jaws snapping, fingers reaching out to grab her.

She shook her head, trying to shake the thoughts from her mind. _Rick is okay,_ she told herself. Bruce and Tony found a cure and saved him, he’s _fine_. She got dressed for the day in her usual black cat suit, happy that S.H.I.E.L.D. was still providing them for her. It was easy to move in but tough and durable. Natasha got herself some coffee and something to eat, trying to focus on something other than her dreams, though the knot in her stomach didn’t relax until some time later when Rick walked through her front door.

He was wearing nice pants, a button down shirt and even a tie. Natasha smirked. “Looking good, Officer Grimes,” she teased, welcoming the flood of relief through her body at the sight of him.

Rick rolled his eyes but was grinning as he approached her. He leaned down to give her a brief kiss on the lips. “Have fun last night?” he asked. “You know, before you cut and run on me?”

Natasha shrugged. “Guess I had better things to do.”

“Like what?”

She smirked in response and didn’t answer. “Did you see Abraham on your way over?”

Rick shook his head. “Didn’t come that way.”

“We should head over and see him, then,” Natasha said. “He’s taking a crew out to work on expanding the wall today. I get the feeling he doesn’t want to go back out there yet.”

“I don’t blame him,” Rick replied. He followed Natasha out the door. Though she had been up for a while, Natasha found it was still quite early. No one was on the streets, save for Michonne who was heading home after her night patrol. Andrea was climbing into the bell tower near the wall, having just relieved Carol, who had taken the night shift.

“Have a nice day, guys,” Carol said as she passed the two.

“You too, Carol,” Rick called after her.

Abraham and Rosita were walking onto the porch when Rick and Natasha arrived.

“Ready to head out?” Rick asked him.

“Yeah,” Abraham replied, though the look on his face said otherwise.

Rosita touched his shoulder, a gesture Natasha recognized as being comforting.

“Where’s the rest of my sorry ass crew?” Abraham asked gruffly.

Natasha smiled. That’s more like him.

“Probably have to go round them up,” Rick suggested. “After the party last night I don’t think anyone is too eager to get up early.”

Abraham snorted. “Too fucking bad. Ain’t doing this shit my damn self.”

Natasha grinned, shaking her head.

“Rosita, what are you doing today?” Rick asked the woman.

“Gonna go up in the tower with Andrea, be an extra set of eyes over the construction team.” She smiled up at Abraham.

“Let’s get going then,” Rick said. “I’m gonna go get Daryl, see if he’s up for going out there. I’ll send the others to meet you at the gate, Abraham.”

“You got it,” the other man replied. Natasha met Rick’s eyes, they shared a brief look before going their separate ways. Really, Natasha didn’t have much to do since Rosita was going up with Andrea. She planned to patrol most of the day, help whoever needed it. She thought about going to see Michonne, but knew the woman needed to sleep. Instead she went to the house that had been turned into a school.

Carl, Sophia and Ben were among the dozen or so children sitting around a table. Carol was talking to them in her gentle, yet firm voice. Though Carl and Sophia were sitting with the other children, they stuck out to Natasha like sore thumbs.

Sophia was sitting at the window, eyes constantly darting out the window and over to the door Natasha was standing in. The girl’s eyes looked past Natasha, checking for danger, Natasha knew.

Carl was sitting at the back of the room, Rick’s old Sheriff’s hat on his head and pulled down in an attempt to hide the wound on his face. He still wore a bandage but that only made the other children more curious. Natasha had heard them ask him numerous times what had happened, what was under that bandage. Carl never answered, just turned away shyly and walked away. The boy had his arms crossed. Carol had the other children writing something, but Carl was apparently refusing to do it.

“Carl,” Carol called softly to him. “Sit up and do your work.” The boy acted as if he hadn’t heard her. After a few moments Carol called to him again.

“What’s the point?” Carl finally snapped. “They need to learn self defense or how to shoot a gun. This is useless out there. We don’t need this. It’s stupid.”

The other children looked slightly alarmed, though Sophia looked as if she agreed with him. Carol was about to reply but Natasha beat her to it. “Carl,” she said. He looked up, noticing her for the first time. “Come out here a minute.”

Carol gave her a thankful smile as the boy stood up and crossed the room.

“What’s going on?” Natasha asked as she led him to an empty room. “You can’t have outbursts like that, it’s rude to talk back.”  
  
”But it’s the truth,” he said quietly. He tilted his face up to look directly at Natasha. “Learning how to divide and write in cursive is dumb, we don’t need it out there.”

“Maybe not,” she agreed. “But future generations will need it.” At Carl’s expression, she explained, “People are going to keep having babies, Carl. Think about baby Judith right now. I’d say that the state of the world right now may not last forever. We won’t ever get back to how we were before, but all the walkers can be killed, in time. Bruce’s cure can prevent us from turning as well. Our future children will need us to record what happened here, how we managed to survive and how we did so. If all of us die and the only people left don’t know how to write, how we can we make records?”

Carl stared at her. “That the best you got?”

She fought a smirk. “I told you that Carol has included a weapons class in her lesson plan. Daryl has agreed to help out with target practice, if the other parents agree to it. And Michonne and I will be organizing a self defense class for everyone who needs it. You and Sophia will be allowed to help us but that’s only if you do your class work.” The boy looked like he was going to protest. In her firmest voice Natasha said, “Carl, I’m done arguing. Get back in there and do what Carol says.”

He glared at her but stood up without arguing. Natasha opened the door to the class room for him, watching as his head immediately tilted back down and he took his seat. She lingered in the door, staring at him until he picked up his pencil and started his work. Sophia gave her a wave and a smile before she shut the door.

* * *

 

Michonne was seated on the front porch of her house, watching the sunset when Abraham walked up her sidewalk. The woman was slightly surprised when he sat down on the swing next to her. 

“Everything okay?” she asked. The two had gotten along but had never been overly close. They certainly hadn’t spent time alone together.

“I’m not sure,” the man admitted.

Michonne waited for him to speak. He’d come to her after all.

“Do you trust this place?” he asked finally.

She shrugged. “After everything we’ve been through, I just keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

“Exactly,” Abraham said. “We’ve been here two weeks but for some reason I keep thinking it’s like the prison again. I can’t stop looking over my shoulder, jumping out of my fucking skin at the tiniest sound.” He shook his head at his embarrassing admission. “We thought the prison was safe until the Governor came, and look what he did. Sent us running all the way to D.C.”

“We didn’t have to leave,” Michonne corrected. “We chose to, remember? We could have stayed and fixed the hole in the fence and reinforced the walls. This was our choice, to come here.”

“I know, it seemed like the right thing to do, at the time,” Abraham said. “Like the community you and Natasha found before, we thought we could make it safe and live there but I don’t know. As good as it all seemed before, it just doesn’t seem like a good fucking idea anymore.”  
  
”Do you miss the prison?” Michonne asked, eyebrows furrowing.

“In a way, I guess so,” he admitted. “At least the walls were solid there we didn’t have to worry about those fucking things coming through the walls or windows.” He shook his head. “We had a better lookout system there as well. Those fucking guard towers, we could see for miles up there. Nobody got in or out without one of us knowing. Here, anybody could hop the fence in the middle of the night and we would be none the wiser. I don’t know these people and to be quite fucking honest, I don’t trust them either.”

“You thinking about Gabriel again? Or the hunters?”   
  
”Those people that took Andrea on the road too,” he added. “All of them, really. Gabriel caught me by surprise, turning on Natasha like that.” He shook his head at the memory. “And what happened to the hunters wasn’t anything we could control,” he said, thinking back.

“That’s not entirely true,” she said, remembering that only she knew what Natasha had done. Abraham looked over at her and she shook her head. “Natasha handled that for us.”  
  
”The fuck you talking about?” Abraham asked harshly.

Michonne thought nothing of his tone, it was just how he talked. “That night we spent at the church, Natasha slipped out while Andrea was on watch. I saw her and followed her. She cut the arms off a walker so she could move through the crowd. Those people were celebrating something, they had fires going most of them were cheering and talking loud. The only guard they had posted was asleep under a tree. Natasha slit his throat. Then went into the camp. She stabbed two of them, left them bleeding and screaming on the ground. You know she would normally be more quiet but she pulled her gun and shot the rest of them. She used the walker to get back to the church, the ones on the street heard the shots and came to the camp. That’s why all we found that day were bodies and walkers.”

“Why’d she do it?” Abraham asked.

“So we wouldn’t have to,” Michonne said. “Andrea and the others, they’d never killed a living person before. Natasha was trying to protect them, keep them from losing themselves. She said she let Rick get hurt before and wasn’t going to let it happen again. She overreacted, I guess you could say.” She smirked a little.

Abraham just shook his head. “That damn woman.”

Michonne’s smirk grew. “She did what she had to do.”  
  
”Gonna get herself killed one of these days, _doing what she has to do_ ,” he mimicked.

“You know that day Andrea was kidnapped by those guys? If we all hadn’t noticed Andrea’s disappearance I have no doubt that Natasha would have gone off alone.”  
  
”But why?” Abraham asked.

“She thinks of herself as a lost cause,” Michonne said. “With her past, she doesn’t think she can be good again. She wants to keep Rick and the others as human as possible for as long as possible. That’s why she does the dirty work. Andrea says she remembers the face of every living human she’s killed, their screams echo in her ears. Merle used to say he could hear the screams as well but for him it was nightmares. He would relive it every night. For me, it’s ghosts.”

“Ghosts?” he questioned.

“The people I killed are like ghosts, I….see them sometimes. Mostly it’s their face on a walker’s, you know what I mean?” Michonne tried to explain.

“I hear the screams too,” Abraham confessed. “Nightmares and all of that.” He shifted uncomfortably.

“Natasha says they’re just another notch on her belt, like it’s no big deal but I know better,” Michonne said. “They haunt her too. She won’t give me details though.”

Abraham was silent for a long time. “That’s what I worry about most, really. One of us going off the deep end. I’d rather be haunted by what we’ve done.”  
  
”It’s when it doesn’t bother you that you should start to worry,” she agreed.

“And this place is great, it’s too fucking great,” Abraham continued. “I just keep thinking about the fucking Governor, how he wanted the prison. He wanted to take a goddamn prison from us. Surely there’s somebody out there who would want this place if they found it. I don’t know if I can live like before,” he admitted.

“You don’t want to kill anyone else,” she guessed. Abraham shook his head. “I hate to tell you but in this world we don’t have a choice. You kill or you die or you die and you kill.”

Abraham looked up at her, chilled by her words. “Fucking morbid, Michonne.”

“That’s the way it is.”

“What if someone does try to take this place?” Abraham started apprehensively. “And what if Natasha….overreacts again?” he asked, using Michonne’s word from before.

“You think she’ll lose herself? Or that she’ll turn on us?”

“I don’t fucking know.” He shifted. “I don’t want to think that about her.”

“I worry about her too,” Michonne admitted softly. “I just hope Rick and Carl are enough to keep her with us, you know?”

Abraham shook his head, apparently done with the conversation. “Think I’m gonna go find Rosita.”

“You have fun,” she said with a grin. He winked at her as he stood. Michonne put her legs up on the swing staring out at the sun. There was a rustle in the bushes to her left but being so lost in thought, she hardly registered it.

* * *

 

“How did it go today?” Rick asked, slipping out of his shirt.

Natasha shrugged. “I was actually bored today. For the first time in months.” She grinned.

Rick smiled. “Me too, for a little bit after lunch. Carol said you stopped by the school today and talked with Carl?” He sat down to take his boots off, glancing up at Natasha.

She had put on another of his shirts and was climbing under the covers. “He didn’t understand why he needs to learn math. I tried to explain that our future generations would need to learn it but he wasn’t buying it.”

“Future generations? Really?” Rick teased. He dropped one boot next to the bed and started untying the other.

“It was the best I had,” she replied with a smile.

“What did he say about it?” Rick asked, letting his other boot fall to the floor. He started to take off his socks.

“Just that we didn’t need it,” Natasha said, turning on her side. “He wants the kids to learn self defense and learn to use weapons. I told him we were planning it. Carol is going to draw up permission forms to pass out to the parents for target practice. I can only imagine what kind of comments that will garner.”  
  
Rick shrugged, finally pulling back the blanket to climb in next to Natasha. “It’s a necessity,” he said. “I agree with Carl. It’s probably more necessary for the kids than learning math.”

Natasha scooted closer to him, allowing an arm to drape over her side. “I just don’t want them to learn too much too soon,” she said, thinking of her own childhood.

Rick realized this. “This is not the same thing as the Red Room,” he told her. “We’re teaching our children how to protect themselves when the time comes and we all know the time will come.”  
  
”I know, but you never know what can happen when you put a weapon in the hands of a child. Their still developing brains can’t be expected to process everything the way an adult’s can.” 

“I know,” Rick agreed, he decided to let the subject drop for now. “Have you heard from Coulson lately? Any word on how Maggie is doing?”

“She’s resentful for being trapped in quarantine,” Natasha said. “But overall she’s doing well. She and Glenn are comfortable there, at least. Bruce says she’s nearly done with her first trimester. So it’ll be a while before she gets to come here. I’ve spoken to Coulson though, he said we could visit her if we want. Lori is planning a girl’s trip to see her.”

“Lori?” Rick questioned. “When did you talk to Lori?”

“We’ve had a few conversations,” Natasha admitted, though didn’t elaborate. “But last night at the party she asked about Maggie and I told her what Coulson said. This morning she said she was thinking me, her, Andrea, Carol, Michonne, Sasha and Sophia could go see her. I agreed that it sounded like a good idea.”

Rick raised an eyebrow. “My ex-wife hanging out with my….whatever you are? I’m not sure how I feel about that.”  
  
”Whatever I am?” she questioned with a smile.

Rick cringed. “Girlfriend doesn’t sound right. I _think_ you agreed to marry me, so fiancé?”

She grinned. “Sounds about right.”

Smiling, Rick pulled her close to him and kissed her deeply. She pushed him back on the bed and climbed on top, straddling him. “I believe you still owe me,” she teased, pulling off his shirt.

Rick blushed, embarrassed to be reminded of their first time together not lasting as long as he’d hoped. “I can do better this time,” he promised.

Natasha smiled and leaned down to kiss him again. “I’m counting on it.”


	27. Drifter Days

Several days later Natasha was patrolling the streets with Michonne. Both women happy to be spending a little quality time together. 

“Trapped in a car with Lori for…how long?” Michonne teased. “Don’t get me wrong, visiting Maggie sounds great. But come on.” She gave Natasha a knowing look.

“She’s not that bad,” Natasha tried, though her voice sounded unsure even to her.

Michonne laughed and shook her head. “Never thought I would hear that from you.”

“Yeah, I know. Stranger things have happened.” The sound of yelling drew both of their attention. “What’s this now?” Natasha wondered. She and Michonne turned a corner to find a couple arguing loudly. A blonde woman was on her porch while her seemingly drunk husband was in the yard screaming back.

“What’s going on?” Natasha said loudly as they approached.

“Just a little spat, is all,” the man said. Natasha remembered him as Pete.

His wife, Jessie, rolled her eyes. “This is between me and my husband. We don’t need help from you guys.”

“Well you’re screaming at each other in your yard,” Michonne said. “Kids are out here. That makes it our business.”

Jessie looked around then, noticing the onlookers. She seemed embarrassed then. Looking back at her husband she said, “Pete, just leave now. Sober up, please.” She turned without waiting for an answer.

Pete threw his hands in the air. “Well I guess I’ll just leave then,” he said with a laugh as he turned, staggering a little as he went.

“Even in this world alcohol causes trouble,” Michonne said quietly. She and Natasha turned and continued to their patrol, following several feet behind the drunk man.

When they reached the guard tower they climbed up to check on Andrea and Rosita. “How goes it, ladies?” Natasha greeted.

“All is quiet,” Andrea said, keeping her gaze on the men working below. “Abraham knows how to keep the guys in line. We can hear him screaming all the way up here.” She grinned at Rosita.

“Yeah, well he better tone it down,” Natasha said. “He’s going to catch the wrong kind of attention sooner or later.”

“That’s why we’re up here,” Rosita reminded her. “To make sure no set of teeth get too close.”

“But the two of you won’t do much good against a herd,” Michonne supplied.

“I’ll talk to him,” Rosita finally said.

“No, I’ll have Rick talk to him,” Natasha told her. “They are making good progress though.” 

She and Michonne climbed down then and continued on their way.

“Is this what our life has become now? Walking in circles all day?” Michonne asked.

“Yes, it has,” Natasha agreed. “Wanna hop the wall and go find some excitement?”

Michonne snorted. “If only it were that easy. With our luck one of us would end up kidnapped or shot.”

Natasha glared at her. “Ha ha,” she responded. They were both remembering when Carl hid in the car before they met the Governor. “I miss Merle.”

“Me too,” Michonne said. “He was a dick but at least you could count on him.”

“There’s a lot I wish I could do differently,” Natasha admitted suddenly.

“I know. Me too.” They walked a while in silence, observing the other Alexandrians going about their day. Laughter and friendly conversation filled the air. Both women felt the dread in the pit of their stomach, as if this couldn’t last.

* * *

 

“So how long will you be gone?” Rick asked Natasha, watching her gather some clothes.

“A few days. Maggie needs some company. And Glenn will be here while I’m gone,” she said.

“Glenn is hardly a substitute for you,” he disagreed.

“Hang out with your friend, show him around. Let him pick a place for him and Maggie. You’re not the one who is going to be stuck in a car with your boyfriend’s ex-wife.”

“Yeah, sucks to be you,” Rick finally agreed with a laugh.

“Just give me a kiss and tell me bye,” Natasha said, giving his ribs a poke.

“I feel a little better knowing you’re going to be miserable for a couple hours,” Rick teased.

“Love you too, jerk.

Rick took the redhead in his arms and kissed her. “Come back to me,” he whispered.

“You know that I will,” she said.

He held her for a long moment before finally releasing her and picking up her bag. “Say hey to Maggie for me. Let her know we’re all waiting for her to come home.”

Natasha smiled. “I will.”  
  
Michonne and Andrea were waiting on the porch. Lori and Carol were lingering nearby. “Everybody ready?” Natasha said.

“Rosita is meeting us at the gate,” Andrea informed her.

“Well let’s get over there and get going.” She turned to Rick again.

“How many times are you going to say good bye,” he was only teasing but his words bothered Natasha.

“Just one more,” she promised before leaning up to kiss him again. “See you in a few days.”

“Try not to miss me too much,” he teased again.

“No promises.” She picked up her bag and followed the other women towards the gate. Rosita was saying her good byes to Abraham.

“Alright you two, separate,” Michonne called out.

“It ain’t her fault, Mich. It’s hard to resist us gingers,” Abraham said, winking at Natasha.

“I do seem to be pretty popular,” she agreed.

Abraham laughed and opened the door for Rosita. “Y’all be careful out there,” he said seriously.

“Aren’t we always?” Andrea replied, climbing in the back seat of the van. Sophia climbed in behind her. Abraham waited for the others to climb in before shutting the door. He motioned for Daryl to open the gate. A few moments later they were out of sight.

* * *

 

“How come you didn’t want to go see Maggie?” Rick asked Carl. They were having their first dinner together in what seemed like forever. Lori liked to keep Carl with her. 

The boy shrugged. “Guess I just wanted to stay here.”

“You okay?”

Carl nodded.

Rick pushed his empty plate away and sat back in his chair. “What’s wrong? Somebody say something to you?”

“No,” he said quietly. “I’m worried.”

“Why? Mom and the others have only been gone a few hours.”

“It’s not that.” Carl shook his head. “I mean it is but not all of it, I mean, I don’t know.”

“Calm down, son. Tell me what’s going on.”

Carl dropped his fork on the table with a loud clang. “I don’t like them going out like that. I don’t like us being trapped in here. There’s walkers out there and everyone just wants to visit Maggie and live in here like nothing is wrong. I want to see Maggie too but I’m scared. I don’t want us to get soft in here but I don’t want to go back out there. I don’t know how to feel!” He sat back, breathing heavily after his outburst.

“I understand-“ Rick started.

“No you don’t! How can you understand when I don’t even understand.”

“I do. Listen, Carl, you want to live but you’re afraid to. You want to see Maggie and be excited about her baby. You want to hang out with the other kids and play video games. But you’re afraid to. You’re afraid of getting soft and not being ready if there’s danger. You can’t live like that. You go live and be a kid. Go egg someone’s house, for crying out loud. Let me worry about our safety.”

“That would be a waste of good eggs,” Carl finally said after a long pause.

“See that should not have been your response,” Rick said with a grin. “Me, Natasha, and the others would never let anything happen to you or this place. You have to trust us. That’s what everyone else here is doing. You see their happy faces every day. They’re relying on us to keep them alive. You do the same. Be a kid. Eat a bug or something.”

“Dad, I’m twelve. Not exactly a kid that eats bugs.”

“I don’t know what twelve year olds do,” Rick said with a shrug. “Just try not to worry so much. Go do something fun.”

“I’ll try,” Carl finally agreed.

Rick put his hands up. “That’s all I ask.” He reached in his pocket. “Carol gave me these before she left.”

Carl unwrapped the napkin to reveal two cookies. He smiled a little before handing one back to his dad. They enjoyed the rare treat in content silence.

* * *

 

“This is nice,” Glenn said, looking around. “More people than I imagined.”

“Eric and Aaron are out there finding good people to bring in every day,” Rick said. “Our last count was fifty-four. Eleven of those are children.”

They turned a corner. “This is where we live. Michonne and Andrea share that one. Abraham, Rosita and Eugene are there. Daryl, Carol and Sophia are on the end. Natasha and me have the one across from it.”

“So you and Natasha are good?”

“We’re great,” Rick said with a little smile.

“You guys thinking about kids then? Now that we have a safe place and all.”

Rick shook his head. “No, I don’t think so.” He pointed to another house. “This is what they call the town hall. That’s where my office is. Michonne and Natasha act as the guard team around here. Basically they run the place and keep the peace. Andrea, Rosita and Spencer take turns in the tower keeping watch. Abraham takes a team out to work on the wall. Carol is teaching school, although we’ve had a few hiccups with that.”  
  
“Hiccups?” Glenn asked.

“Carol started teaching the kids weapon safety, some of the parents didn’t like it. That kind of thing.”

“They need to know, though.”

“That’s what we told them. Still, some people just aren’t comfortable. These kids can’t be sheltered forever. That won’t end well.” They finally stopped near an empty patch of land. “We’re planting crops here. I figured you could help me with that while you’re here. Maggie can take it over when she gets here.”

“She’ll like that,” Glenn agreed.

“Come on, I’ll show you what Abraham is up to.”

* * *

 

“This is amazing,” Glenn mused. He was perched on the porch rail of Rick’s house. Daryl was on the steps with Rick and Abraham seated in chairs behind him. “It’s so quiet you almost forget what’s going on out there. That is, until you see Spencer in the guard tower with a rifle.”

Daryl chuckled softly. “And guns strapped on everyone’s hips.”

“Kinda loses the suburban feel,” Abraham agreed with a smirk.

“But it’s safe,” Rick chimed in softly. “The walls hold. The people here can live a somewhat normal life. Kids are in school, Thomas is running the church. Hell, someone put a sign in the courtyard about a book club.”

Daryl snorted. “Cause they have so many options to choose from.”

“The library is well stocked. The point is that it’s starting to feel like before.” Rick turned the glass of whiskey in his hands.

“We all know it’ll never be like it was before,” Abraham quietly disagreed.

“No, not exactly,” Rick said. “But we can try. Our children deserve that much at least.”

Abraham nodded silently. “Anybody got a guitar?”

“What?” Glenn laughed at the unexpected request.

“A guitar, jackass. You know, piece of wood with some stings you pluck and it makes noise.” He wiggled his fingers to mimic the action.

“I know what a guitar is,” Glenn replied, a little irritated. “I meant why did you want one?”

“To play, dumbass!” The former sergeant looked at Rick. “You want this guy here helping protect us?”

Daryl laughed. Glenn grudgingly joined in. Rick just smiled and shook his head. “What would you play if we had one?” he asked.

Abraham thought for a minute. “Bob Seger.”

“Against the wind!” Daryl shouted suddenly, his head tilted back. He kicked a leg in the air.

“That’s enough whiskey for you, cowboy,” Abraham said with a laugh, plucking the bottle off the floor.

“What? I was just agreeing with you,” the other man said, smiling.

“I like Ray LaMontagne,” Glenn added.

“Ray La who?” Abraham countered. Daryl snorted.

“You know nothing,” the Asian man told him with a smile. “How about you, Daryl?” he asked quickly, turning Abraham’s attention from himself.

“Merle Haggard.”

Abraham slammed his hand on the armrest of his chair. “I knew you were gonna fucking say that! I fucking knew it!” He laughed loudly. The others joined him. “How about you, Sheriff?” the redhead asked after they calmed down.

“I was always partial to the Spice Girls.”

Absolute silence followed. Finally, Glenn said, “Are you kidding? We have to know when you’re kidding.”

“I’m not kidding,” Rick said seriously.

“We have to know when you’re kidding, Rick,” Glenn said again.

A smile broke out on Rick’s face. Daryl chucked a rock in his direction. “Fucking Spice Girls.”

The men laughed again. Rick observed the scene with a smile. He couldn’t believe they were actually laughing and joking; all of them relaxed. Ever since he arrived at Alexandria, Rick always felt a dark cloud looming over him. As if this place and their happiness could never last. Tonight, for the first time, Rick was happy. And that dark cloud wasn’t there.

* * *

 

Natasha said good night to Michonne and pushed open the door to her room. She had actually had fun with the girls. No matter how annoying Lori was most of the time she hadn’t been so bad. She and Maggie spent a lot of time talking about baby stuff and pregnancy. Natasha felt uncomfortable when that topic came up. It was only a matter of time before people started asking when she and Rick were going to have a baby. How long could she deflect those questions?

Maggie wanted them to stay a while but Natasha knew they couldn’t be away for too long. She, Michonne and Andrea were part of the guard team and the men would only pull double shifts for so long before they started complaining. Plus, she missed Rick. She had only left that morning but it seemed like so long ago.

The redhead pulled off her clothes to get ready for bed. She pulled on a pair of shorts and one of Rick’s shirts. Just after she pulled the covers over her there was a knock on the door. Instinctively she reached for her gun.

“It’s me, Romanoff, don’t shoot me,” Coulson said from the other side of the door.

“I don’t like late night visitors,” she said, getting up.

“I know, I’m sorry.” He stepped inside. “I’m leaving in the morning and I thought my chances for survival were better if I came to you tonight as opposed to waking you in the morning.”

“Your calculations would be correct,” the redhead quipped, sitting on her bed. “What prompts your visit?”

“I’m leaving,” he repeated.

“You said that already.”

“We’re going to New York. Myself, Fury, Hill, everyone. The doctors are staying here with Maggie,” he said, seeing she was about to protest. “A few agents have agreed to stay behind with her until the baby is born. New York needs us more than D.C. right now.”

“You mean a weapons developer and a demi god couldn’t clear out a few blocks to set up a camp around Avengers tower?”

“They’ve made good progress, but they need help. Alexandria’s walls went up right after this happened. There are no walls in New York. Then there’s the issue with food. The tower was well stocked before the outbreak but it’s not like the city is open for farming. We have a few kinks to work out. You’re all settled in Alexandria, it’s time for us to start in New York,” he explained.

“Well, good luck with that,” she said quietly. “Central Park is nearby, plant some crops there.”

“Crops in Central Park,” Coulson said, shaking his head. “Who would have ever dreamed.”

“That’s the craziest thing about all this to you?”

He laughed. “Not by a long shot. Seeing you in a relationship, however…” he trailed off.

“Looks like I need my gun after all,” she deadpanned.

“In the old days you would have just shot me, now you’re giving me a warning. Rick really has changed you,” he teased.

“I’m counting to five.”

He stood quickly. “Best of luck to you in Alexandria, Romanoff. Be sure to let me know when the wedding is.”

A second after the door closed a vase crashed against it. She could hear Coulson laughing as he ran down the hall.

* * *

 

Natasha and the girls arrived the next day, just after lunch. Rick was waiting at the gate when they pulled in.

“Good visit?” he asked when she slid out of the car.

“Very. Maggie says hi.” He took her bag from the car and they walked in the direction of their home. “Coulson and the others are leaving for New York today. A few agents are staying behind with Maggie until the baby is born. They’re going to try to restore New York. At least part of it, anyway.”

“Sounds like they’ve got their work cut out for them,” Rick mused.

“Glad it’s not my job,” she said with a smile.

“You mean you wouldn’t want to be part of the team that rebuilt New York?” Rick teased.

“Oh sure, that would be great.” She shook her head, looking around. “I’ve got my own thing going on.”

“For a minute there I was afraid you were leaving me.”

She elbowed him gently. “Now why would I do that?” They walked up the steps.

“For the fame and glory,” he teased, opening the door for her.

Natasha rolled her eyes. “I’m too tired to banter properly. Take me upstairs and love me.”

“Sure you’re not too tired?”

“Not for that.” She shut the door behind them.

* * *

 

Glenn was assisting Abraham with construction on the wall. He had met Heath, the man he would be doing runs with. Aaron and Eric had invited him to scout groups with them. Andrea had let him hang out in her tower for a while. Glenn planned on seeing everything he could before he went back to the compound with Maggie, though he didn’t think the construction team would be his choice.

“Hold the fucking thing!” Abraham screamed. The guys grunted to hold the large piece of steel in place, while Abraham and two others tried to fix it. When it was done they all breathed a sigh of relief.

“It’s usually not this bad,” Tobin said. “Abraham had a rough night apparently.”

Glenn nodded and chuckled. “Guess that’s partly my fault.”  
  
Tobin shook his head and lifted a board. “Hold that right there.” Glenn did as he was told. Tobin put a nail in place and started to hammer. When he was done, Glenn moved to the end of the wall. There were guards around to make sure nothing got too close and of course Andrea was up in the tower but still, Glenn wanted to be sure. He took another step to look the other way. His foot slipped and he grabbed for something to keep from falling. Unfortunately for him that was the steel wall.

“Fuck!” He held his hand up, a large cut opened up across his palm.

Tobin appeared wrapping a piece of cloth around it. “Better go see Denise and get that taken care of.”

“What happened?” Abraham asked, joining them.

“Cut my hand open on the wall,” Glenn said, motioning to the blood smeared on the faded brown steel.

“You did that on purpose,” Abraham teased. “Get the hell back inside, kid.”

Glenn waved to Tobin and started the trek back around. He was nearing the gates when he heard hushed voices.

“They’re dangerous.”

“How can you be sure they would hurt one of us?” that voice belonged to Joshua, a younger man Glenn had met the day before.

“Father Thomas heard them talking,” another voice said. This was Nicholas. “Abraham and Michonne. They were talking about all the people they had killed. Andrea, Rick all of them have killed people. Especially the redhead.”

“Natasha?”

“And these people are in charge of this place,” said another voice. Glenn recognized him as Pete. “Walking around here, sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong. Just waiting for one of us to slip up.”

“So what do we do?” Joshua asked.

“Thomas has a few other people in the church,” Nicholas said. “We’re going to overthrow Rick and take this place for ourselves.”


	28. Heavy

“Overthrow him how?” Joshua asked.

“Thomas took some guns from the armory. We’ll tell Rick how it is and if he doesn’t like it they can leave,” Nicholas said.

“And you think he’ll just step down, just like that?”

“We won’t give him a choice.”

Joshua was silent. “You mean you’ll kill him? And Natasha? Michonne? Andrea? Abraham? You know they will stand with him.”

“It won’t come to that,” Pete disagreed.

“And what if it does?” Joshua argued. “You would kill them all just to get Rick out of his leadership position?”

“We’ll do what we have to,” Nicholas finally said firmly.

“So you want to kill them because they have killed people and you’re afraid of them? Do you hear how crazy that sounds?”

“We don’t want to kill them,” Nicholas said. “We just want someone else in charge. Remember when we were still at that base? We had a leader chosen, these people came in and took over.”

“Monroe is an idiot. They’ve been out there, they know what they’re doing,” Joshua said.

“Being on the road and killing a few biters doesn’t make you leadership material. Are you with us or not?” Nicholas finally asked.

“I don’t know, I need to think about this.”

“Well, you better think quick. We’re doing this soon. And don’t even think about warning any of them,” Nicholas warned. He came around the corner faster than Glenn expected. “Hey!”

Glenn started to run toward the gates, screaming for Heath to open them. Nicholas grabbed his shirt and yanked him backwards. He kicked Glenn’s ribs and punched him when he tried to get up. Glenn brought his legs up and shoved Nicholas off of him. He jumped to his feet and ran.

Nicholas, Pete and Joshua were right on his heels. Heath stepped in between them but Nicholas shoved him. “What’s going on?” Heath asked.

“That’s a good question,” Andrea said, coming out of the tower with her rifle.

“It’s none of your business,” Nicholas snapped, taking another step toward Glenn. “And you better just come with me.”

“Andrea, where’s Rick?” Glenn asked, staring defiantly at Nicholas.

“In the field I think, why?”

“Hey!” Abraham called, coming through the gates with Tobin. “What’s all the damn screaming about? Got six of those things coming out of the woods now.”

“Abe, I need you to keep them here while I go get Rick,” Glenn said.

“You won’t have to look far,” the man in question said. He stood behind Glenn. Natasha and Michonne were with him. “We heard the screaming, everybody okay?” He saw the blood on Glenn’s hand. “Are you bit?”

Glenn waved his hand. “No, I got cut.”

“Well, what’s up?” Rick asked looking between him and Nicholas.

“They were plotting against you,” Glenn blurted.

“Shut the hell up!” Nicholas lurched forward, only to be stopped by Natasha. She shoved him backwards so he fell on his backside. Pete flinched as if he wanted to step forward.

“Back your shit down,” she warned, not moving.

“They think we’re dangerous.” He turned to Michonne. “He heard you and Abraham talking about people you’ve killed. They think we’re going to kill them. And they have more people in the church waiting. Thomas stole guns from the armory.”

“Stole guns?” Rick said. “Why? How were you expecting this to go?”

“Am I the only one who’s noticed we’ve been overrun? Taken over by crazy people!” Nicholas shouted suddenly, getting to his feet. The other citizens started to form a crowd around them. Thomas and the group from the church hung back a little. Natasha turned so she could see them clearly.

Nicholas went on, “We used to be safe! We used to be happy! Now Rick has us running outside, digging holes and searching places we’ve already searched! Doesn’t this seem suspicious?!” He turned to the other Alexandrians. “They want this place for themselves. They’re trying to pick us off one by one!”

“That’s what you think?” Natasha cut him off, stepping in front of Rick. “You’re taking this community? Really? From Rick? From Daryl? From Andrea? From Abraham? From Michonne? From _me_? Do you have _any_ fucking idea who you’re talking to?”

"Yes, I'm talking to a killer," Nicholas shot back.

"You don't know what you're talking about," Michonne snapped from Natasha's side.

“This isn’t how this should go down,” Nicholas says.

“How should it go down then?” Natasha demanded. “Messy and bloody? Rick’s head on a pike? I can promise you right now that’s one fight you won’t win.” She was standing protectively in front of Rick.

Nicholas saw the coldness in her eyes and knew she was serious but it was too late to back down now.

“We’ve kept all of you safe,” Rick said. He put a hand on Natasha's shoulder, she relaxed.. “You all have food, clothes, water, a roof over your head, walls around you keeping the walkers out. Your children run and play, go to school. And you think you can do a better job than us? We were out there, for a year we were on the road while you all were housed together getting fed. We were starving. Having our home blown to shit by a madman. Yes, you’re right we’ve killed people. Because they threatened our home, they threatened my wife, my son, my people. And we stopped them. If anyone came here to take this place from us I would do the same. We won’t give this place up to anybody.” Rick stared him down. “If you’re part of my group you’re under my protection. You threaten me, my wife or any of my people again then we have a problem. Now, do we have a problem?"

Nicholas stared at him for a long time before finally shaking his head. He turned to Pete and the two slunk off together. Slowly, the group began to disperse. Rick gave Natasha a look before he turned and walked away. She raised an eyebrow.

“Maybe we should postpone the run,” Michonne said, walking up to stand next to Natasha. “Let things calm down with Nicholas before we go.”

“We can’t. We’re too low on medical supplies,” Natasha said.

Michonne nodded. “I’ll go see Denise and see what she needs.” They had reached the gazebo in the courtyard of the church. Glenn and Abraham were taking the guns Thomas and the others had stolen back to the armory. Father Thomas was standing on the steps watching, looking sullen. “Do you think Nicholas will behave while we’re gone?”

“I think so,” Natasha said. She leaned back and crossed her arms. “I hope so. If he attacked Rick the way he did Glenn I wouldn’t hesitate to kill him. We can’t have our own people turning against us and I don’t want to have to eliminate anyone else.”

“Eliminate anyone else?”

Natasha shook her head and turned away. “I’m tired of killing people, Michonne. I’ve taken enough lives. I don’t want to take anymore. But when shit like that happens it puts me in the position to do so.” She paused. “I’m not the Black Widow anymore. I’m not a master assassin. Now I’m just a survivor trying to live in this world too. The walkers out there are the enemy and they’re just walking corpses. I shouldn’t have to worry about other living people under my protection wanting to kill us.”

Michonne was silent for a long time. “I don’t want to kill anyone either. Isn't that what sets us apart from people like the Governor or those hunters? We have to remember that. We don’t just kill because someone else has what we want. I wonder if we really can live in peace or if there’s someone else just waiting to take from us.” She moved to kneel in front of Natasha so the woman would look at her. “I don’t blame you for not wanting to kill anymore. In fact, I’m proud of you for wanting to change. Killing isn’t always the only option. Rick is really good at talking people down and trying to find the peaceful option.” She tried to smile at her friend. “Maybe we should go on that run now after all. Get you out of here for a while.”

“What if Nicholas tries anything else? I won’t be here if Rick needs me.”

“Rick can handle himself. Let’s go.”

* * *

 

Natasha shut the door to their house and walked through. Rick was waiting in the kitchen. A bowl of fresh apples in front of him. She sat down next to him and poked his ribs. “You said wife out there, I hope you meant me. In which case, I think we need to talk because I don’t remember agreeing to that,” she tried to tease.

He didn’t laugh, just turned and looked at her. The seriousness of his expression made her smile fade. “What’s up?”

“Why did you do that?” 

“I occasionally poke and tease you because we’re in a good-natured relationship,” she said, a little confused.

“You stepped up to Nicholas, stepped in front of me like you wanted to protect me.” 

“Maybe I did, is there a problem?”

“I don’t need you to protect me. I could have handled that, I’m supposed to lead these people. How does it look to them if you’re acting like my bodyguard?”

“Rick, I didn’t…” She shook her head. “What does it matter? I saw him as a threat to you.”

“You’re supposed to let me handle it.” He put his hands over his face and rubbed his eyes. “You wanted me to lead this place because you didn’t think you could do it. But I don’t know why because you’ve got the whole Alpha female thing down.”

Now she was mad. “Alpha female? I was trying to help. I saw him as a threat. If you remember correctly I’m specially trained to handle a threat.”

“Except he wasn’t a threat,” Rick argued. “He was just disgruntled. He needed some reassurance. Not every situation is black and white. Not everything needs to be solved with violence, talking does help.”

“Because that worked so well with the Governor!” she snapped without thinking. Tyreese’s face flashed in both of their minds. She remembered her conversation with Michonne before. Quickly she tried to backtrack. “I’m sorry. Nicholas isn’t the Governor.”

“No, he’s not,” Rick said flatly. “He’s just a confused guy. I don’t need you to fight my battles for me.”

“So what, I’m supposed to stand next to you like a trophy wife?”

“No, that’s not what I meant,” he said, realizing his mistake.

“So what then?”

Rick covered his face again. How did this get so messed up?

“You know what? I didn’t come here to argue with you. Michonne is waiting for me. See you in a few hours.” She yanked the door open and stormed out.

“Dad? What’s going on?” Carl came out of the living room, looking around.

“Nothing son, it’s okay.”

Carl lingered a minute before heading back in the other room. He popped back in a moment later and said, “Dad, you forget where Natasha came from. Sometimes I think she just goes into agent mode, like she’s trained to. You can’t be too mad at her. You’re partners.” At that he left. Rick stared at the door for a minute contemplating whether to go after her or give her time to cool off. He went into the living room with Carl.

“What are you doing in here? It’s nice out, why don’t you out and do something? Make a friend.”

Carl shook his head. “I don’t think so.”

Rick stared at his son. Carl was reading a comic book. He still had a bandage over his eye. Heath and the others had been on the lookout for an eye patch for him but so far they’d had no luck. Carol offered to make him one instead. Rick wondered if his son could ever be normal again.

"What are you reading?" he asked.

Carl held it up for him to see. "Superman. Wouldn't it be cool if he were real? He could come and wipe out all the walkers and we would have our world back."

"Yeah, it would be cool," Rick agreed. "I don't think any other super people are coming to our rescue though."

"I think SHIELD could set up borders around a city, then Iron Man, War Machine and Thor could kill all the walkers inside. Then they move on to another city. And so on."

"That could work, yes, but think of how many walkers were in a city like Atlanta. And New York and L.A. are even bigger. Remember the whole world is like this. It would take years to do it and they are just people too, it would be exhausting."

"Well they could start with New York," Carl mused. "The SHIELD agents could help too, of course. Then maybe it wouldn't be such a big job for them."

"Maybe," Rick agreed, letting his son fantasize. 


	29. Wicked Wind

“Everything okay?” Michonne asked, sliding into the passenger seat.

Natasha put the car in drive and motioned for Heath to open the gate. “Rick and I had a fight.”

“About what?”

“Nicholas. And what happened out there. He says I jumped in too soon and I didn’t let him handle it. He thinks I acted like a body guard and he actually called me an Alpha female.” She breathed out, feeling her anger subside a little.

“Well you do have the Alpha vibe.”

Natasha glared. “Not you too.”

“I’m not saying what you did was wrong. I got a kick out of your speech, actually. Nicholas actually looked a little afraid of you.” She leaned her seat back and put her feet up on the dashboard.

The redhead sighed. “I guess that’s Rick’s point. He shouldn’t be afraid of me. He’s part of our community, not an enemy.”

“For a minute you thought he was an enemy, though. He attacked Glenn, he wanted to take this place over from us. You weren’t about to let that happen. I’m proud of you.” Michonne paused. “At the same time I see Rick’s side. He’s the leader we all chose because we know he is the right choice. And we have to trust him.”

“So I did fuck up?”

“A little.” Michonne laughed. “But it’ll be okay. Just talk to your husband when we get back. You guys will be fine. Which by the way, when did that happen?” She glared.

“It was news to me too. That’s the first time I’ve heard him say it. I mean, marriage has never been my style,” Natasha admitted. “When he got bit I told him I would marry him, if that’s what he wanted. And we’ve kinda mentioned it here and there but we haven’t outright talked about it. I don’t know.”

“I guess it’s clear what he thinks, Mrs. Grimes.”

“You can stop that shit right now,” Natasha snapped, holding up her middle finger.

Michonne laughed. “You mean you’re not taking his name?” She put a hand over her heart in mock surprise.

“Do names even matter anymore? I mean, I don’t even know your last name.”

“Well, that’s fair,” Michonne agreed. “I’m just glad everyone seems happy. You and Rick. Andrea and Spencer are hooking up. Abraham and Rosita.”

“I wouldn’t be planning a wedding for those two anytime soon.”

“Who? Abe and Rosita? Why?”

Natasha looked sideways at her. “I saw Abe sneaking out of Holly’s last night.”

“No shit?”

“No shit.”

“Damn. That’s fucked up. I love Abe and all but Rosita doesn’t deserve that. Are you going to tell her?” Michonne asked.

“It’s my job to observe not get involved. He knows what he’s doing and he knows it’s wrong, that's why he's sneaking around. Either he’ll tell her or she’ll find out. I feel bad every time I see her though,” she admitted. “I want to tell her but at the same time I know it’s not my business.”  
  
“I hate those types of situations.”

“Me too,” Natasha said quietly. “So, you and Heath?”

“You sneaky bitch,” Michonne said with a laugh. “How the hell did you know?”

“I don’t miss anything. And who are you to call a sneaky bitch? You’re the one sneaking around hiding shit from me.”

“You’re right, sorry.” The woman sighed. “I just didn’t know if it was worth talking about. I invited him up to my room one night, purely because I was lonely and really just wanted to fuck.” She and Natasha laughed. “I kicked him out right after. He was pretty confused. We talked a few times after that, I stayed at his place one night. I like him.”

“Why do you look so scared then?”

“I’m afraid of getting too close,” Michonne admitted. “I’m afraid of losing someone else I love.”

“Can’t live your life in fear, right?” Natasha asked quietly.

“I know. I’m trying. Just like you are.”

“We’re quite a pair, you and me.”

“Yes, we are,” Michonne agreed. The two women rode in silence for a while.

“Looks like we’re here,” Natasha said after a while. They were about forty minutes from Alexandria, the furthest they had been out in a while.

“Let’s start at the pharmacy,” Michonne suggested. “Denise gave me a list.”

“Carol gave me one, too. Mostly clothes, fabric. Sizes to look for, if possible.”

They entered the pharmacy but it was already picked over. “Ain’t much of shit in here,” Michonne complained.

Natasha shoved a few candy bars in her backpack for Carl. “At least we’re not desperate for anything right now. We can look somewhere else later.”

“Let’s go next door,” Michonne said finally after shoving some tampons and pads in her bag.

There were two walkers in the clothing store, easily taken down by the women. They gathered all they could find and took it back to the car. “Where next?” Michonne asked, closing the trunk.

Natasha looked around and pointed to a restaurant. “Think there may be some canned food in there?”

“Won’t hurt to check,” Michonne agreed. She banged on the glass and waited. After a few moments, she banged on it again. When no walkers appeared they pushed the door open and went inside.

“Jackpot,” Natasha whispered. The metal shelves were full of vegetables, pasta sauce and boxes of pasta. “How the hell are we going to get all this to the car?”

Michonne looked around and spotted the dish cart. She tossed the tubs on the floor and started loading it up. The women pushed it out and into the street before going back for the rest. “Not bad for one day,” Michonne said.

“Not at all,” Natasha agreed. “Probably pointless but we can check that gun store and the pawn shop.”

The girls found no guns and only a few boxes of ammo on the floor but quite a few knives and machetes. They put these in a bag and headed to the pawn shop. The scene was pretty much the same as the gun store. Natasha was lingering by the jewelry cases when Michonne whistled to her. She went to the window, both girls ducked down when they saw a truck pulling into town. Several men armed with machine guns got out. Natasha counted nine.

“We can’t take them,” Michonne hissed, seeing Natasha’s hand on her gun. “We gotta go.”

“How?” Natasha hissed back. One man was standing in the street while the other four ducked into a store.

“Out the back, as long as we get to the car we can go.”

“They would shoot the tires out,” Natasha disagreed. “Let’s just stay in here until they’re gone.”

“What if they come in here? There’s nowhere to hide.”

Before Natasha could answer one of the men opened the back door of the box truck. A woman came into view. She was completely naked with her hands tied behind her back and a bag over her head.

“What the fuck?” Michonne breathed.

The women watched in silence as the men took turns pushing her and beating her, laughing while they did it.

“Hey, this isn’t what Negan told us to do,” one of them said. “He said to leave her.”

“We are, James, chill. Just having fun first,” another said, laughing at the woman struggling to get to her feet.

“This is what happens when you cheat on the boss man,” one said. He pulled his gun. One of them grabbed her by the shoulders and faced her toward the empty street. He gave her a little push and said, “Start running."

She didn’t need to be told twice. Natasha didn’t need to see what happened next. She and Michonne looked away. Both of them jumped when the gun went off.

“Negan may have a ‘don’t kill women’ policy but I don’t,” one said, laughing again.

Natasha looked at Michonne. She nodded before they crawled away from the window and went to the back door. Natasha peeked out the back, trying to form a plan. “Cut behind the buildings to get back to the car.”

Michonne nodded. Silently, both girls slid out the back door. Natasha peered around the corner. The women darted across the alley and behind the next building. Natasha was about to look around the corner when a walker turned the corner. She stumbled back in surprise, struggling to get him away so she could kill it. Michonne shoved her sword through the thing’s brain and Natasha shoved it away.

“Who’s over there?” a male voice called.

“Fuck,” Natasha curse. She spun around to face Michonne, shoved something in her hands. “Go hide behind that dumpster, get back to Alexandria.” She gave the woman a push then turned to run behind the next building. Michonne did as she was told, feeling like shit for ducking and hiding when her friend needed help.

One of the men appeared in front of Natasha and she jumped back in surprise. “Well look what we have here.”

Soon the other men were surrounding her. “What are you doing out here, pretty lady?”

“I got separated from my group,” she said, trying to sound scared. “We were looking for food and then we got attacked. I ran off to get away from the walkers but when I came back my friends were gone.”

One of them looked her up and down. “You look like you’re eating pretty damn well. You sure your group ain’t hunkered down somewhere? It ain’t nice to lie, now.”

“No, we were staying in a house but this herd came through and we had to leave.”

The men looked at each other. “Let’s take her to the boss,” one of them said.

“He is partial to redheads.”

“And big tits,” another agreed.

“Put her in the truck.”

One of them grabbed her arm, she tried to yank away. He punched her in the face hard enough she saw stars. “Don’t fight. Just fucking go and you won’t get hurt.”

Someone in front of her grabbed her hands and tied them. Another shoved a bag over her head. With one on either side they walked her to the truck.

Michonne waited until she heard the truck start before she climbed out from behind the dumpster. She crept toward the street to see what direction the truck was going before she ran to the car. The truck was nearly out of sight before it turned. Michonne drove forward and stopped at the street the truck turned on just in time to see it make a left turn. She drove forward again, following the truck like that for nearly an hour.

When the truck turned into a compound Michonne ducked into the woods and watched them take Natasha inside. Michonne went back to the car and headed for Alexandria.

* * *

 

“Hey, Rick!”

Rick turned to find Nicholas running after him.

“Look, I just wanted to apologize for earlier,” he started. “I guess I don’t control my emotions very well.” He tried to joke. “Really, I guess I didn’t look at things from your point of view. The rest of us were never on the road as long as you. Those of us who were out there it was only a little while. Next time I feel like that I’ll talk to you instead of Pete.”

“That would be best,” Rick agreed. He offered his hand and Nicholas shook it.

“Rick!” Heath called from the top of the wall.

“You’re popular today,” Nicholas joked.

“That’s not always a good thing,” he said, heading toward the gate. A black car was pulling through. It was the one Natasha and Michonne had left in that morning, only now Michonne was alone in it.

Michonne put the car in park and got out.

“Where is she?” Rick asked.

She held her hand out and dropped something into his palm. Rick opened his hand to find a silver wedding band. His heart sank.

“We need to talk,” Michonne said finally.


	30. Learning to Fly

“Why didn't you just take them out?" Glenn asked helplessly, looking at Michonne. "You guys have taken out more than that before." Michonne told them what had happened in the town. Now Rick, Abraham, Daryl, Glenn, Michonne and Andrea were in Rick’s office. 

"She didn't want to risk both of us getting caught," Michonne replied. "They didn't know I was there and they didn't care enough to look. We saw what they did to that woman." She shook her head as if shaking the memory away. "We had too much food to bring back. Not to mention the clothes and medicine. One of us had to make it back with the supplies. We both understood that. What good would it do if I'd have tried to help her and we both got caught? And besides, we saw nine of them. Only four were there to catch Natasha. Let's say she'd taken them out and we hid somewhere. Don't you think the others would have known something was up when they found their friends dead?"

"They would tear the place apart looking for you," Andrea mused, looking at the floor. 

"Exactly," Michonne continued. "It was the best course of action to protect our group."

"I get it," Glenn said sadly. 

"What do we do?" Andrea spoke again.

“We can go get her,” Michonne said. “I followed them to their place. It’s surrounded by a chain link fence, we could easily scale it and get inside.”

“But how many more men do they have? You only saw nine,” Abraham said. “We have no idea how many more they have at home.”

"Apparently they have enough to feel comfortable letting nine go on a run," Glenn supplied.

"If we’re going to do it we have to be smart,” Daryl agreed.

“We’re not,” Rick finally said.

“What?” Andrea snapped.

“We can’t go after her,” Rick said again. “She told Michonne to come back to Alexandria without her.”

“And? We knows where she is.”

“She gave this to Michonne to give to me,” he continued. Holding up a piece of silver in his hand.

“What’s that?” Glenn asked.

“A wedding band. For me. It’s her distress signal. It means don’t come after her.”

The room fell silent then. Glenn looked at his feet. Michonne looked torn. Andrea actually looked sad.

“So what the fuck do we do?” Abraham finally said.

Rick was spinning the ring around in his hand. “We trust her.”

* * *

 

“So you’re just going to leave her out there?” Carl snapped.

“We have to trust her, Carl,” Rick started.

“No, this isn’t like before. When the Governor had us, you didn’t save us because you didn’t know where we were but Michonne knows where they are we can go get her. I thought you loved her.”

“I do, Carl.” He held out his hand. “She sent this back with Michonne. She’s my wife. And I have to trust her.”

Carl shook his head in disgust. “I know you were mad at her when she left but this isn’t right. She needs help.”

“We had a fight, sure but that doesn’t mean anything now. We just have to wait-“

“No! That’s stupid!” Carl stormed out before he could say anything else.

Rick looked down at the ring in his hands. He stared at it for a long time before he slipped it in his pocket. Then he turned to walk out the door. The citizens of Alexandria were slowly learning of Natasha’s capture. Some people were scared, some worried, everyone had an opinion on what they should do.

Andrea stepped on her porch, gave Rick a glare before she went toward the tower for her shift. Rick kept walking.

“Is it true about Natasha?” a woman’s voice called after him. Rick turned to find a heavyset woman standing in a doorway. This was Denise, the doctor. “Someone took her?”

He looked down at his feet before making eye contact with the woman. “Yeah, it’s true.”

“And you won’t go after her?”

“She doesn’t want us to. She wouldn’t want us to risk anyone’s life just for her.”

“She’s important to all of us,” Denise said. “Everyone here in Alexandria. She’s more than just a protector.”

Rick nodded. “She would appreciate that.”

“I hope we get her back somehow.”

“Me too,” he said. “Thank you.”

“For what?” she asked, confusing on her face.

“Not blaming me,” he replied honestly.

Denise shook her head. “It’s not your fault.” With that she smiled and went back inside the infirmary.

Feeling a little better, Rick continued his walk. “Am I an idiot?” he asked Michonne, walking up her front steps. He leaned against the rail.

She shook her head. “You’re playing it smart. We know where she is, they don’t know where we are. If we try to go after her they could follow us back and kill us all. We don’t know anything about this Negan guy, except that apparently he doesn’t kill women so we have that on our side.”

“Right, he won’t kill her but he’ll do God knows what to her. And we know his men are killers.”

“Some of them, yes,” Michonne agreed. “We can take some time to plan, maybe we can rescue her after all. Daryl and I could go to their compound, hide out and learn as much as we can about them and then go get her. We don’t have to go in half-cocked.”

“I thought you said we shouldn’t.”

“I know that she wouldn’t want us to,” Michonne said. “But we can’t leave her there and wait for her to figure out a way to escape on her own. Like you said, God knows what they’ll do to her in that time. She’s my best friend, though.”

Rick looked away. “We’ll figure it out.” He pushed off the rail and set off.

* * *

 

“Brought me back a treat, I see,” a deep voice said.

Natasha kept her eyes closed and tried not to move. Her wrists were still bound. The ropes were tight and cut into her skin. They had taken the bag off but it burned a ring around her neck where it had been tied tight. The pounding in her head felt like a hundred bombs going off at once in different places.

“Knew you had a thing for redheads,” said the man who had tied her in the first place.

“Get those ropes off of her. Wake her up, give her something to eat and some water. Find her some clothes and bring her out. I’ll show her how things go around here,” said the first voice.

“Sure thing, boss,” the second voice replied. There were a few quiet chuckles that sent a chill down her spine. Footsteps approached her. A hand shook her roughly. “Wake up, time to get dressed and meet the boss man.”

She slowly sat up, rubbing her head. “Got an aspirin?” she asked.

He ignored her; pulling out his knife and cutting the ropes around her wrists. One of the other men threw some clothes on the bed. “Get dressed.”

They didn’t bother to turn around while she changed. The blonde man openly ogled her. When she was done they led her to another room, put a plate and a glass in front of her and stood by while she ate.

“Where are we?” Natasha tried to ask.

“The Sanctuary,” the tall man replied. “Since you seem so damn chatty how about you tell us your name?”

“What’s yours?” she countered.

“Trevor.”

“Natasha.”

“Natasha,” the blonde man purred. “I’m Dwight.”

“Charmed to meet you,” she said.

“Boss don’t like sarcasm,” Trevor told her.

“Who is your boss, exactly?”

Trevor stood up. “How about you just go find out?” They waited for her to stand before leading her to the door. She stepped outside to find it was nighttime. A fire was burning in a pit a few yards away. The citizens of the Sanctuary were gathered there.

“Our newest arrival,” said a big man with the deep voice. “I’m Negan.” He gave her a smile. She suppressed a shudder.

“Natasha,” she replied quietly. She looked around at the group gathered around the fire. They looked like they could be citizens of Alexandria if they didn’t look so damn scared.

“I’m glad you got here today, Natasha,” Negan said, turning her attention back to him. “See, today is lesson day. Do you know what lesson day means?”

Her reply would have been a sarcastic one, so instead she bit her tongue and shook her head. She didn’t want to get on this man’s bad side just yet.

“Come on over here, I’ll show you. See this piece of shit here?” he pointed to a wiry young man with dark brown hair. For the first time Natasha noticed he was tied and held by two other men. “Let me backtrack a little,” Negan said, walking toward Natasha again. “I had a wife. Actually, I still have two wives and if you had arrived on a different day I would not have hesitated a fucking second to make you wife number four. But I just lost a wife and it’s put me off from taking another right away. Her name was Amber. And she cheated on me with fuckhead Mark over here. I couldn’t trust her anymore so I had those fucknuts take her away. I can’t do that to Mark, though, you know why? He’s one of my men. I need good strong men around here. But I can’t let him go unpunished, now can I? I mean, what the fuck kind of leader would I be if I didn’t punish the guilty?” He started to chuckle again. The tension around the group was growing.

Negan walked over to the fire and picked up the iron that had been hanging over it. He motioned to his men and they dragged Mark over. Negan looked up at Natasha and calmly said, “No one fucking crosses me.” Without breaking eye contact he pressed the iron to the side of Mark’s face.

What a way to begin.

* * *

 

Negan had Dwight and Trevor take Natasha to a room in a house where three other women lived. They went to sleep early so she didn’t get a chance to talk to any of them. She almost expected Trevor to lock her in but he didn’t. When she looked out the window she knew why. About ten men were roaming the street with machine guns, and that was just what she could see from her room. It was impossible to tell how big the place was and how many more men were on guard out there. There would be no sneaking out just yet.

The next morning Natasha met her housemates: Alex, Hannah and Colleen. Colleen was the oldest and was probably about thirty. She was short but very thin with short dull blonde hair. Alex looked about eighteen, tall with long black hair. Hannah wasn’t more than sixteen. She had a platinum blonde pixie cut and green terrified eyes.

“So last night is a regular thing around here?” Natasha asked Colleen. 

“Not exactly,” the older woman replied. “Like he said, Amber cheated and she was punished. Mark knew who Amber was with so he was punished as well.”

Natasha sensed she would be getting no information from these women so she started for the front door. When she opened it she found Trevor waiting.

A nasty smile spread across his face. “Good, you’re up. Come with me.” The man led her to a large house, up the stairs to a small office.

Negan was sitting behind the desk. “Well come the fuck on in, Natasha,” he said joyfully.

She sat down in the chair opposite him.

“So where the hell did you come from?” he asked, propping his feet up.

“I was in a group,” she started.

“How many?”

“Seven in all.”

“What were their names?”

He was trying to trip her up, she knew but she was ready for him. “Clint, Nick, Maria, Tony, Bruce and James.”

“So what happened? Those dead fuckers come in and wreck all your shit?”

“Something like that,” she agreed. “We were in the house. Nick and James had went hunting for food but they came running back and said there was a herd. At least a hundred of those things. So we got our bags and we ran. When we got to the town there were more of them. I got separated.”

“And ended up here. How damn lucky for us,” Negan mused, staring her down. “There’s something about you, though. I don’t think you’re lying to me and yet I just don’t fucking trust you either.”

She didn’t know what to say so she didn’t say anything.

* * *

 

Carl was seated on the front porch, watching the sun go down. His anger at his father hadn't dissipated any. If his father loved Natasha as much as he said then how could he leave her out there with a madman? Carl kicked the railing. He didn't understand any of it.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Michonne asked, stepping onto the porch.

Carl didn't look up, just stared forward. This didn't deter Michonne. She dropped something on his lap. "A Big Kat?" he asked softly.

"I found it in Natasha's bag," she replied. "Figured it was meant for you."

"It's my favorite." The boy wiped a tear from his eye and tried not to sniffle.

Michonne put her arm around his shoulders and squeezed. "She's not dead," she reminded him softly.

"Might as well be. Dad doesn't want to go after her."

She squeezed his shoulder again. "We'll figure something out."

Carl ripped open the wrapper and took a bite; it was a little stale but he was still able to enjoy it. He offered Michonne half of it, she took it with a smile. 

"I miss her," Carl admitted.

"We all do."


	31. Fear and Panic

Rick was spending more and more time walking the streets and watching what his people were up to.

“I’m starting to wonder if you sleep at night,” Michonne said, appearing beside him.

“Not really,” he said honestly.

“I’m sorry,” she replied quietly.

He shook his head. “It’s just hard. I miss her.”

“I know. Me too.” They turned their heads when they heard the screaming. “Déjà vu,” Michonne commented.

Pete and Jessie were fighting again. Their son Ron tried to come between them this time and Pete hit him. Rick and Michonne ran forward. Michonne went to Ron while Rick pulled Pete back. When Pete swung and connected with the other man’s face, Rick saw red. He swung back.

Other Alexandrians were gathering around them. Jessie was screaming.

“Rick!” Michonne yelled but he didn’t stop. When he put his hands around Pete’s throat she pushed him off.

Lying on his back, Rick looked up at Michonne’s face. “I’m sorry,” he said weakly. She shook her head and walked away.

“What the fuck was that?” Abraham said, pulling Rick to his feet. He hadn’t even seen the man approach.

“I don’t know, I just…” Rick shook his head trying to clear it. Abraham led him to his house and dropped him on the steps.

Michonne came out of the house, Andrea behind her. They sat down on either side of Rick.

“Care to tell us what the fuck that was about?” Andrea said flatly.

“We know you’re stressed about Natasha but beating the shit out of people isn’t the way to deal with it,” Michonne said.

“He hit his kid,” Rick said.

“I know, I saw it too,” Michonne agreed.

“I snapped. I used to deal with this all the time when I was a cop but today I just snapped and I don’t know why.”

“We do,” Michonne said.

“It’s okay to miss her,” Abraham chimed in, softly.

“I just feel so helpless,” Rick finally admitted, staring at his hands. The group was silent for a few moments.

“I don’t understand why she doesn’t just kill Negan and leave,” Andrea mused.

“She doesn’t want to kill anymore,” Michonne told them.

“How do you know that?” the blonde asked.

“She told me. That day Nicholas tried to take over,” Michonne explained. “She just wants to survive, like all of us. But she knows she’s not the Black Widow anymore and she doesn’t want to act like it. That was her old life. She doesn’t want to kill.”

“I can’t believe that,” Abraham said. “The woman who steps up to do what she has to over and over again. The Governor, Gabriel, the fucking Hunters. Now we’ve got a new threat and she decides she doesn’t want to kill anymore?”

“Maybe there’s a way for her to escape without killing,” Andrea said. “They don’t know where we are. If she could just get out she could come home.”

“And what happens when they do find us and try to come in here?”

“Just because she said she doesn’t want to kill doesn’t mean she would let anyone come in here and take this place from us,” Michonne snapped, standing up to face Abraham. “Did you forget about Nicholas already? You saw how she handled that. Maybe it’s not what she or Rick wanted her to do but she did it. You can’t blame her for not wanting to kill anyone. You don’t know these people or what kind of place she’s in. They tied her hands and put a bag over her head. For all we know she could have killed them all and be on her way home by now or she could be chained in a basement being starved and too weak to even try to escape!”

Her rant was cut short by the sound of sniffling. She looked down to see Rick was crying.

“Rick, I didn’t mean…” she trailed off, instantly feeling like shit.

“You’re right,” he said, wiping his eyes. “She needs me and we’re doing nothing about it. We don’t know what they’re doing to her and we’re sitting on the porch behind our walls. Women in the town are decorating for Christmas. And my wife could be hurt, dying or dead.” He put his hands over his face.

Andrea slid an arm around his shoulders and leaned against him. Tears were sliding down her own face. Michonne blinked rapidly, trying to will her own tears away.

“We’ll get her back,” Abraham said. “If I have to swoop in there myself. She’ll be home for Christmas.”

Rick shook his head. “We have to play this smart,” he said firmly, coming to himself again. His eyes were still red. “We know about them but they don’t know about us. Natasha won’t give them any information. Look how long we’ve been here and they still haven’t found us. Michonne says they’re about two hours away. The town they took Natasha in is about forty minutes out. They may be searching further and further out for supplies. Eventually they may find us on their own. Right now we have an advantage.”

“Are you saying we’re going to plan a rescue mission after all?” Carl spoke up, coming out of the house.

“How long have you been listening?” Andrea snapped.

“We might,” Rick said. “Like I said, right now they don’t know about us. We can start stockpiling weapons, train everyone how to use them. Eugene says there’s a factory in town he thinks he can use to start making bullets.”

“I’ll take him out in a few days,” Abraham volunteered quickly.

“But for now, we wait,” Rick continued. “We don’t try anything until we’re ready.” Carl didn’t look happy about this but he nodded anyway. “Let’s keep this between us for now. I’ll talk to Daryl and Glenn later.”

Abraham and Andrea left then. Carl went back inside. Michonne sat down next to Rick again. “You’re doing the right thing,” she told him.

“Am I? Cause it sure as hell don’t feel like it. I want to run out there and bring her home. She’d kick my ass if I did that. I just want her home. Safe. With me.” He looked down.

“You love her. Your heart wants to go get her. But your brain knows it would be stupid to risk so many lives for her. She may be your wife, your love but it’s still one person. I know it’s hard to see both sides but you’re doing great. We’ll figure it out.”

Rick nodded. “I should go talk to Pete and Jessie. Apologize. I know he beats her, though.”

“Let’s give Pete some time to cool off,” Michonne disagreed. “Maybe tomorrow you can talk to him. In the meantime, I think Denise, Carol, Lori and Olivia want to talk to you.”

“They want to throw a party, right?” he asked, shaking his head. A small smile started to form.

“Yeah, a Christmas party. I’m not sure if it’s really December though. It doesn’t feel like it. Maybe it’s just me.”

Rick shrugged and stood up. “I guess it is if they say it is.”

* * *

 

“I have to go back to Maggie soon,” Glenn said. Rick has just finished explaining what he wanted to do about Natasha. “I can’t just leave Maggie there alone with the doctors and the agents. I've already been here too long. She's going to think something happened to me.”

“I know that,” Rick agreed. “We’re having a Christmas party tomorrow night. Eugene and Abraham have plans to go into the town to scout out a factory. Eugene says if it’s usable he’ll make a list of what we need to get for him. I’d like you to go on that run with us.”

Glenn though about it. “I’ll stay another week,” he finally agreed. “Then I have to go back to Maggie.”

“I understand. We appreciate everything you’ve done while you were here.”

Glenn smiled and shrugged. “It was nothing.”

Daryl slid off the desk he had been sitting on. “Sounds good to me.” He looked at Rick. “Let me know when you need me. I gotta go look for a tree.”

“The things you do for love,” Abraham teased.

“Shut up,” Daryl shot back before walking out the door.

Abraham stood as well. “Holly wants me to hang some lights. See you guys later.”

“Holly?” Rick asked after the door closed behind him.

“Didn’t you hear?” Glenn said with a laugh. “Abraham cheated on Rosita with Holly. Eugene told her and Rosita broke up with him. Now he’s living with Holly. Eugene is maybe trying to get with Rosita but Abraham doesn’t mind.”

“This place is like a soap opera sometimes.” Rick shook his head but he was smiling.

* * *

 

The next night everyone was gathered outside around the tree Daryl had brought in. Lori and Carol decorated it with some ornaments the kids had made. Olivia was handing out drinks while Carol was in charge of snacks. Everyone seemed to be laughing and having a good time.

“You look like you’re having fun,” Rick said, approaching Rosita. She was leaned against the wall. A cup of punch was in her hands but she hadn’t taken a sip of it.

“Sure,” she replied with a shrug.

“Everything okay?”

“You’re asking me if I’m okay? I should be asking you.”

“I’m asking you.” He paused. “I heard about Abraham and Holly.”

She looked down. “And I hear they’re pretty happy.”

“I’m sorry he hurt you,” Rick told her honestly.

“He told me that when he met me he thought I was the last woman on earth. Then he realized I wasn’t.” She shrugged but her tear-filled eyes gave her away. “That’s what he told me. So I told him to leave. To be honest he was already on his way out.”

“I’m sorry,” Rick said again.

“Don’t be. It’s probably for the best.” She pushed off the wall and started to walk forward when a shot rang out. Someone at the party screamed. Rick looked around trying to figure out what had just happened. Pete was standing next to the tree with a gun.

“Rosita!” Eugene screamed and ran forward. Rick looked to his left. Rosita held her hand in front of her, blood dripped into the grass. She swayed, Rick caught her and eased her to the ground. Eugene was there a moment later. He was sobbing as he took her hand. “Please don’t go,” he begged.

Denise pushed past Rick to get to the injured woman. He looked around to see Michonne and Daryl had Pete pinned to the ground. Abraham was standing behind Eugene, his eyes filled with tears. Holly was next to him. Her face a mixture of worry, regret and sorrow.

“Rick,” Abraham said calmly.

He looked up at the former sergeant, who nodded once and said, “Do it.”

Without a word Rick pulled his gun and turned around to aim it at Pete.

* * *

 

“Rosita was pure. She was honest. She was innocent,” Eugene said to the group gathered around the shallow grave. “On our journey across this undead infested land she protected me, even though I was weak and didn’t deserve it. She was my friend.” He started to cry. “I loved her. I loved her more than she would ever love me but that was okay. I’d like to think she’s at peace now. And happy. She’s somewhere right now with her sister. And she’s not in pain anymore.”

He stepped back beside of Andrea, who rubbed his back in a comforting gesture. The group started to break up then. Sophia laid a flower on the mound of dirt then turned and took Daryl’s hand.

“What a shitstorm,” Abraham said.

Michonne slowly shook her head. “She didn’t deserve that.”

“He was trying to shoot Rick,” Andrea said, joining them in the gazebo. “According to Rick she started to leave with Pete fired the shot. It was completely by chance that she stepped forward when she did. Then again if she hadn’t we might be burying Rick right now.”

“Shouldn’t have been anyone,” Abraham said sadly. “Especially not her.”

“It seems like we can’t ever be happy,” Michonne said. “We had the prison, we had food, we were together and safe. Then Merle gets killed, Maggie loses her hand and the Governor attacks us and we lose more people. Now here we are somewhere safe, again. We have a cure. Pete goes crazy, kills Rosita. Natasha gets kidnapped by another madman.”  
  
“We’re going to have to fight. Again.” Andrea put her hand on her face, absentmindedly touching her scar.

“That’s why Eugene and me are going out there tomorrow to look at the factory,” Abraham said, standing up. “We’re going to start manufacturing bullets. You’ll start training these softies to fight. And when the time comes we’ll be ready. And we will win.”

Michonne and Andrea stared after him as he left. Andrea turned to look at the other woman. “This is going to suck.”

“Yeah, I know.”


	32. Welcome to the Family

“Looks promising,” Abraham said. He and Eugene were walking back to the safe zone after scouting the factory.

“I just need a few things to get started,” Eugene replied. “I’ll make a list and give you an idea where to look.”

“Sounds good. Rick already made plans for us to head out when you knew what we needed.”

“I’ll have it ready by tonight,” Eugene said. “That way you all can go out tomorrow. I understand Rick is anxious for me to begin.”

“I think we’re all a little anxious,” Abraham agreed, Natasha’s face popped into his head.

“How did everything look?” a voice called. Aaron and Eric were walking down the street toward them.

“Promising,” Eugene replied, using Abraham’s word.

“Where y’all headed?” the redhead asked.

“Out to look for more people,” Eric replied quickly.

Abraham stared him down.

“What? Rick said it was a good idea,” Eric defended.

“We are going to look for more people,” Aaron confirmed. “If we happen to run into Negan or anyone from his group, then we’ll just have to follow them and get some information. It's what anyone would do.”

“But that’s totally not our initial plan,” the other man said, shaking his head.

"Of course not," Eugene agreed, nodding.

Abraham laughed. “You two are something else.”

Eric shrugged. “We’re quick. We know our way around and we know how to hide. So we figured we could go out and look for more people, maybe some that would be an asset to us in a fight. It may be a wasted trip; we might not find anybody or get any information that would help us get Natasha back. But we have to try, right?”

There was a whistle as an arrow flew through the air and pierced Eric’s skull. The tip protruded from his eye. Somehow he kept speaking. “We try…for Rick…” He fell to the ground then.

Aaron screamed and dropped to his knees next to his boyfriend. Eugene ducked down beside him. Abraham drew his gun and spun all around, trying to see who had shot him.

“Come on out, coward mother fucker!” he screamed. No one moved or spoke. Only Aaron’s sobs could be heard.

“Help me get him back home,” he said to Eugene. The other man nodded and picked up Aaron’s feet.

Abraham kept alert as they made their way back to the gates. Andrea, Heath and Glenn were waiting.

“What happened?” Glenn asked. Heath closed the gate behind them. “I’m going to go find Rick,” he said quietly to Andrea who nodded in response.

“We were in town, checking out Eugene’s factory and all of a sudden there was an arrow in his eye,” Abraham explained. “We didn’t see anyone though.”

The group was silent as they stood looking at Eric’s body.

“Why did this happen?” Aaron asked through his sobs.

Andrea, Glenn and Abraham looked at each other but no one had an answer for him.

* * *

 

Daryl and Michonne stopped in the street. “This must be it,” Daryl said.

Michonne knelt down. Touched her hand to Eric’s blood drying on the pavement. She stood back up and looked around.

Daryl pointed. “Had to have come from that building. Probably high up judging from the angle it hit him.”

“Let’s go check it out,” she said, already walking toward the building. She realized it had been a library. There were bodies scattered all throughout. “At least they cleared it out for us.” She stepped over another corpse.

On the third and top floor of the building they found a large room. Sleeping bags and blankets were piled in the corner. Blood stained the floor in large pools. Daryl went to the window. “I’d go out on a limb and say this is where they shot from.”

Michonne turned to face him. “I would have to agree.”

Written on the wall in bright red blood was the message: Negan is near

* * *

 

Rick sat in stunned silence. Here he had thought they had the upper hand of knowing where Negan was. He thought they would have time to prepare.

“They probably don’t know where we are,” Andrea said. “Otherwise they probably would have come straight here.”

“Or they know where we are and Eric’s death was a message,” Glenn said.

“You think they’re fucking with us?” Abraham asked.

“What do you think Negan will do if they find us?” Andrea asked.

Rick put his hands up. This was all too much at once. Pete had killed Rosita and now Eric had been killed by one of Negan’s men. He could feel everyone starting to panic.

“This is what he wants,” he said finally. “They killed Eric to show us they can. They knew we would come back to investigate that’s why they put the message on the wall. Hell, they were probably in that town watching you to make sure someone came back.”

“Do you think they followed you?” Andrea asked, looking at Michonne and Daryl.

“It doesn’t matter,” Rick said. “All they had to do was time you. See how long it took for someone to come back after you brought Eric’s body back. They saw you pick him up and walk. Now they know we can’t be far from that town. If we were you would have put his body in a car.”  
  
“You’re saying that they have a better chance of finding us now?” Michonne asked.

“If they haven’t found us already,” Rick said sullenly.

“What do we do?” Glenn asked.

“The only thing we can do. Get ready.”

* * *

 

Natasha was walking through the Sanctuary. She had spent several days trying to plot her escape. Now she knew the guard shift changes and where most of them slept. Ideally, she wanted to jump the wall without killing anyone. None of the Saviors or Negan knew where Alexandria was at this time. If she could leave now she could warn Rick and they would have time to plan.

During her time here she had learned Negan was a raging psychopath. His so-called Saviors went around taking supplies from groups they had found and killing anyone who opposed them. Dwight in particular seemed to enjoy those little scouting trips. She noticed he carried a crossbow similar to Daryl’s.

“Natasha,” Negan’s voice said from behind her. “How are you enjoying this lovely day?” He gave her a smile that showed all of his teeth. It reminded her of a jackal.

“It’s cold,” she said, rubbing her arms. She only had a long sleeve t-shirt on.

“Didn’t that dumb bitch give you proper clothes? You should at least have a fucking jacket on out here. Let’s go visit that airhead cunt and see what we can do to remedy the situation.” He put a hand on her elbow and walked her over to a small building.

“Courtney!” he yelled upon opening the door. “Get your ass out here.”

A small wiry woman came around the corner, her eyes already wide with fear. “Yes, sir?”

“Can you explain to me why this woman doesn’t have a fucking coat to wear out in this freezing ass weather? Is this any damn way to treat our guests?” Negan asked her. He was nearly berating this woman but his voice so upbeat and jolly it gave Natasha chills.

“She doesn’t have enough points,” Courtney responded, looking at the floor.

“She just fucking got here, dumbass!” Negan snapped. His whole demeanor changed with his voice. “Of fucking course she doesn’t. Move your scrawny ass and get her a coat.”

Courtney nearly fell over herself trying to get to the other room.

Negan shook his head. “Sorry about her.” He paused. “You know, it’s Dwight’s fault you don’t have a coat, right? He got blood on it when he brought you in, right?” She nodded. “I’ll have a chat with him later, too.” He shook his head again. “Good henchman are really hard to find, you know?” He laughed loudly.

Courtney came back a moment later and offered Natasha a black jean jacket that was lined with fur. Natasha thanked her and left when Negan opened the door for her. She didn’t know what to think about this man. He was obviously unhinged and had a seriously morbid sense of humor. His mood changed so rapidly it could give her whiplash.

“Hey, boss,” Dwight said as he approached.

“Oh, great, just the dumbass I was looking for,” Negan replied. “How was your trip? I hope you’ve got good news for me because I’m pretty unhappy with you right now.” He smiled.

Dwight knew better than to ask why. “We think we’ve found another group.”  
  
“You think?” Negan snapped.

“We found a town a little ways out,” Dwight continued quickly. “There were two guys there coming out of a factory. We were watching them because we didn’t hear a car. These other two guys came walking up, they all seemed to know each other. Trevor says they can’t be too far away. So I shot an arrow through one of their skulls. They picked his body up and carried it.”

“Carried it, huh?” Negan nodded thoughtfully.

“That’s not all,” Dwight continued. “A little while later another guy comes up with a woman. They seemed to be with the other four from before cause they stopped and looked at the blood then went in the building we were in before. When they left they went the same way as the others.”

“Tomorrow you’ll show me where you found them,” Negan said. “I’d like to get a look at these fuckers first. If I’m feeling friendly, we’ll go look for their place and drop in to say hi.” He turned and walked back toward his house.

Dwight stood a moment looking at Natasha with a grin. “I hope we do drop in,” he said. “One of those guys had a crossbow like mine. Except mine is a little old, the trigger is starting to stick. Maybe I’ll be getting a new one.” He winked at her before he turned to leave.

The realization hit Natasha like a truck. They had seen Daryl and tomorrow they were going to Alexandria. Her heart sank to her feet.

* * *

 

Rick was in the driver’s seat of the van. Daryl was in the passenger seat. Heath, Aaron, Michonne, Carl, Abraham, Andrea, Ben and Glenn were in the back.

“Here’s where they killed Eric,” Daryl said as they passed the splotch of blood on the road. “In that building up there is where they hid.” He pointed.

Rick slowed down a little to look then kept going. “We’ll find who did it,” he said, glancing in the back at Aaron. “Just have to take care of a few things first.

“Hey,” Daryl called softly. “Why did you let the kids come?” He jerked his thumb toward Ben and Carl.

“Andrea is Ben’s mother now, she didn’t want to leave him behind,” he explained. “Carl was going a little stir crazy being cooped up. Lori asked me to bring him out. It’s just a supply run.” He shrugged.

“Rick!” Andrea called. “Someone is behind us.”

He glanced in the mirror and saw a blue car following them. “Take it out,” Rick said. Andrea picked up her gun and started firing.

“Just a supply run,” Daryl said flatly to Rick.

“On the right!” Carl said.

“My side, too!” Abraham said. He fired a few shots out the window. Rick could see the black cars in his mirrors. He tried to step on the gas. A black van pulled out of an alley ahead of them, forcing him to stop.

“What the fuck?” Andrea breathed.

Men started to climb out of the vehicles, surrounding Rick’s van. Someone knocked on the side door. “Come on out!” they yelled. Nearly thirty men were waiting for them, all of them armed.

“What’s this about?” Rick said, his voice hard.

“Just a chat,” a tall man with black hair said, grinning. He grabbed Andrea’s arm and forced her to her knees in front of the van. A blonde man with a crossbow pushed the others down beside her. When Rick refused to kneel the tall man punched him in the stomach and shoved him down.

“Easy, Trevor,” a man with a deep voice called. He was stepping out of the black van, a large grin on his face. “Something tells me that asshole there is the ringleader. He and I need to talk.” The man walked over to Rick and said, “Hi, I’m Negan.”

“And I really don’t appreciate you killing my men,” Negan said, looking at the bodies the others had pulled from the cars. “That’s not fucking cool. You have no idea how not fucking cool that is. So what’s your name, ringleader?”

“Rick,” he said, his voice loud and clear.

“You see, Rick, whatever you do- no matter fucking what- you do not mess with the new world order,” Negan said. His bat wrapped in barb wire was hanging loosely from his hand. “The new world order is this, and it’s very simple so even if you’re fucking stupid, which you very well may be, you can understand it. Ready? Here goes, pay attention.” A smile spread across his face. “Give me your shit or I will kill you.” He pointed at all of them. “You work for me now. You have shit, you give it to me, that’s your job. I know it’s a mighty fucking big, nasty pill to swallow but swallow it you most certainly fucking will. You ruled the roost, you built something, you thought you were safe, I get it. But the word is out, you are not safe, not even fucking close. In fact,” he paused.

That crazy smile stayed in place. “You’re fucked. You’re even more fucked if you don’t give me what I want. And what I want is half your shit. If that’s too much, just make, find or steal more and it’ll all even out eventually. This is your way of life now. The more you fight back, the harder it’s going to be. Next time someone comes to your door you fucking let us in. We own that door. You try to stop us we’ll fucking knock it the fuck down. Understand?”

Negan held a hand up to his ear when no one said anything. “No answer? Well, you didn’t really think you were going to get through this without getting punished, did you?” He tipped the bat up for all of them to see. “I don’t want to kill any of you, let me make that clear right from the get go. I want you working for me and you can’t very well do that if you’re fucking dead, now can you? I’m not growing a garden. But you killed my men. For that, you gotta fucking pay.”

“So I’m now going to beat the holy fuck fucking fuckedy fuck out of one of you with my bat.” He held it out again. “I call her Lucille. Lucille has barbed wire wrapped around the end up of and it’s fucking awesome. So it’s really just a matter of picking which one of you gets the honor.”

He walked down the line, his eyes falling on Andrea. Ben whimpered next to her. “Mommy?”

“Well that’s just fucking precious. My little heart is breaking,” Negan taunted. “A mother and her child. Especially when the mother is way too hot to have a child that old. No way I can kill you.”

He stopped in front of Carl. “What’s the story on this future serial killer? Shit, fuck, kid, lighten up. At least cry a little. I can’t kill you before your story ends. Too fucking interesting.”

He moved on to Glenn. “Not you. I’m a lot of things but I’d never want to be called racist. No fucking way. You’re off limits.” Heath was next. “Same. Race card.”

Abraham was on his knees, but his body was straight and proud. He looked Negan in the eye. “Look at this asshole. You aren’t afraid of shit are you?”

Michonne was next. “My, my. There’s a lot of things I’d like to do to you and killing you is at the absolute bottom of that list. Still on it though.”

He stopped in front of Rick. “You? How stupid do you think I am? You’re practically invincible. You’re the leader. What have these people seen you live through? I bet they fucking worship you. I’m not going to turn you into a martyr. The name of the game is breaking you in front of them. I’ll slide my dick down your throat and make you thank me for it, then they’ll all fall in line.”

“I simply cannot fucking decide!” Negan exclaimed. “Wait, I’ve got an idea.” He went down the line then, pointing the bat at each of them in turn. “Eeny, meeny, miny, moe, catch a tiger by the tow, if he hollers, let him go. My mother told me to pick the very best one and you are….IT!”

“Stop this!” Rick said, getting to his feet. “You can’t do this!”

“You have fifty fucking men surrounding you right now! Fifty!” Negan yelled. “Sit the fuck down now or you all die!”

He glanced over at Trevor. “Anybody moves cut the kid’s other eye out and feed it to his father and then we’ll start.” He looked back at his chosen victim. “You can breathe, you can blink, you can cry, hell, you’re all going to be doing that real soon.” Negan brought the bat over his head and brought it down into the skull of Abraham.

“Holy shit,” he said with wonder. “Taking it like a champ!” He drew the bat back and swung again.

“Ha- ha…” Abraham choked.

Negan knelt down to look him in the face. “You in there, buddy? I just don’t know.” He shook his head. “Seems like you’re trying to speak but you just took a hell of a hit. I cracked your skull so much that you’re fucking eye popped out. It’s gross as shit.” He made a face to show this.

“Holl…Holly!”

Negan swung again. Abraham fell to the ground but Negan didn’t stop. Andrea held Ben’s head against her chest, she was sobbing. Michonne was crying and staring at the ground.

“You bunch of pussies,” Negan said. “I’m just getting fucking started.” He turned back to Abraham and swung again. And again. And again. And again. Finally he held up the bat to his face, looking at the blood dripping from it. “Lucille is a vampire bat.”

Several of his men chuckled. Negan turned to Rick. “What? Was the joke that bad?”

“I’m going to kill you,” Rick hissed, tears streaming down his face.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that,” Negan said, putting a hand to his ear and leaning down. “Speak up.”  
  
“Not today. Not tomorrow. But I will kill you,” Rick repeated.

Negan stood up, laughing. “No, you won’t. Your best fucking chance is right here. Stand up and put a knife in my throat, drive an axe into my face. Go ahead. As soon as my body hits the floor my Saviors will fucking fuck you people up until your insides are outside, worse than your big ginger friend over here.”

He bent over again, close to Rick’s face. “In fact, you want to keep acting tough, like I still need to break you and I’ll have a few of my boys run a train on your boy. Got at least a few here who would be into that sort of thing. Want to test me?” He backhanded Rick. “Well?” He made a fist and punched him. “Do you?!”

Rick was on his back, Negan stood tall over him. “I know this is hard for you. You’re been the king shit mother fucker for so damn long, bossing people around, being ‘in charge’ so long you’re probably addicted to it. Hell, you probably thought you had this world figured out. Managing the dead, gathering supplies, might have even been a long time since the last person died before we came along. Working together, that’s all over now. Done. Gone. Dead. It’s time for something new.”

He turned to walk back to his van. “Everything has changed, Rick. Things are going to be different from now on. You’re entering into a whole new world. It didn’t have to be such a painful birth. I just hope, for your sake, you’ve finally realized how things work and where you stand in all this.”

Negan motioned for his men to go and they started to load into the cars. “Things have changed, Rick. Whatever you had going for you, that’s over. You answer to me. You provide for me. You belong to me. Welcome to a brand new beginning, you sorry fucks. We’ll come for your first offering in one week. Until then, ta ta.”


	33. Where Are You Now

After burying Abraham, Rick had retreated to his office and locked the door. He couldn’t stand to go home and be reminded once again of Natasha’s absence. Now that he had met the man who held her, Rick was sick to his stomach thinking of what could be happening to her.

At Abraham’s funeral Holly had had a meltdown. She had screamed at Rick for standing by and letting him be killed. Rick tried to talk to her and she slapped at him, beat his chest and kicked at him as Michonne was pulling her away. The rest of the Alexandrians avoided looking at him. Rick took this to mean they blamed him as well. When he couldn’t stand it anymore he left.

Now, he was sitting in his office behind the desk, staring at the lists and plans Eugene had made. There was a knock on the door but he ignored it. It was most likely Michonne, Andrea or Glenn wanting to tell him none of this was his fault. Right now he just couldn’t stand to talk about any of it.

He laid his head down on his arms and let himself cry. He wanted to go back in time, save Eric and Abraham and Rosita. He wanted to keep Natasha from going on that run with Michonne. Mostly, he just wanted to know what to do. None of his ideas and plans seemed to be working so he wanted someone else to decide. He wanted to be told what to do. Maybe Nicholas was right and he wasn’t fit to lead this place. The only thing he really knew for sure was that he missed Natasha.

* * *

 

Rick raised his head to find the room was pitch black. He had fallen asleep at his desk.

“Good, you’re awake,” a voice said from the corner. A second later a lamp turned on, revealing Carol sitting in the chair.

“What do you want?” he snapped. “How did you get in here?”

She held up her keys. “We all have them, remember? I’m here because you need to talk.”

“Do I now?” He stood and walked to the door, opened it and waited for her to leave.

Carol didn’t move. “Sit down, Rick.” When he didn’t she calmly said, “I knocked earlier but you didn’t answer so I came in. I’m not leaving until we talk so, sit.”

Something in her voice compelled him to listen. He shut the door and sat down next to her. “I know I wasn’t out there today,” she started. “Daryl told me everything. It seems there’s been too much death lately. Rosita, Eric, Abraham, and even though we’ll hardly miss him, Pete.”

“You come to remind me that I’m losing control of this place?” Rick snapped at her.

She wasn’t bothered by his tone. “I came to remind you how much we need you.” The woman reached out and took his hand. “When we left the farm under Shane’s leadership, we were all beaten down and broken. Lori and Carl thought they had lost you for good, this time. I thought my daughter was dead. Shane reminded me of that enough when Daryl wanted to look for her. We thought we had lost Andrea. Daryl thought Merle was dead. We were all in mourning.

“Then one day we were shacked up in this two story house. There was no food there, it was falling apart, we were all cold and losing hope by the minute. Daryl and Glenn go on a run for us. When they came back, Glenn had the biggest smile on his face, we hadn’t seen him that excited since he'd pulled up to the quarry in his 'really cool car'."

Carol continued, “Daryl held up these notes from Merle saying he knew where his brother was and he was going to him. Glenn says he and Maggie are going too. Carl stood up and said he wanted to go. Shane and Lori tried to tell him no, Carl didn’t like Shane telling him what to do and it almost caused another fight. Lori finally said they wouldn’t stay behind while the rest of the group went after Merle. Of course, Shane said he wouldn't risk the whole group for Merle Dixon. Eventually Lori got him calmed down. So all of us loaded up and went.

“We were only expecting Merle in a house or something,” she said, with a grin. That grin grew into a smile. “Then we pull up to the prison with it's walls and fences and guard towers. And there was Merle, as we expected. There was also Andrea. And Sophia. And you. The man who beat death again and again. We couldn’t believe it. Then we really saw the prison for what it was; a safe haven, a home. We were in awe of everything you all had built; the food, supplies, water.” She laughed. “That made me realize what a great man, a great leader you really were. How strong you are. When the Governor came to take it from us, you didn’t back down. You fought him with everything we had and somehow, we won. You made us all believe we would win. Even when the Governor was there with his men, driving through the fences and blowing up the towers, we trusted you.”

“And now there’s Negan,” Carol went on. “Those we lost were some hard hits, I know. We haven’t lost that many since the prison. But we’re going to lose more. We have to stop him. Somehow, someway, he has to be killed. We still have an advantage here, we know where he is and he doesn’t know that. Not only that, we have you. You’re a better man than he is, you’re stronger than he is. We can fight him and we can win.”

Rick shook his head, feeling the tears building up again. “How?”

“For now, give him what he wants. Let him take half our shit, if that’s what he wants,” she said. “When he leaves, we plan for an attack. Either we wait for him to come back or we take the fight to him. I know you’ll think of something.”

He nodded. “Thanks, Carol.”

“You’re welcome.” She squeezed his hand before she stood and walked through the door.

Rick sat for a long time, thinking over everything she had said. They would have to fight, that much was true. But could they really win? He stood up, turned off the lamp and left his office.

The streets were empty as everyone was home safe. Andrea was watching over them in the tower. Heath and Sasha were patrolling the walls. These people were trusting them to keep them safe. Rick knew he couldn’t let them down. He walked down the street to his house. Carl was sleeping soundly.

Rick sat down on Natasha’s side of the bed. He took the ring out of his pocket and looked at it. Something hadn’t felt right about wearing it yet; he wanted her to have one too. Rick smiled for the first time since she had been gone. The day she left was the day they had fought over Nicholas. She had teased him about calling her his wife, since they hadn’t exactly made anything official. And she had gone and picked out a ring for him. He figured that was as close to official as it got anymore. He leaned over and put the ring on her night stand before he laid down.

Natasha’s black bodysuit was hanging in her closet. Her boots sat underneath, next to a pair of tennis shoes Olivia found for her. Rick spotted one of his shirts lying on the floor of the closet. He smiled; Natasha had probably worn it to bed and dropped it on the floor when she got dressed.

Looking at all of her stuff made Rick miss her even more. It also made him want her home. He turned over on his back and stared at the ceiling. Carol was right. They were going to win. And Natasha was going to come home to him.

* * *

 

Negan came for his first offering a week later, as planned. The big army truck pulled up in front of the gate; the big man got out smiling, his bat over his shoulder.

“Howdy there, assholes,” he greeted as Heath shut the gate behind the Saviors. Negan whistled softly. “Nice place here.”

“We like it,” Rick agreed.

Negan smirked at him. “Here, hold Lucille while I look around.”

Rick stared at the bat before taking it.

Negan winked. “Thanks.” He motioned for his men. “Start over there. Rick’s gonna show me where they keep everything stockpiled.” He turned to Rick and waited.

The citizens of Alexandria were standing in the streets, hugging their children and looking terrified. Negan got quite the kick out of this.

“There’s no reason to be scared,” he told them. “As long as no one fucking tries anything stupid, you’ll all be just fucking fine.”

None of them were reassured by his words. When his men were finished picking through the houses, Negan turned to Rick. “Just so you understand,” he said, taking Lucille from him. “I just slid my dick down your throat and you thanked me for it.”

He walked away, whistling. His men climbed in the truck and left.

* * *

 

“What are we going to do about him?” Andrea asked. “We’ll never survive if he keeps taking half of everything we have.”

“I know,” Rick agreed. “He has more men than we do, we won’t last in a shootout.”

“Do you think Natasha would pick some of them off?” Daryl asked. “Like if we showed up to their place and started shooting she would take some out from the inside.”

“We don’t know where they’re keeping her,” Rick said, shaking his head. “Or if she’s even alive or unharmed. We could show up there and find they have her locked away somewhere. If we knew for sure she was able to then maybe that could work. But we don’t and we have no way to get a message to her. We have to think of something else.”

“You’ll have to do it without me,” Glenn spoke up. “I have to get back to Maggie.”

“Now?” Daryl snapped.

“I’ve been gone two weeks,” Glenn replied. “She needs me there.”

“We need you here,” Rick countered. “We’ve lost Rosita and Abraham, you’re the fighter we need.”

Glenn looked down. “At least let me go talk to Maggie and let her know what’s going on. I’ll come back.”

“I can agree to that,” Rick said. “You can leave tomorrow, if you’d like. The sooner you go the sooner you’ll get back.”

Glenn nodded. “Right.”

“We’ll talk more tomorrow.” Rick stood, letting the others leave ahead of him.

Jessie was waiting on his porch. “What are you doing here?” he asked her.

“I wanted to talk,” she said. “About that man who came today.”

“We’re taking care of that,” Rick said, reaching for his doorknob.

“I know, I’m just scared.” She looked at her hands.

“I know you are, we all are,” he agreed.

“He came into my house,” she replied, tearfully. “He took our stuff. Stuff my kids needed.” She shook her head. “I didn’t come here to cry.”

“Why did you come here then?” Without a word, she leaned up and kissed him. He quickly pushed her away.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“I was lonely.”

“You need to leave, go home to your children,” he told her.

“I don’t want to. I wanted to see you.”

“Jessie, you need to go.” He was being as patient as he could with her but she was pushing it. “I’m going inside now and going to bed. I have enough to think about.”

“You don’t want company?” she tried again.   
  
“No,” he said firmly. “Not from you.”

“Why? What’s wrong with me? It’s not like Natasha’s coming back, you know? That psycho probably killed her by now.”

Rick ignored her, turning away. “Good night, Jessie.” He heard her crying outside the door for a few minutes before she finally left. Rick tried to push her words out of his head. A part of him was afraid Natasha was already dead. He just wished he knew one way or the other.

Carl’s bedroom door was open, which Rick knew was odd. Carl always slept with the door closed. When he looked inside, he saw the room was empty. He knew it was late but after they day he’d had he wanted to see his son. Knowing the boy had probably wanted to see his mother, Rick let it go until tomorrow and went on to bed.

* * *

 

Glenn was ready to go at first light. Rick hated to see him go but he understood that he had to talk to Maggie. “Just make sure you come back,” Rick said.

“I will,” the other man promised. “Give me a few days and I’ll be back.”

Rick nodded and moved so Glenn could get into the car.

“Watch your ass, kid,” Daryl said, leaning in the passenger window.

Glenn laughed. “I will.”

Spencer opened the gate and Glenn drove through.

Rick turned to head back down the street. Daryl fell in step next to him. “Any ideas?”

“Nothing new,” Rick replied with a sigh. “Eugene wants to start in the factory. But everything we make Negan will take.”  
  
“Maybe there’s another place in town we could stockpile ammo?”

“Maybe. But if we get caught doing that Negan may kill Eugene or the rest of us.”

“He wouldn’t kill all of us,” Daryl said. “He needs a few of us anyway.”

Lori was walking out of her house then with the baby in his arms. Rick paused to speak to her. “I know Carl has been going back and forth to spend time at both our houses but if he needs to let me know if he’s going to stay with you.”

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“Last night I got home he wasn’t there,” he said. “I thought he came to stay the night with you.”

Lori shook her head, looking scared. “He wasn’t here.”


	34. Chapter 34

Natasha was in the courtyard when she heard the trucks arriving back from Alexandria. She had been so tired the night before they left she had fallen asleep and hadn’t woken until after they had gone. After berating herself all day she finally convinced herself she couldn’t have stopped them from leaving anyway.

Negan was whistling when he got out of the truck. He snapped his fingers. “Someone get that scrawny bitch out here to inventory this shit.” One of the men ran off while another opened the back doors of the truck. Several other men were gathered at the back to see what all they had scored.

None of them were expecting gunfire, however. The Saviors behind the truck fell screaming, some of them able to run away for cover.

“What the fuck is that?” Negan shouted. “Come the fuck out of there, whoever you are. Throw that gun out first. You don’t fucking want us to come in there and get you, asshole!”

Dwight was standing by the truck waiting. “Your number is up, mother fucker!”

After a few moments, a machine gun hit the ground and someone started to climb down. Dwight grabbed him and shoved him to the ground. He raised his gun, aiming at the head.

“Hold up, Dwight,” Negan stopped him. “It’s the future serial killer.”

Natasha moved to see their face, hoping it was Daryl or someone. Instead her heart jumped into her throat. “Carl,” she breathed.

“Your Rick’s kid, right?” Negan asked as Carl got to his feet. “He’s not stupid enough to send his kid to take me out so I’ll bet my left nut you snuck in that truck on your own.”

Carl nodded.

“Maybe you should have told your dad what you wanted to do and he could have stopped you. Because this was stupid as fuck. And you killed more of my men.” He shook his head. “What is it about you and your dad that you like to kill my men?” Negan pushed Carl forward. “Let’s go have a chat, just you and me.”

Carl started forward and almost immediately stopped again when he caught sight of Natasha.

“It’s okay kid, just a chat,” Negan said, giving him another push. Carl cast his eyes down and kept walking. When they reached Negan’s office Carl sat down in a chair.

“You know kid, I’d like to get to know you better,” Negan started, sitting down. “But I’m distracted by that big white fucking bandage on your face. What happened?”

“I got shot,” Carl replied.

“Shot in the eye and you live to tell the tale? Impressive.” Negan’s voice changed then. “Take it off.”

“What? No.”

“Take it off, kid I want to see. You’re not exactly in a position to say no to me,” Negan reminded him.

Slowly, Carl pulled at the medical tape and revealed the nasty injury behind it. Negan leaned forward to see better. “Whoever shot you fucked your face up. I can see part of your skull.” He reached out. “Can I touch your fucking skull kid?”

Carl started to cry.

Negan sat back in his chair. “Sorry, kid. No need to fucking cry. Looks like the dangerous little man does have a weakness.” He was staring at Carl with an unreadable expression.

A knock on the door interrupted them. One of the Saviors entered and placed Lucille on the desk in front of them. Negan snatched it and stood up. He started to swing it as if he were a pro practicing for a big game.

“Sing me a song,” Negan demanded. “Make it a damn good one too.”

* * *

 

Natasha was lurking around Negan’s house trying to catch another glimpse of Carl. She had gone to her house and scribbled a note for Rick in the hopes of passing it to Carl.

“Time for dinner,” a Savior said, coming up behind her. Natasha remembered him as Kyle.

“I’m not hungry,” she countered.

“You’ve been here long enough to know that don’t mean shit. Get your ass in there and eat your dinner, like a good girl.” He walked away then into their dining hall.

Natasha decided it wasn’t the time to start trouble so she went inside and ate quickly. She came back out to sit on the steps where she could see Negan’s house. When the door opened, Negan came out with Carl behind him. They were speaking but Natasha couldn’t hear them. She stood up to get closer but her head started spinning and a second later she fell to the ground.

“Hey, what’s wrong with her?” Carl shouted, seeing her fall.

Negan looked over to see Natasha sprawled on the ground. He yelled for a woman named Christy. “I think you have a patient,” he said, pointing at Natasha.

Christy went over and rolled her over, looking in her eyes. “She’s unresponsive,” Christy commented. Courtney appeared at her side and helped get the redhead up. White foam started to drip from Natasha’s mouth.

Negan looked down at Carl. “Be a good little shit and run and get Lucille.”

Carl hesitated for a moment before going. When he came back, Negan made him carry it as they went down the street. He opened a door and went inside. Carl heard him speak briefly to the person inside.

“Have you noticed any more of that shit go missing?”

“Yes,” a male voice replied. “It’s disappearing more and more lately.”

“And the women? How many have come to you?”

“Four this week. All of them said the same thing. They had all been at dinner, felt tired so they went to bed. The next morning, they wake to find themselves naked, some of them bleeding. Why do you ask?”

“One of the new arrivals just fell to straight to the fucking ground, foaming at the mouth. Did you do what I told you to?”

“Yes, I sat across the street all night and watched.”

“And did you fucking see anyone?” Negan asked.

“Kyle.”

Negan was back out the door a few minutes later and they started walking. Carl was still carrying Lucille, much to his disgust. They stopped in the middle of the town. “Trevor, go find Kyle. Get everyone else here. Now.”

While they were waiting, Negan turned to Carl. “You know, kid, there’s a lot of shit that I do that people think is fucked up. I like to talk shit but there’s some lines you don’t cross. Number one, you don’t kill women. If a woman is dead she can’t very well bring you any pleasure, am I right? You don’t know.” He laughed once then turned serious again. “Number two, you don’t rape women. If they won’t give it up to you then you find a different one. It’s all pussy. Ain’t none of them got something the rest of them ain’t. But I have a problem. I’ve been hearing about the women around here, probably about ten or so, they wake up and realized they’ve been raped in their fucking sleep. None of them remember a fucking thing except that they had had dinner the night before and tired as shit so they go to bed. Next morning, their clothes are on the floor, cum on their blankets, maybe some blood. I didn’t know who the fuck was stupid enough to be doing it at first.”

Negan stopped and looked at Carl. “He did this to a fucking child. Fourteen fucking years old. How fucking sick is that?” He actually looked disgusted. “That woman you saw fall back there? He drugged her too. She was going to be fucking next but maybe he gave her too fucking much, I don’t know. But what I do know is who did it.”

The people had started to trickle in and now there was a crowd. Negan walked around, speaking to some of the women and having them come stand beside Carl.

“What’s this, boss?” Kyle asked, joining the group with a few other Saviors.

Negan smiled. “Kyle, the man of the hour.” He turned to speak to the rest of them. “Many of you have probably heard the rumors lately. I’ll spin it for you quick cause I’m really just itching to do something about it. Ten women, almost eleven, were drugged and raped. Including the youngest girl here.” He pointed to the teenage girl looking at her feet. “Tonight, I witnessed one of our new arrivals fall on her fucking face, with white shit dripping from her mouth. My guess is that Kyle gave her too much of that drug he’s been stealing.”

Kyle looked stunned. “Me? No, it wasn’t me.”

“Are you really dumb enough to fucking lie to me?” Negan snapped at him. “Leo saw you sneaking in his fucking place last night and you have the balls to tell me it wasn’t you?”

Kyle was silent then.

“Trevor,” Negan said.

Without a word, Trevor took Kyle’s weapons and shoved him forward. Kyle tried to back up but Trevor kicked him and forced him onto his knees.

“Kid,” Negan said, holding out his hand.

Carl realized he wanted the bat. He walked forward and handed it off.

Negan held it up. “There are rules in the Sanctuary. You don’t kill without my express fucking permission. You don’t lie, steal or rape. And Kyle you broke three of those. Do you have any last words? As one of my men I can at least grant you that much.”

“I’m sorry,” Kyle said, closing his eyes.   
  
“No, you’re not,” Negan snapped. He swung the bat.

* * *

 

Natasha awoke to sun pouring through the curtains. She blinked for a few moments before trying to sit up. Her head pounded in protest.

“Take it easy,” Christy came into view.

“What happened?” Natasha rubbed her head and closed her eyes.

“You got a big dose of Kyle’s rape elixir, then you fell and hit your head.”

“What?” She shook her head trying to make sense of what Christy was saying.

Christy explained it again. Natasha’s heart lurched when she remembered Carl. She put her feet on the floor and started to leave.

“You really need to take it easy,” the woman warned her.

“The truck is gone,” Natasha said, looking out the window. “They left again?”

“Yeah,” she said, turning back to make the bed Natasha had climbed out of. “Apparently a kid snuck in the truck so they’re taking him back to where he came from.”

Natasha’s heart sank. She’d missed her chance to talk to Carl because of that fucking idiot Kyle. She walked outside and realized it was about lunchtime. That drug had put her out a while. While she was deciding what she wanted to do, the gates opened.

She was surprised when the van pulled in as she was expecting Negan’s big army truck.

“Where’s the boss?” one of the Saviors asked Trevor.

“One of the kids from Alexandria snuck in the truck. He’s taking him back. What’s up?”

The other man shook his head. “We were scouting and found someone. And wouldn’t you know it, it’s another one from Alexandria.”

Trevor opened the back door and laughed. “He was alone?”

The other man held out a bag. “And this was all the supplies he had. We don’t know where he was headed.”

“That’s for Negan to find out. I guess you all in Alexandria gave up hope already. Scattering like roaches from a flashlight.” He reached in and yanked the man out.

Natasha stopped in her tracks. Glenn.

* * *

 

Everyone was a little surprised to see Negan’s truck back at the gate a day after he’d left. Spencer hesitated on opening the gate until Rick arrived.

“Rick,” Negan said. “Just the man I was looking for. Tell your kitty cat to open the gate.”

He nodded and Spencer pushed it open. “You’re not supposed to be back for a week,” Rick said.

“I’m aware, I’m aware. But something came up. Say, I wonder, is one of your children missing?”

Rick’s heart stopped. “How the hell do you know that?”

“Well, he snuck into my truck. And you know what the little shit did? He actually killed some of my men.” Negan shook his head. “I can’t wait for you to see what I’ve done to him.” He smiled cruelly.

Rick snapped, lurching forward and swinging at Negan’s face. Negan fought him off, laughing.

One of the Saviors shoved Rick off and put a gun to his head.

“It’s okay,” Negan said, getting up. “He’s a father protecting his son. We can all understand that.” He waved his hand. One of the Saviors by the truck opened the door and Carl came out.

Rick looked him over and realized he was completely fine. He got back to his feet, watching his son walk to him and stand behind him.

“See?” Negan said, bringing Rick’s attention to him again. “I can be reasonable.” He turned and walked back to the truck, taking his men with him. Spencer closed the gate behind them.

“Carl, what the hell were you thinking?” Rick asked, turning to his son.

“I was doing something. You said we were outnumbered so I did something about it.”

Rick put his hands over his face. His son had killed living men.

“Dad, I wanted to help Natasha,” Carl said. “I saw her.”

Rick’s heart skipped. He knelt down to look Carl in the face. He blinked back tears. “She’s okay?”

Carl nodded. “She’s fine.” He told his dad about Kyle and how he had drugged her then how Negan had killed Kyle. “When I left she was sleeping in the infirmary. I wanted to talk to her but Negan kept me with him and I didn’t get the chance.” He reached out then and hugged his father.

Rick hugged him back. “She’s okay. She’s alive.” He hugged his son tighter and let himself cry.


	35. Everything We Know is Wrong

Michonne, Andrea, Daryl and Rick were gathered in Rick’s office listening to Carl explain everything that had happened.

“She’s alive,” Andrea said, wiping tears away.

“And she’s okay,” Michonne said with a smile.

“How are we going to get her back?” Carl asked, looking at his dad.

“We’ll wait for Glenn to get back from seeing Maggie. We’ll need his help too,” Rick said.

“That could be days,” Carl protested. “We could do it at night. They only have three guards on duty, I saw it myself. I know where Negan sleeps and I know where Natasha is. We can do it.”

“No,” Rick countered. “We don't have enough manpower, we're too scattered. We'll wait for Glenn. If we go in, we’ll need more than just us to take them all out. We’ll need Heath, Tobin, Carol. We’ll do it, Carl, just not now. From what you said about Negan we know now that he’s not going to hurt Natasha. She’s not in immediate danger and as much as I want her home I know we have to take our time with this.”

Finally, Carl nodded.

Rick sat back in his chair. “They’ll be coming back again for more supplies,” he said. “We don’t have much left. We’re going to have to go out and look for more. I’ll take Sasha and we’ll leave in a day or so. Daryl, do you think you could try to hunt?”

Daryl nodded. “Yeah, saw some deer tracks a few days ago.”

“Thank you,” Rick said, nodding. “We can talk to Eugene about the factory, see when he feels comfortable going out there. I don’t want the Saviors to know what we’re up to out there.” He rubbed his face. “Go get some sleep, everybody. We’ve got a lot of work to do.”

* * *

 

A few days later, Rick left with Sasha to look for supplies. As soon as the gate closed behind him, Carl went to look for Sophia.

“I need to talk to you,” he said, sitting on the floor in front of her bed.

“What’s up?”

“Natasha trained you right?”

“Yeah,” Sophia said, skeptically.

“Then you can help me go get her.”

“Did you bump your head? That’s crazy.”

“We can do it,” Carl protested. “Ben can help too, Andrea’s been training him. It has to be us.”

“Why?” she asked.

“I didn’t get a chance to look around much when I was there but we can climb their walls, easily. We’re all small enough we probably wouldn’t even be noticed at first,” Carl said.

“Your dad is coming up with a plan to deal with the Saviors,” she said, shaking her head.

“My dad is out there right now looking for supplies to give to them!” Carl exclaimed. “We can do it. We can climb the walls; we have silencers for the guns so they wouldn’t even hear us. We take extra weapons for Natasha. You know she’ll get us out alive.”

Sophia thought about it before finally nodding. “My mom is going to kill me.”

When it was dark the three children found a dark section of the wall and climbed up and over. Carl shouldered the bag of weapons and led them through the woods until they reached the road.

“Are you three stupid?” a woman’s voice stopped them. They turned to see Holly. “What the hell are you doing out here?”

“We’re going to kill Negan and bring Natasha home,” Carl said firmly. “You’re not going to stop us either.”

Holly shook her head. “No. I’ll go with you.”

“You can’t,” Carl protested. “They’ll see you. We’re smaller and faster, we can do it,” he insisted.

“I’m going or you all are going back inside to your mothers,” she told them.

Carl shook his head but led them back through the streets. Holly started checking the cars for one that was able to be driven. She didn’t find one so they kept moving.

“Why are you trying so hard to get Natasha back?” Holly asked Carl.

“She protected me before, she saved me so I want to save her,” he answered. “My dad loves her. I guess she’s like my stepmom. My dad has lost enough and I want him to be happy. He’s happy when Natasha is there. He knows that we should go and kill Negan and end all of this, he knows it. But he doesn’t want to put Natasha in danger. As long as she’s there he won’t do it. I know he won’t.”

Holly just shook her head. “Stop,” she whispered.

“We can’t stop,” Sophia protested.

Holly turned and pushed the kids into an alley then ran down the street.

“What’s she doing?” Ben asked, watching her. Holly’s gun went off causing all three kids to jump.

“What’s she shooting at?”

A moment later they saw several men exit a store and grab her.

“It’s too dark I can’t see,” Sophia whispered.

“They’re Saviors,” Carl said.

“Let’s go home,” Ben said, standing up. They waited for the noise down the street to dissipate before turning and heading back home. They didn't get too far before they were caught by Michonne and Andrea. And  Michonne was furious. Andrea had come to her to let her know she had seen the kids sneaking over the wall. When Carl told them Holly had been captured, Michonne saw red.

“You can’t just pull this kind of shit, Carl,” she told him. “You might have just gotten her killed.”

“Negan doesn’t kill women,” he tried to protest.

“But his men do!” she scolded. “That was without question the stupidest thing you’ve ever done. Any one of you could have been killed.”

“We had to try,” Carl said.

“No, you didn’t,” Andrea said. “Rick has a plan for Negan. That’s not for you to worry about anyway. He’s going to be furious when he gets back and finds out what you did.”

The children looked at their feet.

“Ben, let’s go,” she said, walking toward the door.

“I’ll be talking to Lori and Carol tomorrow,” Michonne warned the other two. They slunk outside.

* * *

 

“What the hell were you doing?” Natasha asked Glenn, sitting next to him in the dining hall.

“Trying to get back to Maggie,” he said, not looking up from his food. “Why haven’t you tried to get out yet?”

“Haven’t had the chance,” she replied, picking at her own food. “The boss doesn’t stick around here much. I thought about sneaking out before he found Alexandria but I heard they did.”

“What did you hear?”

“Just that they had found a group,” she started. “Apparently they visited because Carl snuck back with them. I didn't get a chance to talk to him, though.”

“I know. He told us he saw you,” Glenn said. He looked down at his food, then glanced sideways at her. “Pete killed Rosita. He was trying to shoot Rick but got her instead." He inclined his head slightly. "That guy with the crossbow over there? He killed Eric. Negan killed Abraham. Beat him to death with that damn bat.”

Natasha sat in shock. That was not what she had been expecting. “Is everyone else okay? Andrea? Michonne? Rick?”

“They’re okay. Just terrified. Rick doesn’t know what to do.”

Natasha shook her head, blinking away tears. “We have to get out of here.”

“No kidding. How?”

“I’ll think of something. They don’t let you wander around much here but I’ve been trying.”

Glenn nodded. “Try not to get killed.”

“That’s the idea,” she said, standing up. She at least managed to make it to her bedroom before the tears fell.

* * *

 

Michonne’s heart sank to her stomach when she saw Negan’s truck arriving at the gates.

“They’re early,” Andrea said. 

“Rick isn’t even back yet,” Michonne said, climbing down to meet them.

“Good morning, assholes,” Negan said, climbing out of his truck. “Where’s the boss man?”

“He’s on a supply run,” Olivia was there to inform him. “We’re running low, we’re all practically starving.”

Negan looked her up and down, eyeing her heavyset figure. “If by practically you mean ‘not fucking really’.”

Olivia burst into tears.

“You might have been too hard on her,” one of the Saviors mentioned.

“Sorry for being rude,” Negan said. “I can have sex with you if it’ll make you feel better.”

Olivia’s reply was a smack across the face. Two Saviors immediately restrained her. “Ah, let her go,” Negan said. “She only made herself more interesting to me.” He turned and spotted Carl coming out of his mother’s house. “There’s my future serial killer. I’ve got my eye on you this time, asshole.” Negan laughed and turned back to Olivia. “Now, why don’t you show me to the finest vacant house here. We might need to settle in for the night.” He pointed at one of his men. “Go watch that kid and make sure he doesn’t come up here and kill us.” He laughed again.

Olivia led the Saviors to a house and promptly left them. Spencer walked up the sidewalk toward the house. “My name is Spencer, I’d like to talk to Negan,” he said to the man blocking his way. “Please?”

“Jesus, Seth, don’t be such a fucking asshole, let the man pass,” Negan said coming out of the house. He leaned Lucille against the rail and sat down on the porch swing. “Forgive the man He’s a bit wound tight.” He took a sip from a glass and shook his head. “I can’t fucking believe that you still have running water here. That’s out-fucking-rageous. I mean, how the fuck is that even possible?”

“This place was built for politicians,” Spencer said. “So they could still run the government after a catastrophe. The systems won’t last forever but it’s nice while it lasts.”

“Then it’s settled,” Negan said. “This is my fucking vacation home. I’ve done a shit ton of shit and I deserve a vacation. This is the best mother fucking place around. Is there a pool table? You guys have the cue sticks and everything? I used to fucking love pool!” Negan leaned forward excitedly.

“Yeah, I have one in my house actually.”

“Then guess who the fuck just became my best friend,” Negan said with a grin. “I’m sure you know the answer. What’s my best friend’s name?”

“Uh, Spencer,” he said awkwardly. “Come over anytime.”

“I will. Now where the hell did my manners go? What the fuck did you want, Spencer?”

“Actually, I wanted to talk to you about Rick.”

“What about him?” Negan asked, taking another sip of water.

“I understand what you’re trying to do here,” Spencer started. “I can’t say I agree with all your methods but I get it. You’re building a network and you’re making people work together, contribute to a greater good. It all makes sense. Rick Grimes is not someone who works well with others, I’m just warning you.”

“Rick wasn’t the original leader of this group, my father was,” Spencer went on. “We were all holed up in some government facility for a while. My father was set to be the leader when we came here but he got killed. When we got here, Rick’s group came along. At first it was a woman in charge. Apparently she was some kind of government assassin and killed a bunch of people, even before the world went to shit. Then Rick came and he took over. He’s done nothing but wreck everything. He’s a maniac, that’s the best way to put it. He may even want to work with you but I’m telling you this guy can’t not be the boss. He’s gotta be in charge or his ego drives him nuts.”

“Is that so? Well, what do you propose?” Negan asked. 

“I think I can be the leader this place needs,” Spencer told him. “I think that’s what you need too.”

“So what? I’ll kill him, put you in charge? That what you’re saying?” Negan was leaning forward with his hands together.

“We’d be much better off,” Spencer said, nodding.

“You’ve given me a lot to think about. Walk with me, Spencer.” He stood and went down the steps.

“I’m thinking, and I think about how Rick threatened to kill me. Now he clearly hates my fucking guts,” Negan said. “But he’s out there right now like a busy fucking bee gathering shit to give to me so I don’t hurt any of the nice folks living here. He’s swallowing that hatred to get shit done. That takes guts.”

“Then I think about you,” Negan went on. “The guy who waited until Rick was gone to sneak over here and talk to me, to get me to do his dirty work so that he could take Rick’s place. You wanted to take over why not just kill Rick and take the fuck over? You know why?”

“I don’t…” Spencer trailed off, loss for words.

“Because you got no guts,” Negan snapped. He pulled his knife and slashed Spencer’s stomach. His entrails spilled out as he fell to the ground. “Oh how embarrassing! There they are! They were inside you the whole time. You did have guts. I’ve never been so wrong before in my life!”

He turned around and faced Seth. “Clean this up before a kid sees it. And find out where this asshole lived. I want to play some pool.”

“Oh my God. Spencer!”

Negan turned to find Olivia kneeling down next to Spencer. “Oh Jesus, oh God,” she whimpered.

“I can assure you, ma’am, he’s dead as fuck,” Negan said. “I mean, you see his guts are hanging out and shit, right? Could you be a dear and tell me what house this sorry fuck lived in? I heard a nasty rumor that he has a pool table.”

* * *

“Gate’s not opening,” Rick said. “I don’t see anyone.” He banged on the gate. “Heath? Olivia? Andrea?” A few walkers came out of the woods at the noise. Sasha got out of the car and started to pick them off. Finally Andrea was there, opening the gate.

“What the hell was that?” Rick snapped at her. “Were you on watch?” Andrea looked down. “What’s wrong?” he asked her.

“He’s here.” She wiped at her eyes. “Spencer’s dead. Negan gutted him.”

“Where is he now?”

“Spencer’s.”

Rick went down the street. Negan was seated on the front porch with a glass of water in hand. “I thought we had an agreement!”

“Oh, Rick, so fucking good to see you, my friend. I’d stand up and shake your hand but I’ve been playing pool for the last three hours and my shoulder is absolutely killing me. I’m a bit out of practice.” He held up his glass. “Ice water?”

“You killed one of my people,” Rick said, ignoring him. “What the fuck happened?”

“One moment, please.” He stood and picked up Lucille. “I’m going to refrain from profanity momentarily to illustrate how serious I am. I will not say another word to you until you say ‘Thank you, Negan.’”

“Explain yourself, now. Or you don’t leave this place alive,” he threatened.

Negan laughed and held Lucille up to his face. “Lucille, give me strength.” He looked back at Rick but didn’t lower the bat. “I understand our relationship started with me beating the holy fucking fuck out of your friend’s head. The gravity of that event is not lost on me. Let me assure you of that. I do not believe we will ever share a meal together and tell each other our deepest fucking secrets. That said, goddamn it, I do feel like I’ve bent over backwards in my attempts to show you just how reasonable I can be.”

“Is this a fucking joke?” Rick hissed.

“Oh, how soon they forget,” Negan said with a sigh, shaking his head. “Answer me this, after your son hid in one of my trucks and machine gunned a few of my men to death, what did I do? Did I gut that boy? Or let a few of my men run a train on him? As an aside I’ll reveal that was always an empty threat. As much as I love violence, I fucking hate sexual violence. It’s unseemly.

“No,” Negan continued. “I let your son go. I even brought him back to you safe and absofuckinglutely sound. Like some kind of apocalyptic Santa Claus. Ho fucking ho. Let me put it to you this way Rick the Prick, who will never give me the benefit of the doubt because I had to kill one measly friend to get him in line, the next time someone asks me to kill you and put them in charge I might take them up on it. Now, show me what you got.”

Rick walked with him back to the gate. There, he opened the doors to the van he and Sasha had used. Negan looked over the few boxes of what they had gathered. “This’ll do,” he said. “We’ll take it. Load it up, boys.”

“You mean load up half,” Rick corrected.

“You know what, keep all of it. Consider it payment for the traitor. I didn’t realize it would ruffle your feathers so goddamn much.”

“No, you take half,” Rick insisted. “A deal is a deal.”

“Fine by me,” Negan agreed. “You heard the man. Load up half.”

“You say you’re a reasonable man?” Rick asked suddenly.

“I’d like to fucking think so.” The other man shrugged.

“Maybe you can be reasonable and do one thing for me.”  
  
Negan laughed. “I killed your traitor, that wasn’t enough?”

“You have a woman in your camp,” Rick said impulsively. “Your men took her. I’d appreciate it if you let her come back.”

“What’s so special about her?” The other man asked, staring him down.

“She’s my wife,” Rick said simply.

"Come to think of it, we do have a few women that arrived recently. What's the name of your lovely wife?"

Rick bit his tongue, hoping he wasn't about to make the biggest mistake of his life. "Natasha. Her name is Natasha."

"Natasha? Hm. Is she a redhead with big tits?"

Rick grimaced. "She's curvy, yeah."

Negan laughed. "You got good taste, my friend. Now about your request to return her to you." He put a hand on his chin. “She lied to me about who she was and where she came from. I don't like that. But you were up front about asking for her return. I do like that. Interesting. I’ll think about it.”

Rick bit his tongue. He may have just put Natasha’s life in danger for even bringing her up. When Negan’s men were done loading up they started through the gates. The gunfire started a moment later.

“No!” Rick shouted, running toward the tower.

It was Andrea firing on Negan’s men. “Stop! Andrea! Stop!”

Negan’s men got out of the truck and started shooting back at her. Rick ran toward the gate waving his arms. “Stop! Stop!”

Negan got out of the truck and was barreling toward Rick a second later. “What the fuck is that? I thought we were getting along?”

“I didn’t know she was going to do that,” Rick insisted. “She was Spencer’s girlfriend.”

“She killed two of my men. Killing my men puts me in a very unreasonable mood,” he warned with a pointed look.

“I’m sorry,” Rick said. "I didn't know she was going to do that, I swear. She's just upset."

Negan looked up at the tower then at Rick. "Keep your bitches in line." They loaded up again. Heath closed the gate behind them.

“What the fuck were you thinking?” Rick yelled when Andrea exited the tower.

“He killed Spencer,” she defended.

“Because Spencer wanted him to kill me! And make him the leader!”

“And you believe that because that’s what he said?” she snapped.

Michonne appeared between them. “Let’s all just calm down.”

“No!” Rick exclaimed pushing her hand away. He took a deep breath and looked at Andrea. “I asked him to let Natasha go.”

“You told him about her?” Michonne snapped.

“I did. I don’t know why; it just came out. He brought Carl back unharmed so I asked him to do the same with Natasha,” he said, looking between the women. “He was considering it. Until you started shooting at him. Now she’s as good as dead.”

“So the only one who matters around here is your love? Not mine?” Andrea shot back.

“Spencer wanted me dead so he could lead this place himself. Why would Negan lie about that?”

She shook her head. “I don’t know why. But that’s not how Spencer was.”

“I guess we’ll never know,” Rick said. "I'm sorry about Spencer, but you put this whole place in danger when you did that. They could have opened fire on all of us." He pointed down the street. "There were children playing out there, they would have been killed just now because of you. That is what you need to understand. There's more at stake than just your revenge, Andrea." Without waiting for a reply, he turned and walked away from both of them.


End file.
